The Inner Quest

By Ruford Royal Murray

Too often, the weight of the burden by these forces of life are so great that they shake, shatter, crush and break the inner man’s/woman’s mind, body, and soul into pieces.

These overwhelming, devastating, and destructive blows usually beg the questions, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” or “Where is God, in this demise?” These troublesome moments of despair and desperation (and others like these) usually become the compelling forces that bring the “inner man” face-to-face with the human limitations within. This is the juncture which opens the door for humility and The Divine Power of God to be manifested and triumph!

In yielding and embracing this Divine intervention usually lead to an inner-transformation and transition of perspective on the need for a spiritual-relationship as opposed to a religious-relationship with The Divine-Power call Jesus!

It is this “personal-encounter” it reaffirms this “Paradigm Shift” and unifies the inner man/inner woman to his/her Creator!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669804383

Ruford Royal Murray

Ruford Royal Murray, A.K.A. “Mepa,” is a native of Dangriga Town, Belize, Central America, Belize. He was born to his parents Ermita Roches and Robert Murray (both deceased.) Ruford is also blessed with another “mother”, Miss Aloyse Weir, a retired teacher at Stann Creek Ecumenical High school (deceased.) His favorite hobby is poetry composition. His international exposure to The Caribbean, Central America and North America has empowered and enriched his writings. Mr. Murray’s organizational affiliation includes but not limited to Honored Member of Cambridge WHO’S WHO Registry of Executives, Professional and Entrepreneurs, WHO’S WHO among American Colleges and Universities, Ronald McNair’s Scholarship Program, Central American Scholarship Program, and International Library of Poets. As a published author and poet, he has authored and published five other books: Africa’s Cry, Flames of Mixed-Emotions, Conflict Resolution Strategies (For All Season,) The Paradigm Shift (In The Wilderness,) and The Disfigured Mask. He holds a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Liberal Studies (Minor in Political Science) and a Master of Arts Degree in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution and Peace Building from California State University, Dominquez Hills, Carson, California. Mr. Murray is a blossoming conflict resolution personnel and resides in Los Angeles, California.

Book preview

The Inner Quest

RUFORD ROYAL MURRAY

Copyright © 2022 by Ruford Royal Murray.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®). Copyright ©2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 12/15/2021

Xlibris

844-714-8691

www.Xlibris.com

832036

CONTENTS

Preface

These Poems

Blessed

Shackles

You’re Victorious

The Pieces

Forever

Submerged

Memories Sublime

Hold On!

Flames Of Mixed-Emotions

The Spoken Word

In Search Of Me

Enemies

The Spirit

Futuristic

Supernatural

The Process

Vicious Memories

Harsh Reality

Deliverance

Confused

Shipwreck

Gratitude

Unshackle!

Shattering

Purging

Flaws Of Iniquity

Redemption

Overcome

The Warrior

This Pain

Yesterday’s Awe

Stumbling

THE SEQUAL

Self-Introspection

Negativity’s Vibrations

Divine Intervention

Spiritual Metamorphosis

Intuitive Revelation

Troubled-Thoughts

Pains’ Power

Humbly Surrender

The Struggle Within

Forgiveness

Restoration

Religion/Spirituality

PREFACE

LIFE HAS A MANNER OF BECOMING "THE

TEACHER AND VOICE OF EXPERIENCE" TO

US WITHIN THE WILDERNESS JOURNEY, BE

IT PERSONAL OR OTHERWISE. MANY TIMES,

THE EXPERIENCES DO AFFORD A LESSON NOT

VOID OF PAINS, TEARS, AND HEARTACHES.

THE SELF-DISPLACEMENT OF THE EMOTIONAL

ROLLER-COASTER DUE TO LIFE’S SOCIO-ECONOMIC

AND GEO-POLITICAL INSTABILITIES BIRTH INTO

BEING THE HUMANNESS IN EVERYONE, WHEN

LEAST ESPECTED. HIDING BEHIND THE SCENES AND

WITHIN THE CENTER OF THE STORMS OF LIFE

THERE EXISTS A CALMNESS THAT IGNITES A GREATER

CONFIDENCE AND FOCUS SO CONCENTRATED IN

THE DEVELOPMENT AND EMPOWERMENT OF SELF-

KNOWLEDGE AND PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH

A FORCE GREATER THAN US, CALL JESUS CHRIST!

THE ADVERSATIVES THAT BEGIN THE AFFLICTED

ASCENT OUT OF THE STRUGGLES, FAILURES,

TRIALS, TRIBULATIONS AND FRUSTRATIONS

OF HOPELESSNESS; INTO THE WORLD OF JOY,

LAUGHTER AND AN IMMENSE OVERFLOWING

OF BLESSINGS ARE BIRTH OUT OF THE STORMS

WITHIN AND FROM THE WILDERNESS JOURNEY.

THE OVERWHELMING DARKENED-CLOUD OF

THE PRESENCE OF THESE SUFFERINGS FLOODS

THE NIGHT OF THE SOUL, THE SORROWS AND

CONFUSION OF THE MIND AND THE IMPENDING

VICTORY OF THE NEGATIVE FORCES WITHIN THE

BODY. THE COURAGE AND STRENGTH TAKEN IN

CONFRONTING THIS AWARENESS ARE SOURCES OF

EDUCATIONAL, SPIRITUAL EMPOWERMENT AND

INSPIRATIONAL ENLIGHTENMENT, TO OTHERS WHO

MAY HAVE EXPERIENCED, ARE EXPERIENCING OR

WILL BE EXPERIENCING THEM IN THE FUTURE.

IT MUST BE NOTED THAT THESE HARSH AND

CRUEL EXPERIENCES SHOULD FOSTER THE

GRAVITATIONAL PULL OF THE AFFLICTED TOWARDS

THE HEAVENLY CREATOR AND NOT THE OTHER

WAY AROUND. AS HIGHLIGHTED IN JAMES 4:8 NKJV,

"DRAW NEAR TO GOD AND HE WILL DRAW NEAR

TO YOU. CLEAN YOUR HANDS, YOU SINNERS; AND

PURIFY YOUR HEARTS, YOU DOUBLE-MINDED."

THESE POEMS

THE PRESSURES PRESENTED BY THESE STORMS OF LIFE

HAVE CRUSHED THE SOUL OF THE INNER-MAN

LEAVING HIS WORLD IN HEARTACHES AND STRIFE

AS HE STRUGGLES TO UNDERSTAND.

THE MENTAL AGILITY OF GUIDANCE AND POWER

INTUITIVELY SHATTERS THE FEARS AND PAIN

THAT INTERNALLY BUD LIKE A FLOWER

AND UNLEASHES TEARDROPS LIKE RAIN.

THESE DARKEN CLOUDS OF SORROW AND GRIEF

ROAM ABOUT WITH NO RELIEF

FOR IN MOMENTS OF NOISE OR SILENCE TOO

BRING ANGUISH AND PAIN-THAT’S ALL THEY DO.

HOW EXCRUCIATING, INSENSITIVE, AND

VICIOUS THESE FEELINGS CAN BE

LEAVING SUCH DESTRUCTION AND EMPTINESS IN ME?

CAUSING TEARDROPS TO SLOWLY,

QUIETLY, TRICKLE UPON

MY FACE, MY CHEEKS, MY TONGUE.

THESE POEMS BIRTH FROM UNBEARABLE

HEARTACHES UNSEEN

OVERFLOW THE BANKS OF THIS INNER-BEING

WHERE TEARDROPS AND PRAYERS

NEVER SEEM TO CEASE

IN SEARCH OF HEAVENLY OR EARTHLY PEACE.

BLESSED

THE BIRTHING GROUND OF THIS INNER PEACE

DEEP WITHIN MY LONESOME SOUL

NEVER, EVER SEEMS TO CEASE

OVERFLOWING WITH JOY AND LOVE UNTOLD.

IN SUBMITTING TO SUCH GRACE

BRINGS A WORLD OF SMILES UPON MY FACE

ON LYING BENEATH THIS BEAUTIFUL NIGHT

OF TWINKLING STARS AND BRIGHT, BRIGHT LIGHT.

HIS EVER PRESENCE COMFORTS ME

WITHIN MOMENTS OF TRIALS AND DISHARMONY

FOR EVEN WITH GLOOMY NIGHTS AND DISMAL DAYS

I STAY ANCHOR TO THE WORDS HE SAYS.

HOW BLESSED AM I TO BE SET FREE

FROM ALL MY FAULTS OF INIQUITY

BY HIS LOVE OF GRACE AND BOUNDLESS MERCY

HE TRANSFORMS ME FOR THE WORLD TO SEE.

NO SIN SO GREAT, HE CAN’T FORGIVE

NO SINNER THAT BAD, OR YET TO LIVE

IN SEEKING REPENTANCE ON BENDING KNEE

FOR HIS DEATH UPON THAT RUGGED TREE.

SHACKLES

THE TRIALS, TRIBULATIONS, AND TURMOILS OF LIFE

HAVE SHACKLED ME IN HEARTACHES AND STRIFE

CRUMBLING THE INNER-MAN DOWN TO HIS KNEES

IN WONDERING WHEN WILL THEY EVER CEASE.

THE TEARDROPS THEY FALL AND FALL LIKE RAIN

MANIFESTING THE TORTUROUS AND EXCRUCIATING PAIN

FOR NO WORDS OF SOLACE OR SWEET EMBRACE

CAN WASH AWAY THE HURTS I FACE.

IN SUCCUMBING TO THIS VICIOUS THOUGHT

NO PLACE OF COMFORT THERE IS FOR MY HEART

FOR EVEN WITH MY EARNEST PRAYER

THE EAR OF HEAVEN DOESN’T SEEM TO HEAR.

AM I ALONE IN THIS MISERY AND PLIGHT

OR IS IT A TEST I MIGHT FIGHT?

FOR EITHER ONE, THERE IS NO STRENGTH LEFT IN ME

AND WITHOUT YOU, THERE IS NO VICTORY!

YOU’RE VICTORIOUS

THE ENEMY’S TACTICS MAY BE FIERCE THIS YEAR

BUT, JESUS SAID, "HAVE NO FEAR,

FOR GREATER IS HE, THAT IS IN YOU

THAN ALL THE DEVIL CAN SAY OR DO."

HOLD MY HAND AND WALK WITH ME

FEAR NOT THE STORM OR CALAMITY

FOR I STAND FIRM BEFORE YOUR ENEMY

TO SUBDUE HIM TO HIS KNEE.

WITH ANGELS LIKE WALLS OF IRON AND STEEL

SO ARE MY WORDS WHEN UNLEASHED, HE WILL FEEL

THE BLUNT OF MY BLOWS, ON

CRUMBLING TO THE GROUND

BENEATH THE MIGHTY, DELIVERANCE SOUND.

SO, ALIGN YOURSELF WITH ME TODAY

AND EMBRACE MY POWER AND MIGHT I SAY

FOR EVEN WHEN YOU ARE WEAK, YOU ARE STRONG

BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS THERE TO HOLD YOUR HAND!

THE PIECES

THE BROKEN PIECES OF YESTERDAY

OF SHATTERED DREAMS BEYOND BELIEF

UPON THE BATTLEFIELD OF DISARRAY

AUGMENT THESE PAINS OF HURT AND GRIEF.

HUMBLY BEFORE THE THRONE OF GRACE

I CALL UPON HIS MIGHTY HAND

TO TURN TOWARDS MY DARKEN-FACE

OF THIS LONELY, DESPERATE EARTHLY MAN.

INCLINE YOUR EAR TO MY PLEA

OF RESCUING ME FROM THIS MISERY

FOR EVEN WITH THESE SHATTERED DREAMS

THAT LIGHT OF HOPE SHINES FROM THE BEAMS.

DRAWING STRENGTH FROM YOUR FOUNTAIN OF LOVE

EMPOWERS THIS EARTHLY, HUMAN BEING

FOR EVEN IF YOU ARE DOWN BELOW OR UP ABOVE

YOUR POWER AND LOVE ARE FOREVER SEEN.

SO, DON’T LEAVE ME HERE

Neither IN FEAR NOR DESPAIR

FOR MY FAITH IS DWINDLE NOW

ON BENDING KNEES, AS I BOW.

FOREVER

AM I LOST OR CONFUSE

FROM THESE TROUBLING THOUGHTS

THAT FLOOD MY MIND DOWN TO MY SHOES

OF THIS BROKEN-DOWN INNER HEART?

WITH ALL THE NEGATIVITY AROUND

CAN’T OVERPOWER THIS AWESOME SOUND

OF LOVE, FLOWING LIKE THE RIVER

THAT FLOWS AND FLOWS ON FOREVER.

IN MOMENTS OF NOISE OR SILENCE TOO

PRAYERS OF COMFORT GO UP TO YOU

AS THESE PRESSURES OF LIFE THEY NOW SEEM TO BE

MY FRIEND AND BED OF AGONY.

ON CLINGING TO MY MUSTARD SEED

OF FAITH BEYOND BELIEF

RESTORES THAT STRENGTH AND MY EVER NEED

FOR JESUS, TO LIBERATE ME FROM THIS INNER GRIEF.

SO SHAKEN AND SHATTERED IS THE INNER-ME

LIKE BROKEN BOTTLES I NOW SEE

BUT, EVEN WITH THIS SOLEMN THOUGHT

I STILL TRUST IN YOU-WITH ALL MY HEART.

SUBMERGED

BENEATH ONE STARRY, MOONLIGHT NIGHT

WHERE SILENCE CREPT AND VOICES SLEPT

THE PRESENCE OF A LONESOME, LONELY BEING

SEEMED IMMERSE IN A MYSTERY SCENE.

AS THE FIGURE GAZED AND GAZED BEYOND

THE MOMENT FROZE UPON THE HANDS OF TIME

PUZZLED, CONFUSED, FRUSTRATED IT SEEMED

I ASKED, IS THIS SIGN OF A HUMAN BEING?

LIKE A GUST OF WIND IT DAWNED ON ME

I WAS THAT ONE IN THE PICTURE SCENE

SUBMERGED IN AN ABYSS OF LONELINESS

BENEATH THE WEIGHT OF THIS EMPTINESS.

BUT WAIT, WAS THAT THE TOUCH OF A HUMAN HAND

THAT AWAKEN THIS INNER, SLEEPING MAN?

FOR SUDDENLY THERE WAS PEACE SUBLIME

ENGULFING THIS SOUL OF MINE.

BEING HELD CLOSE AND DIDN’T LET GO

FOR DEATH IT SEEMED WAS NEAR MY DOOR

AND AS I CLUNG, CLUNG TO THEE

MY CRY WAS HEARD ON BENDING KNEE.

MEMORIES SUBLIME

I STOOD AFAR AND LOOKED BEYOND

LIFE’S NATURE’S BEAUTY SCENE

AND IN THE MIDST I ENCOUNTERED

A LONELY, LONELY BEING.

MEANDERING THROUGH THIS DARKENED WORLD

STOP SIGNS OF PAINS I FOREVER SEE

ASKING, "WHERE ARE YOU HEADING,

IS IT FROM ME OR THE CALAMITY?"

AS SILENCE RAN THROUGHOUT MY BEING

THE PAST, THE PRESENT, THE FUTURE SEEM

SO ROUGH, SO ROUGH, SO ROUGH TO ME

AS THIS VERY PAIN I CAN NEVER SEE.

SUCCUMBING TO THIS INWARD THOUGHT

SURFACED TEARDROPS, TEARDROPS OF OLD

THAT SLOWLY, QUIELTY, TRICKLED UPON

MY FACE, MY CHEEKS, MY TONGUE.

AS PRAYERS SEARCHED FOR SPACE UP HIGH

DEAR LORD, HEAR MY CRY

FOR DEEP WITHIN THIS INNER MAN

THE HUNGER IS TO HOLD YOUR HAND.

SO RESCUE ME FROM THIS PAIN WITHIN

AND LET ME SOAR, SOAR HIGH ABOVE

THESE WALLS OF MISERY

PROCLAIMING, LORD, YOU SET ME FREE!

HOLD ON!

ON BENDING KNEES AND TEARFUL EYES

I LOOK BEYOND THE DEEP BLUE SKIES

IN SEARCH OF COMFORT FROM ABOVE

BESTOW ON ME WITH HEAVENLY LOVE.

LORD, IF YOU ARE THERE

KINDLY HEAR MY EARTHLY PRAYER

FOR MY ENEMIES ARE ALL AROUND

LIKE TROUBLED-WATERS UPON THE GROUND.

HUMBLY, I COME TO YOUR THRONE OF GRACE

KINDLY SHOW YOUR GLORIOUS FACE

SEEKING DIVINE INTERVENTION

FOR THIS SOUL IN DESOLATION.

THOUGH THE BATTTLE SEEMS SO GREAT

AS I CLING TO MY MUSTARD FAITH

I WILL FOREVER TRUST IN THEE

THE AUTHOR OF MY VICTORY.

HIDE NOT YOUR FACE AWAY FROM ME

IN MY PLIGHT OR MISERY

FOR SLEEPLESS NIGHTS ARE MY COMPANY

AND TEARDROPS BED OF AGONY.

GIVE ME STRENGTH AND INSPIRATION

KNOWLEDGE, WISDOM AND CONVICTION

FOR BY YOUR WORDS I CLING TO THEE

THE MASTER OF MY DESTINY.

FLAMES OF MIXED-EMOTIONS

AS FLAMES OF MIXED-EMOTIONS

BURN WITHIN THIS HEART OF MINE

I KEEP YEARNING FOR A QUIET STORM

TO LIBERATE THIS JOY I FIND.

NATURE’S VOICE SPEAKS TO ME

BEING SUBMERGED IN MY PRIVACY

YET, ENGULF BY THIS MYSTERY

MAN AND NATURE IN HARMONY.

INNOCENCE DOES DISPLAY

MEMORIES SUBLIME OF YESTERDAY

WHILE SEATED, LOST IN THOUGHTS

PASSION SURFACED WITHIN MY HEART.

SUBDUE BY A WARM EMBRACE

SURFACE SMILES UPON MY FACE

OPENING THE WINDOW OF MY SOUL

AS I LOSE CONTROL.

SO PLUNGE WITHIN

THE VOICE OF EXPERIENCING

A LESSON OR EVEN A SMILE

ON JOINING ME A LITTLE WHILE.

BLESSINGS GIVEN AREN’T MEANT TO KEEP

LIKE STILL WATERS THEY RUN SO DEEP

SO ARE THESE WORDS FLOWING FROM ME

EXPRESSED IN THE FORM OF POETRY.

THE SPOKEN WORD

HOW POWERFUL IS THE SPOKEN WORD

WHEN SPEWED FROM THE MOUTH

LIFE OR DEATH IS ITS GROWTH

ON LEAVING ITS PLACE OF BIRTH.

CONVERSATIONS COMPACT WITH POSITIVITY

ENERGIZE, MOTIVATE AND EMPOWER

THE HUMAN MIND BUT, WHEN LACED WITH NEGATIVITY

BECOME EXPLOSIVE, ABRASIVE AND

DESTRUCTIVE OVER TIME.

LIKE A JIGSAW, CUTTING INTO THE

FABRIC OF OUR VERY BEING

LEAVING SCARS, PAINS AS FOOTPRINTS

ON HISTORY’S SCENE

IT ERODES THE CORE OF OUR EXISTENCE

AND STIFLES INTEGRITY, DIGNITY AND INTELLIGENCE.

IT DEHUMANIZES, DEGRADES AND UNDERMINES

THE HUMANNESS IN YOU AND ME.

SUBJECT YOURSELF TO THESE WORDS FOR A WHILE

YOU ARE STUPID, YOU ARE UGLY AND YOU ARE DUMB!

WHERE IS THE LAUGHTER, JOY OR SMILE?"

WHEN JESUS SAID, LET THERE BE LIGHT!

IT CAME ALIVE, BIG AND BRIGHT.

SO AS IMAGE OF HIS LIKENESS

LIFE AND DEATH COULD ALSO SURFACE

THAT’S NOT WHAT I HAVE HEARD

I HAVE SEEN IT FROM THE SPOKEN WORD!

SO THINK BEFORE YOU ACT OR SPEAK

THE NEXT TIME YOU MOVE YOUR FEET

BY WALKING IN THE OTHER’S SHOE

REALIZE THAT MAY BE YOU.

THE WORD SHALL CONDEMN AND JUSTIFY YOU

BE CAREFUL OF THE SPOKEN WORD

YES, THE SPOKEN WORD!

IN SEARCH OF ME

THE QUEST FOR SELF-ACTUALIZATION

BIRTH FROM IMPOVERISH CHILDHOOD TRIBULATION

HAS EMPOWERED, ENRICHED AND INSPIRED ME

TO SOAR BEYOND THE LIMITATIONS OF MY INFANCY.

HUNGER AND THIRST NIGHTS UPON NIGHTS

WERE MY SLEEPING GROUNDS OF MISERY AND PLIGHT

HOWEVER, A BURNING FIRE SO BRIGHT AS CAN BE

LED ME THROUGH THIS JOURNEY.

ADMONISED BY MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY

AIM FOR THE MOON AND YOU WILL

LAND AMONG THE STARS

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND POWER

GREATER THAN YOURSELF

FOR WITHIN YOU, MY CHILD, I

CAN SEE YOU GOING FAR.

THESE WORDS BECAME MY BUCKLE AND SHIELD

WHEN TRIALS ARISE ON THE BATTLE FIELD

OVERCOMING OBSTACLES ONE BY ONE

MATURE ME INTO THIS CONFIDENT MAN.

DESPITE FAILURES ALONG THE WAY

UP ABOVE OR DOWN BELOW

LESSONS HAVE LEARNT

AND TIME WELL SPENT.

ON SURFACING FROM THE DEPTHS OF POVERTY

EQUIPPED WITH CONFIDENCE,

AMBITION AND HUMILITY

I CAN NOW SOAR, SOAR SO HIGH

JUST LIKE THOSE BIRDS IN YONDER SKY.

ENEMIES

LIKE A LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER

SCARED, CONFUSED, LOST IN WONDER

SO ARE MY JOURNEYS

AMONG FRIENDS, YET ENEMIES.

THEIR EVIL EYES ROAM AROUND

LIKE HAWKS FAR ABOVE THE GROUND

WAITING FOR FAILURE TO BEFALL ME

DESPITE BEING SO KIND AND FRIENDLY.

CHATTERING LIKE RABBITS ON A CARROT STICK

SO ARE THEIR MOUTHS FROM SIDE TO SIDE

ECHOING SOUNDS OF ENVY AND JEALOUSY

IN SWEET DISQUISE