Lead the 90%: Kind Leadership

By Darci Lang

"I believe that we all hold a big, imaginary magnifying glass out in front of us and we have a choice what we focus it on; the positive 90% aspects of our life, or the negative 10%."

This book will challenge you to pick up your magnif

• Language: English
• Publisher: X-L Publishing
• Release date: Dec 6, 2021
• ISBN: 9781777732448

Darci Lang

If anyone understands that life is what you make it, it's Darci. She quite literally went out and built the life she wanted. She has worked for great leaders and not so great leaders, built three award-winning businesses and let them go when the time was right. All she has accomplished has been done on her own terms and by Focusing on the 90% - on the positive in her world. Darci Lang has discovered a solution to help you live your life, do your job, and connect with the people who matter most, to the fullest. Darci has a bold, joyful presence - illuminating the good in audiences' lives with her dynamic message. For 28 years, Darci has been sharing tough love with empathy, creating perspective shifts and having an impact on hundreds of businesses in diverse industries. She helps to transform cultures, employee engagement and in turn, boosts morale and profitability. From farmers, ironworkers and linesmen to medical professionals, educators and administrative professionals, her connection to her audience is astounding. In the midst of her flourishing entrepreneurial career, Darci has learned powerful lessons about maintaining balance, bringing her best self home to her husband and young, adult children and embracing her own victories. Darci Lang is an inspirational speaker, an award-winning entrepreneur, Canadian Association of Professional Speakers Hall of Fame recipient, a bestselling author, a wife and a mom, whose simple tool helps individuals reframe the way they look at, and think about, their work and interactions and relationships with others.

Book preview

Lead the 90%

Kind Leadership

Darci Lang

© Copyright 2020 by Darci Lang

No part of this book can be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying and recording, or for informational storage or retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for brief passages quoted in a review.

Distributed by

X-L Enterprises Inc.

PO Box 32077 Regina, SK S4N 7L2

Ph: [phone] Fax: [phone]

E-mail: [e-mail]

www.darcilang.com

Cover pre-press: Sandra Preikschat, Between the Lines Designs

Lang, Darci, 1969-

Lead the 90%/Darci Lang.

ISBN 978-0-9783157-8-8

1. Attitude change. 2. Leadership.

3. Self-actualization (Psychology).

Second printing April 2021

First printing November 2020

All rights reserved.

Printed on recycled paper.

Dedication

I dedicate this book to Sandra. Sandra and I have worked together for 27 years. Yes, 27 years! Sandra walked into my office all those years ago and asked me if I needed any help with print material for my business. I said, Yes! and a much deeper work relationship was formed. We agreed her title would be Administrative Assistant but she is so much more. Sandra not only makes sure I get out the door and back each week as a motivational speaker and trainer, but she also looks after almost every aspect of the business!

We hired a consultant to work on a project with us and she commented, How can you type just two words in an email and Sandra knows what you mean? I laughed and said, That’s what happens when you have worked together for as long as we have! I can’t tell you how many times Sandra and I have said to each other, Get out of my head, I was just thinking that!

Any leader who knows what it is like to have support like that also knows how important Sandra is to me.

Thank you, Sandra.

Thank you

To my husband Darren, thank you for being a kind and loving man.

To my children Jayda and John for being so kind in the world.

God for teaching me the importance of kindness.

To my family and friends for your kind support.

Sandra for being on this journey with me.

Courtney and Andrea for editing out my 10%s.

To every leader I interviewed for this book and those who helped to shape the leader I am today.

To you for buying this book. My hope is it inspires you to be a kind leader and helps you to understand why being kind is so incredibly important.

To Kenneth Blanchard. Over thirty years ago I listened to your cassette tapes and you not only influenced me as a leader, but as a future speaker. It is a dream come true to receive your endorsement.

I think I speak for most people when I say our world needs kindness in leadership now more than ever before. In Lead the 90%: Kind Leadership, Darci Lang challenges and entertains while she inspires — with real-life stories and reflections from leaders who know how much kindness matters. Thanks, Darci! Your positive outlook is a breath of fresh air when we need it the most.

Ken Blanchard, co-author of The New One Minute Manager® and Servant Leadership in Action

Opening

Imagine it is time to retire. Your career as a leader is over. The years of hard work you have put in have come to an end and it is the night of your retirement party. Did you buy a new outfit? Is there a buzz of excitement as your family gets ready?

As you arrive at the event, what do you see? Did your loving and loyal staff plan the perfect evening for you? Is it decorated with care and attention because your team members wanted you to know how much you are going to be missed? Do you take the time to go table to table and see everyone and their families that you know so well? Does your family know your team members?

Do your team members get up one by one and share their stories of the impact you had on their lives? Do they acknowledge that not only did you care about them as an employee, you cared about them as a person? Do you see faces of people you saw grow from young adults to parents themselves? Do you remember the times you were truly there for them? Do you reflect on how difficult some years have been and how your staff were loyal and dedicated to you and your company? Are you proud of what their families think of you?

Are you emotional as you give your speech, remembering careful details about each person in the room? Do you know you will be missed? Do you know the decision to become a kind leader had made a powerful difference not only in your own life but in the lives of those you have been honored to lead?

What is your legacy?

Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.

Shannon L. Alder

Chapters

1. Why Kind? 1

2. Seeing Yourself Through a 90% Lens 37

3. Check Your Ego 47

4. Leave a Kind Impression 87

5. Seeing Others Through a 90% Lens 99

6. Becoming a Great Communicator 123

7. Developing a 90% Culture 145

Chapter One:

Why Kind?

kindness:

the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate.

I have had the extreme honor of being a motivational speaker and trainer for 27 years, sharing a message called Focus on the 90%. I believe that we all hold a big imaginary magnifying glass out in front of us and we have a choice what we focus it on: the positive 90% aspects of our life, or the negative 10%. It’s not titled, Focus on the 100% because that would not be realistic; no one has a perfect life. No one is happy all the time, no leader is perfect and no team member is perfect. What we focus our attention on will determine the quality of life we have.

Seeing your life through a 90% lens is the constant commitment to look for what is still good. The truth is we will never solve all of our problems, so our challenge is to be happy anyway. I wake up every morning and I carry that magnifying glass into my day where I search for what is good and what I am grateful for. When I think a negative thought or have a bad experience, which of course I do 10% of the time, I acknowledge that thought and immediately look for a way to transform it into something positive. Living this way has changed my life.

This book will challenge you to pick up your magnifying glass and not only see your life through that 90% lens but lead others through that lens too. It will not only change your perspective on life, it will start to change your brain. In Rick Hanson’s book The Buddha’s Brain, it says the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones though most of our experiences are probably neutral or positive. Let’s teach our brains to look for the positive.

Leading with a 90% lens will change how you view and talk about your own life, and the words you use to lead your teams. Being a leader is hard work. You will have days when you wonder if you are making a difference. Running a company is the easy part. Leading people is the hardest part of all.

Leading with the 90% is leading with a lens of compassion, understanding, respect and kindness. The teams we lead live enormous lives. The world is not always kind to people and coming to work should not be another unkind place. People need to feel safe at work. They need to feel like they belong. This book is filled with the stories of the kindest leaders I have met and why they think kindness is so important.

Leading through a 90% lens is HOW you develop kindness. By seeing people through a 90% lens you look for what connects you, what unites you and what makes you the same. You learn to see their strengths, what you like about them and how you can make their work life more positive.

In a world that needs more kindness, viewing others through a 90% lens cultivates acceptance, compassion, and inclusion. The 90% lens will help us be more understanding of others and of all the life challenges our team members are faced with. You will cut them some slack because you know you are not perfect. I don’t care where people come from, what they look like, or how much money they make. I care about two things:

1 Are they taking care of themselves?

2. Are they living a life that makes them happy?

Love you. Be happy. Be kind.

Darci Lang

Introspection:

Are you taking care of yourself?

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Are you living a life that makes you happy?

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Reflections of a Kind Leader:

Cari

Kind leadership is important as we all possess the power to make a difference in people’s lives by the actions we take and decisions we make. We all must lead with kindness as people crave it desperately in their lives.

When I Arrive…

I am a speaker who always arrives early. Even if I speak at the end of the day, I arrive first thing in the morning. I love people and I love to meet those who will be in my audience. And the added bonus is that I get to eat meals that I did not cook! I meet the banquet staff and hear some of their stories. I always sit at the back of the room so I can read the energy of the people. I learn as many names as I can and I learn a bit about their lives over the breaks. I pay close attention to how people get along with each other. I watch the group interact and I listen to the table talk as people get up to speak. There are layers of reasons as to why I arrive early but the most important reason I am there is to observe their leader.

I watch how the leader arrives in the room and how they connect with others. I pay attention to how they treat me, their team and the hotel staff. I cannot explain to you how amazing this has been. A true human dynamics study is to have sat at the back of the room week after week for almost three decades observing what makes the greatest leaders great.

The behavior that was consistent with each and every one of these greatest leaders was that they were kind.

A kind leader will make a company better, build a happier team, be successful and happy, and they will send others home happier, too. You can literally change someone’s life because you might be one of the only kind people in their life. Kind leaders understand the pay off. The payoff is not only that you will be happier but you get to leave a positive legacy. You will sit at your retirement function knowing you made a powerful difference.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

Unknown

Reflections of a Kind Leader:

Jacqueline

What is our legacy? What will others remember us for? Were we kind, loving, caring, compassionate, patient, passionate and impactful during our lifetime, or will we be remembered as a bitchy, crabby, angry person that people want to forget? Life doesn’t happen to