Jane Smith's Translation Dictionary of Everyday Lies, Insults, Manipulations, and Clueless Comments

By Jass Richards

A funny but honest translation dictionary of common phrases people say to each other all the time ...

Jane Smith is a character In my novel, A Philosopher, a Psychologist, and an Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar (blurb below). And she started this dictionary. I’ve continued it. And everyone else is supposed to finish it. Well, add to it. (It’s unlikely it’ll ever be finished.) Send additions – new definitions to the entries already listed and/or completely new entries – for future editions to me (via my website). (Additionally, you can add your entries to the tumblr page I set up, hoping it would become viral like “Everyday Sexism” and “Why I’m a Feminist” and #MeToo. Sadly, it did not.)

A Philosopher, a Psychologist, and an Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar: When a self-appointed independent activist and her office-temp-with-a-doctorate buddy embark on a quest for a chocolate bar (a bar that serves not alcohol, but chocolate – in all its deliciously decadent forms), they pick up a hitchhiking extraterrestrial who’s stopped on Earth to ask for directions. Trying to explain Earl (Earth), confronting sexism (rather like bashing your head against a jellyfish), and committing assorted outrageous acts and everyday rebellions, they help “X” find the information she needs to get back home – and go with her – to become chocolate bartenders. A (way) off-the-beaten-path first contact story.

Jane also started a list titled “And here’s something else that would never happen to a man ...” – which I include at the end of the dictionary (it’s also in Sexist Shit that Pisses Me Off, 2e). I created a tumblr page for this as well, similarly hoping it would become viral, but, similarly, it did not. Pity. (But it’s not too late! Add your additions to the page and send them to me for future editions of the Dictionary.)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Magenta
• Release date: Dec 11, 2021
• ISBN: 9781926891590

Jass Richards

Jass Richards (jassrichards.com) has a Master's degree in Philosophy and for a (very) brief time was a stand-up comic (now she's more of a sprawled-on-the-couch comic). Despite these attributes, she has received four Ontario Arts Council grants. In addition to her Rev and Dylan series (The Road Trip Dialogues, The Blasphemy Tour, License to Do That, and The ReGender App), which has reportedly made at least one person snort root beer out her nose, she has written This Will Not Look Good on My Resume (shortlisted for the Rubery Book Award), followed by its sequel Dogs Just Wanna Have Fun ('nuff said). She has also written the perfect cottage-warming gift, TurboJetslams: Proof #29 of the Non-Existence of God (which, along with License to Do That, made it to Goodreads' Fiction Books That Opened Your Eyes To A Social Or Political Issue list), its sequel, CottageEscape.zyx: Satan Takes Over, and a (way)-off-the-beaten-path first contact novel, A Philosopher, A Psychologist, and An Extraterrestrial Walk into A Chocolate Bar, along with its supplemental Jane Smith's Translation Dictionary of Everyday Lies, Insults, Manipulations, and Clueless Comments. Lastly, she has published a collection of her stand-up bits, titled Too Stupid to Visit and other collections of funny bits. Excerpts from her several books have appeared in The Cynic Online Magazine, in Contemporary Monologues for Young Women (vol.3) and 222 More Comedy Monologues, and on Erma Bombeck's humor website. Her one-woman play Substitute Teacher from Hell received its premiere performance by Ghost Monkey Productions in Winnipeg. Her worst-ever stand-up moment occurred in Atlanta at a for-blacks-only club (apparently). Her best-ever stand-up moment occurred in Toronto when she made the black guy fall off his stool because he was laughing so hard at her Donovan Bailey joke. (The guy set a world record for running the 100M in 9.84 seconds, yeah? Big wup. My dog can do better than that. 'Course, she's black too.)

Book preview

Jane Smith’s Translation Dictionary

of

Everyday Lies, Insults, Manipulations, and Clueless Comments

by

Jass Richards

Smashwords Edition

Published by

Magenta

on Smashwords

Jane Smith’s Translation Dictionary

© 2022 Jass Richards

www.jassrichards.com

[e-mail]

978-1-926891-59-0 (epub)

978-1-926891-60-6 (pdf)

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Also by Jass Richards

fiction

(the Rev and Dylan series)

The ReGender App

License to Do That

The Blasphemy Tour

The Road Trip Dialogues

(the Brett series)

Dogs Just Wanna Have Fun

This Will Not Look Good on My Resume

A Philosopher, a Psychologist, and an Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar

TurboJetslams: Proof #29 of the Non-Existence of God

stageplays

Substitute Teacher from Hell

screenplays

Two Women, Road Trip, Extraterrestrial

performance pieces

Balls

nonfiction

Too Stupid to Visit

Jane Smith is a character In my novel A Philosopher, a Psychologist, and an Extraterrestrial Walk into a Chocolate Bar (blurb below). And she started this. I’ve continued it. And everyone else is supposed to finish it. Well, add to it. (It’s unlikely it’ll ever be finished.) Send additions – new definitions to the entries already listed and/or completely new entries – for future editions to me at [e-mail]. (Additionally, you can add your entries to the tumblr page I set up, hoping it would become viral like Everyday Sexism and Why I’m a Feminist and #MeToo. Sadly, it did not.)

A Philosopher, a Psychologist, and an Extraterrestrial Walk