Wimpy Boy Adventures: Revenge of the wedgie

By a.j. Lombardi

Entering high school does not go well for wimpy Toby Tobobis. He encounters bubble gum snapping tough girl Donna in the corridor who gives him her famous wedgie! In humiliation, he runs away with two of his wimpy friends and begins an epic journey traveling the country searching for his own identity and self-worth. Joining an outlaw motorcycle gang, falling in Love, running with the bulls, and helping settle a hillbilly feud in a town where everyone has two first names are some of the life-changing adventures he encounters on his way to finding his own self-worth and gaining the admiration of his school peers. This will be the funniest coming-of-age story you will ever read!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Nov 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9781794816787

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Wimpy Boy Adventures

Revenge of the wedgie

Copyright © 2021 by a.j. Lombardi All rights reserved.

A humorous and heartwarming story of an outcast underdog teenager who begins an epic journey traveling the country searching for his own identity and self-worth. Joining an outlaw motorcycle gang, falling in Love, running with the bulls, and helping settle a hillbilly feud in a town where everyone has two first names are some of the life-changing adventures he encounters on his way to finding his own self- worth and the admiration of his school peers.

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Chapter 1. The way we were the way we are

Today was the big day indeed. It was Toby’s first day at Larson Junior High, and he really didn’t know what to expect. He was sort of excited and fearful all at the same time. Toby had heard some rumors about a rough crowd at the junior high. There were some real tough guys like the infamous Taskorinni brothers. He heard someone once say that the oldest brother Vinny drove a motorcycle to school and could even beat up teachers!

The Taskorinni brothers looked like the kind of guys who would beat you up for a quarter. You could tell that they were in love with their black leather jackets and  wore them summer, winter, spring and fall. Rudy was the smallest of the three Taskorinni brothers and was earnestly working on his free tuition to Duntzville University. Nick Taskorinni was the second oldest of the brothers. Nick was very self conscious about his unibrow  thick eyebrows which made him  look like a grown up version of Eddy Munster.  All the kids at school would say, Don’t look or laugh at Nick’s eyebrows! If he catches you, he will beat you up! If you looked at him for any reason, he would yell, Kid, what are you looking at? You want a beating or something? Nick didn’t believe in homework. He spent most of his free time stealing candy bars from other student’s lunches and bumming  cigarettes. 

We will talk about oldest brother Vinny and  the infamous Taskorinni brothers in more detail a little later in our story.  When it came to the Taskorinni brothers,  just make sure to go the other way when they were walking down the school corridor!  Other infamous school characters included  the notorious bubble gum popping hyena  Donna Shanneenee and her gang.  Donna was the cheesiest girl in the school! She was as cheesy as the day is long. A poster girl for a trailer park named after Willy Nelson. Donna’s gang of  cheesy friends included  Loretta Scootsman and Debbie  DeLa Qwa Qwa.  Debbie  was an Amelia airhead with a memory bank in the English language department that had a zero balance. The only thing missing on her was two teeth on the side of her mouth. Then there was Loretta Scootsman. Her claim to shame, I mean fame, was that she once starred in a TV commercial for canker sore lip balm. These girls were cartoon characters that broke away from a discontinued comic book that no one ever read.  The one thing cheese ball ringleader Donna knew how to do was to give wimpy students her famous wedgy wedgomatic. 

As our story moves on you will see what happens to wimpy Toby when he meets up with Donna and her cheesy gang in the school corridor.For now,  we will start our story of how it all began with wimpy Toby back in grade school  Back in his last year at grammar school Toby was a big man on campus, with all the third graders that is. You see, all the little kids thought that a sixth grader like Toby was a pretty cool dude. Why, he even had an authentic Spaceman Charlie ring and a Cowboy Wilby belt buckle. His black and red checkered high-water pants made him stand out more than he realized. Toby went so far as to have the little kids fooled into believing that he was some kind of karate expert. As Toby was getting ready for his first day at Larson Junior High, he found himself thinking back to his last day at Bilsby Elementary School. He mused in self-confident glee about how all the little kids gathered around him to check out his Spaceman Charlie ring for the last time.  With great admiration, they would also listen to Toby tell some hooky made up story about the time he had gone to New York to teach some hooligans a lesson on the subway. Hey Toby, yelled a mousy little voice from the crowd, Show us a karate chop! Toby raised his wimpy hands, and with a fake karate spin turned face to face with the little boy and said, It’s Mr. Tobobis to you pal! Listening to Toby make that remark in a smart aleck voice from the side of his mouth made the frightened little boy more convinced that Toby was the real deal. Soon a chorus of admiring little voices started yelling out in chipmunk unison, Come on Toby show us! Show us a karate chop!

It was sort of like a bittersweet moment for these kids. Their general was leaving. Toby spun around and faced each one of his fans boldly in the eyes and declared, I’m going to show this to you only once! So, pay attention, and don’t ever tell anyone! If your parents find out, they will be on my case for teaching you kids how to fight, and I could even get in trouble with the law! The last thing a guy like me needs is trouble with the law! I’ll be getting my license pretty soon, and I don’t want anything on my record! Ya got that? he shouted. Toby thought that throwing in the bit about the law would make him look even more important in their eyes. Toby then took what he thought to be a karate stance and said in a very serious tone, Stand back. I don’t want anyone to get hurt! He then swung his wimpy little hand three times into air yelling Ya! ya! ya! Swoosh, chop! He then proceeded to nod his head, and with a self-confident grin from the side of his mouth declared, Now imagine if that was your head! You would be dead meat in less than four seconds! The wide-eyed dazzled little boy next to him couldn’t have agreed more. Nobody is ever going to give you trouble at Larson Junior High, yelped one of the little voices in admiration. You got that straight! Toby self- confidently retorted. He then slowly turned and walked away in John Wayne fashion thunderously repeating Ya! ya! ya! Swoosh, chop!

Toby played that moment to the hilt. For a second or two, he even had himself fooled into believing that he was a karate champion, even though he had never taken a lesson in his life. Things were about to change in a big way for Toby. It was the first day of Junior High and Toby was in big trouble. It was the kind of trouble that was uninvited. It was predestined, and there was no way out but head on.

I guess you could compare it to being chased down the center of Main Street by a raging bull with no place to run or hide. Sometimes you just have to take life by the horns, keep your faith, and run with it the best you can. As Toby began getting ready for his first day at Larson, he wanted to make sure everything was just right. His high-water red and black pants were neatly ironed with creases, just the way he liked. His Cowboy Wilby belt buckle and Spaceman Charlie ring were shining like glass. Toby also took great pride in his black shiny shoes. They were the kind with all those pinholes, like insurance men wear. He thought to himself, just wait until those kids at Larson see me! I’ll show them who’s boss! Ya! ya! ya! Swoosh! Chop! I’ll have them eating out of the palm of my hand! In the eyes of all the little kids at Bilsby,

Toby certainly was a cool dude. At this point, Toby didn’t realize that junior high and grammar school are two different worlds. He might as well have had a kick me sign taped to his butt. In an innocent sort of way, Toby didn’t quite see that where he came from and where he was headed were worlds apart. Even though the cozy world of grammar school and junior high were only one grade apart, they were different worlds. Back at Bilsby elementary, Toby knew most of the other kids by their first name. Besides, most of them were a lot younger than Toby. Being looked up to by the younger kids sort of made Toby feel like a big shot. After all, he did carry a comb in his front pocket and even wore fifty-nine-cent after-shave. For Toby, today was about to begin a host of new and challenging chapters in his life. Today was the big day indeed. It was Toby’s first day at