It can lead to Divorce

By Brenda MaCebekhulu

Even after many years in a failing relationship, those involved often still believe that their love can be rekindled. When the recipe fails, it does not mean the ingredients cannot be used elsewhere. It is all about understanding that, although you are in a partnership, there is strength in individuality. The unfortunate truth is that some marriages do fail, and often it is the simple things a partner missed that are the root cause.

Anything that you do as an individual will impact your partner, and if the small issues are not addressed in time, they add up and ultimately... It can lead to divorce. This book seeks to highlight the simple things we ignore which will cause partners to call it off, sooner or later. Don’t take your partner for granted, people can get tired.

Let It can lead to divorce show you how to find success and longevity for your relationship.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Brenda MaCebekhulu
• Release date: Nov 12, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005082482

Book preview

It can lead to

divorce

Copyright © 2021 Brenda MaCebekhulu

First edition 2021

Published by Brenda MaCebekhulu Publishing at Smashwords

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by Brenda MaCebekhulu using Reach Publishers’ services,

Edited by Bronwen Bickerton for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Website: www.reachpublishers.org

E-mail: [e-mail]

Table of Contents

1. Who is This Now?

2. Intention

3. Marriage

4. Single vs Married vs Divorced

5. Communication (Single, Divorced or Married)

6. Parenting (Married or Divorced)

7. Kingship

8. In-laws

9. Financial Stability Over Personality and Character

10. Taking Away From Your Partner

11. Character Over Looks and Assets

12. Tolerance

13. Pride is Poison

14. Valuing One Another

15. Taking One Another for Granted

16. My All

17. Rehabilitation

18. Obsession on Building Together

19. Is it Me?

20. House Chores

21. Partners Who Take and Not Give

22. Hurt People Hurt Others

23. Power Hungry

24. Long Distance

Appreciation

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1

Who is This Now?

My name is Nokulunga known as Brenda MaCebekhulu. I am originally from Richmond, born in 1979 June 16. I was born outside of marriage, a child called isihlahla in my own language (isiZulu). Children born in a situation like mine are normally never recognised because they are born and raised by the mothers’ family. I grew up in Richmond where we used to fetch water and wood for fire. We lived in a well-built mud house with my cousins and we were looked after by my grandparents while our mothers were in Durban working to make a living. I don’t come from a rich family when it comes to assets and all other tangible stuff. I can easily say we ate every day because my grandfather knew how to work his own land and our mothers would come at the end of the month randomly to check on us and bring food. He (my grandfather) made sure that we ate, at times he would bring leftovers for us to eat from the school where he was working. For us it was food and it had meat so we ate, enjoyed and days would go by. I attended Ndabikhona Primary School where we walked to school because it was safe and everyone knew everyone in the village. When I was doing grade five and six everything changed in Richmond when political wars overtook the place and people died. We would literally run away to town to stay and sleep in community halls because it was not safe. At times we would sleep in my grandmother’s work place or her relatives where we had to abide to the norms of those families. It was never an easy one but we had to do it if we wanted to stay alive.

It was in 1990 when my mother and my aunt decided that they were taking us to Clermont, a township in Pinetown, to stay with us, in a hostel called KK. Life in the hostel is different, where three families shared one open plan room with six beds. All that mattered to us was we had our mothers with us and we adapted to the environment because back then it was also safe. People knew one another and looked after one another. This was to help us continue with our grades because back in the village it was no longer the same and never safe. While I was doing my grade seven, half of the time I stayed with my mother’s friends / relatives. It was all well and I cannot complain. We were a big family but we were treated the same as if we were from that family. I appreciate this to date (thank you Mom Lucky for your hospitality). I completed my primary schooling at Mcopheleli Primary School.

My father, whom I had not met for years (throughout my primary schooling), got in contact with my mother and I had to go and live with him in Ulundi, KwaZulu-Natal. I was posted through a taxi and the driver was told to leave me at Emagudwini Police Station where my father worked. I stayed with him, his wife and my siblings for five years completing my high school grades. The five years of my high school were my years of training because I was a teenager being prepared to move to the young adults. I knew that a girl had to clean, cook, do the washing and ironing. This for me may have not looked right at the time because I was too young to understand but today, I look back and say thank you GN for teaching me to stand. Today I have a well-maintained home because of your teaching. This does not take away from what my biological mother and my village family taught me. It was an addition and it firmed up my womanhood. In both these families including my mother’s friend’s place, there were rules, there was order, and children were expected to live by those rules. Punishment existed at that time and if a child did not abide, there was no chance to escape the punishment. It was easy to follow those rules because children were raised by communities, elderly people carried themselves in a respectable manner. I completed my matric, now, called grade twelve. My maths results were poor and I went to Mangosuthu University of Technology (MUT) then known as Mangosuthu Technicon. I upgraded both my mathematics and physical science with the intention to enrol for radiography at Durban University of Technology (DUT). On completion I was accepted at DUT and was even enrolled to do my practical at Addington Hospital. It was then that my father told me he did not have money, just when I was ready to start.

I then took a decision to go back to my village and stay with my grandmother from my mom’s side as my mother had already passed on in February 1996 after an illness. I was very eager to pursue my studies and break the hereditary curse (ukhondolo in my mother’s language) of my siblings not going to tertiary education. Both families had never had someone in my age group going to university, even our parents. My grandparents were also willing to help me although financially they had nothing but I was sure if I got a registration fee, the rest would sort itself out through financial loans for studying. It was then that I had to look for cheaper options and MUT was the cheapest as it needed only R1000 to register and I was going to share a single bed with another student (we called it squatting then). Although it was not allowed, students helped one another with the understanding of the struggle of the black child. Understand that MUT did not have radiography but I knew I had to further my studies and I didn’t care anymore.

My grandmother was able to borrow money from the money lenders which accumulated interest. I went to MUT, registered for electrical engineering – little did I know the plan of God about my life.

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Proverbs 16:1 NIV

To humans belong the plans of the heart,

but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue.

This is when my ‘adulting’ life started and never regressed but progressed with great difficulty but I was very determined. As you would