Kiss The Bride: Tallwood Tall Tales, #3

By Jody Wallace

Should you give up on a sure thing for the possibility of a better thing?

 

Herman Edward Heckley is what anyone might call a manly guy. So what's he doing fighting off taffeta in a bridal salon? He's maid of honor for his best friend, Caroline Oakenfeld, in her wedding to a pencil-necked geek. But the closer he gets to the ceremony, the more he begins to wonder if he's missing out. If only he were the type of person who could figure stuff out besides hammer and nails.

 

Caroline is the type of person who can figure stuff out, and she's been in love with Heck forever. Frittering her life away until Heck wises up isn't part of her life plan, and she agrees to marry her boyfriend. But the closer she gets to the ceremony, the more she realizes she has to resolve her feelings for Heck.

 

For better or for worse.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Meankitty Publishing
• Release date: Oct 27, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201516086

Jody Wallace

Jody Wallace’s 30+ titles include sf/f romance, paranormal romance, and contemporary romance. Her fiction features diverse protagonists, action, adventure, and humor. Her readers frequently comment on her great characters, suspenseful stories, and intriguing and creative world building. When describing her methods, Jody says: “There are two sides to every story. I aim to tell the third. And I add cats regardless.” Outside of her fiction career, Jody has employed her Master’s Degree in Creative Writing to work as a college English instructor, technical documents editor, market analyst, web designer, and all around pain in the butt. To discover other books by Ms. Wallace, visit her website at http://www.jodywallace.com  Ms. Wallace’s newsletter: https://www.jodywallace.com/newsletter/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/jodywallace Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JodyWallaceAuthor To discover meankitties, visit the cat’s website at http://www.meankitty.com

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KISS THE BRIDE

Tallwood Tall Tales #3

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Jody Wallace

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KISS THE BRIDE

2nd edition

By Jody Wallace

From Meankitty Publishing

Copyright ©2017 Jody Wallace

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This ebook is licensed for the original buyer only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people at sharing sites, loops, discussion boards or through other means. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Author’s Note to Readers: This novel was originally published by Entangled Publishing. This edition has been reedited, reformatted, and re-covered but has not been substantially altered.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Should you give up on a sure thing for the possibility of a better thing?

Herman Edward Heckley is what anyone might call a manly guy. So what’s he doing fighting off taffeta in a bridal salon? He’s maid of honor for his best friend, Caroline Oakenfeld, in her wedding to a pencil-necked geek. But the closer he gets to the ceremony, the more he begins to wonder if he’s missing out. If only he were the type of person who could figure stuff out besides hammer and nails.

Caroline is the type of person who can figure stuff out, and she’s been in love with Heck forever. Frittering her life away until Heck wises up isn’t part of her life plan, and she agrees to marry her boyfriend. But the closer she gets to the ceremony, the more she realizes she has to resolve her feelings for Heck.

For better or for worse.

DEDICATION

To Carrie for the environmental tidbits and being the maid of honor at my wedding; to Cathy for not asking me, WTF, seriously? more than twice; to Natalie for the enthusiasm and optimism I’m often sadly lacking; to my family for getting out of my cranky space when I was editing; to the previous books set in the Tallwood universe for

being a fertile story-ground; to Meankitty for insisting on some cat references; and to all the completely true stories my female friends have shared about their sexual escapades.

MORE INFORMATION

Don’t miss About the Author and Meankitty Publishing and a Bonus Excerpt from STALKING EVAN, a Southern-set paranormal romance about panther shifters, at the end of the book.

Chapter One

Herman Edward Heckley III batted the length of pink taffeta away from his face and tried not to snarl. It might be unseasonably cold outside, a shocking fifty-six degrees in Tennessee in May, but inside Jenkins Bridal, it was stifling. At least for Heck. The women involved in this shenanigan seemed as comfortable as hound dogs on a front porch.

Forget it, Caroline, he said to the bride-to-be. I’m not wearing a dress at your wedding.

Caroline fluttered her gunked-up eyelashes at him and grinned. You have to admit, you’d look ravishing in light peach.

Just in case Caroline was getting another stupid idea—the first being marriage to the pencil-necked asshole, as Heck fondly thought of him—he told her, I already rented a tux.

She frowned, like his efficiency disappointed her. You did?

Soon as you told me the news. He hadn’t, but he figured he’d use the tux all three Heckley brothers had worn to their high school proms. The year two of them had needed it, they’d wrestled for it, and the loser had had to wear khakis. Loser and date had broken up soon thereafter.

They probably don’t have anything in size moose, anyway.

Jhi Yuan, Caroline’s second-best friend, hovered behind the bride, sticking lace and flowers and shit in Caro’s piled-up brown hair. Caro, Heck, and Jhi, plus Caroline’s wedding planner, Sally Jones-Hammond, and Caroline’s roommate from college, Lisa something or other, lounged in a frilly, fluffy, white hell of a room in the two-story house on the square that had been converted into a bridal salon on one side and a real estate office on the other.

The bridal shop’s owner, Mrs. Helen Jenkins, was locating more dresses for the ladies to try on.

Hundreds of dresses with lace and ruffles and glitter. Two hours of squealing and gossiping and him having to tell them every dress looked great and nobody’s butt looked big. They weren’t even kind enough to change clothes in front of him, which would have made the afternoon bearable, as far as Heck was concerned.

Instead, he was almost regretting he’d agreed to be Caroline’s maid, or man, of honor. But she was his best friend, and he figured it was the least he could do for the woman who’d supported him through so much.

I know this wedding is sudden. Caroline swiveled in her padded chair to include everyone in the conversation. My mom may never forgive me.

Beatrice will get over it, Heck said without conviction.

Caro’s parents were no fonder of Pencil Neck than Heck was, and Caro’s mom hated fluff, too. Beatrice had taken Caro’s gran to the doctor today, her excuse for avoiding the choosing of the dresses.

The never-ending choosing of the dresses.

Heck had tried to convince Beatrice to switch places with him, but she’d turned him down flat. Not that dragging Gran to the specialist over in Memphis was a treat. The women in Caro’s family could be pains in the ass when they got their minds set on something.

Such as agreeing to marry a pencil-necked snot-rag who treated them like an afterthought.

Mom might not get over it, but she does lighten up whenever I remind her Dan and I are paying for everything, Caro said with a laugh. The wedding was local, in an old church also near the square. Since Dan had few relatives, most guests would be local, too, people from Tallwood Heck and Caro had known all their lives.

Dan could have afforded a ring, Heck muttered. Stinginess was only one of the reasons he disliked the guy. You don’t marry somebody without giving them a damn ring.

I didn’t give him a ring, either, Caroline pointed out, but her brow furrowed as she said it. We all know how you feel about ancient patriarchal customs. You don’t have to lecture us on what a real man would do.

He opened his mouth to have his say anyway, and Caro cut him off. Quit interrupting me when I’m being mushy. I couldn’t have pulled this together without everyone’s help. The thing is, we... She flicked a glance at him. We might not be together as much in the future.

No kidding. It was going to suck with Caroline in Atlanta, a several-hour drive from Tallwood and yet another reason Heck disapproved of the wedding. And the groom.

We’ll manage, Heck assured her, and himself. You’ve lived outside Tallwood before and civilization didn’t go to your head.

Plus, the first time she’d left, she’d come back to Tallwood.

Where she belonged. She sure as hell didn’t belong in a city with a self-absorbed prick. What greenways and honeybees and wetlands was she going to save in a place that had already been concreted over?

Yes indeed, the more Heck thought about Caro getting married, the more reasons he added to his list of why Dan was a piece of crap. As her friend, it was his job to help her see it—before the wedding. Wasn’t it? Extracting yourself from an idiot move involving a preacher and the wrong spouse was a mess he’d only wish on a few of his worst enemies.

I just want you all to know how much I appreciate your support, Caroline finished.

You can have my support anytime, cupcake. Jhi whispered something in Caro’s ear while looking straight at Heck. What I want to know is what Herman’s planning for the bachelorette party.

It’s a secret, he told them gruffly, when in truth he hadn’t worked out the details yet. Tallwood had limited nightlife options, and it wasn’t warm enough for a swimming party at Bigboy Buffort’s lake house. Plus, it’s not like Caro had given anyone time to adjust to the fact that she was getting married. Pencil Neck had issued his whiny ultimatum to her after three years of lackluster dating—marry him or break up with him. To everyone’s shock, Caroline had agreed to the former. The sprint to the altar was because Pencil Neck had some business trip coming up and wanted the wedding out of the way before he left.

This whole thing was cockeyed if you asked Heck, but of course Caroline hadn’t. Which didn’t mean he hadn’t told her anyway. She’d promptly told him to shut it.

He didn’t mind arguing with Caro, but he preferred it when she agreed with him. He could avoid the aggravation, and she was more inclined to invite him over for dinner.

Jhi smirked at him. You have no idea about the bachelorette party, do you?

I have all sorts of ideas. He glared at her while Caro covered her mouth with her hand to hide a snort.

Caro had probably asked Jhi whether she should get married, but could she ask her real best friend? The one she’d known since they’d been pissing in their diapers together? Hell, no. She was more into telling him what to do than asking his opinion.

If he didn’t care about her so much, it might bug the shit out of him.

Do your ideas involve skeet-shooting or renting out the Dairy Dip? Jhi asked. Because no, Herman. Just no.

Maybe he’d contacted the Dairy Dip, and maybe the place was already booked for a high school graduation party. As for skeet-shooting, Caro’s aim was so bad she was dangerous, and he liked his eyeballs where they were. Not even close.

Jhi tried again. Road trip to Memphis?

Yeah, we’re going to hang out at your apartment and do our nails, Heck said. Why are you so anxious? Think I can’t handle one little party?

Pipe down, you two, Caroline said. You’re giving me a headache.

Heck didn’t know what Jhi had against him, but she was the most abrasive person he knew. Toward men. She was loyal to Caroline, though, and treated her female friends nice, so she wasn’t an entirely horrible person. He tolerated her because Caro said he had to.

You could save money on a stripper, the not entirely horrible person suggested, if you do that part yourself.

Heck resisted the urge to flip her off. He never knew when Jhi was serious. The woman had a weird sense of humor. You should be so lucky.

Sally guffawed. She’d been tipsy on the champagne since ten minutes after they’d arrived at the bridal salon. Heck’s gonna be our stripper? Hubba hubba. I like me a big man.

Not gonna happen, Heck said. My package stays wrapped in group settings, thanks.

Caroline looked at him as if she were considering how skillfully he could undress. It made him as twitchy as the rest of this, but in a different way. Can you even dance, Heck? Shake your groove thing?

Of course I can. He shoved out his size-fourteen work boots, which may or may not have left dirt marks on the bridal-white carpets. I got me a right foot and a left one, and I know how to use ’em. Don’t you remember prom?

The corners of her mouth twitched. I remember you took your cousin.

The women laughed. Laughing at ole Heck was getting to be a regular thing. Since he’d agreed to become maid of honor, he’d endured constant ribbing from the bridal party, their families, their friends, the guys at work, and even his buddy Tag who taught at the dance studio and had worked at this very bridal salon when he’d been in school.

The one person who hadn’t teased him was Pencil Neck.

Lucky for him. Heck would have had to bash the guy’s teeth in.

I only took my cousin to prom because you wouldn’t go with me, he reminded Caro.

I had a boyfriend my senior year. I had to go with him.

She shrugged. Her strapless white dress slid a little, showing Heck more cleavage than he was used to seeing on his friend.

She usually wore loose, dirt-friendly shirts and jeans that didn’t exactly hug her behind.

He tried not to gawk. You always have a boyfriend.

She shrugged again. The dress inched down farther. I didn’t have a boyfriend when I was twenty-five. The year I moved back to Tallwood.

Uh. He blinked. Gave up and stared. She had...okay, yeah, Caro had some nice tits. They were big, too. How had he never noticed? A thin gold necklace disappeared between them, the lucky pendant squeezed between the mounds. The top of the strapless dress was tight, while the bottom exploded in bunches of stiff lace. Her skin was tan and—and she had freckles all over her. Including her arms and face and the part of her tits he could see.

No tan lines. Did she sunbathe topless? Did she have freckles on her thighs? Did she have freckles on her ass?

Fingers snapped in his face, startling him out of his daydream.

Up here, big guy. Jhi was laughing. Yes, Caroline has boobies. You don’t have to look so shocked.

Caro slapped her hands to her neckline. As if her tiny, lady fingers could hide that rack. Between the freckles, he could see her blush. Heck wasn’t staring at my chest.

He totally was, Sally said from the divan. She kicked one foot, and her shoe flopped off. Like a hungry dog drooling over a steak.