Failing Unicorn: on startups and questionable decisions

By Milan Kazarka

"Failing Unicorn" is a short but informative collection of stories and observations gathered from working for startups in various stages of development at various times and different places. Throughout the book, author Milan Kazarka discusses misconceptions about founding a startup company and also how different people prey on one another to get ahead in this field.

There is something magical about creating a new product and getting your own startup off the ground. But more often than not, one's effort crumbles because of emotional or professional immaturity. This book tries to bring attention to some of the mistakes that can be made when starting a business. In contrast to other books from the 'startup space', "Failing Unicorn" spends more time discussing different types of toxic characters and their traits rather than giving you an exact list of best practices to follow.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Oct 26, 2021
• ISBN: 9781667810430

Book preview

#Escape the machine

You wake up to the sound of the alarm on your smartphone. It’s seven and you need to catch the DLR to Bank where you switch to the tube. Don’t forget your headphones. The bring your own device policy just meant that the fancy startups no longer need to worry about giving their employees company laptops. Everyone’s carrying their backpacks with their laptops, chargers, pens, and notepads, the occasional smoothie, and what you could call a western-style bento box. You’re trying to avoid as much eye contact as possible. The lady next to you is on Instagram of course. You catch a glimpse of what she’s looking at and you can’t make out the appeal of those photos. You’re in repeat mode running on autopilot.

It’s the paradox of your routine. It keeps you alive, but at the same time, it’s wearing you down from the inside. You try to take your mind off of it in the gym, at the pub, in the park, with friends, with your lover, your wife, maybe kids, maybe there’s absolutely nothing you actually miss in your life, but there’s the big catch. You walk down the street and when you look up what you see are skyscrapers filled with people just like you. Or are they just like you? Not all of them. There are ideas driving whole industries, people in charge, the ones who define the pace of the rest, ones with the big ideas. You have good ideas too, don’t you?

You begin having daydreams of an alternate life. What if you were in charge - of something. In charge of a game-changing, #disruptive, Innovative $Idea. There is you and your own company, your own office, investors saying yes, your PA with the large glasses with thick black frames that looks cute. There are the public appearances, the ability to buy a multi-million pound, dollar, or euro penthouse and look at the skyline of the town one quiet evening and be at peace with yourself. The type of piece only a self-made person lacking absolutely nothing can only have.

In reality, you have to make it to work before 9:00 am for the morning meeting. You have to make sure you wear The company t-shirt or that your shirt and suit look nice and representative. You do a little bit of small talk here and there, you drink your second coffee, reply to your emails, try to be funny on the company’s Slack, you go through your tasks and/or the tasks of the people under you. Trello, Jira, Agile, Google Drive, spreadsheets, XD, Sketch, Overflow, more emails, Whereby, Zoom, or ancient Skype over and over and over. You’re beginning to slowly have a hard time concentrating. The seed of your obsession has already been planted. You look out of the window, you walk down the street to get lunch scheming, you scribble things down on pieces of paper, you make notes. The rabbit hole is in reach. This is your escapism.

You’re going to #startup

#The weekend

Not Michael Gray - The Weekend - although it’s a cool track.

The weekend hits and you have your nice little Moleskine notepad and Mitsubishi pen nicely positioned on your table. You canceled everything else.

A notification appears - it’s your good old friend Netflix - your favorite show just released its new season. It can’t hurt, can it! You’ll watch just one part. Actually, it was seven parts and it’s now 5 pm on a Saturday.

Some of these services you’re signed up to are like anti-yoga for your concentration efforts.

You might also be reading one of those ‘smartass startup books’ - stop now - throw the thing across the room, unless you’re actually reading the digital version - please don’t destroy any of your electronic devices. Find a better time to read one of those - like during your commute.

I’ll just do something on my laptop when I go to bed is a nice thought. You get home tired and you feel like the best strategy to concentrate on the rest of your life is in your bed. The one thing I always needed when renting an Airbnb place was to have a nice table in my room - that was always my prime objective. Then again - it’s never ideal to work where you go to bed is what I found out. There is something to be said about work-life hygiene. On the other hand, you might not be able to choose from. There are Starbucks, Costa, Pret, and a ton of other places to go to and hang out while caffeinating yourself to oblivion.

#There be expenses.

From the very beginning.

I need to get a new MacBook Pro and maybe a new iPhone to get me going. And why not throw in a new car lease or buying a new TV? The best thing you can do when launching a startup is to become indebted, have a ton of things to pay off every month, and not be able to afford even the most basic things like a simple logo, domain names, basic server costs, business cards or some cheap shared office space and overall be able to afford to go on meetings.

It’s always a bad sign to meet with someone who juggles expensive toys but isn’t able to pay for an artist to do their logo or is looking to get the development done for free while typing on a three-thousand-pound laptop. Of course, you aren’t able to do ‘something’ having no tools, but there is a golden path to take that goes hand in hand with your financial situation and your expectations.

A friend of mine compares the time and money put into CVs with the expectations of how much someone wants to make at a position they’re applying to. If you’re applying to a hundred-thousand-per-year position, but your resume looks like something pulled out of a dumpster then it won’t strike a point. The same goes for business plans and your overall image. Again I’m not saying that you should overinvest, but be ready to put in the money needed to at least look professional.

There seem to be a lot of opportunities to get you off the ground - at least in startup capitals.

I have seen specific incubators emerge. They find - let’s say ten ‘idea people’ - let’s call them ‘CEOs’ whereas they are specifically looking for SaaS ideas to fund. The first round of funding should keep a CEO, CTO and whatever other role is necessary afloat for around three months after which they throw away half of the startups with the usual let’s keep in touch - we will continue to support you bullshit. I’ve noticed that some of these incubators are active in finding personnel for these startups through conventional means - the usual LinkedIn job posts and all that. There is a bit more hand-holding and financing involved than some other spaces I’ve seen that most try to elevate already semi-complete teams. It seems that the creation of a startup has