SHRIMP-TINI: Shaken Not Stirred

By David J. Wighton

In this book, Winnie discovers that the Cosmos Minister of Justice is operating an illegal business back on his home planet of Spud. If she could find a way to make this public knowledge, Rancid Potato (the minister) would have to resign. But first, she has to discover the role that Roasted Potato, Mashed Potato, and Yukon Potato play in the scheme. Tilly TaterTot also has a significant role.

Relations between Hell and Hades (the former Hellette) are going well until the SSS use drunken devils to destroy the hell cats' (the former devilettes) amusement park. Satan keeps escalating his attacks. The hell cats fight back but Satan has the ultimate weapon. In desperation, Lilith uses a nugget of sulphur.

Luna Moon, the CEO of Planet Panther, needs to find revenue for her planet. She signs an agreement in which Lucifus will send mining equipment and small devils to mine their gold. Lucifus will obtain those miners through a side agreement with Hell. All those miners are female. Luna worries about the miners smuggling gold off the planet, but finds no evidence of that. She shouldn't be worrying, right? Devils keep their word, right? They would never do anything like smuggle gold. Right?

• Language: English
• Publisher: David J. Wighton
• Release date: Sep 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005129231

David J. Wighton

David Wighton is a retired educator who enjoys writing youth novels when he's not on a basketball court coaching middle-school girls. The books in his Wilizy series peek at how people lived after the word's governments collapsed in the chaos that followed the catastrophic rise in ocean levels and the disappearance of the world's last deposits of oil. Luckily today, in the 2080s, the citizens of Alberta are safe because their It's Only Fair society uses brain-bands to zap people whenever they break a rule. That way, all children grow up knowing the difference between right and wrong. Unfortunately, they're also taught that women's ankles need to be covered so that men can't see them and turn into perverts. Plus, no-one in Alberta can have babies any more because the government manufactures them in a way that ensures that no child has an unfair advantage over any other child. All of this makes sense to Alberta's dictator, but not to Will and Izzy – two teenagers who are decidedly different from everyone else.Wighton's novels have strong teenage characters driving the plot and facing challenges that, in many respects, are no different from what teenagers face today. His novels are intended to entertain and readers will find adventure, romance, suspense, humour, a strong focus on family, plus a touch of whimsy. Wighton also writes to provoke a little thought about life in today's societies and what the future might bring. Teachers may find the series useful in the classroom and the novels are priced with that intent in mind.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Fully three months have passed since Lilith (Meghan) out-negotiated Princess Guinevere (Winnie) in a hearing in front of Harry, the local Cop of the Cosmos. That success led Satan to acknowledge Lilith as his secret agent operating in Hellette. The devilettes decided to selected Hades and hellcats as the names that they wanted to replace the words Hellette and devilettes.

The operations to remove plastic from the Earth's oceans have begun in earnest. Devils are using Heaven's equipment to collect the plastic and convert it into hard plastic balls that are dumped into defunct PUS tunnels. Angels are now a common sight in Hell as they are assisting with the plastification of Hell's sewers, under supervision of course.

It is now late December, 2096. Satan and Grynch, the new head of the SSS, are working in secret on a dastardly plot. You didn't expect Satan to give up that easily, did you?

# # # # # # # #

Lucifus will participate in your plan, Grynch said. Now, we have to get buy in from the other side.

Do they suspect anything? Satan asked.

They'll automatically suspect that Lucifus is up to something because it has a bad reputation in the Cosmos, but they won't find anything. Besides, Lucifus' participation is minimal.

If it's so minimal, why are we giving them 20% of our proceeds?

They know that we can't do this without them. Our reputation is worse than theirs.

How many Lucifus devils are we paying off?

"That's difficult to know. The devil in charge of their space port, for sure. Obviously, Burger King will receive a cut too. [Burger King was Lucifus' Chief Executive Officer.] Our cargo will never actually land in Lucifus, so the only time that we're vulnerable to discovery is when we harvest our cargo and that will occur in Hell."

What do we do about Lilith?

You should meet with her regularly so that she won't suspect anything. You'll have to hide what we're doing.

I can do that. How many devils in Hell know what we're doing?

Only you and me, Grynch replied.

That's not much risk.

The biggest risk is an accident of some kind. Perhaps, something that we didn't expect. We still have devilettes in Hell. They may be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

They aren't allowed in Hell after murk down and that's the only time that there's any risk.

You mustn't underestimate Lilith. She's perceptive and very ambitious.

But, she IS an SSS devil. You agreed on that.

"I agreed that she is probably an SSS devil. She had the right information. I found the locked file in personnel that suggests that's where Satan hid her records. I'd feel better if I could open that file. Remember, we had an undercover angel operating in Hell before. That's why you are pretending to be friendly and gullible while I look for her secrets that will allow you to reveal her as a traitor."

Are you assuming that she is working for Heaven? Satan asked.

No. I don't think she's an undercover angel. It's more likely that she'll try to take over Hell from inside. She has made big changes in Hellette with that amusement park. Plus, her shopping mall and casino will open in a few months. Again, don't underestimate her.

Have you had any success planting a spy in Hellette?

No. That's impossible. Devils don't know how to act like devilettes. They'd be discovered within a day.

What about recruiting an informer from within the devilette ranks?

"For that to happen, some devilettes have to be unhappy. They aren't. Perhaps they will be in time. Should we be calling Hellette Hades and devilettes hellcats?"

Why? We'd just have to change those names back after we execute Lilith. Obviously, the idea of two separate Hells didn't work out. Too bad. So sad.

# # # # # # # #

Are you sure you should take this offer, Reese? Karita asked.

The most prestigious law firm in London is Rink, Dink, Fink, and Twink. One of my professors said that he didn't know of any law graduate receiving an interview with them, let alone a job offer immediately after graduation.

I thought that you saw terrible face colors on your tour of the building.

I did. The personnel officer had good colors and the office staff were also good. The professional lawyer staff had a range from slightly dark to downright devil-ready. I didn't see all of them, so perhaps some good people are there. What I did see was a pattern of beginners slowly turning to near evil.

And you want to turn into near evil?

For two centuries, more prime ministers of the UK have come out of this firm than any other law firm in England. If they don't make PM, they will be cabinet officers.

You want to be a politician now? I thought you wanted to be a justice.

I do. And in my career as a justice, I will have to see lawyers and anticipate all the dirty tricks that they will try. What better way to learn what to expect than joining this firm? They're the worst of the worst.

"What are they? Prosecutors or defenders?'

Prosecutors, mostly. Lawyers who want to stomp out crime are hugely popular around election time. Mind you, that crusade against crime doesn't extend to stomping out crime committed by law firms.

So, your name will be associated with a firm of predatory lawyers for the rest of your life. Shall I divorce you now, or just never talk to you again?

I don't expect to last very long in the job.

Back to the Table of Contents

Chapter 2

Hey, Ganger.

Doppel. What a surprise. Where are you, Winnie?

Cruising the solar system. You wouldn't happen to have any rebellions or constitutional outrages that you need help on, would you?

No. It's been quiet recently. Did you hear that Planet Blue Sky was selected to have a representative on the Cosmos Board of Directors in their most recent meeting?

Finally. They were the ones that thought up the concept of the Cops of the Cosmos. Anything else new?

No. You? Do you have any operations on the go?

I've had nothing for three months. What'cha doing?

Nothing. Hubby doesn't want me dropping by his work and having sex with him any more. His co-workers were complaining.

Really?

Apparently, it's considered bad taste to have sex in the middle of a staff meeting.

You had me going for a minute.

That'll be the highlight of my day. How's Galahad?

He told me as tactfully as he could that I couldn't come on any more of his missions for a while.

Too much sex?

Too much of me asking if I could do something to help.

Ah.

Yuh.

How's the weather?

There's no weather in outer space.

Right. How's the Angelion couple I met?

Ritchit was elected President of the planet some time ago. Now, K-Lit is splitting her time between the clinic and being with Ritchit. Last time I visited, she was working up to ask me how to suggest to him that they should have sex.

What did you do?

I got out of there. I'm trying not to meddle in people's personal lives. You planted the thought of running for the presidency in Ritchit's mind, didn't you?

Yuh. That was business. Not personal. I've learned not to meddle too.

Gotta go, I guess.

Me too. I have to wash my attic.

# # # # # # # #

Hey, Lillian.

I have the same answer as I gave you last week, Winnie. I have no operation for you.

# # # # # # # #

Hey, Guinny. Do the Nemeses need any help?

No. Karita is acting as prosecutor, Maddy in charge of capture, Reese is the justice, and Kashmira is in charge of consequences. Karita is in charge. They're doing ten cases a week.

I could help Doc and Granny.

They're very busy supervising the building of their recreation dimensions. Do you know anything about building recreation dimensions or sports in general?

No. What about Shields?

Busy, busy, busy. She's off on another exploratory sales meeting.

Huh.

Winnie, if I have anything for you, I'll let you know. Why don't you visit your family?

# # # # # # # #

Hey, Mom. What's up?

Not much since last week. The Guardian Angels and the Valkyries are in Connecticut this week. Another month or two and this part of North America will be drug free. Nymph is still visiting and helping Lylah out with babysitting Azure.

What about Melissa and Mac? Any operations for the Wilizy coming up?

No.

Is the family having a Christmas get together?

Not with the Angels and Valkyries off on their own. Hank and I are going to Hawaii to watch Maddy's university team play in a baseball tournament. Maureen told her that she'd play in at least two exhibition games even though she's not a university student. Beansprout is too young to travel, so Cowboy and Bean won't be there. Wolf and Mac were planning to go too, but they're very concerned about Maddy's bathing suit. She modeled it for them when Jock and Emily were in their bedrooms. Wolf covered his eyes and Mac had to leave the room. Mac is concerned about Jock being 12 years old. She wants to support Maddy but that suit is very revealing. Maddy said that the team had given it to her and it would be rude not to wear it. Apparently, a lot of skin appears on Hawaiian beaches. I doubt that Maddy will give in. Would you be available to talk with Maddy and Mac and tell her what's reasonable and what's slutty?

I actually have to go now.

What are you doing about Christmas? Are you spending it with Galahad?

He's doing a scientific study of some kind. I wouldn't understand it.

You could come to Hawaii with us. Stu and Momaka will be there. Do you play Canasta?

Canasta plus baseball. That's pretty appealing. I'll have to see. I have some projects on the go. Say hi to Dad.

Back to the Table of Contents

Chapter 3

If you hop sprightly into your light ship now, we'll move the scene to Planet Panther. You'll remember Planet Panther from 'Return to Sender', book #34. Kyty Lytr is the planet's Chief Executive. At the end of book #34, she took Fylybstr, Hell's obnoxious lawyer, home with her as part of the Cosmos' Empathy Discovery Program. Fylybstr was sentenced to remain on the planet until he became a new devil who showed concern for others and was aware of how his behavior could be hurtful. Kyty Lytr named him Conspiracy because he could create a conspiracy theory out of two strands of black fur floating in his water bowl. She put a collar on him to ensure that he'd behave. Conspiracy was hopeful that the collar might be removed soon. He had been waiting for a meeting with her for several weeks now. It had finally come.

I've finished with my dinner now, Conspiracy. You wanted to suggest something?

On one of my tours of the planet, I was made aware that Planet Panther has ample mineral deposits.

Yes, we have many mineral deposits, but we can't take advantage of them unless they are close to the surface. You and I have talked about this already. You had an idea on how some of them could be mined. I allowed you to pursue it off planet with my son. Double-Ought told me that you had a private meeting without him present. You shouldn't have done that.

[Planet Panther was not heavily populated and didn't need extensive rules about personal names. The post popular male name was 'Fang' and that popularity meant that they had to number them. Officially, Kyty's son was Fang007. His nickname was 'Double-Ought' and yes, there had been a James Bond influence in his selection of the name. Nighttime entertainment in Planet Panther was limited. The James Bond series from Earth had been popular with the teenager crowd when Fang had chosen his name.]

Lucifus officials were not comfortable meeting with the monster panther that you assigned to accompany me. He didn't need to be in the meeting. I still had my collar and Double-Ought kept guard outside the only door in and out of the boardroom.

Double-Ought reported that you met alone with Burger King.

"As you know, Burger King [Lucifus' head devil] was listening in on my trial. He agreed to meet me with little notice. Curiosity perhaps. He asked how I enjoyed being a panther's pet animal."

Kyty-Lytr opened her mouth in a large yawn. Mouthwash would have been helpful; tooth paste at the very least. Conspiracy wasn't going to suggest that. He'd end up with the job.

Get to it, she prompted.

Lucifus has agreed to help Planet Panther with a joint mining enterprise. Planet Panther is the major shareholder of the enterprise.

How would Lucifus help us?

You need humanoids that can mine your gold. Even humanoids of my size are too big for effective mining. The tunnels would have to be too big to be cost effective. You'll need small humanoids that can work diligently underground for long periods of time. Lucifus can find those miners.

Where would they get them? Double-Ought told me that Lucifus' devils are the same size as you.

True. Some years ago, Hell created an entire class of devils that had been designed for mining. They were small enough to enter tiny tunnels that other humanoids could not tolerate. Since they were devils, they received their energy from the darkness and they could exist underground quite comfortably. That program had to be put on hold, but Hell still has the capacity to create devil miners. Lucifus will lease ten devil miners from Hell for you.

I was not particularly impressed with Hell's senior management.

Your contract would be with Lucifus, which is a civilized planet that abides by Cosmos laws. Since Lucifus' devils live underground, the planet has tunnel-digging machines. They will offer to lease one of those machines to Planet Panther so that you can explore for gold. Once you find a profitable deposit, the mining devils will extract it from the rocks and bring it to the surface.

Where would they dig?

Your people will know that already. They'll be able to choose the site and then supervise it. Gold will be very profitable.

So, Lucifus will bring ten mining devils to Planet Panther and one tunnel making machine. Once those arrive, we will operate the site and supervise the devils. Will they need bunkhouses?

No. You can expect them to work for three-quarters of your day without rest. No food is necessary. They can sleep in the tunnels.

Who runs the equipment?

"A Lucifus engineer will show the mining devils how to position the tunnel machine. It's very simple after that. They have five buttons: Forward, backward, stop in place, start the cruncher, and stop