What a Man Really Wants to Say About Relationships: Revised and Unapologetic

By J. Riggins

If anyone purchases a book in 2021, ‘What A Man Really Wants To Say About Relationships’ should be at the top of everyone’s list! This is literally one of the best relationship books ever written. There are subjects as fiery as ‘Entanglement’, PTSD in Relationships, Using Kids As Weapons, etc. which talks about parents using their kids to get back at one another. This book goes even deeper with Chapters called Why Men and Women Cheat. If anyone is looking for a relationship book that literally talks about every issue that can cause relationship problems, this is it. The Author doesn’t leave anyone hanging, he not only talks about the problems that may arise in relationships, he tells the readers how to fix or avoid these issues. Anything that couples go threw from messy family members getting in the middle of the relationship, to how PTSD and mental illness can affect the relationship. This is a book for both women and men! There are a lot of fellas that don’t like to read books, but you will definitely want to read this one. It will not only save marriages or relationships, it will teach you how to avoid the ones that aren’t healthy for you. Couples, please do yourselves a favor and purchase this book!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Sep 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9781665712224

J. Riggins

J. Riggins is a retired Air Force Combat Veteran, Author and Actor. He was cast in the movie ‘The Lone Survivor’ in 2013. Even though his role in the 2013 film was edited out of the picture, he still has a passion for acting. He published his first book in 2016 with the same title before revising it in 2020. J. Riggins has been writing music since he was six years old, and eventually it spilled over to poetry and novels. Writing has always been his biggest passion, and he is currently finishing book number three, in which he hopes to bring to the big screen someday. He is originally from Chicago, and has been married to his lovely wife over 18 years. His goal is to become a NY Times best seller, and after he accomplishes that, the sky is the limit.

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Copyright © 2021 J.Riggins.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Archway Publishing

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-6657-1221-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6657-1222-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021918894

Archway Publishing rev. date: 09/16/2021

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Dedication

Introduction

INTRODUCTION

Preparing for a Relationship

How to Find and Keep the Right Man

How to Find and Keep the Right Woman

Relationship Influences and Consequences: Seeking and Giving Relationship Advice

Advice and Influence from Friends

Family’s Influence on Your Relationship

The Effects of Society on Your Relationship

THE EVILS

The Reasons Men Cheat

The Reasons Women Cheat

Using Kids as Weapons

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

The Grass Is Greener

Entanglements and Swingers

PTSD and Relationships

Quarantine

THE BASICS

Expectations

The Truth about Money and Relationships

Honesty

RELATIONSHIP TOOLBOX

Get the Spark Back

Having Fun Is Key

Summary

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to the memory of JoAnn Marie Riggins, my mother, my mentor, my angel. Without you, none of this would be possible.

INTRODUCTION

Doesn’t everyone want to read a relationship book that includes the most uncomfortable issues associated with that topic? I thought so, which is why I wrote this book. I did not want to write the typical If we hold hands and share our feelings, everything will be okay relationship book. Unfortunately, as easy and as uplifting as that sounds, it is far from the realities that plague most relationships.

Someone once asked me, What made you think you could become a successful author when you’re not famous and have no huge social media platform?

My answer was, What makes anyone worthy of writing and selling a successful relationship book?

I can’t speak for every relationship/self-help author before me, successful or not, but I do know my life’s experiences makes me worthy of writing such a book. People often read a celebrity’s relationship book without knowing them personally and take it as law. Some people generally feel that if their favorite athlete, actor, or musician writes something, it is the absolute truth. I am not picking on our favorite entertainers-turned-authors, because I am a fan of most, but I will say their books are no more valid than anyone else’s. So when you ask why I feel I can write a best-selling relationship book, you will know why when you read it.

This book is a revision of my 2016 book, but I added Revised and Unapologetic to the title, because I dug deeper into my soul to provide my readers with the truth, with no concerns of criticism. I believe God had a plan by allowing me to be too lazy to promote my first book. I always felt like something was missing, so the lack of promotion wasn’t a huge loss. The reason I went deeper with this one was because many relationship dynamics have changed within the last five years. The world we live in is pretty ruthless, and positive relationships have become less and less popular, for whatever reason. I don’t believe the majority of people want to be in bad relationships (or no relationship at all). I believe that sometimes watching other couples go through turmoil is the biggest turnoff.

Maybe I’m just an optimist, but I would imagine that anyone going through relationship issues would desire to read a book that offers suitable solutions for struggling relationships. Even if your relationship isn’t struggling, I’m sure you would want to keep it headed in a healthy direction, correct? What about dealing with children in a relationship? What are the effects of being a stepparent or significant other to someone with kids? How did the quarantine and pandemic affect your relationships? Ladies, how does a gossiping girlfriend influence your relationship? Fellas, how does that buddy of yours who’s been single for years and has no plans of marriage affect your relationship?

Before writing my relationship book, I asked a variety of people what they didn’t like about other relationship books they read, and they said, and I quote, The author left me hanging. Many people said the author mentioned negative situations plaguing relationships but did not tell them how to fix them. I hope I didn’t let my readers down, because I tried to give the best solutions for whatever issues you may go through. I also dove into the issues that many couples really don’t want to talk about, like cheating, sex, and finances. I purposely took it a step further and talk about subjects like entanglement and quarantine. I did not just want this to be a book about simple relationship mishaps; it discusses many subjects that couples may be too uncomfortable to address. If we don’t dig deep in our relationships and face the hard issues, they will resurface in the worst way possible. What makes my book unique is many of my chapters were based on my discussions with men and women of different ages and ethnicities.

Even though a man wrote this book, it will be hard to say that it is one-sided, because many statements were made by women I conversed with. My wife Day put her stamp of approval on this book, so hopefully I’m good with the ladies. Self-help books should help you build or create something, and there is no more valuable project than building a relationship. I hope this book sparks emotions out of you that you didn’t even know you had. I want you to feel something while reading my book, not just skim through it emotionless.

I am not a psychiatrist and don’t have a degree in journalism; however, what makes me astutely knowledgeable is experience. I was married and divorced, cheated on and was the cheater, married again, separated, blended family, pretty much every situation. I’ve been married to the same woman for eighteen years, and still going.

If you are having car problems, you wouldn’t take your car to an accountant, correct? You would want to take it to someone who deals with car problems and is experienced in that field. Relationship problems are no different; you should not get advice from someone who has never been in a relationship or knows nothing about turmoil in relationships.

Of course, you can get sound advice from anyone, even a broke clock is right twice a day. I would rather get my advice from someone I can identify with and who shares a similar experience. Do I have all of the answers? Of course not, and those who tell you they do are liars. I am a simple human being, trying to lead readers in the direction of having healthy, fun, drama-free relationships. My overall goal is to make you dig deep in your inner soul, stop lying to yourself and others, stop playing games, and truly focus on a productive, happy relationship.

If this is what you want, then you’re holding the right book. These chapters were derived from intimate conversations at family reunions, social media platforms, family vacations, sports bars, locker rooms, church pews, girls’ nights out, guys’ nights out, nightclubs, counseling sessions, after a tragedy and during everyday living. We all go through something, and no relationship is perfect. We all may need relationship advice at some point, whether it is from a friend, counselor, co-worker, family member, or total stranger. Let this book be a tool that you can use to help fight the battle of broken and harmful relationships. Let it also be a tool for you to keep your already great relationship afloat for many years to come.

After all, we all want to be happy, right? I want you to be. God bless.

Part 1

INTRODUCTION

PREPARING FOR A RELATIONSHIP

Introduction

When did the first relationship begin? Well, I believe in God, so of course, I will tell you that the first couple was Adam and Eve. If this is not your belief, it’s okay. I’m not here to judge or be judged; I’m only here to help my readers stay on the necessary path to a healthy relationship.

Unfortunately, the first couple known to man experienced a major setback because they simply did not listen. The problem within this union arose after Adam ate a forbidden apple because his woman told him to. Even after they were told by God not to eat the forbidden fruit, they still did. Although the serpent was the one who told Eve to bite the forbidden fruit, she still fell victim to listening to someone who did not have her best interests in mind. Can you relate? She also convinced her husband to bite the forbidden fruit as well. Negative words and bad advice may be among the main reasons relationships don’t last, even if the advice is coming from someone we are supposed to trust. Unfortunately, because we are human, we sometimes say words to our significant other out of anger, self-pity, and frustration. Other times, we say things after receiving erroneous information. Plenty of times, couples get information from people who don’t know what they are talking about, or were not telling you that information to help, but to cause confusion or drama. Many of us are so quick to process new information that we don’t check its credibility or validity.

I don’t want to go too deep into information or advice that we receive from others, because I have a few chapters dedicated to that subject. I just want my readers to know that before you prepare for a relationship, already know you will have some skeptics (haters), and some misinformed individuals in your ear. We tend to listen to people who seem credible at the time, even though in the back of our minds, we know we should ignore their input. We then take that bad advice and implement it into our relationships.

Although no one plans to sabotage their relationship on purpose (I hope), we still put ourselves in positions that put our relationship at risk. Words are powerful, and even the simple ones can have a huge effect on a relationship. Don’t get me wrong; there are several things other than words from a significant other that can cause a relationship to sour, but the goal is to identify negativity issues and correct them. Throughout this book, you will read a lot of information that hopefully will inspire you to correct any negativity within your relationship. I also wanted the single folk to know that I didn’t leave them out when I wrote this book. Even though this is a relationship book for couples, finding that soul mate and becoming a couple is primarily the first step. First, let me give you a little background that led me to write this wonderful book.

I wrote this book because I’ve encountered several people going through hard times in their relationships, and they needed advice. Of course, I have experienced many bad relationships of my own, but it started from me witnessing bad relationships while growing up.

My mother and father divorced when I was six years old; my sister was seven, and my brother was thirteen. All I can remember was a lot of arguing and yelling, well before my mother divorced my father. I can’t say that I remembered many happy times from my parents’ relationship. After the divorce, my mother raised me as a single parent, and I had to learn what she could teach me about being a man. I did not have a steady relationship with my father in my early years because of the divorce, so my older brother stepped into that role. He was eight years older than me, so his role in my life went from being a big brother to a disciplinarian, and when I was eleven or twelve, he enrolled in the Marines. For the most part, it was mainly my mother who did most of the teaching on how to become a productive adult male. Some may ask how any boy can learn that from his mother. The answer is, you can, but it can’t necessarily teach you how to be the man in a relationship as an adult. The values learned from my mother guided me throughout my adulthood and kept me on the right track in the workforce and society.

My mother’s teachings did not necessarily help me out as the man of the house in my marriage. All aspects of society, including social media, seem to twist reality, like it’s okay to only have one parent in the household, but that isn’t true. All I am saying is, certain things should not be accepted as the norm. A person could do a backflip off a mountain and survive, but should they be intentionally careless? That is the real question. Intentionally wanting to raise a baby on your own, as if one person has what it takes to be the man of the household, or the woman of the household, is very difficult. When it comes to relationships, it takes two to make a baby, so why shouldn’t it take two to raise the baby?

Has society gotten so used to Daddy-Daughter dances with no Daddy, or Bring Mom to School Day with no Mom? Mothers and fathers both have important roles in their child’s life, and when one is missing, it affects that child in more ways than we know. Of course, there are same-sex couples raising kids, but I don’t know enough about their struggles to write in my book; maybe that will be my next venture. I do know that not having my father, or any male, around as much as I would have liked affected me negatively. Even though my dad and I have a wonderful relationship now, I feel like I missed out on a lot of valuable father-son grooming that might have made me a better man and husband. I understand some circumstances were not always in his control, but at the same time, he was still not around like I wanted him to be. Many people would say that it’s possible to learn how to be a good spouse after growing up in a single-parent household, but I would have to disagree, based on my personal experience.

Of course, you can be taught how to be a respectable and law-abiding citizen, because that is what my mother instilled in me. How can you possibly know what a positive relationship is if you haven’t witnessed one? I can