Why?

By Brandi M. Telles

Piper Cooper has been married to her veteran husband Jake for ten years. Over the course of their relationship, they have fought through difficulties that would crush weaker people. Together, they’ve dealt with Jake’s PTSD and addiction and Piper’s miscarriages and health issues.

Then, Jake becomes unpredictable. One minute, he loves Piper; the next, he doesn’t love her anymore and abandons her. Jake has always struggled to find his place in the world, and as he searches for meaning, he is met by blow after negative blow.

Piper is hopeful that her husband will come back. He even says he will after some time apart to see if there is anything left to save. Mental illness is a cruel beast, though, and Piper’s love might not be enough to save Jake. Through tragic events, does love conquer all, or will this marriage be another casualty of war?

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jul 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9781663223890

Brandi M. Telles

Brandi M. Telles has a master’s in counseling psychology. She has three children, one stepson, and one granddaughter. She is also a mother of two dogs and two cats. She lives on the East Coast with her youngest child, fur babies, and her husband, until his passing June 2021. Facebook: brandimichelebooks Instagram: brandimichelebooks Twitter: @BrandiMicheleT email: [e-mail] Website: brandimichelebooks.wixsite.com-my-site

Book preview

Chapter One

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Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me! Piper shouted in her head as she slowly peeked out of her left eye to see what time it was. You fat fuck! Why can’t you sleep in like normal people?! Why should I have to wake up early just because you want to roly-poly your ass out of your bed and wake everyone up with you. You seriously make it sound like the fucking ceiling is about to cave in. Piper continued to scream in her head. She had not actually ever seen the person who lived upstairs, but her daughter came in one day screaming and laughing as if the funniest thing in the world had just happened. Mom, I know why it sounds like the person above us is going to fall through the ceiling. It’s because the guy is so big, he doesn’t look like he should even be able to move.

Piper was conflicted in her response. Should she say, Now we shouldn’t talk about someone like that or go with that makes sense. Before she could even get the thought out of her head, her mouth just spilled out the words, Well, that makes sense. It sounds like a four-hundred-pound person walking. Well, there it was, her parenting at its best.

As Piper lay in the bed that early morning, angry with her rude as hell wake up, she couldn’t get this conversation and her hidden thoughts about it out of her head. Her thoughts quickly went to what God would think of her thoughts which led her to the last time she had gone to a prayer group. Father Murphy was preaching a short message about one’s relationship with God and their church attendance. He seemed to be looking right at Piper while speaking, making it obvious that this sermon was directed at her.

Piper quietly got up, put her favorite black cap on and pulled her ponytail through the back as she stared down Father Murphy. He knew Piper knew what he was doing since she had relayed her thoughts on the subject to him just a month ago. My relationship with God is between me and God only. It is absolutely no one else’s business, she had told him when he called her in his office very concerned with her attendance lately. She didn’t feel happy with church lately because she deals better with what’s going in her life alone rather than with nosy, churchy women stalking her and bugging her about her life.

* * *

Now, back to that fat fuck, she said to herself still lying-in bed trying her hardest to go back to sleep. Beep, beep, beep. Why?! she whined as she kicked the covers off her body. She was not a morning person, never claimed to be, and would never be, but now her daughter’s alarm was going off, and they were getting up. Piper still didn’t understand why.

As she lay there trying to get her butt out of bed, her thoughts kept going back to the man upstairs. She had remembered that when she was looking at apartments, she had been told that there were weight limits for dogs on certain floors. She was told this because she had not decided yet if she was bringing Gunner (her beautifully sweet Saint Bernard) to her apartment or try to find him a good home. She was already losing so much and did not feel it was fair to have to lose him too, but he was so big, and she was so small. Her four-foot-ten, hundred and seven-pound body was no match for his six-foot tall (when standing on his hind legs), hundred and fifty-pound frame; though he was an obedient dog, he was still a dog and a big one at that. Why don’t they have a weight restriction for people as well, she wondered, feeling half-way bad about the thought and half-way not. It seemed like a logical question that was only validated once again by the sound of the ceiling about to burst. Maybe I’ll suggest that to the office.

She was up now and not happy at all about it. She started to walk towards the bathroom, her eyes still not focusing and her legs not wanting to cooperate, as usual. She reached for her phone to see what message she had gotten earlier that morning but didn’t care enough about it at the time to get up and look. It was Thomas Good Morning. Ugh, she said to herself. She has always hated that expression. Good morning, what exactly was good about mornings? She never could figure that out. As she sat on the toilet, she thought to herself, it would have been a good morning if I could have woken on my own instead of the fucker upstairs waking me up! This was her only complaint about her new apartment. She actually loved it more than she thought she would, though the reason she was there still hurt so bad.

So, did you mean to set your alarm? Piper asked her daughter when she came out of the bathroom.

Yes, it was for my food they are delivering.

Piper laughed at her daughter and said, You are ridiculous. They laughed together.

Piper’s daughter, Phoebe, was her world; especially right now. They were almost like twins just twenty-seven years apart. They talked alike, looked alike, and definitely thought alike. They were as close as a mother and daughter could be, though they could have some pretty nasty fights. Phoebe was sixteen now and so grown up. Piper couldn’t wait to see this beautiful girl as a woman, she knew she would be amazing because she already was. Piper looked at Phoebe, wondering what was going on in her head, but she was too scared to ask her. Phoebe is just like her and hates for people to ask that, but she also wanted Phoebe to know she was thinking about her and was there for her. Just three days ago, Phoebe’s idiot of a boyfriend broke up with her. Phoebe was devastated, and Piper knew exactly how she was feeling because her husband left her just that same day.

In the back of Piper’s mind, she never thought he would actually leave; but there he went. She wasn’t sure what was in store for them because he changed his mind like he changed his underwear. One minute he didn’t love her anymore, and the next he did love her but needed to do this to find himself. He told her that he planned to come back in a year if they still loved each other and thought there was something to save. She prayed every day for him to come home, but she didn’t share this with anyone because no one cared what she wanted only how they felt about him and how glad they were to see him go.

Keeping up with what Jake wanted was just as hard as him leaving. One minute, Piper was fighting with him and his bitch of a mom and he was telling Piper that they were definitely over, and he wanted to file for a divorce immediately. Then the next day, he didn’t want to file because he couldn’t close the chapter on them just yet. She was getting whiplash from the back and forth, but she welcomed anything that gave her hope. On top of all the uncertainty, she had no one to talk to about any of it if she actually wanted to.

Piper wanted to be there for Phoebe through this breakup, but how could she when she couldn’t get through her own? She wanted to hold her and tell her it would be okay, and she would move on and be happier in the end, but that would make her a hypocrite. She knew that those words meant nothing because she heard them from people and instead of accepting them, she wanted to punch the people in the face and tell them to fuck off. She felt the only honest thing to say was, I know what you are going through, and I’m sorry, but that sounded so selfish in her mind. So, she decided to follow Phoebe’s lead. Phoebe was a strong kid after all; it ran in her blood.

As Phoebe lay in bed watching her videos on her phone, Piper stared at her, wondering if Phoebe knew just how amazing she was and how much her mother loved her. How was this boy so stupid? Why did he have to hurt her?

Great! Now her mind is trailing to all the ways she wanted to hurt this idiot for hurting her baby girl. She was sure she’d never get away with any of it and wasn’t even sure she could actually do any of it if it really came down to it. All she did know was that she wanted him to hurt as much as Phoebe did, and she didn’t see a thing wrong with that. She wouldn’t have to worry about that though because one thing about Phoebe being so amazing was that her friends thought so too, and when you hurt her, they hurt you! Not physically of course, though the thought didn’t make her wince. A little black eye never hurt anyone she chuckled to herself as she pictured it. Phoebe was lying next to her burping and laughing at her app, oblivious to the fact that her mother was plotting her ex’s demise. Demise, really Piper, you know that you are not thinking of that; just maybe his social ending, a broken arm, definitely a broken heart, but not death!

They were two broken women not really knowing what to say to the other, but did they really need to? No. Lying in bed watching these silly videos was enough for them both. At least for now, anyway. Phoebe would be leaving her in just a few short months to visit Piper’s mom in her hometown for the summer. What would Piper do with her time all alone? She had never lived by herself before and the thought of it both excited her and scared the shit out of her.

Chapter Two

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Well, there it is. Thought Piper. The only thing I can seem to count on these days is that the person upstairs will wake me up at the same time every fucking morning. This life sucks so hard. What the hell is this person even getting up at this time for? Just to go sit in his living room all day. We are practicing social distancing right now, so he definitely isn’t going anywhere, which was also proven by his footsteps to the kitchen for something to drink or eat, then to his couch or chair. Somewhere around lunchtime, he moves again, followed by dinner, and then off to bed. Sounds pretty monotonous but not unlike everyone else’s life at the moment. I wonder if he worked before this whole thing started or if this was his life even before the pandemic. I wonder if he has always been big or did life hand him shit too. Does someone else live with him or is he all alone? Why do I care? If I couldn’t hear his every move, would I still wonder about him? I don’t wonder about my other new neighbors.

Piper suddenly felt bad about her thoughts and wondered if they made her a bad person or if she even cared if they did at this point. Shouldn’t I be allowed to be irritated by the person above me waking me up every fucking morning like clockwork? I’m sure he doesn’t give a shit that he does; really, should he? He is just living his life.

It had been a really long time since she had lived in an apartment, but she didn’t remember hearing anyone upstairs in any of her other apartments. Why couldn’t it be as simple as hearing their TV or radio? That, she could feel right being angry about, but this just didn’t seem nice of her. Contrary to what her family thought of her, she really didn’t like being confrontational, mean, or the one to get things done. She was just extremely good at it and seemed to be the one that stepped up to do it, but just once she wished someone else would. Her husband always made her feel like a naggy control freak, but the truth was she sat alone crying a lot because she didn’t want that role.

Piper thought back to a conversation with one of Phoebe’s guy friends, Don’t make your wife have to be your mom. She really doesn’t want to be. She doesn’t want to have to remind you of things, to ask you repeatedly to do something or to not do something, she would love it if you paid the bills and took control of the household. If you remember any conversation in your life, remember this one. She just wants to be your partner, your wife, your lover, and the mother to your children, not you! The boy stared at her uncomfortably, but she hoped he listened and took it to heart because no one else will probably ever tell him that. If his mother was like her mother-in-law, she would fail him miserably in that category, actually in all categories of life.

Piper had always wanted a mother-in-law whom she was close to, but it was not the case for either of the ones she had had in her life. Not that she didn’t try, but because they both ended up being crazy bitches that she couldn’t believe reproduced because they were not fit to be mothers. When Piper thought about her life as a mother she worried if anyone would think the same about her; no, actually she hoped no one would think that about her. She prided herself on teaching her kids right from wrong and tried to teach her boys how to be good husbands. She waited for the day that her daughter-in-law called crying and hoping to get help with a problem. It’s not that she hoped this would happen or that they would have problems but that she was there to help. She wouldn’t take her son’s side just because she gave birth to him, and she would definitely tell him to get his shit straight and be the husband his wife deserved.

Why wouldn’t every mother do that? Why would you be okay with your son doing awful things to his wife? Why do you put him in his place when he is wrong to you but not when it’s with his wife, and it is clear he is completely wrong? What is wrong with parents these days? I have no problem still busting an ass if I need to! Someone should bust Phoebe’s ex’s ass; his parents definitely failed him!

Why does all of this lead her down the rabbit hole of all she has lost lately or is going to be losing soon? Why did this all happen right as something good that she had been waiting on for years finally happens for her? Is it not okay for something good to happen for her? Was it too much to ask for good things and not bad? If she wrote a book about everything that has happened to her in her life people wouldn’t believe her, but you can’t make this shit up.

* * *

Since the start of the new year, her life just exploded into shit-filled days. One minute, she was lying on the couch with the love of her life, and the very next he wanted a divorce. Wait? What?! He’s going to change his mind like he always does, right? He’s just angry he got caught. He’ll throw his little fit, smoke some cigarettes to piss me off, drink, not come home, and then tomorrow he’ll be back to loving me. So, she thought. However, he did not change his mind, so she moved into Phoebe’s room, and he divided their stuff. He repeatedly encouraged her to start looking for an apartment that he agreed to pay for because she was now a loser and can’t work. Now she was losing the man she loves, her dogs she loves so much, her home, her dreams of their future, and her best friend.

What more could happen? Apparently, more, and she would find out in the next several