Words Can Never Hurt Me: Telling Truth Through Fiction

By Valerie Mortimer Van Dyke

The book explores a new method of helping battered women and increasing the percentage of women who grow in self esteem and make lives for themselves. It shows cooperation with the police, fire fighters, religious leaders, mental health communities and families of the women and men who are in domestic violent situations.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Feb 25, 2021
• ISBN: 9781982261702

Valerie Mortimer Van Dyke

Valerie or Val, as she likes to be called, grew up in New Jersey and moved in her own personal covered wagon to Oregon after she had completed her training as a Registered Nurse. Her wagon was a 55 Chevy sedan. She has always been a prolific reader of all kinds of books and with all the other members of her family a lover of ‘words’. She considers herself a wordsmith. She has observed the domestic violence that occurs in this country and has tried to imagine a way to change the way the women think about themselves. She began her writing career in 1995 with writing poetry, a style of writing she had never liked and still doesn’t understand, but just poured out of her she said. She moved on to short stories and this is the first novel she has ever published.

Book preview

WORDS CAN

Never

HURT ME

Telling Truth Through Fiction

Valerie Mortimer Van Dyke

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Copyright © 2021 Valerie Mortimer Van Dyke.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

844-682-1282

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-6172-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-6171-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-6170-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021900617

Balboa Press rev. date: 02/11/2021

Contents

Prologue

Part One

Part Two

Chapter 1/Friday May 3, 2013/The Beginning

Part Three

Chapter 2/Morning/The First Day

Chapter 3/Afternoon/The First Day

Chapter 4/Morning/The Second Day

Chapter 5/Afternoon/The Second Day

Chapter 6/Morning/The Third Day

Chapter 7/Afternoon/The Third Day

Chapter 8/Morning/The Fourth Day

Chapter 9/Morning/The Fourth Day/One Hour Later

Chapter 10/Afternoon/The Fourth Day

Chapter 11/Morning/The Fifth Day

Chapter 12/Afternoon/The Fifth Day

Chapter 13/Morning/The Sixth Day

Chapter 14/Afternoon/The Fifth Day

Chapter 15/Morning/The Seventh Day

Chapter 16/Afternoon/The Seventh Day

Chapter 17/Morning/The Eighth Day

Chapter 18/Afternoon/The Eighth Day

Chapter 19/Morning/The Ninth Day

Chapter 20/Afternoon/The Ninth Day

Chapter 21/Morning/The Tenth Day

Chapter 22/Afternoon/The Tenth Day

Chapter 23/Morning/The Eleventh Day

Chapter 24/Afternoon/The Eleventh Day

Chapter 25/Morning/The Twelveth Day

Chapter 26/Afternoon/The Twelfth Day

Chapter 27/Evening/The Twelfth Day

Chapter 28/Morning/The Thirteenth Day

Chapter 29/Afternoon/The Thirteenth Day

Chapter 30/Morning/The Fourteenth Day

Chapter 31/Afternoon/The Fourteenth Day

Chapter 32/ Morning/Going Home Day

Part Four

Chapter 33/Six Months After The Program

Chapter 34/Saturday November 1, 2013/Alice Has Been Thinking

Chapter 35/A Road Trip To Mama’s House

Chapter 36/Recipes For A Tasting Party

Chapter 37/November 7, 2013/Lois Makes A Move…

Chapter 38/…And Crashes

Chapter 39/Searching For Solutions

Chapter 40/Planning For A Friendly Third Degree

Chapter 41/Men’s Day Out

Chapter 42/Sunday December 14/Alfredo Gets The Hot Seat

Chapter 43/Alice Goes To The Store

Chapter 44/Confession Is Good For The Soul

Chapter 45/Inspectors Galore

Chapter 46/Back To Lois And Alfredo

Chapter 47/Lois Starts Planning

Chapter 48/Things Begin Moving…Fast

Part Five

Chapter 49/Friday May 2, 2014/The First Annual Reunion

Chapter 50/Friday May 2/The Gathering

Chapter 51/Friday May 2/Call To Dinner

Chapter 52/Getting Re-Acquainted

Chapter 53/Saturday May 3/Morning

Chapter 54/Saturday Afternoon

Chapter 55/Sunday May 4/Morning

Part Six

Chapter 56/Monday May 5/A Special Monday Morning Meeting

Chapter 57/Friday May 9/A Spy Mission Is Planned

Chapter 58/Saturday May 10/Breaking News

Chapter 59/Sunday May 11/Breakfast For 12

Chapter 60/Much Ado About Something

Chapter 61/Friday May 23/Afternoon

Chapter 62/Saturday May 24/Breaking News #2

Chapter 63/Monday May 26/Morning

Chapter 64/Friday May 30/The Bad Guy Draws A Gun

Chapter 65/Friday May 30/Evening

Chapter 66/Saturday May 31/Peggy Goes Home

Chapter 67/Justice Prevails

Part Seven

Chapter 68/Tuesday/June 10, 2014/A Good Day In Court

Part Eight

Chapter 69/February 5, 2015/Thursday Late Afternoon

Chapter 70/February 6, 2015/Friday Afternoon

Chapter 71/April 3Rd/Friday Afternoon

Chapter 72/April 22, 2015/Wednesday Afternoon/

Chapter 73/Wednesday April 22/Later That Night

Chapter 74/Monday October 5, 2016/Early Afternoon/

Part Nine

Chapter 75/Wednesday September 3, 2015/Eighteen Months After The Treatment Sesssion/In Another State

Chapter 76/That Evening

Chapter 77/The Next Morning

Chapter 78/Afternoon/Evening/Second Day

Chapter 79/The Third Day

Chapter 80/The Fourth Day

Chapter 81/The Fifth Day/Good And Bad

Chapter 82/A Showing And A No-Show

Chapter 83/A Week Of Paintings And Gardens/

Chapter 84/A Celebration With Toast

Chapter 85/The Final Full Day

Chapter 86/Flying Back

Part Ten

Chapter 87/Monday October 12, 2015/6 A.M./Laura

Chapter 88/Monday Morning/ 9:30 AM

Chapter 89/Monday Afternoon/2 P.M.

Chapter 90/Monday Afternoon/4 P.M.

Chapter 91/Monday Evening /10 P.M.

Chapter 92/Tuesday Morning/8 A.M.

Chapter 93/Thursday Morning/10 A.M.

Chapter 94/Thursday Evening/8 P.M.

Chapter 95/Friday Morning/9 A.M.

Chapter 96/Sunday Morning/3 A.M.

Chapter 97/Monday Morning/10 A.M.

Chapter 98/Tuesday October 20, 2015/Morning/3:30 A.M.

Chapter 99/Tuesday Afternoon/2 P.M.

Chapter 100/Afternoon/A Week Later/2 P.M.

Part Eleven

Chapter 101/Monday February 1, 2016/The Argument/Laura

Chapter 102/The Argument/Toni

Chapter 103/The Talk/Laura And Toni

Chapter 104/The Meeting/The Staff

Chapter 105/The Offer/Trudy

Chapter 106/Meeting With Bea And Trudy

Chapter 107/An Unexpected Turn/Bea And Trudy

Chapter 108/A Tryst Gone Very Wrong

About the Author

My grateful thanks to all the people who read and critiqued my work, and encouraged me to keep writing.

Thanks to Mary Jane, Lorelle and Susan(2) and all the rest of the Monday Morning Forest Grove Writers group.

My thanks to my daughter Paulla Jean and my sisters Lynne and LouAnne for helping me edit the whole work.

And special thanks to my good friend Char Leatherman for her continued encouragement and love.

• To my learned consultants on health and violence issues:

o Cheryl, who serves on the Domestic Violence Panel in Washington County, Oregon,

o Marcian Wallace, who has been an Emergency Room nurse for 32 years.

o Pat Mohr, who was the Director for the Salvation Army Women and Children’s Shelter in Portland Oregon for 23 years.

o Father Michael, for his knowledge of Canon Law, and his willingness in sharing it with me.

For all the women and men who still suffer

In violent domestic situations.

Prologue

SOMEWHERE IN THE CITY

She opened her eyes then quickly closed them again. Oh, that hurt. Oh, I hurt all over. She started crying silently, tears running down her face. It happened again. I am such a coward. I am not worth crying over. When will I get the courage to just say no? Just whisper no. He keeps saying I am too stupid to know what to do. I know he loves me and that he won’t do it again but he just loses control sometimes. I just will have to try harder to let him know how very much I love him, that I know how bad he feels, and that I forgive him this time.

But, today, I want to die. No one will miss me. I am no good to anyone.

Some Statistics on Battered Women

1. 22% of women will experience some form of domestic violence

2. 85% of battered persons are women

3. They are battered by someone they know

4. 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault every year

5. 8 million days of paid work are lost every year due to effects of battering

6. 4 million. This is the number of women who will be battered this year in America

7. Battered women are four times more likely to contemplate suicide

8. 33% of batterers have tried to kill their victims. 20% of these own a gun.

9. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she tries to leave.

Part One

IN ANOTHER PART OF THE

CITY THAT SAME DAY

The Woman strode briskly down the street and up the steps into the church. She turned left, following the hallway down to the Pastor’s study. She knocked lightly on the door.

He looked up from his work and called out, Come in. He was rising from his desk as The Woman entered the room. They reached out to shake hands. Please sit, he said.

She murmured a Thank you as she lowered herself into the embrace of the comfortable chair.

How can I help you? he asked.

The Woman settled herself a little more firmly in her seat. I am here representing The Valerien Battered Women’s Treatment Program. Our program works to help these women regain their self-esteem and teach them to stand up for themselves. It’s a powerful program but we treat each person with gentleness and care. We have documentation to show that so far we have had a success rate of about 65%. The women or men come out of the program changed in their thinking and can make better choices for their life. Some of them slip right back into old behavior after they return home but we hope and believe that what they learned in the program is still with them and may help them make changes for themselves sometime in the future.

The Pastor leaned forward and opened his mouth to speak.

The Woman held up her hand and said, Please let me finish and then we can talk a little.

The Pastor sat back in his chair with a bemused look on his face. Please continue.

The Woman took a breath. "The program starts with a weekend seminar to explain what our goals are for each person and how we plan to accomplish these goals. It is entirely voluntary. The entire program takes about three weeks from start to finish.

"We start with a physical and mental evaluation of each person which takes about three days. Then we structure their program to address any issues that we find.

"The facility is staffed solely with women.

"What I am offering you is an informational weekend seminar to explain in detail what we do with the women; our goals and methods. This seminar is for the people who interact with people in domestic violence situations. Most of these rescuers are frustrated and depressed by not being able to help. This includes the police, firefighters, medical health and therapy workers, families and the religious community. We have a program where we have achieved some positive evidence of helping. So far we show that we can save many of the women and some of the batterers; but we usually can’t save the marriage.

"We ask the women to take a three week family treatment program. We can handle up to 30 women at a time. We provide child care for that period of time with therapists running the program for the children. They will have video contact with their mothers twice a day.

The Woman stopped and took a sip of water, set the bottle down and looked up at the Pastor. What do you think? she asked.

The Pastor sat a few moments before speaking. He looked a little taken aback. I’m not sure where to start. I have never heard of any program that will actually help battered people, women especially. I have worked with the police and other authorities to help and have come away very frustrated. It hurts me to see these women being hurt and know that I cannot help them.

He looked down at his clasped hands and thought a moment longer. I would be very interested in a program that would actually work although I am quite skeptical about it. Nothing else I have tried or others have tried has worked. I know that I have made mistakes in counseling women who came to me for help in the past. I have a lot of regret about those who didn’t get the help from me they needed. Could you provide some details of what you do?

The Woman sat forward in her chair, Yes. But it would take too long to explain it now. We are holding this weekend seminar for any police, fire fighters, social workers, counselors and other workers in this field, including the religious community next month in your area. I would like to leave some material about the seminar with you. I will also be meeting with others in the next few days to invite them to the seminar. If you come to the seminar I would like you to start making a list of names of people you know or suspect are being battered. Remember verbal, emotional, financial and mental abuse is also abuse. We have trained therapists who will make the contact. There is never any cost to the people who enter the three week sessions.

She stood searching in her briefcase for some literature. The pastor also stood and reached out to take the information.

She handed him the papers then reached out her hand to shake his hand. I hope you will consider joining us for the seminar. I will look forward to seeing you again.

She turned and strode out of the room. The Pastor hurried to catch up to her and opened the church door. Thank you for coming. he said. I am interested. Good bye for now.

The Woman turned to him with a smile, waved her hand in farewell then walked briskly to the corner and disappeared from view.

The Pastor stood on the church steps, looking heavenward and said to himself. What just happened? Am I to believe this? I think I need to pray about this. Yes, yes, that’s what I need to do. The door slowly closed behind him with a solid click as he walked thoughtfully toward the chapel.

Part Two

Chapter 1/Friday May 3,

2013/The Beginning

FRIDAY

Mary looked around the room where there were a lot of other women sitting. Most of them looked scared and lost. I feel afraid and lost too she thought. A door opened at the back of the room and two women walked in.

Good morning. All the women looked up and nodded back. A few softly whispered a greeting.

"My name if Erica. This is Barbara. We are therapists here at the center. We both have Master’s Degrees in mental health; particularly in domestic violence situations and several certificates in women’s issues studies.

"I have worked here for 8 years; Barbara has been here from the beginning 10 years ago.

"I want to tell you something about me. I was in a domestic violent marriage until my 15th anniversary. He beat me starting shortly after our marriage. I have had lots of broken bones and stitches but on the eve of our 15th anniversary he got very drunk that he got carried away. He beat me so badly that I was in ICU for two weeks. He went to jail for that and it gave me some time to evaluate what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I just loved him so much and he always apologized after every beating so that I just knew he really wanted to stop beating me. After I got out of ICU and a period of time in the regular hospital, I was sent to a recovery center. I had physical therapy and was able to walk again. The counselors who had met me in ICU and had kept in contact with me all along suggested that I come to this program. I had lost my home because I couldn’t pay the rent so I came here. I was able to bring my kids here too. They were 8 and 12.

"It took some time but the program started to wake me up to what was real; what was true. By the end of the program I was able to meet him at the prison and talk to him. A therapist was with me. He just wouldn’t listen to anything I said. He absolutely refused to go to any programs to change our situation. He insisted he liked our life and didn’t want to change.

"I asked if he wanted to see the children and he said no. He said he didn’t want them to see him in jail. Where I had put him. The therapist told him I had nothing to do with him being in prison. He just laughed and started swearing at her.

"After three meetings he refused to see me anymore.

"I filed for divorce and the center helped me get settled in a job and go back to school. I am now working here and I love my job. I think I can really help you see the light as I did. You can take charge of your own lives. It is such a powerful feeling to be in charge and not afraid every minute of the day and night.

My kids have become so much happier. They see their Dad whenever he decides he wants to see them but never unsupervised. The therapists have worked with the kids to help them understand what is going on. To teach them how they can live their lives despite how the adults in their lives are living theirs.

Barbara stepped forward and said, "My story is very much like Erika’s. I grew up in a violent home. From the time I was six until I was eleven my step father often came into my room at night. He stopped coming into my room but then he started going into my little sister’s room. I told my teacher and we were taken away from our parents and put in foster care. That wasn’t much better. I got married as soon as I was old enough and took my sister into my home. But I married a man who beat me. I don’t know which was worse. Neither one was good.

"The child welfare bureau was going to take my sister away from me if I didn’t do something about the beatings. They recommended this program. So my sister and I came here. I too had a hard time admitting how bad it really was; to be able to wake up to look at the real situation.

"My husband threatened to hurt my sister if I didn’t come home. I was really scared. I wasn’t able to see what else I could do so I told the therapist that I was leaving; that I had to go home. The Therapist asked me to explain why I needed to go home so suddenly. I was afraid to tell her what was really going on because telling the truth got us into a bad situation when I had told the truth before. She promised that it would not be worse this time. So I told her what was really happening and how scared I was. So Instead they moved my sister and me to this state and changed both our names.

I cannot tell you how much better our life is. We are safe. We don’t have to creep around in our home. She volunteers in the children’s program. We laugh and sing out loud. She is getting ready to go to college this fall. She also wants to be a Therapist and help other women in violent situations. I am so proud of her.

Erica stepped up again. Now it’s your turn. We are offering you this program. We will teach you about choices you have. This program offers you options. But the only person who can make a better life for you is you. We have been down that path and can show you the way. But it is only you who can change you. This is so important that I keep repeating it. It is a mantra that I say every day. I am still changing as I find out new things about myself.

Barbara spoke up, Me too. I will say it again. ‘You are the only one who can change you’.

Erica said, For the rest of this weekend we will be running physical, psychological and health tests on you to find out where you are. We will need your permission to take blood from you and a few other medical tests. We will give you written tests to check on your educational status and an aptitude test that shows what interests you have. We can use this information to help you find a job you will love. We will discuss those test results with each of you privately on Saturday and Sunday.

Barbara said, Then on Monday we will start the actual program. You will meet another Therapist who will lead you through the next two and a half weeks.

Thus the testing began. Mary met with a doctor who examined her and asked about her health history, medications she was taking and general information. He found her to be in good health. Then led her into a room where her blood was drawn. Mary watched as tube after tube of blood was drawn. Wow that’s a lot of blood. Do I have any left? The nurse laughed and said, Oh this is just a little bit. You have most of your six quarts left.

Next she went back to the first room, sat down at a desk to take a test showing what she had learned in school and then from life. It took her two hours to answer all the questions. By now it was noon and the ladies went into a small dining room and had lunch. They sat together and slowly began to get to know each other.

That afternoon she took another test; an aptitude test which measured her personality and preferences.

The ladies were shown back to the dining hall to have dinner. The women who had children in the day care area were taken to a room where they could talk to their children.

After all the ladies were back together again, they were shown to a room where they could sleep. The ladies and the two counselors went into a large round room with beds lined around most of the room like elephants in a parade, tail to trunk. There was a wooden chair between each bed.

There was a door in the opposite wall and Mary could see a hall through the open door. Erica and Barbara told them the bathrooms were through that door and to the left. They told the ladies to choose any bed they wanted. They said goodnight. They assured them that they would come to wake them in the morning in time for breakfast.

SATURDAY

After breakfast the ladies were taken one at a time, to be interviewed by a Therapist. These visits were thorough and lengthy. There were at least two Therapists but the exams took up most of Saturday and part of Sunday.

Mary’s interviewer told her what her tests revealed about herself, some of which she couldn’t believe. For instance, she was told that she was a good leader, could quickly grasp situations and come up with solutions and had a high IQ number. She quietly thought about what she had been told repeatedly; that she couldn’t even hold down a job because she was too stupid to manage herself not to mention others. She really couldn’t believe that this new information was true. She thought that if the interviewer could see inside her, they would know the truth about how defective she was. She didn’t mention any of this to the interviewer, lest she be thought to have a big ego. She didn’t talk about it to the other ladies either.

SUNDAY

When not being interviewed during Saturday and Sunday the ladies were asked to journal about what her life was like, what she would like to change and where she saw herself in five years.

That evening the ladies were really worn out. Erica and Barbara met with them for one more series of tests. "Now we are preparing you for the actual therapy. We believe that this step is vital to how well you will be able to heal yourself. We have been doing it this way for 10 years. Almost all of our women have stated that they didn’t like it at first. But they all said that it really helped them develop self-esteem and comfort in themselves.

The counselors stood in the center of the room and Erica said. Please get a small pillow for yourself from the stack against the wall. Take your time and pick out the one you want. This is your pillow and you get to take it home with you.

When everyone was back in the circle Barbara moved forward and said, This is the room where the treatment program is held. You will be in here for 2 ½ weeks. Through the open door you see to the right is a hallway. To the left leads into the toilet room then shower and tub room. In these rooms are supplies you might need; like a toothbrush/paste, hair brush, hair dryer, pads for monthly times and pads for bladder problems. There is a washer and dryer beyond the shower room. Oh, there is also bubble bath. If I have forgotten anything or you need something that is not there please just let your counselor know and she will get it for you.

Erica spoke, "Leading to the right is the dining hall and next is a craft room. There will be times for you to sit and be quiet and do any kind of craft that appeals to you. You will take home whatever you make with additional supplies if you don’t have time to complete your project.

Also note that over on the wall by the door we entered, there is a large red button on the wall. You can push this anytime you want and someone will let you out. You are not prisoners here. You have the choice to stay or go. We hope you will choose to stay.

Barbara stood and looked at everyone and asked, Would you all sit on your pillow in a circle and reach out and hold the hand of the person on each side of you? This will be where the sessions will happen. You will never be alone because you have someone connected to you on both sides.

Erica turned slowly to look at everyone in the circle. She looked pensive as she examined each woman. This program is to teach you a new way of looking at life and deciding how you want your life to look. No one else can make this choice for you. If someone else is controlling you, as my husband did to me, it has been your choice to listen and obey his commands. This was the choice I made a long time. Now this is where the mantra we talked about comes in. I will repeat it again. ‘You are the only one who can change you or your situation.’ I will say it again. From now on, ‘you are the only one in charge of your life.’ We are going to offer you choices during the program and the first two choices are going to happen right now. This is your life. You can say no at any time. You can get up and leave at any time. No one will criticize your choices. Now here is the first of the two choices you have to make tonight. These two are big ones. I will say that we have been running this program for 10 years now and only one time did a person say no. And we made accommodations for that person and she was successful in completing the program. She went on to make a good life for herself. We believe that saying yes is essential but that one person proved us wrong. So here is your first choice.

Barbara stood in the center of the circle and removed all her clothes and shoes. She folded them and placed them in a tote she had brought into the circle with her. She stood tall and proud in front of them; turning herself around so she could look in the eyes of each woman in the circle again.

Now, the first choice. We believe that this program needs to start with a decision to begin life again as a new born babe, naked at birth.

Erica stepped forward and undressed placing all her clothes into another tote then stood next to Barbara. You will find such freedom in being naked and facing a new way of thinking without clothes. I promise. You can make your choice now. We are going to step out of the room and give you some time to think about this. We will be back in one half hour. If you choose to become naked there are totes on the tables next to where the pillows are. If not we will provide that option we talked about.

The women stared at Barbara and Erica in horror. Then they glanced at each other. They watched as the therapists left the room and closed the door.

Mary looked around and said, I came here to get out of the situation I am in. I am scared to death to take off my clothes. But! She said firmly. But. she repeated. I think that if I need to do something really hard for my life to be better than I want to do it. She stood and went to get a tote then looked around the room as she sat on her bed and undressed. She folded her clothes and shoes, placing them in the tote. She found room under the bed to store it. As she stood to go back to the circle she saw everyone looking at her. Well how do I look?

The shocked looks on the faces of the other ladies made her laugh. You should see all your faces. Mary said and began laughing harder. Pretty soon hesitant laughter started and soon changed to childish glee as every other woman got up and went to get a tote.

When they had all gathered back into their circle the lady on Mary’s right said, I’m wondering what the second big choice is going to be. I’m Alice by the way. I can’t imagine any choice worse than this one.

I can think of one. I don’t know if I could do this one or not. said Grace.

What choice do you think it is? asked Mary.

Yes, do tell us what you think it will be. said Alice.

I can’t even imagine any. answered Mary.

I can. said Toni,

Tell. Tell. The suspense is killing me. said Mary.

They are going to ask us to cut off our hair. Babies don’t have hair when they are born. said Grace. Toni nodded at her.

Gasps of horror came out of mouths with great shaking of heads. No, please God no. came from around the circle.

What do you want to bet? asked Toni.

Dear God. said Julie. Oh please don’t ask that of me. My husband really likes my hair. He won’t let me get it cut.

Hmmm, now that is quite an observation. Whose hair is it anyway? Do you want long hair? asked Alice.

Well, if I was telling the truth, no I really don’t. said Julie.

You know, my husband insists that I keep my hair long too then he yells at me if I don’t keep it neat all the time. It’s hard keeping long hair neat. said Christine.

The door opened just then and Barbara and Erica reentered the room. Oh, look at all of you! We are so proud of you.

Alice perked up and said to the counselors, I bet that the next big choice is for us to cut all our hair off isn’t it?

Barbara and Erica turned to each other and said, Oh my. This group is going to be something else.

Alice put her fist in the air and hollered Yes! Toni and Grace guessed that this was coming next.

First Barbara and then Erica reached up and removed their wigs to reveal shaved heads. Yes you are right. That’s the next big choice. So what will it be? Remember we have options if it is too big a choice for you. The women stared at the naked and bald women in front of them. Toni noticed it first and then yelled out, You are bald everywhere. Oh, my. Then she couldn’t control the laughter that just roared out of her.

The rest of the women including the counselors all joined in the laughter. I’m scared of this, but I will do it. said Jane. My husband has always wanted me to become a blond. I don’t know why but I could never make myself dye my hair. Sometimes I felt guilty for not doing what my husband asked. Other times I wondered why he couldn’t just love me the way I was. I don’t know how he will act if I come home with no hair?

Erica said, This is no longer his choice to make. It’s yours. I bet you never told him how to cut his hair or what clothes to wear. This is a now a new life you are entering.

So how many of you decided to go along with this program and having your hair cut off? Remember you have options. asked Barbara.

All the ladies stood. Barbara led the way into the shower room where two stools had been placed at the side of the room. And it began. Most of the women held one another’s hands. Some cried. Some looked grim and fearful. But all of them emerged with no hair anywhere. Except eyebrows! It was decided eyebrows didn’t need to go.

Hair that had been longer than 10 inches was tied off before being cut and would be donated to make wigs for women going through cancer treatment. Small swatches of hair were given to the ladies that wanted one. The rest was swept up and ceremoniously dumped in the trash can. The ladies all found towels and took showers before going back into their room.

Barbara and Erica thanked the women for being so willing to be in the program and for all the choices they had made. Your therapist will ring a buzzer to wake you in time for breakfast in the morning. Goodnight.

Wait! Toni called out. What was our other option? Barbara turned to the table at the side of the room. She returned holding a pale blue filmy dress and a long length of matching cloth. This is the dress you would wear if you didn’t want to be naked and we have this turban to wind around your hair.

Toni got up and touched the dress and turban. I wear turbans a lot. I would have loved this. It is so pretty. Where can I get one? Barbara and Erica looked at each other and smiled. How about we see if we can bring in a rack of these outfits at the end of the program and you can pick the ones you want. They come in many colors. Yes, oh yes, please. said all the women.

Barbara and Erica picked up their totes, and started toward the door. The ladies all called good nights to them as they left. Barbara leaned toward Erica and chortled, Wait till we tell Bea about this. They were laughing as the door closed behind them.

Part Three

Chapter 2/Morning/The First Day

Mary woke and found herself lying on a low single bed at the edge of the room. She sat up and looked around. There were bunk size beds placed head to toe circling the room. Most of the beds had a woman lying on it. Oh, my! What have I gotten myself into? She jumped as a voice beside her said, That’s what I’d like to know. Mary turned toward the voice and said, Hi Alice.

Mary’s eyes opened wide. Oh, you’re naked. she cried then glanced down at herself. Oh no, oh no, this can’t be me. she cried. I’m naked too. Oh no, oh no this can’t be happening! I really thought it was just a bad dream. I was so tired last night that I was ready to agree to anything. I didn’t pay attention. And it was dark when they brought us in here to our beds. I just lay down and went right to sleep.

Alice started laughing. This is really scary but you are so funny I just have to laugh. I don’t mean to be insulting.

Mary just stared at her. She couldn’t find any words. She stood up looking around. There were all the same women scattered around this big round room. All of them naked and bald. Some were trying to hide themselves behind their hands. But this was a hopeless task. Everyone looked lost and afraid. I suppose I look like everyone else. I’m lost and afraid too. said Mary.

Me too. said Alice.

Are we in the loony bin? asked Alice. This room is round and the walls look like they are padded.

This is not anything like I expected. said Mary as she turned back to speak to Alice. This is scary, very scary. The program was supposed to be gentle and caring. This is not gentle or caring. I want to go home.

A load click was heard and a voice came out of a speaker high on the wall with a blinking red light. Ladies, ladies may I have your attention? First I want to say good morning to all of you. A few women uttered a fearful good morning back to the red light.

"I’m sorry if you are shocked or afraid. You are extremely safe here. First there is a big red button on the wall that you can push at any time. We will open the door and let you out. But please give the program a little time to work.

There are no cameras or microphones here except the one I am using. It is located above the red button and has a red light showing whenever it is on.

No one moved toward the button and the voice continued. "The program works best if we start with a sort of rebirth. You are coming into this as a babe, new to the world. You will become comfortable being naked. You will learn that you have nothing to hide that you are perfect just as you are. The room is kept warm at a comfortable temperature but you can change the temperature at the thermostat to the left of the red button. Please check with others before you change it. We have done studies to find the optimum temperature and if you give it a chance I think you will be comfortable.

There is a door opposite the red button that leads to a bathroom and showers to the left. The dining hall and craft room is to the right. After breakfast, we will begin our first session. You have 90 minutes to eat, bathe or rest. Please spend a little time introducing yourself to the others. A small red light went off near the ceiling above the red button.

Mary and Alice looked around and moved off to get to know the others in the room they hadn’t had time to connect with yet. The noise level rose as the women began to speak to each other. There was occasional weak laughter heard. Everyone started drifting toward the dining room. There was a buffet table set up with a large selection of breakfast foods. Foods were labeled with signs saying such things as gluten free, sugar free, kosher, vegetarian and even vegan and a lot more. After eating the women moved back to the main room.

Time went by quickly when a loud click was heard and the red light was back on. Ladies, it’s time to start now. Will everyone form a circle around the room? First pick up your pillow and use it to sit on. Now reach out to the woman on each side of you and hold hands. In a few minutes the ladies were settled in a circle holding hands. The voice continued. I will join you now." The red light went out.

The ladies looked at each other and then toward the