A Tree House Memoir: “70” Vignettes and Life Lessons from the Tapestry of My Life

By Kathy Oades-Kelly MS LPC NCC

Growing older often catches us by surprise! As I welcomed my 70th year of life everything I knew to call “normal” changed. My husband John Kelly and I moved very unexpectedly from our house I loved, into a villa in a retirement community. In one of the moving boxes from my office I discovered a gift that would profoundly change my life. It was from my two oldest granddaughters Ashley and Emily. It was a handmade, spiral bound journal with a picture of a teacup and the words, “Grandma tell us your story!” I couldn’t imagine having the time, or the courage to do it. However, I promised myself to “think about it” as I tucked it away for “someday”. The coronavirus pandemic of 2020 provided me with the opportunity. Writing my memoir has been both a labor of love to birth, and one of the most profound experiences of my lifetime. I could never have imagined myself continuing to “see” my clients remotely for our counseling sessions, and then using the isolation and confinement of being quarantined as a “gift of time to write”. Only God could have divinely inspired me to sift through 70 years and choose what I did to write about. I learned some amazing life lessons along the way. I learned to finally see and understand that God was with me, and a part of everything that has happened in my life. My life was meant to be a gift. My memoir is filled with 70 vignettes and life lessons that span my lifetime. I dedicate this book to all those I have written about, and who have been so important in my journey.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Feb 22, 2021
• ISBN: 9781982262259

Kathy Oades-Kelly MS LPC NCC

As a Licensed Professional Counselor and a National Certified Counselor, Kathy Kelly has had the privilege of meeting and working with clients in a rich variety of settings. Her professional life has included working as a counselor in a social service agency, two elementary schools, as a parish counselor, and since 2006, exclusively in her private counseling practice, The Ministry of Wellspring, LLC. Her mission and goals have always been to support healthy living and healthy relationships. She believes that each of us have a wellspring within that can restore balance in our lives, empower strengths and inner resources, and encourage healthier living and healthier relationships.

Book preview

VIGNETTE 1

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, and to give you a future filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11

I have always had a special place in my heart for this scripture.

I discovered the verse just above it, Jeremiah 29:10, and began to share it with my friends who were celebrating their 70th birthdays. It reads:

In the 70th year, I will do for you all that I have promised. Jeremiah 29:10

My Tree House Memoir begins with a story about both scriptures.

An unexpected invitation in our mailbox set off a series of events only God could have divinely orchestrated. My husband, John Kelly, and I responded yes to attend an informational luncheon at a retirement community. We talked about it that evening, and John shared that he was ready to move! On my 69th birthday, August 2, 2018, we signed all the documents to move into a villa! We both felt excited and also very overwhelmed! We left to go out for dinner for my birthday.

We toasted to new beginnings, to my 69th year of life and our 18th anniversary approaching on September 1! Then I shared a thought: "In reality, John, we will have actually been married for 18 years. We are beginning our 19th year together, and my entire 69th year of life is completed today! So, maybe, that means I am beginning my 70th year!?!

I decided I wanted to intentionally focus on just living in each one of the next 365 days and moments throughout the entire 70th year of my life and the 19th year of our marriage!

Our house sold in six days! We packed and moved by September 21, 2018! The stress of packing and moving so quickly left me feeling very overwhelmed and wanting and believing I needed to have order around me in our new home — NOW! I compromised, within myself, on just having a cozy little space by our bedroom windows, where I could have my reclining chair, my daily books, and a few treasured minutes each day to just gaze outside, before I tackled unpacking. I read, wrote and prayed in that small sacred space, and began to feel peace. I found I loved starting each day that way! It felt like I was on holy ground and living in a tree house.

LIFE LESS

ON 1

Where God is, is holy ground.

My 69th year was lived well. My 70th year of life begins!

VIGNETTE 2

Our second-story view from the back of our villa overlooks a lovely wooded area. The little sacred space I created by the windows became a daily respite for me. I delighted in discovering the variety of birds, deer and other animals that also called this place home. I watched the leaves change and adapt from thirsty late-summer greens into hues of brilliant gold with the rainy, cooler fall temperatures. It was then that I discovered my leaf. It was a little heart-shaped leaf, all alone on a branch in the tree outside the middle window. It fascinated me. As winter approached, all the leaves turned brown and began to fall off. I watched my leaf turn gold and then brown. Most of the other leaves on the tree around it had fallen off. It became a ritual each morning for both John and me to check to see if my leaf was still there!

With January and the birth of the new year of 2019, I felt compelled to take a picture of my leaf to remember the comfort it gave me. I marveled at how it had held on, alone, through significant wind, ice and snow, and then one day it was gone. It had simply mingled with all the other leaves, twigs and broken branches on the ground. I noticed the tree was almost bare.

My awareness and understanding grew. This is just part of the winter life cycle of nature. It became a profound metaphor for me about my life.

The accumulation of my stress from everything I had weathered since August finally got the best of me, too. Watching my little leaf not being able to withstand the weather any longer felt like acceptance. I wondered if it was meant to be a divine metaphor for me. Was God holding on tight to me through so much stress or, perhaps, reminding me to hold on tight to God every day and just take things one day at a time? I decided it was both!

I learned I just had to let go. I had to accept that this is my new reality. I need to relax into the acceptance of CHANGE. I discovered that sometimes the wisest thing to do first is pause, reflect and assess the aftermath of a painful, stressful event or situation before I decide what my next steps need to be. I discovered that it helps me move forward. Acceptance provides peace, and a new understanding and perspective of the reality of life as it is now. The seasons and storms in our lives are very important parts of the tapestry of our lives.

LIFE LESS

ON 2

Change first needs acceptance. Then, letting go.

Gratefully, I learned to call my changes NEW LIFE.

God is there in the midst of every moment of our past, present and future life with us.

VIGNETTE 3

Daily, I had to keep reminding myself that spring will be coming! It is my favorite season! We asked for some overgrown bushes to be removed by the sidewalk in the front of our villa so we could create a small garden space there. I am grateful that I responded when I felt so compelled to go back to our former home just before we closed on the sale. I decided I wanted to dig up some small clumps of my favorite flowers from there, to transplant for springtime blooming in our new garden in our new home. Secretly, I thought it might help soothe my very real sadness, too. As I began to walk the winding pea-gravel paths John and I created together, I looked around our yard one last time at what took us 18 years to accomplish. My tears surprised me. It felt so bittersweet. I realized I also was truly sad to leave our beautiful home and yard. We had planted trees, flowers, and filled it with statuary, birdbaths, rock gardens, and birdhouses that quickly became home for birds, owls, deer, and all sorts of other wildlife, and, most of all, us. My eyes filled with tears, as I began recalling so many memories …

We were married there in a very small and lovely civil ceremony because John’s annulment was not returned in time for our scheduled church wedding. Our living room became our church! A big tent, tables and chairs on the new patio held our reception! I remembered how our beloved pastor, Rev. Al Rockers, was a guest! He returned the next day as our Pastor to celebrate Mass and bless our new home. He anointed each room above the door with holy oil. He officiated our Catholic marriage ceremony in the chapel at our church when John’s annulment was finally returned …

I was grateful to be alone. I meditated at each of the gardens we created together. It was a tough decision to choose only a few tiny clumps of plants from all of my favorites. We had already moved a few of our small statues that had a special meaning for us. I said goodbye in my heart to the trees we planted, the birdhouses we placed throughout the yard, and the 500 pound angel we named St. Raphael in a special garden area. I sat in the wooden yard swing and looked at the huge tree where we hung swings for my grandkids when they were little. I remembered them jumping with joy into Grandpa’s piles of raked leaves in the fall, and how we made snow angels together in the winter. I walked past the screened porch, the brick patio and my office that overlooked it … the memories going through my thoughts and heart were like a movie. All I could do was let my tears flow and thank God for the gift of our 18 years there …

As I pulled out of the driveway, I said goodbye in my heart and decided I would never go back or drive by again. Neither of us have. We have our photographs and memories. I drove home to our villa, and transplanted everything in one afternoon! In the midst of the moving chaos and stress, it began to feel like we had started to create a welcoming entrance to our new home. It felt so good to know there was new life planted we both could look forward to blooming in the spring!

LIFE LESS

ON 3

Acceptance. Listening. Waiting. Anticipating and embracing new life again.

VIGNETTE 4

I believe we must be both flexible and intentional as we become the authors of each of the chapters of our lives. I understand better now. In order to do that, it takes quiet, listening, and paying attention to our intuition. I begin each day in my chair just quietly looking outside my tree-house window. I started to relax and meditate on what I read or noticed. I wrote more frequently. I was re-energized by my quiet time, and became better able to tackle the chaos of the stacks of unpacked boxes all around me! Gratefully we had family who came to help us too.

By January, I found I was growing weary of the cold, snow and ice. I became so aware of what a difference the sunshine makes in my energy and motivation! Just seeing the sun outside helped me so much to feel warm and calm inside, even knowing it was only 9 degrees! Overall, I could feel myself gradually relaxing and able to just be in each moment. I was definitely learning to see my life, our new home and community with a new perspective! From my tree-house view, I could see the birds