Third Time Treias Kartas

By Odeta Willow

This is the second book of the author. It could also be read as a continuation of her first book “DarkSky”.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Jan 25, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664114081

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Copyright © 2021 by Odeta Willow.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 01/22/2021

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CONTENTS

THIRD TIME

TREČIAS KARTAS

THIRD

TIME

PROLOGUE

Times of Love

I believe that only the third time could be successful. As in the fairy tale, the third time does not lie… The third time in love is real. The first love, most often, shakes us at school. It is the first, perfect, ideal, shimmering love. We declare to the whole world that this is our most treasured, first and the only love. Sadly hilarious teenagers’ Facebook declarations (I have hundreds of teenagers friends there, so I just know): hundreds of photos hugging each other from one side, then from the other one, a kiss on a cheek, inseparable hands, comments about perfection of their second half, tons of hearts sent and other teenage monkey business. Here it is very important that the first time of Love should be captured and transmitted to everybody: it’s imperative for everyone to see it because it’s cool; it does not even matter if that first love of yours is a bit damaged, bruised and/or cracked. It is Love which MUST look special. On the other hand, what could you understand at that particular age and could doing something for the first time be a perfect one?

The second time of love is the need of the ‘to be loved’ moment. It hurts, you might lie, or it is lied to you, or you both lie to each other. We start learning how to love, we suffer a lot because we truly believe that giving up means a cataclysm, being condemned or leprous, if we fail, we seek for the second love again, again we are annoyed, we suffer because of some evil purposes of the need to demonstrate that I can succeed, but a drama becomes a leitmotif of our relationships. We become addicted: from I love you to the moon and back to he/she did not want that, it just happened …. I can only imagine how all the love enthusiasts, love believers, first engagers, the ones who are expecting their first babies, all of them are enraged at me. I would have been furious myself too, no doubt. Go on, get angry. Do not believe me… Prove otherwise, please. But whatever you try, you fail each time. However… because a human woman is as strong as hell, she pulls her yoke all her life. After all, a family to her is of more importance than anything in the world. According to her archetype, what the hell the career is, what the hell the feeling of freedom is, what the hell is that self-expression? A sexless, childless woman will not save a state/Europe/planet/ after all. We declare a family, a multi-child one is even better. What suits some, does not necessarily suit everyone. Of course, happiness can be achieved when raising children, especially if your husband is quite an okay guy but everyone is thrilled to do something, to be praised, rewarded, and reward would move you to develop, to grow. However, we are left to weep by a broken trough when children raise their wings and fly off…

The third time of love is the one we do not expect at all. This love is so easy to enliven, so uplifting, at the same time so impossible to happen at first sight. It is so ideal that it is even incomprehensible and is initially even rejected as it is too difficult to accept it at first. This is the time when you have no expectations, but you get far too more. When you do not believe in it, but you are persuaded otherwise. When you resist but you are defeated in the end. When you are who you are, and you are liked for this. When you want to protect yourself, but you are protected before you realise you need it. When someone breaks all the frustrations from the past and sows faith in your brains. However, we are afraid of this time because we are not ready, we are afraid of our own ignorance, we are afraid of fear that always trips. But this third time really makes us happy even if it is just a moment because after this third time you do know that you have caught something… You have caught your real Time. Never say you had not succeeded earlier you could not succeed this time.

You may choose: most probably you are on the way to the first love time when all your relatives jump out of happiness together with you, or you march to the second love time because you accidentally or not stumble on the same rake. Or take a risk. Who is afraid to take risk, let those stay in their comfort zone. And cease to analyse. And do not regret. And remain satisfied with what they have got. It will be easier if they imagine they have achieved everything. And for those who want to go beyond a threshold of fear, want to risk and defeat in the end, I wish to reach the third time. Love. It is unexpected. It is eternal. Carrying. Liberating. And it will definitely come to you one day…

September 1st

It was one of many September 1sts. One of many as Athena was over thirty at that time. As she started her pedagogical career in her early twenties, she could have started to count the experiences of September 1sts in decades.

Today, Athena pranked herself as always with precision on September 1st. She was fond of wearing dresses on those holidays, small ones, just above the knees. Preferably black. No, exclusively black. She liked to emphasize the benefits of her body: expose her big breasts, highlighting a slender waist, hiding a probably-might-emerging tummy, which was trained with a hundred sit-ups daily, and visually lifting muscular legs with high heeled shoes. But most of all she loved her long, blonde, curly hair. She always liked to emphasize that black clothes highlight the beauty of her hair. A nice aureole of her hair framed a fine, small face with big blue eyes and a glowing smile. Athena knew that she was not so appealing without a smile, so she tried to keep smiling constantly. Slowly, this habit turned into a steady state, so Athena smiled permanently and deliberately. Hence, she liked to make fun of it: I smile to look beautiful, not that I am kind. So how do you dare think I am not deceptive… But on this special occasion Athena decided to make an exception. She liked pants every day and she decided to feel comfortable on the first of September this time: she was wearing brown trousers and a white-brown shirt. As always, high heels completed the image. A handbag on her shoulder screamed of formality.

Already in the classroom, getting to know her new first-year students, she felt that this particular group was special. She was always looking for talented, bright and courageous personalities. She could feel the vibes in this group. Mostly, the girls would be bright, but pale from inside. Brilliant in character, pale with inner manners. Guys, on the contrary, with pale expressions, but vivid within inner attitudes. With this group everything was different: strong personalities dominated in the group. The idea struck her mind about the weird atmosphere in this group: she foresaw possible divisions of the group, dualism, and conflicts. But why would she worry about what might happen if she was so entertained with them now. Whatever happens in a year or two, she was not inclined to worry about the future ahead of time. It is the same thing as to think of the last moment of your life just after being born…

***

Educational work, writing a new study programme, translations of books and various reports filled Athena’s life. Getting used to diving headlong into new responsibilities, she inevitably shared herself to the left and to the right, she embraced all the challenges and greeted all the obstacles. The life did not have to bring her stability, calmness and peace but vitality, uncertainty, and satisfaction. She could devote herself to work as much as she wanted as she had no responsibilities at home. The teenage child did not belong to her anymore and offering herself to self-satisfied people was not her style. She created meaning for herself as everybody around her had their own.

On an ordinary weekday Athena was sitting in her office when suddenly she was seized with a panic attack as she glanced to the computer screen. Her face expression witnessed the scenario of hijacking this planet, the end of the world, or death declaration for humanity.

My mail was hacked! she was looking for salvation with her eyes around. Damn it.

A big swearing word for her. She did not swear. Not that cursing could tell of inner poverty and antisocialism, but they simply spoiled the language, showed human disrespect.

Storming out of the office, she flew up the stairs to the second floor. She was never ashamed to admit that her students knew much more than she did especially in IT.

Who would help me? she interjected. I can’t open my letters. All my contacts are deleted. There has been an attack on my email.

Teacher, we are having a lunch break. Could we come to you just after?

She seemed no longer to be anxious but engraved in impatience. Everything should have been done immediately, at that particular moment if it were Athena’s will. It did not matter to her if the person was hungry or thirsty, or sleepless, or tired.

Andrew, my dear, I need it now… she smiled with her eyes.

I’ll come, teacher, Lucas stood up. I’ll take a look….

Lucas was that silent type. That adaptive one. The one not to express his opinion, cleverly reticent, not interacting a lot but politely communicating with the group.

Waiting! and she was gone at once.

Lucas had long been busy with email settings. He tried to retrieve lost email contacts, then wrote to the yahoo administrator to help rebuild all missing emails.

While Lucas was sitting in her chair trying to help, Athena studied her student’s profile while sitting at the other end of the table. He’s so brutally handsome, she winked. The God of all fifteen-year-oldies. Dark features, black hair. This is a replica of Zayn from One direction. The hell. Styled messy hair, dark brown eyes, one-day beard. Not bad at all, she was certain.

Teacher, please write to me, to my mail maybe if that admin replies. They have to restore it.

Thank you, Lucas, Athena smiled. I will forward it to you, now you are my personal IT specialist.

Athena’s life has now been truly exposed. All her work was done through e-mails. The hell, the bills for the flat, phone, even the tickets for the concert she bought yesterday were there. Who could believe that your life really collapses if somebody hacks your mail…?

Driving home, Athena managed to contact Lucas on the phone. She reported she got a call from her fellow professor from Denmark, with whom she had joint Erasmus projects, who offered to transfer some money if she had encountered this kind of a problem. She promised to write to Lucas immediately upon her return home and asked him for some help again.

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Email

Hey, Lucas,

just opened my mail. It seems they contacted some of my friends. Look what they need:

Glad you replied to my email. All we need is just $1,850 and you can have it wired to me via Western Union. Here’s my info below: Name: Athena Location: 10 Rue Balzac, Paris, France 75008. As soon as it is done, kindly get back to me with the confirmation number. Let me know if you are heading to the WU outlet now? Athena

If they still use my mail, I do not understand how other contacts write to me but I did not get this letter.

Yours sincerely,

Athena

As she was not a master of patience, she surfed the whole yahoo settings page and wrote after a few minutes:

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Email

I’ve just found out what they did: the person who responds to that letter, is directed to the address Atenei, they replace the letter i with l.

Did you get that letter, too?

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Email

Good evening,

indeed, the message was received from [e-mail] but the reply will be sent to [e-mail], so, every time you reply, you need to change the recipient.

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Email

Corrected mail options that people would reply me back.

Try if it works.

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Email

So far so good.

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Email

Thanks, you see, I sometimes find solutions myself.

Bye.

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Email

You will always find them, and if it accidentally happens that it is very difficult to do so, just tell me and I will try to help you.

Still I would constantly suggest checking up if a recipient is not changed.

By the way, if you need to do any self-assessment paper or any other help, just tell me, please.

Well, yes, Athena would always need help as she had never lacked work, tasks, assignments, activities. She had just started a new activity: having obtained a psychologist consultant license, she started counselling people once a week. As she did not decide where she wanted to go in her life, a challenge for her was to look for that new cheese as in Spencer Johnson’s Who moved my cheese? fable. Athena knew that the search for that new cheese was somehow protracted. She had in mind her personal life. Fear that persecuted her harshly after Sanny, love that ruined her and forced her to ascend as a Phoenix from ashes, or the new Sun God as she loved to distort mythology, allowed her to only shine, but did not allow her to sunbathe in those love/sunlight rays. Fear of burning again and not creating any other egg from ashes blocked Athena’s personal life. Meanwhile, while she was socially available, Athena had no one with whom to share herself. With satisfied at least one side of her ego, she allowed herself to enjoy life, let her help others and not to desist. Millions of activities allowed her to feel need to be available for others before she felt need to be available for herself.

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Leaflet

Lucas, could you choose some kind of subjects or courses from any programmes on Psychology, just send to me, I need them for a leaflet. Please send me some of the subjects and I will choose and put them together myself.

Sincerely,

Athena

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Leaflet

With pleasure, I just need the leaflet.

Smiling, Athena promised to send him the leaflet at once as she knew Lucas would do everything in his best way for her.

The weekend was short but sweet. On Saturday, Athena went again to visit her parents as well as her brother’s family, the little romp of his. Sunday, as always, was meant for work: filling in the college documents, reports, also the conference was approaching in the blink of an eye, collecting references for a new article. She also had to prepare for Monday lectures. Luckily, she remembered her promise to students to download the study material on Moodle.

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Leaflet

Sending.

Yours sincerely,

Athena

Still, quite often, Athena dived deeply into troubled thoughts. Then she shrugged and slammed into herself… The divorce was short and painless for her, but post-marriage period lasted until now. Persecution, stalking, and emotional attachment of her ex-husband prevented her from breathing openly. She often noticed his car just a couple of other vehicles behind. He often called her and checked if she would tell her where she was. Because, of course, he knew where she was. Often, somehow unintentionally he appeared at the places she had dinner, was shopping or meeting with friends. Even more often he would hurt her because of anger and hopelessness as he could not have her back. And sometimes he would call her and admit that he was unhappy from the moment she had left… Then Athena experienced the worst moments: she tried so hard not to ruin someone’s life but, on the contrary, to mend everyone, everyone who would need it or feel if it is needed, so this hopelessness would lead her to hysterical grief and palpitations. Then she would lock herself in the flat, sit down on the windowsill (what she had liked to do while still in love with Sanny), and cry. Often heavenly spirits would help her get purified by clearing tears of rain on the windows… So, she would purify herself, still pitying herself, but slowly getting used to this new her…

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Leaflet

Thanks.

A strange thought hit my head: you are not having the best evening ever…

From: Athena < [e-mail]>

To: Lucas < [e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Leaflet

Why do you say so?

Yours sincerely,

Athena

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Leaflet

I just claim (and I know I’m right).

Comparing You with the One yesterday, it feels like you just returned from a funeral…

From: Athena < [e-mail]>

To: Lucas < [e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Leaflet

Telepathy or what? You just can’t guess about my mood from my email.

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Leaflet

You don’t presume how many talents I’ve got… By the way, it doesn’t even need a talent. I just compared today’s message with the last one. Here is the miracle.

Athena had to drag her laptop from the windowsill… If her tears could have been felt from one word sending, you would have to work harder with herself. No way she will allow a soul to pity her, or even more, to predict. That she is sometimes sad, after that bloody divorce, that she doesn’t shout Hooray!, that she would not like to hear I told you anymore, and, finally, that everybody stopped those sighing-pitying grimaces. She will prove to all the miserable followers of other people’s lives that it is not their business, and if it is so important to them, she will do her best to turn this nonsense into a fantastic thing in the end.

You all go the hell! pushed the computer away and fell on the pillows crying.

Next day at work Athena arranged the students’ placement papers and got a confirmation for translation. A recent book on some psychological aspects has not been yet translated into Lithuanian.

After the lecture she stopped Lucas as one of her brightest students and asked if he would be interested in helping her. He had mentioned about helping her, so apparently, he had no way for retreat. He agreed to translate a part of the book. So here everything started. Cold of that endless winter forced him to stay home and translate.

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Hello

Good morning,

I hope it is good.

Maybe You have some ideas on how to translate social practices…?

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Hey, what if as it sounds. Would it suit?

Sincerely,

Athena

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Sorry for so many questions, but it is certainly not the most pleasant chapter to translate.

Transition occurring within the families?

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Everything is fine, just ask if you need. How is it going?

Sincerely,

Athena

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

A disaster, all my thoughts intertwine so that eventually there is nothing on my mind.

From: Athena < [e-mail]>

To: Lucas < [e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Relax, take a break, eat or go for a walk. It’s only minus 15 outside :)

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Please tell me that at least You are doing well so far with everything you have planned.

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Lucas, there are no fixed deadlines. Rest will do more with your fresh mind.

I have done quite a lot, still there is some work left.

Athena

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

I hope you’ve finished all your work and are preparing for a relaxing evening, but I’ll ruin it a bit as there are a couple of problems again.

In this context, it is very important to promote experience that can strengthen mutual communication and coaching.

The results related to self-efficacy and adaptability of the child were less impressive and definitive and differed according to gender. Correlation between parental and adolescent self-efficacy scales…

The researchers of social cognitive theory emphasize how individuals develop directly (as agents)…

Are you planning to appear at the College tomorrow?

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Coaching - a very broad concept, maybe mutual hearing, leadership, etc. By sex. Translate as it is.

Direct meaning.

If it is minus 20, I wouldn’t. Do you need something?

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

No, the deadline moves according to your arrival.

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Until Thursday. Then we’ll take a look at all the chapters.

Yours sincerely,

Athena

When Lucas started to appear in Athena’s office constantly for editing the translation, they started non-translation-based conversations, as well. It was interesting for Athena to get to know why Lucas lives alone, where his parents are, his leisure activities. It turned out that Lucas’s mother went to work abroad, leaving the child under the care of a nanny. After a couple of years, the boy refused her help and managed himself at home. His mom sent him money, the teenager was able to cook, clean, go to school, spend free time somehow. Millions of psychological insights immediately struck Athena’s mind. One could still think of how she could help him, analysing his relationship with friends and relatives. Lucas never knew his father, did not want to know anything about him, lived almost in a solitary life. So that is why he kept away from everyone in his group. What a life, she could not believe it. And he says he is absolutely fine. I wonder how all these outcomes will appear in his adult life, and if he is so resistant to all psychological consequences of such an experience.

Such light talks lasted for a few weeks until they worked on the translation project. Their conversations became a routine, and Lucas’s character gradually spread. He dared for open conversations about his school years, rejected management studies at university as he found it boring, about a life by a computer for a decade, learning from movies, about male-female relationships from videos, comedy stand-ups, favourite songs and basketball. Sometimes her students and lecturers glanced into her office finding those two together by the computer, and Lucas’s groupmates began to whisper about his new admiration object.

During one of these moments, her ex-husband invaded the office.

Do you really want to interfere at my workplace? cordially but scathingly she raised her eyes from the computer screen."

Hi. Just came to ask how you are. But I can see you are surrounded by a company here.

"Yes, work related. I have a lot of translation. I would not like to be disturbed at work. About my personal issues I might speak in private space and surely not in front of my students.

No problem, let’s talk later.

Athena saw pure disgust in Lucas’s face:

That’s my ex.

Who would still like to be present, but not ex.

Lucas, I wouldn’t want to discuss my personal/family relationships. People are not to be condemned that evil people surround them, they are to be blamed only if they allow those people influence or stay close.

But you allow…

Lucas, stop….

LAURA

A psychologist-consultant’s office. That day was so difficult for Athena. Patients affected by the lunar phase or any other misfortunes in their lives were angry, confused, full of hatred and anxiety. Anxious about their relationships, anxious about work, anxious about love or unfaithfulness, lack or excess of it, anxious about their existence, difficult economic and social factors, anxious about themselves. Athena had three patients that day, two of them were really in a serious condition, and she was very worried about their psychological stability. She loved people, shared herself so she often wouldn’t have to be by herself, though she knew perfectly well that doing the way she had been, she was going to recharge herself, which meant to stop working all the time and enjoying a pure existence as she called the time on holiday with a book, in shorts, no computer, tablet, or other device with an Internet connection. She fought shy of holidays doing nothing as it might have killed her quicker than five patients a day.

Laura had to appear any minute. She started visiting Athena just recently and they had time only to go through Laura’s childhood, joyful memories about boys and school pranks, but that had no impact on a present situation that Athena had to unravel and unwrap. Athena loved Laura a lot. She knew she could not love or dislike patients, but she could not do anything about that. She was fascinated by Laura’s warmth and a broad smile, not at all the fact she had long, chocolate brown hair and blue eyes, a dark tanned skin and white teeth, all best features that would allow her to compete in a beauty contest, but that true warmth that radiated from her even it was such tough time for her… Mostly people were overwhelmed and used a stupid smile trying to disguise their depressive state, or making facial mimics worthy of Oscar award to prove to the psychologist that they were really down. Athena knew from the first glance how much that person needed her, and how hypocritical that person could be… Oddly enough, she thought, they would turn to a psychologist trying to hide or disguise their true mind state… When they should come to reveal the true ones and ask for help… That is why she loved Laura, who was so disappointed but so sincere that you could hug her immediately and say that for such a person like her it would not take long to be rehabilitated and God, life or she herself (depending on what the person believes) will reward her.

Laura was late… Athena opened the patient’s case. She wanted to reread, maybe she missed something, did not interpret something, did not emphasize something. Seems not, doing well at school, raised by both parents, both worked, and the girl was well-provided for, achievements at school quite good, higher education. Laura’s delays really seemed strange for Athena… Although Athena was visited by the patient last week, the consultant did not see any need for more frequent visits and was about to advise her to stop them at all. After all, Laura was better, sadness revealed a healing condition, and sincerity that came from within Laura could warm any man’s heart.

Comfortably settled on the couch, Laura was explaining her life twists to Athena:

I got married too early. Not because I loved him but because it seemed right to do so. I’ll explain it right away. I started working from the age of sixteen. Parents had me in their late age. They didn’t set me an example to follow. That’s why I created everything myself without any example, without money. I started working as a tailor because I wanted money. I do not know where I inherited curiosity and entrepreneurship skills from but working during the day and studying in the evenings, at the weekends I managed to go to Poland by train to buy, sell stuff and bring back cigarettes. At seventeen I stated working as a nightclub waitress where I saw more crime and mischief than I could witness in my entire life. There were fights, drunk people, instances of rape, drugs… No one cared what was going on there because of the money and certain connections". I was still under-aged, even though I had documents showing I was twenty-one.

"In short, I managed to finish high school. At eighteen I got to know Tom. He was not handsome nor attentive, actually a dumb stubborn intolerant jerk who didn’t know how to flirt with a girl, so he didn’t touch me at all. And for me it looked like a peak of romance. He doesn’t need my body because he respects me! Have you ever heard such a crap, psychologist?

You can call me by name, Laura.

"Great. So, have you heard such a crap, Athena?

I have. Go on.

In short, we started daring. He did not stop flattering me, how beautiful I was, so sexy and how I could date such asshole as him. He humbled himself, repeated the foolish phrase how can you be with me, and I was proud of myself because I had been with him, I refused all my friends, I lost friends because I was with him… Well, in short, I married at nineteen.

Why did you do that, Laura?

Because his parents wanted it.

Parents?

Yeah, it was time for him, he was ten years older, never had had a girlfriend before… Besides, he wanted to start a family, I was like a lucky lottery ticket to him… He couldn’t let me go. More importantly, his mother had some kind of psychological addiction for manipulating people’s lives…

Excuse me, Laura, but could you explain?

Of course. She interfered into lives of all people, trying to orient them. She controlled the lives of her sisters, her daughter, her son, her husband, even her parents explaining how, when, where, and why they should do so but not otherwise. Hence, she told my future husband when our wedding day had to be, no doubt on Friday because it was cheaper and faster, not having to wait so long, decided where our wedding would be and how much my parents would have to contribute to them. For example, I had bought a simple dress, so she even changed this. She took me to a wedding dress saloon and picked me a dress. But cheap one. Which I was completely dissatisfied with. After all, I was nineteen, getting married for the first time but being dressed up by a fifty-year-old woman!

Laura breathed. Unspoken anger rushed now; her cheeks blushed showing heartbeats going as fast as a runaway train.

Athena waited. This unspoken emotion had to be digested. Even fifteen years later.

"Why have you never told anyone, Laura? she asked the patient.

I don’t trust people. And who could I tell that? Mother-in-law? Brother? Parents? I didn’t have any friends then.

Haven’t had for fifteen years?

Can say so. Why would I need one?

"Then why do you need to deal with it now?

Now is a different situation.

OK, Athena agreed as she was fully aware of the patient’s emotional state. Marked something in her notebook. - Let’s continue. Your wedding."

There’s nothing to remember. Dissatisfied with my dress, my hairstyle, wedding on Friday, after the wedding we rented an apartment, and that one was also chosen by his parents, not us, so I did not like it at all, I graduated from high school, studying in the evenings, swept the floor, cooked and had to satisfy sexually my over-grown husband every day.

Sorry, what? Athena checked.

Over-grown. These are the men who started sex quite late in their lives and therefore have sexual pathology.

What’s that? Athena was all ears.

Well, not satisfied sexual desire till twenty-five make men impotent or otherwise their sexual activity is insatiable. Damaged way, damaged brain.

Explain, Laura, your own case. What was wrong in your life?

"He needed sex every hour, morning, lunch, evening, night. I couldn’t stand it. Somewhere I read that failure to properly treat a woman in their first experience of sex can negatively affect a woman’s entire sex life. Something like this. That’s why I didn’t understand what was happening at first. I acted as a submissive good wife and took bed matters as a necessity that I can’t avoid, and I couldn’t resist it because I didn’t know I could have.

What happened then?

Nothing, I didn’t want children, but got pregnant. I gave birth to a baby boy. I didn’t want him either.

I don’t get it. Was it important the baby was a boy? it was specified by a psychologist.

"But of course. I couldn’t look at my son and between his legs because of what my husband did to me.

Explain, Laura, she asked.

I just couldn’t hold him, feed him because a baby male was sucking my breasts. He was crying all nights, but I couldn’t get up to him.

"Maybe you had postnatal depression?

I haven’t had any depression in my life, I am too strong to get into antidepressants. Come on, doctor. Laura smiled.

"Okay, then could you explain what happened to you after your son’s birth?

I hated my child. For a year. Until he started crawling and left me alone. Tom took care of him and raised him. Only he calmed him down. When Tom worked, our son was screaming for days. He didn’t feel any love from me. I admit I didn’t love my child.

And what about now, Laura?

Now I feel sorry I got pregnant; I gave birth to him. Don’t get me wrong, doctor. But as he was born, I regret not forcing myself to love him. I wanted to feel the child’s love. A lot.

Okay, let’s talk about it later. Could you tell me how your life was like after the baby was born?

"I wanted to improve it, earn money, make a career. I left my son to his father and grandparents, and I found a job in a beauty salon. I learned how to do manicures, pedicures, eyebrows, and all the stuff. In the evenings, I had clients at home to avoid paying taxes and that my earnings would be for me alone. I finally left the salon as I could serve all the clients at home. I earned twice as much as my husband did. He was neither clever nor into-business so the best thing he could do was raising a child. Nothing better he could do. Sorry, something he could really do better - all inappropriate sex postures and all the ways of masochistic sex and dominating sex roles. I had to be the submissive one.

You didn’t want that? Never?

No Laura cut off immediately. At first, I thought I had to, then I thought he would go mad with me, and he wouldn’t talk to me and I would feel bad, in other words he was angry when I didn’t want to. Believe me, I had headaches and my periods too often that probably another man would have sent me directly to a doctor or hospitalized for significant health abnormalities. Mine had sex with me during my periods as well.

What did you do when you decided not to continue like that?

Packed my things and went abroad. To London. Where all Lithuanians went. I left my son with his father. Under the agreement to come to me when I settle down.

Usually, it is the other way round - a man leaves… Athena interrupted.

Have I mentioned he could lead only in bed and in his son’s upbringing.

Do you know why?

"Obviously. Living with such a mother-in-law I almost became a psychopath myself. I was shivering with panic when she called us, explaining that within ten minutes we should deliver ourselves at their place or what time we had to get up at weekends. I was unable to resist her when she forbade me to meet friends, buy what I wanted, go where I needed and do what I wanted.

And what did you do then, Laura?

I worked in London. In shops, petrol stations, sport goods markets, I brought jewellery from Lithuania, silver, underwear, everything that was more expensive there, later on I was busy with all beauty procedures when I was able to rent a more decent flat. I did the nails, faces, eyebrows, makeup, started working with hair extensions, extended eyelashes. I was fine. I figured out how to get use their benefits system. I had a son. As a single mother. I started getting a second salary. I lived well until I felt lonely and my conscience awoke. Felt guilty. I still had a husband and a son. I invited them to come. Then a real nightmare began. He suspected me that I was cheating on him because I didn’t want to make love, that I earned too much, that is, I got additional money for sexual services, that I was so tired and never missed him. I cried every day. I left home and cried by myself out in my car. Nobody saw me, nobody knew anything. He didn’t work because he did not learn the language, he showed dissatisfaction every time and he thought he had a right to tell others how they should live or what they should do.

Followed his mother’s example? Athena intervened.

Probably. Could it be differently? He took over the example. He saw such an example. Although his dad loved his mother so much that he did everything he could…

Okay, Laura, and how did it go later on?

Right, getting back to my story… Finally, he made me stop all the jobs. I was sitting at home, receiving benefits. I was trembling at every knock on the door. After all, they could come and check any time if I really lived with my son, lonely, broke. This anxiety ruined my health. I weighed 45 kilograms and my stomach got problems. I couldn’t eat anything. Sometimes, to get some calories, I forced myself to eat a piece of cake. Every day a piece of cake. Nothing else. There was probably not a nutrition in my body left to provide it with essential stuff. I began to run away from home and our son. I asked him to go back to Lithuania. I stayed in London. Alone.

"Our time is over, Laura. Would it be convenient for you to visit me next week, on Monday? Let’s say 2.00. Suits you fine?

Suits me just fine. Until then, my counsellor.

Bye, Laura.

***

Athena was sitting on her windowsill in the bedroom again staring out through the window instead of preparing the documents she needed for work tomorrow. She analysed her and Lucas’s situation. She was not too naive to believe in helping another person out of non-interest. Just like this. She realized that she was the centre of the universe in Lucas’s lonely world, the centre which teased, attracted, shined, and invited. She was very afraid of his feelings, but she no longer knew how to stop it because she didn’t do it on time. Lucas could fall in love with her any moment and Athena the least wanted to destroy the life that had just begun.

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Good evening, please tell me you hadn’t been working the whole day and just don’t dare to say you’re working now…

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

I have already translated 40 pages. I had some breaks. Even the tips of my fingers hurt. Now the qualification sheet. Such an inefficient day today, was looking for excuses for breaks 57331.png

Yours sincerely,

Athena

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Don’t say so, it’s too late. Just stop the translation, drink some tea, listen to music or watch a movie. Enjoy what is left of the evening.

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

I set goals for everyday. This one I’ve just achieved.

Yours sincerely,

Athena

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Good to know. You’ll finish tomorrow. And if you see that you can’t, just tell me. I can take a break from the translation of the book, only for the better.

And now relax, rest, you deserve it.

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

And I wonder why you care so much.

Yours sincerely,

Athena

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

I’ll explain the reason better when we meet. A lot to explain.

And do you really think that there is a lot of concern here? I don’t think there can be too much of it…

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Maybe it is better to start explaining now and finish when we meet, because you have already skipped this question twice so far.

Yours sincerely,

Athena

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Nope. Besides, it’s too late. You need some rest and not some insignificant things. Better tell me about the champion and whether she is happy she doesn’t need to go to school? I bet screaming out of happiness 57338.png

Lucas was aware of Athena’ daughter, her achievements in Latin dances, amateur competitions. She did not want to tell anything about her because that would have been too much. Athena ignored the question.

From: Athena <[e-mail]>

To: Lucas <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

Good night, I’m going to bed, at least fifteen pages of translation tomorrow.

Yours sincerely,

Athena

From: Lucas <[e-mail]>

To: Athena <[e-mail]>

Subject: Re: Hello

You mixed the number, you wanted to say 10? A small printing mistake?

Athena stopped responding. She had a lot of water under the bridge: she understood perfectly well where all this communication was leading. Why the heck her mail was hacked and why she asked her students for help. After all, the College also employs IT specialists…

***

After another