Become the Ultimate You: An Inner Approach to Achieve Success in Personal Life, Health, Relationship, Work and Finances

By Saurabh Bhardwaj

Are you successful in one area of your life but struggling in another? Do you read many self-help books but still feel like you have no clue what to do? Do you need a simple plan to become the person who deserves it all? If these apply to you, author Saurabh Bhardwaj can help you start on your journey to becoming the ultimate you—the person you must become in order to have it all.

Become the Ultimate You offers a pragmatic inner approach to self-development, pointing you towards awakening your inner hero. You can kill the demons of doubt, fear, and confusion and achieve what you truly want in your life. Bhardwaj’s guidance emerges from successes and failures of someone who has gone through exactly what you are going through right now. Over the course of five years, he made small changes on daily basis to create a life he desired, going from self-pity to self-love, from single to happily married, from a full-time job to a part-time coaching business, and from living in debt to being financial sound. If you are ready to take your life to the next level, it’s time to start on this transformational journey.

This self-improvement guide presents practical advice and step-by-step methods for building success in all aspects of your life through incremental changes and improving your mindset.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Jan 28, 2020
• ISBN: 9781728397788

Saurabh Bhardwaj

Saurabh Bhardwaj is a mindset and business leadership coach who has built his platform on the back of an eleven-year corporate career and under the guidance of Tony Robbins, Dean Graziosi, and John Maxwell. His mission is to help one million people “become the ultimate you” by 2025. He lives with his wife, Shima Maleki, in the United Kingdom.

Book preview

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PART I

THE TRAITS OF

THE TITANS

Chapter 1

What Is a Successful Life?

Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.

—George Sheehan

Humans are at the top of the food chain, and we are considered to be the best species which has ever lived on this planet. We have not only survived for all these years but also thrived on this planet.

As a species, we are successful—there is no doubt about it. But in Become the ultimate you, I want to talk about individual success. What defines one’s life as a success?

You might have found several definitions of success in various resources, or you might have your own definition of it, but I truly believe that success is not something which can be defined in one statement.

The reason I believe this is because I have come to understand that those people who are truly successful people are fulfilled, and fulfilment does not come from only one aspect of life.

You might be successful in one area of your life but unsuccessful in other. Most people believe that success is defined by the amount of money people make or the impact their lives make, but I can tell you with certainty that this is not true.

I can give you hundreds of examples of people who have done both these things but whose lives are or were not as successful as you might think.

We all have heard of people who are very successful in their lives or in business but who feel miserable. So many famous film stars and sportspersons end up committing suicide because they cannot bear the suffering of life. It is easier for them to end their lives than to live with what they have achieved throughout their lifetime.

These examples might be too extreme or exceptional, but in most people’s eyes, film stars and famous sportspersons are highly successful people.

In my own experience, this single word, success, has caused me more stress and anxiety, and a greater sense of unworthiness, than any other word I can think of. Even though I once had everything I could ask for, my life seemed a failure because I was obsessed with this concept.

In the pursuit of success, I achieved more in one area of my life, but my health and relationships were suffering and, more importantly, I was not fulfilled. It wasn’t until I studied and researched it that I truly came to understand what success is.

I know that many people have the same experience in their lives. Without understanding what success is, most people chase material success and find themselves lost on the journey called life.

That is why I want to first clarify what success is. So, how do we define a successful life? To answer this question, we must first understand human psychology and how we operate.

In 1943, the American psychologist Abraham Maslow presented the hierarchy of human needs, which the following chart illustrates:

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According to Abraham Maslow, a human being must have five different levels of needs met in order to be fulfilled. These are as follows:

1. Physiological needs

Physiological needs are considered the main physical requirements for our survival. These needs are also universal for every human being. If we struggle to meet our physiological needs, then we are unlikely to pursue any other need, such as safety, belongingness, and esteem. Physiological needs include food, water, sleep, shelter, and sex.

2. Safety and security needs

The next level of needs, once our physiological needs are met, includes shelter, job security, health, and a safe environment.

3. Social belonging

According to Maslow, we need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance. Many of us become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and clinical depression in the absence of these needs. In many cases, the need for belonging may overcome the physiological and security needs, depending on its intensity.

4. Esteem

Esteem needs are things our ego requires to ensure our status. Most people have a deep desire for gaining recognition, achieving a certain status, and being seen as important to others. We have a need to be respected; this includes the need to have self-esteem.

5. Self-actualisation

What a person can be, he or she must be. Maslow describes this need as the desire to accomplish everything that one can and to become the most that one can be.

Everyone focuses on this need specifically. For example, one person may have a great desire to become an ideal parent. Another person may desire to portray a certain physical appearance, create artwork, or invent something.

Self-actualisation needs can include parenting, using one’s talents, achieving a goal, and seeking happiness or fulfilment.

Maslow later amended the original vision of self-actualisation and introduced a new element, namely transcendence. According to his later theory, one finds the fullest realisation in giving oneself to something beyond oneself. Maslow equated transcendence with the desire to reach the infinite.

Maslow understood later that true fulfilment is in transcendence. Other psychologists have undertaken similar studies and have arrived at the same conclusion.

For instance, Tony Robbins explores this dimension from a different angle. According to Robbins, each human being has the following six needs:

1. Certainty—the assurance that one can avoid pain and gain pleasure.

2. Uncertainty/variety—the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli.

3. Significance—a feeling of being unique, important, special, or needed.

4. Connection/love—a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something.

5. Growth—an expansion of capacity, capability, or understanding.

6. Contribution—a sense of service and a focus on helping, giving to, and supporting others.

Although these theories explain the different types of needs, each human being meets his or her own needs differently. Every individual finds his or her own way to meet these needs.

One person may meet the need for certainty by having a secure long-term job, but another may meet it by accepting a challenging job which allows him or her to explore different aspects of life. A similar principle applies to all the other needs we have.

Now that you understand the basics of human psychology and how we all operate differently to meet these needs, we can define success. Because we are always trying to meet these needs, the actions we take to do so are always driven by our values.

From this conclusion, let’s define success.

Success is living a life which is aligned with our values and dreams.

We all are capable of being more than we think we can be. Human potential is unlimited. We have the power to shape the very existence on this planet and even existence beyond it.

Unfortunately, most people spend their lives searching for success without being clear on what success means to them. Most people mistakenly believe that they will find happiness once they achieve success.

Let me tell you what happiness is. It is simply a state of mind. Happiness is within you, and you can be happy if you choose to be happy, no matter what your external circumstances are. But it is always a choice.

Psychology has provided enough evidence to prove that statement, but let me remind you by mentioning a simple fact: surely you have seen people who have everything but who are unhappy and, conversely, people who have nothing but who are happy.

I truly believe that to live a life of success, our ultimate goal must be meaning, not happiness. By meaning, I mean that you must formulate your own definition of success. To succeed is to figure out what your values and beliefs are and to live your life firmly based on those values and beliefs.

In the search for happiness, people spend their time and money, but they only find happiness when they are connected with themselves. Actually, the happiest people on this planet are those who have found the meaning of their lives.

Happiness can be momentary, but meaning is the invisible force which will give you power in your darkest moments of life. Meaning is the force which will give you the power to rise again. It is the force which helps you to shape your destiny.

Your meaning is your own, but it consists of the components from Abraham Maslow’s theory. Once your basic needs such as food, home, financial security, family, and belongings are met, you start to look for something beyond yourself. It is when you look beyond your basic needs that you start to feel fulfilled.

Most people get stuck in life meeting their basic needs and seeking happiness. They never truly look for the meaning of their lives. Become the ultimate you will show you how you can meet your basic needs and find the meaning of your life in the process.

You must understand that finding meaning is a journey and that it is through the process of living life that you discover meaning. Some people are able to find meaning through experience, whereas others find it only after they have met all their basic needs.

Let me tell you a small story here. A country girl from India who was robbed and tossed aside on the train tracks in an unconscious condition lost her both legs. Doctors found multiple fractures in her backbone and declared that she would never be able to walk again.

When she regained consciousness after her operation, the first statement she spoke was, If I am alive today, it is for a reason. I will prove to the world that humans are paralysed only mentally, not physically.

She became the first handicapped woman to climb Mount Everest, and she did not stop there.

Arunima Sinha has climbed the seven highest peaks in the world and still continues her journey to prove those words she uttered long ago. She has found the meaning in her suffering.

There are some incidents in our lives which are so profound that they alter the reason for our existence. Countless people have suffered in their lives and found meaning in those moments of pain. We can learn from these people. We can also find the wisdom hidden in our own experiences.

Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, has found his meaning in serving humanity. Once he achieved his business goals, he founded the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation with his wife and took on a challenge to finish the major diseases in many parts of the world.

Many successful businessmen, such as Warren Buffett, Mark Zuckerberg, and Azim Premji, have found the meaning of their lives only after they had achieved their primary life goals.

We all can find the meaning of our lives. I dearly hope that we all find our meaning through the process of life and that we do not have to suffer in search of our meaning.

I believe there is a way to find meaning, and it is by being the best we can be. It is only by being the best that we can look beyond ourselves, and then life will find ways to show us the meaning.

Become the ultimate you is all about the meaning of life. Be the best you can be. If you continue to do so and if you persist, I promise that you will discover the meaning of your life.

Chapter 2

The Ultimate You

The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential. These are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.

—Confucius

To become healthy, one must first become a person who eats healthy foods and does moderate exercise. To become financially free, one must first become a person who has mastered the art of making, spending, and investing money.

To become a great employee, one must first become a person who has the skill needed to perform his or her work. To become a great partner, one must first become a person who is loving, kind, and supportive.

In all these cases, we must first become the person who deserves the reward. Who you become is what you get. It is the simple law of cause and effect or karma.

A successful life is also the result of a person’s developing the qualities which are aligned with the ultimate life. I call this person the ultimate you. It is the best version of your being.

I believe this is what you actually are, the ultimate you. You were born with it, but somewhere along the journey, you lost the connection with your true self.

When we were little kids, our every decision was made by others. We were conditioned by our parents, our siblings, society, and culture. Even our name was given to us by someone else.

Once we grew up, we started to see the world with the perspectives we were taught and tried to form our own beliefs, but then we were shaped by other, external factors such as social media, news, our studies, our mentors, and the people around us.

What values we hold today is a reflection of the beliefs we have acquired from the surroundings we have lived in. We have been conditioned, and our results are the reflections of those conditions.

This does not mean that we have to keep living our lives the way we are living right now. I once read that where you are today is not your fault, but where you go from here is indeed your responsibility. That idea immediately captivated me. The more I thought about it, the more I found it to be true.

I can now understand why it is not our fault that we struggle to find clarity in our lives. Because of our nature, we know that we belong to something bigger, but our conditioning holds us back from embracing that idea.

We also know that we have the power to change our values and beliefs. That is why it is our fault if we do not take our lives where they are supposed to go.

Now that you know why you are where you are, the next step is to understand what you can do to get where you want to be. You can call this your new challenge or problem.

To solve any problem, you must first gain clarity on