It's Not Perfect: A Memoir of a Professional Woman in a Male-Dominant Career

By M. Beckman

This is a book that women can relate to. This story, as told by the author, is about herself as a professional woman, wife, and mother struggling in male-dominant environment where she is constantly reminded that a true leader plays by the good ol’ boy rules. Early in her experience, she was trained to think and act as a professional man when leading a team.

As her career progresses, this trait does not work but impacts her ability to relate to colleagues and direct reports.

As she works to change her leadership style, she begins to understand how important knowing your brand is in defining your strengths and opportunities. But knowing this and making action are two separate things impacting her ability to be successful. In this book, you will learn about her struggles and what she did to change direction to protect her brand, balance her work and life priorities, and how she dealt with failure.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jan 20, 2020
• ISBN: 9781532032813

M. Beckman

Tammy Armstrong, has an MBA from Ashland University, Ashland, Ohio and resides in Blythewood, South Carolina with her husband Aaron and two children, Spencer and Remington. Tammy has worked for two major companies, General Motors and Amazon.com, for over twenty years and is an expert on leading diverse teams in male dominant professions. Her career has taken her to many locations throughout North America exposing her and her family to different cultures and traditions. The experience professionally and personally has been rewarding where she wouldn’t change a thing because it’s the experiences through this journey which have defined who she really is.

Book preview

IT’S NOT

PERFECT

A Memoir of a Professional Woman

in a Male-Dominant Career

M. BECKMAN

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IT’S NOT PERFECT

A MEMOIR OF A PROFESSIONAL WOMAN IN A MALE-DOMINANT CAREER

Copyright © 2020 M. Beckman.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Author Credit: Tammy Armstrong

iUniverse

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5320-3282-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-3281-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017914173

iUniverse rev. date:  01/20/2020

Contents

Dedication

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Dedication

I AM DEDICATING THIS BOOK TO my husband for being the most patient man alive, and my father whom I learned all I know about leadership. Thank you both for your guidance and love.

Preface

T HE MAIN REASON I WANTED to write a book was to describe my professional experiences and the mistakes I made, with hopes of helping others. This book is a collection though of not only professional mistakes but personal as well, since I don’t believe they are mutually exclusive. Both are a blend of situations that have impacted the other, and dividing them in categories isn’t my reality, or, in my opinion, anyone else’s. I believe decisions I made either at work or home were a direct result of what interactions or conversations were had throughout the day that drove my decisions, leading to some catastrophic disasters. Regardless, I really don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, but do feel passionately about what I perceive as my beliefs and values, so if those are impacted, I react accordingly. Sometimes my reaction was justified and sometimes it wasn’t. All I could hope for is something was learned so I didn’t repeat the mistake again and self- development was the outcome.

The reason for the title of my book It’s Not Perfect is mainly due to a woman’s need to make or create the most perfect thing they can image. I’m not sure if this need of perfection is because of gender, but I do know I get analysis paralysis because of it causing me to constantly worry if I made the right decision. I think as girls we are constantly conditioned by an environment of how to act, feel and look perfect, that girls become more risk adverse than men. Men are taught to dive in head first into any project or undertaking assigned, but for girls it’s just not the same. When writing this book, I constantly delayed presenting to my publisher because it wasn’t perfect, or there was more I could do to make it just right. Then one day I decided that it was Good Enough. Hence the title. I thought there wasn’t enough time or energy in the world I could spend on critiquing it that would tell the story any different. I know there’s mistakes in grammar, punctuation, and probably telling the story, but completing this milestone in my life has been more for my benefit than actually writing it. Actually documenting my experiences has provided self-reflection so I have the courage to move on to the next journey in my life.

In life, I started early on prioritizing my education because I was raised believing this was what was needed after high school. I didn’t need an Ivy League education, but if I wanted to be an independent woman, a four-year degree was necessary. My mother was a big influencer in being independent, as well as my paternal grandparents, so going down this path was very natural for me. The goal was making enough money, so I could have fabulous experiences that were exciting and meaningful. I wasn’t sure what specific experiences I was missing out on but knew I didn’t want to stick around my small town with small opportunities.

After high school, many of my classmates were concerned with leaving home, but I was ready to plan the next milestone in my life. I really had no idea what I wanted to do but decided that I would try everything. By having a somewhat gypsy mentality, my mind was open to anything that was possible. This memoir will take the reader through each phase of my life, the good and bad, and what I learned that has defined my character as a leader. My experiences didn’t come in a bubble, though. I had many friends, a wonderful husband, professional role models, and my children, who have shared these experiences with me. I also had God guiding me through these obstacles, giving me the confidence, I needed to take chances and explore my options. I didn’t know how real this was until coincidences felt like a lesson and tough decisions came much easier. Now I have an inner peace, leaving all circumstances to God and not doubting his larger plan for me. I just pray for patience, so I don’t mess up his will. I hope this book provides the reason why that was important to me and hopefully defines a path to achieve this same level of inner peace while still delivering results for your company.

Introduction

L ET ME SEE, WHERE DO I begin? My professional career has been both rewarding and disappointing, either in myself as a leader or in others around me whom I thought were good leaders but found out much to the opposite. One aspect that helped define my leadership in a positive way was having the opportunity to see many different cultures and regions of North America. During my professional twenty years, I had moved to five different states, lived in five different homes, sent my children to three different schools, and met many interesting and genuine people. But, my story is about not only my life experiences but my experiences as a female leader in a male-dominant environment, working for two large companies, one in the automobile industry and one ecommerce. My goal in writing this book is to provide other leaders, regardless of gender, a realistic approach to achieve all they have dreamed about. Basically, if you can think it, you can do it. That has always been my mantra, but you must be true to yourself and many times at a young age, new leaders don’t know themselves yet.

You must know your passions and have great conviction to accomplish what you set your mind to, and early on, my mind was set to get my degree, so I could figure it out. Getting the college degree didn’t prepare me for what I was going to experience in this job world but provided me something to focus on that I was sure would matter somehow. Achieving this became my passion and soon my reality.

Had I not been influenced by my family to further my education, I’m pretty sure my career path wouldn’t have been successful because I had a quiet, introverted personality due to low self-esteem. Many times, working with women, I have seen where they display similar traits and behave differently so they fit in better when working with men. Doing so not only dilutes the diversity a woman leader offers to the organization but also changes her diversity within her core group. This approach is ineffective for a leader, and it alters her strengths that come from her life experiences. These experiences make her the woman she is, but sometimes it’s hard to see this value when you lack confidence.

Hopefully my story helps guide the reader through my journey, learning some of the struggles and obstacles I had to face. For example, have you ever been accused of being too direct when interacting with a team? Or received feedback that you don’t listen to new ideas? Or maybe you have been very influential in someone else’s success and he or she thanks you for that. Or you have successfully completed a very complex and technical project that paved the way for you to achieve things you never saw yourself doing before. What I have learned over the years as a female leader in a male-dominant environment is that sometimes you lead a team that believes in your abilities and sometimes you don’t—and you struggle from day one earning your team’s trust. This isn’t a bad thing; it’s a learning experience where every leader should reflect on what changed either in his or her leadership style or what type of leader the team needed. I don’t think its gender specific, but I do think women struggle more with this because in this environment we are normally leading men. Sometimes men don’t want to have a woman leader, and that’s just a fact. Also, sometimes women think they need to try harder because they are women leading men, and that’s just a fact. Regardless, these are the questions you need to ask yourself, so you better understand your most effective leadership style.

Chapter 1

I GRADUATED COLLEGE IN THE MID 90’s from a school in the middle of a quaint, little town in the Northeast. In fact, it was so small that I started at a college which then, over the four years, became a university due to high growth in attendance. After my four years, before heading to the graduation, I was