California, the Lies Behind the Sunshine: My Journey, My Story, My Life

By MS. BOSS LADY

I thought this Journey was it! I thought leaving New York, behind to find “Success”, would be easy. I thought that the grass was greener on the other side of the World... and it was. I was running towards the Sunshine; where everyone was happy, life was good…but it wasn’t. I wanted to be Famous! I wanted everyone to know Ms. Boss Lady! That was “my” plan…but it wasn’t God’s plan. I asked God for this Journey, but I wanted to do it my way; I wanted God to just, “get me to California”, and I would take it from there. I didn’t know “what was going to happen along the way”. Before I knew it, I began my Journey to beautiful sunny California!
God brought me to a different world, that I knew nothing about; and since I wanted to do it “my way”, he released me amongst People, Places and Things that I never saw before, who I didn’t understand. The only “Armor”, God gave me to survive was Faith and Belief; along with what he had given me from Birth, which was “Knowledge, Wisdom and Understanding; and that became a very important tool for my survival; the “Faith and Belief” was the Key. I had the Key, but I didn’t know it.
My Journey would become my “Life Story”. If I wanted to be successful, in my Journey, I had to do it God’s way, I had to learn the “hard way”. What I went through was, not to “test” me, but to “challenge” my Faith and my Belief, and it was hard! The Trials, and Tribulations was horrific, I fought Giants that tried to stop me, the Storms just kept coming. I lost everything in those Storms, I wasn’t living, I was just existing. Where was God!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jan 9, 2020
• ISBN: 9781728342368

MS. BOSS LADY

Ms. Boss Lady, from New York, now resides in California. Ms. Boss Lady is a determined Woman who has been longing to make a difference since day one. Ms. Boss Lady’s strength doesn’t come from “Raising Kids”; her strength comes from lifting herself up every time she was knocked down. She states that “your not a “Real Hustler”, until you can “lose it all and get it back”. Ms. Boss Lady knew her blessings where on the way...But how God was gonna do it, that was none of her business, she just had to believe. Writing is a passion that she has always been passionate about. She wants her Readers to know that “Life is too short to wake up with regrets; so, love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life… let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it”.

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PROLOGUE

WHERE WAS GOD!

M ost of us Pray every day for God to come and bring us out of the things that we are going through in our lives. We are told by our Elders, our Pastors, to pray for the things that we need, to pray in time of despair, in the time of hurt, pain, hopelessness, desperation, distress, stress, anguish, unhappiness, or little to no finances. I prayed, and I prayed, and things just kept getting worse and worse. I had no control over these things that were happening. I was in a Foreign land with no Life; I wasn’t living, I was existing. The more I fought, the more Giants kept coming; Trials and Tribulations, that I barely got through. I cried so much, that I had no more tears, but they always seemed to come back. I called on God to bring me through everything that I was going through. I did not do the things, that I was being accused of. I lost everything, and I didn’t know why it was happening to me.

Pray, pray, pray they say, but I did that every day! Not just when things were bad, but when things were good. God knew my heart; he knew what my intentions were. I was no Saint, but I believed that God, would bring me out of what I was going through. Everything, I kept trying to get out of, and every time I thought that, I was gonna get out of that Mess, something would come, and push me right back in it, even further! Where was God? Was he hearing my Prayers?

I had Faith, and I believed that God, would bring me through what I was going through. The Bible says, that God may not be there when you need him, but he is always on time. I know that we all go through things, and I am grateful for at least, waking up in the morning, but I needed God to Show up, and Show out! I think he stepped up by waking me up in the morning, but as for him Showing out, I’m still waiting for that part.

I try so hard, to do the right thing; I tried so hard to just keep my head above water. I always felt like, I was drowning, trying to stay afloat. I saw everybody else swimming along, doing back floats, cannon balls, flip flops; it just felt like Life was so great for everyone else but me. The water was making them smile, while the water was drowning me. There was no Anchor being thrown to me; I had to make it out of that water on my own; then when I finally get my head above water; where I could breathe; then here comes a Tsunami that comes, and brings more waves, and more Eruptions…Where was God?

After four years of fighting a Corporate Giant, I placed a nightmare down at Jesus’ feet. I left my fight with God. I left their Wrongful Termination, Retaliation, Abuse, Lies, Deceit, Conniving, Malicious ways, and actions in God’s hands. What they put me through in my Workplace, and all the reports that, I reported about the Snakes in the Snake Pit. I followed the procedures of the Company when someone wasn’t doing something right on the job or doing something wrong on the job. I did all the right things, but that just made the Snakes start to Rattle, and Hiss. Where was God?

When I tried to walk that Straight line and do the Right things in Life, somehow, that way wasn’t working for me! Doing the Right thing, didn’t mean shit! I lived in a maze; a maze that I was always working so hard, to find a way out of! The walls were closing in on me, while trying to maintain and sustain my Existence! I tried to do, what I needed to do, in a place that I was not used to doing it. It was a whole different way of life, a whole different way of doing the right things; it automatically became a trap; that some of us, will never get out of; no matter how many straight lines we walk, no matter what we go through, no matter what our bodies go through, no matter how many times we Pray, no matter how many times we fall to our knees, no matter how many times we cry out for help, it never comes. Where was God!

The Bible says, that God won’t put more on you than we can bare; I was already carrying so much on my shoulders every day; I was patiently waiting for the burdens to be lifted. If, anything else, was placed on me, I would surly have died, or I would possibly give up, because why fight so hard, for things that won’t ever change…Where was God!

All I heard, all my life was, don’t give up! Whether it was my Family, Friends, or T.D. Jakes, saying, it on Television, or Denzel Washington, speaking about not giving up on Social Media. I have no doubt that whatever they went through in their lives, they obviously came through it. We all have our stories, but my story was different from theirs, could they relate to my story? TD Jakes and Denzel Washington are older than me, they both are successful, so that means that they didn’t give up. I have never given up, I always believed in God, why do I feel like all the fights that I am fighting, and the Sacrifices I have given up, all the hurt and pain that, I endured; how come I have not made it to a place, where I can tell someone that they can get through anything, and not to give up, as long as, they have God in their lives that all things are possible? Where is my Success for my Dreams, for my Faith and Belief?

I’m recovering from a huge disappointment! I mean mind blowing! Grab my heart, while saying, Elizabeth! I’m coming to join you honey! I mean, I never seen anything like it in my 53 years of living! I lost Everything! Where was God!

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CHAPTER ONE

CALIFORNIA…THE LIES BEHIND THE SUNSHINE

I didn’t know how, I was going to start off this, change of life Journey, that turned into an unbelievable, you have to see it, to believe it story. It’s so much to tell, so much to express, and so much to say, but with wanting to do all that; I also wanted to finally be able to tell my story, and how I was feeling all those years; when nobody wouldn’t listen, when nobody had time to listen. I can only tell you the truth about my life, about what I was going through Mentally, Physically and Spiritually. Everyone has a side of this story to tell, but everyone is not writing this book…I am. So, I’m just going to go ahead, and tell my story. I am not going to apologize for anything that I have done in the past, the present, or in the future; After I tell my story, I will be Free to be Me! The only forgiveness that means anything to me, is that of my Lord, and Savior, Jesus Christ! For everyone else that I love dearly, I really don’t care what you say, but I do respect the fact that you all gave me reason to write; you gave me a story to share with the world.

I was born on January 30, 1966; I have a Sister Jennifer, who is seven years younger than me, and lives in Michigan with my Niece Nadia. My Sister, and I have different Father’s, and being seven years younger than me, we were not close. It was just too big of an age gap.

I started working at Albany Medical Center Hospital, in Albany, New York, in 1997, as an Executive Secretary, until 1998, then I transferred to the Department of Radiology, as an Administrative Support Associate/Professional Coder, until March 2012. I had a dream job; comfortable, secure, good loyal Co-workers, Team players, we had each other’s back! We loved what we did, the pay was decent, the hours were good; there was overtime, only if you wanted to do it, we were proud of where we worked. Management was on point! We were like a family!

Albany Medical Center Hospital was on the best 100 hospitals in the Country list! I was proud to say that I worked there; everybody knew me throughout the Hospital in all the different departments. I could walk to work, if I wanted to. I had a house, two vehicles, two beautiful Pit Bulls, and I worked hard to get that on my own! I wasn’t rich, but I was making it, I wasn’t struggling, and I was Blessed.

I was a Writer, and everyone knew that; I just had to do something! I was not going to be at a job until I retired, and never achieve, or at least try, and achieve my dreams. I didn’t want to say, what if. If I didn’t even at least try, how would I know if I could have made it or not. I was a risk taker, and I wanted to at least try.

My Co-workers knew that I wanted to spread my wings; I always talked about it. I was going to be successful! I knew, I would be someday; God said, that I would, and I just had to believe it to achieve it!

With all that, I really did love my job, but I was a Writer, an Author! My Co-workers would come to my Book Signings, they supported me in my dreams; they knew that I wanted more than just sitting behind a desk. They knew that I had a Passion to Write; to bring my Novels to the Big Screen. So, it hurt to even think about leaving my family, my friends, my job, my life. Having that thought, I allowed it to hold me back from pursuing that big step of giving up everything in one place, to find everything in another place.

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CHAPTER TWO

MAUDINE FRANCES MORMAN

M y Mother is, 75-years old, and Awesome! I thank God for her every day. If I had a thousand tongues, I couldn’t thank her enough for how she, has helped me with her Grandchildren; when I couldn’t. She brought all their clothes; I didn’t even know their sizes! I didn’t have the money most of the time to buy anything; and she continues to help me out even to this day. My Mother did Birthday’s, Christmas, Valentines, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day. She was just on point! She gave the best Gifts! I mean good Gifts, expensive Gifts, Gift cards, along with money in birthday cards. She loved doing it; she never expected anything in return.

My Mother was a very kind Woman, soft spoken, a loner, no man in her life, but God, never been Married. A dedicated Member of her Brother’s church, for over 25 years. She had two jobs; her first job was the more important. She worked as a Supervisor, and Executive Secretary for the CSEA (Civil Service Employees Association) for years, until she retired. My Mother’s second part-time job, she was a Supervisor, for a Cleaning Crew, for an office building; she gave out the orders and made sure they were followed. My Mother wasn’t one of those Supervisors, that would just sit around doing nothing while everyone else worked, my mother was helping out; if someone called in, my Mother would step up, and do their job, because if it was any complaints, my mother would be held responsible.

The awesome part was, most of her cleaning crew, was her family; and yes, she hired us! It was my Aunt, my Sister, and two of my Cousins. We all had day jobs; the part-time job was extra money for us; and it was fun. We had fun on the job, and we goofed off a lot, sat around, and talked when we should have been working, but we always did an excellent job; my mother never got any complaints, about any of us. We would hurry up, and get the offices cleaned, and the bathrooms done by dinner break. We looked so forward to that time! We would go across the street to Micky D’s, get our number 1,2 or 3’s; knowing when we all got home, we had to cook dinner! I would get a Big Mac, large Fries, a Coke, and a Smile! And my favorite, a Hot Fudge Sunday, Oh my goodness!

We would hurry up, and find a Conference room, that we had no permission to be in, only to clean it, and we would turn on the Television, and watch the Martin Lawrence, sitcom Martin, and laugh like hell! We did that every evening, and my Mother never had a clue, until she caught us. We were good at what we did, so we could speed through our duties, and make everything shine like the sun. So, as Martin Lawrence would say, "What the Problem is?

My Mother caught us in the Conference room eating our Micky D’s and watching Martin. I think we were laughing so loud that she heard us; or she was looking for one of us and couldn’t find any of us. When she bust in the Conference room like the PoPo, she caught us all off guard. She was mad, but that’s something that we did! and after a while, she knew where to find us on dinner break. My Mother would go around, and double check everyone’s work before the shift ended, and the littlest things like finding a paper clip on the rug in an office, signified to my Mother that somebody was lying about vacuuming the rug; and she would make whomever, go back to the office, and vacuum the rug. Meanwhile, I would be somewhere sitting in a chair in the dark; taking a Nappy Pooh for the last half hour of work.

It was great, all good; I had the best Mother in the world, and now she is, the best Grandmother and Great Grandmother in the World.

My Mother always worked two jobs, even when my Sister and I were young. Somebody had to watch us; and that Lucky Lady was my Grandmother Esther Elizabeth Traynham! The Queen B! My Grandmother watched me, my Sister, and she didn’t do it for free! Grandma was Da Bomb! she made sure we were taking care of for real! She made sure we had breakfast, lunch and dinner. Grandma was no joke! She had one of those mouths that could curse you out for hours! And she believed in Ass Whoppins! and was not afraid to give them out!

Grandma made sure we looked good, and smelled good, and she sent us off to school; which was right across the street. Lunch time, we had to go home for lunch! Grandma was not letting us eat lunch in nobody’s School Cafeteria, not gonna happen! We had to come home and eat lunch; cooked by the best cook in world, my Grandmother! No Cafeteria school food could compare to the different lunches that Grandma hooked up for her Grandchildren; then she would send us back to school. If I remember correctly, my Mother would pay my Grandmother $180.00 a week, and that included us living in her house as well, so that wasn’t bad.

I had no Horrific childhood stories to tell, but as I reached the liking boys, age and everything that my Grandmother had told me NOT to do, I did. I didn’t listen, and I had to learn the hard way. Rather than just trusting her experience, and her knowledge of the consequences of doing wrong, was just not good enough for me; but with that same token, I guess, I had to live, learn, and experience my own life choices.

Growing up I guess; we were considered middle class, at least, I thought we were. I never seen a hungry day, a cold night, or without having clothing or shelter. If we were poor, you could have fooled me! because I lived in a nice home, and I had everything, I wanted, and needed, as a Child! If I didn’t have food, I didn’t know it, I was eating good. I had Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner, everyday! If my Mother didn’t cook, then there were always the other Beautiful Women in my Life, that we all could go to, and that was my Grandmother, and my Aunts. I had Love coming out of my ears! If I didn’t have Clothes, then tell me how come the Teacher would tell my Mother that I was the best dressed child in the Class?

My point in saying, all that is, to say, I didn’t have a bad childhood, I was raised with a lot of love. I was from a hardworking family, everybody worked. I was raised in a Tribe, that consisted of a Grandmother, Grandfather, Mother, Father, Aunts, Uncles, and close Cousins. I have no War stories to tell you about my life in my younger years. I have been blessed, but I didn’t see it when I was younger. I didn’t have any War stories to tell; but I had been through a whole lot of Battles! I got through those, but what I wasn’t ready for was the War that was about to pop off in my Life! Where was God?

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CHAPTER THREE

HIAWATHA THEODORE WHITE

M y Father, and Mother had never lived together; but my father was in my life, he took care of me even though he didn’t live with me. Poppa was a Rolling Stone! My Father had 29 Kids, and I was the 28 th one, and I was the only one from my Mother, the other 28, was by different Women, he had Kids all over the place. I had one of the biggest families in Albany New York.

On my Father’s side they like to Fight! They were loud, aggressive, and Ghetto; they would take off on somebody’s ass, like a Rocket! My Father had 6 Brothers, and they were all Boxers, they loved to whoop some butt! And there were 2 Sisters, who were not Boxers, but they loved to fight, and that was a trait that was Hereditary.

In High school, it was like a Family Reunion for me, it was like my whole damn family went there, Brothers’ Sister and Cousins; it was Definitely a Family Affair! I had a different upbringing from my Father’s side of the family. He was a High School Administrator at the High School, that I attended! It was crazy! Everyone knew he was my Father. My friends, and I would have to sneak, and be on the down low, to avoid running into my father; who was so big on getting a good Education! Teenagers just don’t understand how important those words are when someone tell us that, especially are Parents, at that time.

One day, I was cutting class with this dude, we were just standing in a secluded place, which we thought was secluded, and was just talking. My Father caught me cutting class, (he could care less about the boy; (if he could have whooped that boys’ ass, and got away with it, he would have), because he was Livid! He sent me to the Principal’s office and told me to wait for him there! I was so embarrassed! Not because of the boy; but because, I was cutting class with a boy when I should have been in class. My Father ripped the boy a new one! But this is what happens, when the Father is not in the home, so all my Father could do, was tell my Mother, and my Mother would put me on punishment.

When I was 17, I got pregnant, and I was still in High School. I loved the times as a Teenager spending with my Father, it felt good to have a strong Dad. I didn’t know that my Father was sick, I had spent the weekend with him, and I listened to what he was talking about. I was embarrassed listening to some of the things he was saying, but he was just Keepin’ it Real with me. He was thinking bigger for me than, I was at that time for myself, so I didn’t see the big picture of all that he was saying, about being anything that I wanted to be. My Father wanted me to make something out of myself, to not be, like the other young girls, out there that don’t finish school, or finish school, and get pregnant.

Leukemia, a Cancer, that had torn a strong man down! My Father didn’t even look like himself, he was so frail looking, so weak, he could hardly move or barely speak. I always covered my stomach whenever I went to see him. My mother made sure that I went to the hospital to see my Father. I would go, and stand, and look at him from the hospital room doorway, I just couldn’t do it! I didn’t want to see him like that; I would go home knowing that I didn’t go into the room, and when my Mother, would ask me did I go to the hospital, and see my father…I would say yes.

When my Father passed away, I was seven months pregnant with my Son. I was that girl that my Father, didn’t want me to be like; I had gotten pregnant while in High School, and he never knew that.

I graduated, and walked across the stage, but I didn’t get a high school diploma, because I was like two credits short in Physical Education, aka, Gym! I had to go to Summer School to make up for the credits for Gym. I looked down at myself in that horrible school bathing suit, I had to wear! It’s was Summer- time, and I’m still in School! I’m seven months pregnant, and Miserable!

I wasn’t the only one taking Gym, it was males there as well for whatever reasons, and some Females. The Males was boys, that I went to school with, boys that was my Homeboys at one time. The Females that were there was not there, because they were pregnant, they just never went to gym class. I was just uncomfortable, and I was embarrassed. All I had to do, was go to Summer School for Gym, which was just swimming for all of us, and then, I could get my Diploma in the mail…I just couldn’t do it! So now, I was pregnant with no High School Diploma. I know my Father would not be happy with me, he was probably turning around in his grave. (I don’t know why we say that! Is that even possible?)

I didn’t spend that much time with my Father, but the times that I did spend with him, he did bring me around the Family, and to my Grandfather’s funeral whom I don’t ever remember officially meeting. My Father introduced me to my Sister Kya. The words that came out of my Father’s mouth was, This is your Sister Kya. I was like wow! Another Sister! At that time Kya was about 26 years old, and I was 17. I was happy about meeting my Sister Kya; she was different, she was crazy, outgoing, a little wiry, on some kind of Happy Cloud, but I fell in love with her, she was real, she took me under her wing, and I felt like I had a big Sister! It was love at first sight.

Kya was different from the other’s Brothers and Sisters, there were so many of us, they didn’t show interest in me, like Sisters and Brothers should, but Kya did. She was happy to meet me as well; and she was so beautiful! She had this big sunshine filled smile, that brightened up the room where every she was. Whatever came out of her mouth, she had no regrets, she said what she meant, and she meant what she said. She was Cocky, Boisterous, and can give you attitude, and you couldn’t tell her shit! She was a New Yorker!!!!

Kya, lived in Baltimore, Md at the time; we kept in touch for a little while, and reunited again, at my Father’s funeral. Kya, had come back to New York, with a Boyfriend, and I tell you, they were high as a kite! Again, I was embarrassed, I was only 17, and seven months pregnant. My Sister, called me Preggo.

Kya had brought me around and introduced me to her family on her Mother’s side, and some of her friends. I felt kind of embarrassed being young, and pregnant. I sat, and listened, as my Sister, and her friends and family, laughed drank, and got high! I was getting a contact high, just by sitting there.

On our way to the Funeral, my Sister, asked me did I want to take a puff of weed; because I began crying, thinking about the Man that had Fathered both of us, brought us both together, and now was gone. I just needed to not face the hurt and pain at that moment. I didn’t want to cry, and I didn’t want to say goodbye. I was having his Grandson… So, I took a Puff, and felt like I was floating on a cloud. The front row was dominated by my Father’s kids from a previous Marriage, and they didn’t think that we belonged up front with them. I didn’t know if he was even divorced or not; maybe not, because his family was sitting up front.

My Sister, did not like that; we were his Kids as well; we should be up front to… Is what my Sister demanded, and she got it, and some family members, wasn’t feeling my Sisters demand at that moment. Meanwhile, I’m high as a Kite; my body was sitting there, but my mind was on another Planet somewhere. My Sister, meanwhile, is making jokes, and laughing, trying to get me to laugh, as I was floating on a cloud. The Service wasn’t as bad for me, because I was high; if I wasn’t high, I would have been a complete mess.

Kya went back to Baltimore, and eventually we lost contact. I tried to find her, but I couldn’t, I didn’t know where she was at; she moved, I moved, and I even tried to track down her Mother, but I didn’t know her last name. So, I just had to let go, and just remember, that I had a Sister, somewhere out there. I needed her in my life, I need that Big Sister, as she called me her, Big little Sister. I didn’t know if I would ever see her again.

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CHAPTER FOUR

HOW IT ALL BEGAN

1980

I t was the 1980’s, and I was 15 years old, and in High School; it was a time that I wished, I could hurry up, and grow up so, I could do whatever I wanted to do especially when there was a boy involved.

I wanted to be a Star! I wanted to live the Good life, I wanted to make it Rain, and I was gonna be a Famous Female Rapper, like my favorite Old School, Female Rapper, MC LYTE! I liked her style, her flow, her attitude. I Rapped, I wrote Lyrics, I watched all the Hip Hop Videos on, YO! MTV RAPS! I grew up in the East Coast era of Rappers like, Chubb Rock, Sugar Hill Gang, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Curtis Blow, Kool Moe Dee, Special K, Special Ed, Rakim, Public Enemy, Run DMC, Whoodini, the Real Roxanne, and Queen Latifa. I mean it’s was so many great Artist, that I couldn’t begin to name them all.

In the Early 80’s my friends, and I started our own Female Rap Group, called, The Five Female Jammers, I wrote my own bars, and I was the lead Rapper in the group. We battled, other Female Rap groups, we performed at parties, and I was the Star. My friends would probably disagree, but it’s my story!

I just knew that I was going to be the next MC LYTE! I could feel it! I had a binder full of Raps! I just needed some direction! I could write Lyrics! I had written hundreds of Raps! I had a passion for the spotlight, I wanted everyone to know who I was. I had a talent that I wanted to show the world!

My friends wanted to be celebrities as well, we all had dreams! Most of the kids in the Hood, wanted to be Rappers! or something! But in order to reach those dreams, we had to really want to do what it took to get it. In order, to achieve our dreams, reach our goals we needed to not let go of our Passion for whatever we wanted to do, we were young we had our whole lives ahead of us. But we didn’t stay focused, we let Boys and Sex, deter our dreams, and we lost focus, and that’s when the Kids started coming; and that’s when it was all over for my Rap Career that quick.

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CHAPTER FIVE

BAKEIM SR.

B akeim Sr, was my high school sweetheart; he was about 6 feet tall, dark skin complexion, he was very mature, and knowledgeable for his age. Bakeim Sr, wasn’t a bad boy, he was brought up, as I did, believing in Jesus Christ. His Mother was very religious; she put nothing or no one before God. We were both affiliated with the 5% Nation of Islam; so, we lived a very strict, and righteous life as Teenagers.

Bakeim Sr, was a very strict Father; we didn’t eat Pork, no smoking, no drinking, no partying none of that; we studied our Islamic Lessons, and we interacted with others affiliated with the 5% Nation of Islam. I loved being affiliated with the Nation of Islam, because it taught Women, how to conduct themselves in the Proper Manner, how to be a Mother and Wife. We fasted, we prayed, we learned how to eat healthy, what was bad for you to eat, what was good to eat, we studied are Islamic lesson religiously, and we learned our History.

My Son, Bakeim Jacari Allah McCall, was born on July 24, 1983. Then a year later, we did what was expected of us via the Bible, we got Married on September 29, 1984.

November 2, 1984, my Daughter Bakeisha Arabia Horizan, Earth McCall, and then my youngest Daughter EastAsia Paradize Earth McCall, was born on August 10, 1987. I was a full-blown Mother now.

I just knew that, I would be with my Husband for the rest of my life, because that’s how it was supposed to be; which was fine with me, I didn’t want anyone else. We were both strict on the kids, we were Over- Protective. I didn’t work, so I stayed at home, while my husband went to work. While he was at work, I had begun looking into a Passion that still existed within