Overcoming Abuse: Child Sexual Abuse Prevention and Protection: A Guide for Parents Caregivers and Helpers

By Reina Davison and Victoria Aleice

Overcoming Abuse: Child Sexual Abuse Prevention and Protection is an encyclopedic manual for parents, caregivers or helpers to educate their self and train children on body safety. This is an indispensable resource for anyone who is interested in becoming aware and informed about child sexual abuse (CSA). It is an informative reservoir on the dynamics of child sexual abuse, the sex offender profile, and a guide on how to protect and prevent a child from being a target of CSA anywhere, including the internet. Instructs the adult: on initiating conversation to help the child gain an understanding about the precious gift of his body. Introduces and walks the adult through a healthy age-appropriate biblical perspective on human sexuality. The process of overcoming CSA for the parent/caregiver and child is spelled out (whether the parent/child have experienced CSA or not) healing and hope are offered. An example of a Body Safety Family Plan is provided to develop the skills of self-protection. The parent/caregiver are able to reassure the child that home is where love is—and CSA is not!

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 26, 2019
• ISBN: 9781973680215

Reina Davison

Reina Davison completed the trauma and abuse post-graduate program at the University of Texas. She received her post-graduate training from the marriage and family therapy program at the Karl Menninger School of Psychiatry and Mental Health Sciences. Davison is a marriage and family therapist and has taught sociology, marriage and family, and cultural anthropology as adjunct faculty. She is a U.S. Army veteran with a Master of Clinical Social Work from the University of Kansas. To bring the message of Overcoming Abuse: My Body Belongs to God and Me to your organization, church, or event, visit: www.overcomingabuse.info Victoria Aleice holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in studio art from the University of Mary Hardin-Baylor. The two passions in her life since childhood are art and horses. In her free time, you will find her nose stuck in a good book. Telling a story has always captivated Victoria’s imagination and has drawn her to all of the colors that surround her—Created by the ultimate Creator! She has illustrated this book with her favorite color pencils and has illustrated other books. Visit her website at: www.victoriaaleice.com

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Copyright © 2020 Reina Davison.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

The information, ideas, and suggestions in this book are not intended as a substitute for professional advice. Before following any suggestions contained in this book, you should consult your personal physician or mental health professional. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising as a consequence of your use or application of any information or suggestions in this book.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Art Credit: Victoria Aleice

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8020-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-8021-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019919610

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/26/2019

CONTENTS

RELEASE OF LIABILITY

FOREWORD

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

NOTE ON SELECTED TERMINOLOGY

HOW TO BEST USE THIS BOOK

PART I EDUCATING SELF, CHILD, AND OTHERS ABOUT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Child Sexual Abuse Defined

Prevalence of Child Sexual Abuse

Child Sexual Abuser Profile

Why Do Child Sexual Abusers Abuse?

Child Sexual Abuser Grooming Behaviors

Stages of Child Sexual Abuse

Seeks to Gain Access

Misuse of Power, Trust, and Authority

Crosses Limits and Boundaries

Controls and Silences

The Reasons a Child Victim of Sexual Abuse Does Not Tell

The Child that is Most Vulnerable to CSA

The Child Sexual Abuse Victim Profile

The Consequences of Child Sexual Abuse

The Child Sexual Abuser and the Judicial System

Educating & Training Your Child on CSA

God’s Plan for Our Bodies

Teaching CSA Safety at Age-Appropriate Levels

Birth to Toddler – HOPE

Toddler to Five Years – WILL, PURPOSE

Age Six to Twelve – COMPETENCE

Age Twelve to Eighteen – FIDELITY

PART II BECOMING AWARE OF CSA AND IMPLEMENTING SAFETY

Focus on Safety: What to DO

Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Tips:

Focus on Safety: What NOT to Do

Body Safety Guide

What to DO to Reduce the Risks Created by Devices & Social Media

What to DO to Reduce the Risk of Pornography Use

What to DO to Reduce the Risk of Child Sexual Abuse

Body Safety Family Plan

A Grandparent’s Role in CSA Prevention & Protection

Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) Symptoms

How to Address CSA with the Offender Privately & in Public

Parent/Caregiver Prevention Role

Steps to Protect Your Child and Prevent CSA

PART III OVERCOMING CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

If Your Child Discloses Sexual Abuse

If Your Child Is Sexually Assaulted

You and Your Child Can Overcome CSA

Encourage Your Child

Encourage Yourself

There is Healing and Hope After CSA

ENDNOTES

RESOURCES

RELEASE OF LIABILITY

This book has been written with the intent of providing helpful information on child sexual abuse prevention and protection. The author highly recommends the reader avoid skimming this book, as skimming could result in misunderstanding of the content and message. If, as a reader, you find this work on the dynamics, consequences, and proposed solutions to child sexual abuse offensive, it may be that you are not the intended audience. This book was not written to be used as a diagnostic tool or to treat any child sexual abuse problems; consult a mental health or medical provider for diagnostic treatment. The author and publisher are not liable in responsibility for any mental, medical, or economic needs that require professional supervision, and they are not liable for any negative consequences or damages from any exercises, clinical recommendations, or theological suggestions to any person reading or following the information provided in this book. Resources and references are provided for useful purposes and are information that may change with time and do not constitute endorsement of any organization, website, or other sources.

The facts, statistics, details, and data are presented as informational content and not to be held as the author’s or publisher’s endorsement. The contents are not a warranty or guarantee or implied belief of the publisher’s choice to allow any of the contents in this book. The readers certify and agree that if any difficulty is experienced by reading portions of this book whereby past trauma is triggered that they will seek support. The reader is responsible for his/her own free-will choice to read the book contents and for any actions as a result of reading this book. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable for any personal, or otherwise, social media comments/reviews, loss, or injury or special, incidental, or consequential damages resulting from a person’s choice to read this book.

The work in this book has been presented solely as a guide and educational source. The author and publisher are not offering a cure-all method for child sexual abuse. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be held liable to any person or entity with respect to alleged libel or alleged invasion of privacy caused indirectly or directly by the information contained in this book. Any similarity to any reader’s profile or circumstances is purely coincidental. Each child sexual abuse circumstance has various dynamics which determine the interventions/strategies that may or may not be recommended for the particular abuse situation. Any definitions of child sexual abuse or scenarios cited which constitute immoral acts are solely described for the purpose of explaining the level of trauma experienced and are written about for the purpose of education. Child sexual abuse is an ungodly act. Sexual abuse in modern society is no different than that which is cited in the Bible as the immorality of Sodom, Gomorrah, and Babylon, and that which is spoken of in Judges 19:25, Deuteronomy 22:25-26, Leviticus 18:6, 2 Samuel 13: 5-17, and Mark 7:21-22.

There are realities and truths which are the foundation of child sexual abuse and that are against God’s moral principles. The author, assistants in publishing, and the publisher do not endorse explicit immoral acts outside of the biblical principles, which are consistent with Christian morality. Any discussions of godless behaviors are presented not to have blunt discussions on amoral acts, but to present the truth about sexual abuse and to offer prevention, possible solutions, a reconciliation with God’s moral principles, as well as a relationship with Him. The author, those involved in the preparation or publishing of this book, and its publisher assume no responsibility for any reader who chooses to label this book’s contents as impure, obscene, or unholy material. To deny parents or caregivers access to information on how to prevent and protect children from the trauma of child sexual abuse or to remove the truth about child sexual abuse invites satan and the abuser to maintain the problem (sin) of child sexual abuse in our society.

The author has researched data and sources which are believed to be reliable information that is in accordance with the professional code of ethics and current standards of practice at the time of publication. In the event of the possibility of human error or changes in the medical and mental health sciences, neither the author nor the editor and publisher, or any other parties who were involved in the process or publication of this book guarantees that the information contained in this work is complete and flawless in respect to accuracy and they are not responsible for accidental omissions, errors, or any outcomes which result from the use of the information in this book. Readers are encouraged to consult with Scripture, continue the research contained in this book, and to confirm with additional sources.

But Jesus said, Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 19:14

FOREWORD

Almost no parent talks about sex with their children! I recently attended a large conference where the speaker asked how many in the audience had a meaningful talk about sex with their parents? One person raised her hand. The next question was how many of you discussed sex with your children? Again, one hand was raised.

The sad truth is today if we do not discuss sexual issues with our children they will be ill equipped to navigate life. The problem is, most parents have no idea what they should say to their children. So we say nothing or we have only a few cursory words with our child in a very awkward meeting that is awkward for you and awkward for your child.

If you don’t have the discussion, your children will learn about sex from internet porn sites or from each other on social media. This means they will learn about sex in all the wrong places. The issue is no longer an option. A parent can no longer assume his or her child will know how to recognize and respond to sexual advances from family, friends, and strangers.

A child who is unaware that offers of candy, kind words, or hugs are often the first step a sexual offender will take, is vulnerable to sexual abuse. This includes the trauma of sexual abuse which affects every aspect of a child physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually for the remainder of their life. The question is, if a predator reaches out to your child, will he or she know how to respond? She will not know how to respond if you have not previously talked to your child. But, you may ask, how do I talk with my child about this issue?

The book in your hands will provide the information you need to address the issue of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA), prevention and protection. It is a guide for parents, caregivers, and helpers. The author, Reina Davison, has also written a companion book for preschool to elementary age children entitled, My Body Belongs to God and Me.

Overcoming Abuse: Child Sexual Abuse Prevention and Protection is divided into three parts: Part I, Educating self, child, and others about Child Sexual Abuse (CSA); Part II, Becoming aware of CSA and Implementing Safety; Part III, Overcoming Child Sexual Abuse.

The information in the forty one subheadings of this book will answer virtually every question you may have on child sexual abuse. Questions such as: how do you recognize a sexual offender? What is the prevalence of child sexual abuse? What is the impact of sexual abuse on a child? What should you share with your child now and at each age as he or she matures? What is a grandparent’s role? What if I learn my child has been sexually assaulted?

The author, Reina Davison, has written her book through the lens of a loving God who loves every child. Davison is well-prepared to discuss the child sexual abuse issue. She studied Marriage and Family Therapy at the Karl Menninger School of Psychiatry and Mental Health Sciences, and is a marriage and family therapist. She also completed her Master of Clinical Social Work at the University of Kansas and a post-graduate program on Trauma and Abuse at the University of Texas. Davison has taught sociology, marriage and family, and cultural anthropology as adjunct faculty. She has worked with a multitude of populations including child day care, the military, prison, agencies on aging, in-patient and out-patient care in city, veteran’s, private hospitals and private practice.

Finally, the book covers every area of child sexual abuse including healing from child sexual abuse, and there is also a resource with a long list of organizations that can provide information, help and advice -- organizations such as the National Advocacy Center, Childhelp USA, and the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.

I encourage every parent with children, every grandparent, and all who teach or serve children to read this book and be empowered to share, teach and train the children in their care how to protect themselves from sexual abuse. It is our responsibility to ensure their safety so they are able to live a healthy joy-filled life, uncomplicated by the experience of sexual abuse.

Train up your child in the way he should go and one day your child will thank you!

John K. Graham, M.D., D.Min., MSc., President and CEO,

Institute for Spirituality and Health at the Texas Medical Center, Houston

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

All praise and thanksgiving to the Creator of all things…the Creator of this book…God. It is God’s Holy Spirit Who implanted the idea of this book and its ministry in my heart. Immeasurable gratitude goes to all whom I spoke with, shared with, and prayed with. A lot of you who prayed with me continued to pray for the publication of this ministry. Sometimes even strangers whom I met while conducting research or in day to day life united with me on this journey—which then further developed this book. Thank you to each of you for your support through the details of the publishing process and for joining forces with me on this mission to assist parents and those in the helping professions in protecting children.

Victoria Aleice, thank you for allowing God to use your gift of art in developing the cover for this book. Your ability to envision with me what the Lord had placed in my heart for the book cover along with what He placed in your spirit created the images depicted in this book. Thank you for becoming my ally in this ministry to help the abused and for taking me along with you through a divine color-filled adventure!

Mary Ellis Rice, you were and always will be the first proofreader and editor to each of my books in the Overcoming Abuse book series. You poured yourself over the manuscripts from the very beginning leaving me confident that you were not only skilled as a professor of writing but genuinely interested in being a part of this much needed service for the abused. Thank you for helping propel this work!

Jessica R. Everson, thank you for your editorial services which made a statement about your professionalism and supernatural powers of skill and time-management! Your work ethic will always be appreciated as a part of your care over this project.

Amy Mize, you have been an orchestrated appointment. Saying thank you cannot express the length of the extra miles you have gone with impromptu notice to assist with your photography skills. In spite of your various ministries inside and outside of home; you are always ready to give from the blessings of your talents. I am certain our Lord has looked down upon you and said, Well done, good and faithful servant.

Thank you to all who have labored in the preparation and completion of this book at WestBow Press and to Bob DeGroff. Bob, thank you for your sincere, kind, and helpful attitude towards authors and all of those around you!

A deep thanks to all of you who invested time reading the manuscripts right before publication. Thank you for providing your valuable feedback for reviews.

Dr. Graham thank you for your generous servant’s heart! In addition to your already overflowing responsibilities you willingly accepted the calling of reading two manuscripts from the Overcoming Abuse series and wrote a Foreword. Thank you for your God-giving spirit towards this ministration.

I am grateful for the blessing of my family of origin and to my immediate family who has prayed for my books to develop and for those books to affect lives for the better. Thank you to you that I love and am proud to call family. To my sisters-in-Christ to whom I have already disclosed, that I have declared you as family, including Mom Frazer; thank you for your encouragement of my writing, your prayers are intangible and I am grateful to report that they have been answered through the publishing of the message in this work…to all in this acknowledgment…this book is dedicated to you!

NOTE ON SELECTED TERMINOLOGY

For the purpose of readability and in an effort to select multiple universal terms, I have elected to use the words child sexual abuser, spouse, abuse, perpetrator, and victim. As a term, abuse can involve all forms and