Excuse You!: The Benefits of Living Courteously

By Linda J Williams

Did you ever hold the door for someone who walked right through without thanking you? You want to say very loudly, “Excuse You!” That kind of scenario captures the essence of this book. During random conversations about rudeness, I began to think, “How can we, who believe rudeness is rampant, initiate change?” In reality, only the individual can change or improve themselves. We must become a glaring example of courtesy as rude individuals are glaring examples to us.

Can we really make our own lives better by being nice to someone else? “Excuse You!” says, without question, yes! It begins with a brief description of how courtesy originated. The focus then shifts to identify obstacles to being more courteous, solutions to overcome obstacles, and a plan for change. That thing we complain about (rudeness) is within our power to reverse. I invite you to discover a different perspective of courtesy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 13, 2019
• ISBN: 9781728303635

Linda J Williams

Linda J. Williams has dedicated over 25 years of her life to helping others. Her credentials as a Certified Etiquette Consultant, Certified Book Coach, author, speaker and ministry leader with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Sociology and a Master of Arts in Education validate her knowledge and wisdom. Her goal is to help others discover and grow in their purpose to bring God glory.

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© 2019 Linda J. Williams. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  03/12/2019

ISBN: 978-1-7283-0364-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-0363-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019902880

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

This book is dedicated to the light of my life, my granddaughter Anella, whose cute smile, random responses of Halleluah and thank you at the appropriate times at 1-year-old gives all who know her a reason to smile.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1 -    Etiquette And Civility

Chapter 2 -    When Did Courtesy Begin?

Chapter 3 -    Loss Of Courtesy

Chapter 4 -    Personal Embarrassments

Chapter 5 -    Identifying Obstacles

Chapter 6 -    Overcoming Difficulties

Chapter 7 -    You Decide

Chapter 8 -    Outside Your Comfort Zone

Chapter 9 -    Blueprint For Change

Chapter 10 -  A New Beginning

Chapter 11 -  Our Ongoing Process

FOREWORD

T HE INITIAL CONVERSATION between Linda and I regarding church etiquette was in 2009. Her kind demeanor and genuine concern for the people of God and His house came across with sincerity and humility. Linda seeks to help the world comprehend that civility and courtesy should be as natural to people in general and even more so to Christians as breathing. She is aware, however, that everyone is not as astute to the benefits of living a courteous life. This book was written to assist the believer as well as the non-believer to transform from discourteous to courteous behavior through a relevant and meaningful approach.

When people are rude and unkind to others, their behavior can be compared to being in a dark stormy sea and not sure of their way. This book is the lighthouse on the shore. It will guide the reader to a place of safety and understanding. There may be large rocks along the path, however the beacon of light in Chapter 5 will help to identify obstacles, followed by Chapter 6 which helps overcome difficulties on the journey to living a courteous life.

There are people who have waited a lifetime for an in-depth, easy to follow book which provides all the basics needed to start living more courteously. A book that helps them identify their imperfections without judgement and provides real life examples of how to address their concerns on an ongoing basis.

This is a magnificent faith-based book, I encourage you to take the time to read, reflect, pray for guidance and thank God for using Linda J. Williams to share her gift and help teach us all, the benefits of living courteously. We no longer have any excuses.

Dr. Regina K. Huffman

INTRODUCTION

R ECENTLY, A FRIEND of mine was picking up a package. There were several people in line ahead of her and each one had to be asked for the tracking number and identification to pick up their package. They were either not ready or didn’t have the proper information with them. A woman ahead of my friend had ID but it didn’t match the information on the package. The customer was giving the representative a hard time and making a scene. When it was my friend’s turn she walked up to the counter and said to the representative, Good afternoon, how are you? She then showed the tracking number on her phone to the representative as well as her ID. Ironically, her ID did not match the information on her package, but the representative handed her the package anyway and told her to have a nice day.

There is much to be said for being courteous and following instructions. The benefit—as it was to my friend that day—was that it made this task easier for her. Being pleasant to others brings many benefits to our everyday lives. There has been a drastic change in how we behave in today’s society. Unfortunately, this story is not an unusual one. Whether at work, in the grocery store or dining at a restaurant, we find that people, even when they are wrong, have no patience and inappropriate attitudes. I find myself having conversations all the time with strangers as we watch the behavior of others in various situations. So, your question may be, what is inappropriate?

While that term may mean different things to different people, using profane language, making obscene gestures to those in service positions such as cashiers and wait staff, only scratch the surface. Rude behavior runs the gamut from people bumping into others while preoccupied on their cell phones (and not saying excuse me) to people labeling others with derogatory names to belittle them. The list goes on and on. In my friend’s case it was simply the difference between being polite and being impolite in identical scenarios.

As I began writing this book, I wanted it to be different. I didn’t want to just state the rules as there are books about that already. I didn’t just want to write a book with my opinions because everyone has a different view on the subject. I wanted it to be factual, but to touch the hearts as well as the minds of those who read this book. I want them to understand that there is a relevant link between how we treat others and the quality of our own lives. I wanted to write so that people of all races, backgrounds, religious beliefs and ethnicities who believe in the principle of courtesy could have a connection. I wanted a book that would provide information to make a difference in how we behave toward one another for the good of everyone.

There are many books out there on pursuing your passion and purpose. There are also many books that grace the shelves about the rules of etiquette, treatment of each other, rudeness, etc. This book combines these topics in a unique way. Not only will you gain information on the benefits of being courteous, you will also learn how to be diligent in any change you undertake. I include in this book some of my experiences with rude behavior over the years. I did this to show that, even as an etiquette consultant, there are times I deal with situations where it can be difficult to control your own behavior. Hopefully my experiences will be of help to you.

Courtesy is an antiquity. In my professional opinion, it appears that being courteous and civil to others does not have the importance that it used to have. My goal was to write a book that would inspire those of us who want to see a reset to those attributes being important once again with motivation and direction to begin that transition. I wanted the book to provide a specific roadmap to help those who either want to change their behavior or motivate a change in others. This involved researching historical origins; how things used to be versus how they are now and how we arrived at where we are today. I believe this book to be a combination of all of these points.

As I listened for divine direction, I was guided to the times in our world when it was deemed necessary to create rules for behavior to avoid conflict or even bloodshed. The implementation of rules of kindness and/or politeness was not necessarily welcomed, but were accepted respectably at those times and made a difference in the world. Since we are so much more intelligent and civilized in today’s society, a reset to an atmosphere of being courteous should be relatively easy to do. The alluring part of this process is that both the recipient and the giver prosper from this positive behavior.

When we think about this subject it is not only important for Christians, professionals or children; it is important to and for everyone. It benefits our society as well as individuals to be more considerate of others. Exhibiting polite behavior in attitudes and mannerisms makes an important statement as to whom you are as a person.

I believe that, by the completion of this book, you will be convinced that the benefits of living a courteous life are worth the effort that will be required. If our united goal is to Make courtesy great again in this country, we who are committed to it must reintroduce it into our country one day, one act and one person at a time.

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The time is always right to do the right thing.

–Martin Luther King, Jr.

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CHAPTER ONE

ETIQUETTE AND CIVILITY

I REMEMBER MY VERY first etiquette workshop in 1999. It was a small group of high school students involved in a scholarship program. My son was a member of the program and suggested that I do a workshop on etiquette (out of the mouth of babes). He had attended a dinner the day before with other students in the program and was telling me about the poor table manners of several of the students. After explaining the behaviors , he said, Mom, you should give them a class on table manners. I thought about it and decided to present the idea to the sponsors of the program who thought it was a great idea.

After completing the first workshop I discovered two things: The first was that I became acutely aware that the art of good manners was disappearing in our children. Some of the most simplistic rules of etiquette such as not talking when others are talking were lacking. It is not because children do not have good parents, it is more so because the world has changed. Family dynamics have changed causing some parents to lose sight of, or don’t have the time to train children in the importance