“How Dare You!” Insidious Ways Women Are (Mis)Treated: The #Metoo Movement: a Memoir, Experiences of Others and How to Heal

By Lucy Papillon Ph.D.

The #MeToo movement has revealed an insidious epidemic that plagues society. Sexual assault is easy to deny that it happened at all—both for the victim and the perpetrator. Often there is no evidence. It can take years for some victims to find their voice around sexual assault, if at all. Meanwhile the perpetrators’ misuse of sexual power can deny their culpability forever.

Dr. Lucy Papillon relies on her own #MeToo experiences as well as case studies from eighteen years of clinical practice to explore rape culture and its effects on women, examine the ways in which trauma and mistreatment can change a woman’s entire life, and demonstrate the necessity of facing darkness to reach the light of equality. Dr. Papillon blends personal narratives with practical tools to invoke awareness in both genders of how systemic and pervasive the problem has become while gently suggesting helpful methods to break through barriers to effect positive change and inspire those suffering from abuse to reclaim their power.

How Dare You! shares compelling stories and useful tools to paint a poignant portrait of present-day culture and empower women and those suffering from abuse to participate in their own journey toward awareness and recovery.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Jan 23, 2019
• ISBN: 9781480871809

Lucy Papillon Ph.D.

Lucy Papillon Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Hermosa Beach and Beverly Hills, California. She has served on the faculty at UCI Medical School, authored two books, and appeared as an expert in numerous publications. Dr. Papillon currently lectures throughout the United States and the world. For more about her, visit www.drpapillon.com.

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Copyright © 2019 Lucy Papillon Ph.D.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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COVER PHOTO:

Shaun Lang

www.ShaunLang.com

ISBN: 978-1-4808-7181-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-7179-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4808-7180-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018914654

Archway Publishing rev. date: 1/17/2019

Contents

Chapter 1 You’ve Got a Lot of Nerve

Chapter 2 If These Walls Could Speak

Chapter 3 Don’t Stop Believin’

Chapter 4 The Times, They Are a-Changin’

Chapter 5 Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

Chapter 6 Here Comes the Sun

Chapter 7 Twist and Shout

I

dedicate this book to a very giving, kind and multi-talented man, Ben Caswell, who was indispensable during the process of writing this book. He often edited the manuscript alongside me before we sent it to the team of editors. He also brought a fresh look and new set of eyes to the book, which was always beneficial to me. I am extremely blessed because he is also my beloved son.

Chapter 1

You’ve Got a Lot of Nerve

I want my stuff back …

stealing my shit

from me

don’t make it yours

makes it stolen …

and it wasn’t a

spirit took my

stuff

was a (man)

I made too much room for.

Ntozake Shange

ONE SUNDAY MORNING, a seven-year-old waited in line forty-five minutes in order to speak to the senior pastor of a huge downtown church in a large city. This minister, when the little girl got to him, said, in an angry voice, "What are you doing here?" I was that little girl, and it was one of the many abusive experiences I had growing up. Since my father never seemed to have time for me, I had thought that maybe, just maybe, he would give me attention in this line. He was giving attention to all the other people who had come to the service and were in line that morning. I was wrong.

I am sharing a little of my story because my experience is directly related to the #MeToo movement. I picked the word insidious to describe the remarks and behaviors of so many people in my life (and perhaps yours). It captures those behaviors that are not in keeping with accepted standards of what is right, as well as contrary to our values and welfare. My parents were both distant and very mean to me the entire time I lived at home and even when I left to go to graduate school. My mother was threatened by me; she knew my father had been sexually inappropriate with me, though she had no proof of that. I remember he had been exposing himself one day; his bathroom was right next to my bedroom, so it was not difficult for this unthinkable behavior to occur without anyone else knowing about it.

Because my father was a well-known minister, I was introduced to ministers all the time. His associate would come over to me almost every Sunday and say inappropriate words to me, hugging me too tight and for too long. Then he would walk away (thinking I probably liked it; I didn’t). Another minister often did the same thing—hug me too long and too tightly, saying words I was offended by. He too would then walk away. In another church I went to when my father was out of town for a preaching engagement, I got to know the preacher. When I would go up to him to tell him I liked his