Bourne to Evolve: Through the Journey of Caregiving, Grieving and Building a New Life

By Jennifer Bourne White

Are you currently providing caregiver support for a loved one? Has your loved one passed away and now you’re dealing with the cycle of grief that fills your soul with questions as to how to deal with your sorrow and now move forward with your life?

Wherever you are in the journey of caregiving, grieving, or building a new life, Bourne to Evolve was written to enlighten your spirit with understanding, support, and inspiration to continue living your life and your spiritual evolution to the best of your ability. Having experienced fifteen years of caregiving for her husband then dealing with his death and then, only one year later, dealing with the death of her mother, Jennifer Bourne White has many relatable experiences to share with you in support of your personal journey.

Her hope is to provide you with comfort in knowing that although your journey of healing is unique to you and your life’s circumstances, you are not alone with your feelings and fears. The goal of this book is for you to gain strength and support through the lessons of evolution the journey provides your soul. There are stories you will relate to, helpful tips to help guide you through the journey, and inspirational stories of real-life experiences that will provide confirmation of the purpose of your journey from your departed loved one’s continual support and presence from the spirit realm.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Dec 23, 2018
• ISBN: 9781982218652

Jennifer Bourne White

Jennifer Bourne White has lived a life of long-term caregiving, grieving and starting over to build a new life following her husband, Al’s, extensive ongoing health issues and subsequent death. Although the journey was often challenging, she focused on the life lessons learned throughout and works to now help others also evolve throughout their journey. She currently resides in Henderson, Nevada, where she lived with her husband for twenty-seven years and now shares her home with her cat Zeus.

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Copyright © 2019 Jennifer Bourne White.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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ISBN: 978-1-9822-1864-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-1865-2 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date:   12/21/2018

CONTENTS

Introduction

PART 1:   THE JOURNEY OF CAREGIVING

Chapter 1:   Introduction To Caregiving

Chapter 2:   Surviving The Roughest Of Times

Chapter 3:   Taking Care Of You

PART 2:   THE JOURNEY OF GRIEVING

Chapter 4:   Introduction To Grieving

Chapter 5:   Moments Of Confirmation

Chapter 6:   The New Normal

PART 3:   THE JOURNEY OF BUILDING A NEW LIFE

Chapter 7:   Introduction To Building A New Life

Chapter 8:   Who Are We Now?`

Chapter 9:   The Power Of The Mind

Chapter 10:   When It’s Time To Evolve

Epilogue

Dedication

INTRODUCTION

You are about to embark on an eventful life story that is truly all about personal evolution. Hopefully as you reach the end of this story, you too will understand your incredible journey of evolution that is inclusive of self-love, love of family, love of spouse and love of life experiences which, when we get through the process with perspective (my favorite word!) you will see that it all works to enhance our soul’s journey.

The intention of this book is to help you navigate the entire process of caregiving, grieving and the subsequent rebuilding of your life with understanding, support and love. Wherever you are throughout this journey, it is really all about you and your personal story of evolution. Everyone’s journey is unique and yet there are elements of our journey that we have in common with others who are going through this journey, and that we can then use to support each other to make the journey as powerful and purposeful as possible.

As you read through this book, I’ll be sharing personal experiences and helpful advice that is intended to provide support throughout your personal journey and to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings, your thoughts, your concerns, and your goals.

We will first explore how life led me to the point of becoming a long-term caregiver along with the things I learned that helped me to cope with the varying degrees of sacrifice, patience and dealing with the test of love which is the ultimate test of caregiving.

Next, when the inevitable happens and your loved one passes, I’ll take you through the journey of grieving which, more than anything as I have learned, is a journey that is completely and thoroughly unique to you and your circumstances. Despite the uniqueness of your grieving experience, there are ways to understand your personal perspective and then deal with the grieving process as best as you can. I’ll share what has worked for me and how you can apply some of the tools that may also help you to move forward.

Which then brings us to the section about rebuilding a new life following the passing of your loved one. In my case, I lost the two people that I loved the most in my life—my husband of thirty years and my mother whom I loved dearly—within a year of each other. Between no longer being a Mrs. matched with no longer being someone’s child, it has been a soul-searching process of redefining from scratch exactly who I am and what I want out of life.

All of this balances around the story of your life before, during and after caregiving designed to teach you your key soul lessons so that you can evolve. Let’s take this journey together to learn and grow from the experience to the best of our soul’s abilities. We have guidance and support all around us and I’ll focus heavily on those elements that will support you throughout your journey.

I strongly suggest that you keep a journal by your side as you read through this book as there will be exercises provided throughout for you to record and digest your feelings so that you can move through the process with enlightenment.

My best wishes to you all for a peaceful and healing journey wherever you are in the caregiving, grieving or life rebuilding process.

WHO I AM

From the time I was born, our family moved every few years to different states due to my father’s corporate work life. Although changing schools so frequently gave me perpetual stomach ailments, it did help me to reinvent myself and thus end the cycle of bullying I endured since I was overweight and not at all attractive in my youth. Given that my last name was Bourne, school kids started calling me Butterball Blob Bourne to rile my feathers. That name endured throughout grade school since that was our longest stretch of living in one State—that being Florida. As I was about to start junior high school, my parents announced that we were going to move right away to Singapore. As a shy loner type of kid, I was nervous about moving overseas, starting a new school, making new friends, fitting into the local life, etc., etc., etc. However, it turned out to be one of the most joyous and pivotal experiences of my life. We spent three years living in Singapore where every day was a new adventure and, in the end, the experience taught me about acceptance of all souls including acceptance of myself. Thank you, Dad, for taking me on such a wonderful transformative adventure for my soul!

Following life in Singapore, we moved back to the States where I spent the next three years attending high school in Connecticut. Although I still wasn’t one of the popular girls, I did find a very joyous and rewarding experience being a DJ for our high school radio station. Music has always been my passion. Combine that with having what they termed back in the day as having a face for radio, I found myself in a better stage of acceptance. Our school had an FM station that broadcasted to a 90-mile radius so we enjoyed having listeners call in with music requests and words of praise. My boyfriend at the time, Joseph, produced the show and, together, we planned out the format and music. To this day I believe that the radio experience was my first major step into the realm of self-acceptance.

What sealed the deal, however, occurred during the summer following my high school graduation. I went sailing with Joseph on the Chesapeake Bay on what started out to be a beautiful and sunny day. Sailing was glorious until, out of the blue following five or so hours at sea, we were hit by a waterspout tornado that picked up our boat and flipped us over completely until the masts were deeply entrenched into the sandy floor. At the time I was busy in the galley whipping up some delicious cheese fondue and, yes, now you know that we’re talking about the late 70’s when this occurred. Joseph had been on the backside of the boat when the tornado struck and he was thrown off the boat upon impact. Miraculously, he had the wherewithal to know where he was in the water and that I was trapped in the boat and needed rescuing. As I was drowning in the water, I vividly remembered feeling such a sense of peace and feeling a glow of white light surrounding me. I was near death when he rescued me but, as my hero, he saved my life and we thus spent the night on the hull of the boat waiting for rescue until a ship finally came to our aid the following morning. We made it to land and thanked God and our rescuers for getting us to safety. Joseph later told me that I seemed very peaceful throughout the experience and thus helped him to stay calm and focused. Little did I know at the time that surviving such an intense near-death experience would forever change my life and forever change my entire being—inside and out.

Within a month, I headed off to New Jersey to start my life in college. Quite by accident, I stumbled upon a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer called Your Erroneous Zones which, little to my knowledge at that time, led me on a wonderful soul journey that helped me to comprehend the purpose of the near-death experience I had just survived and likewise led me on a life-long soul journey of seeking answers to the meaning of life in general and of my life in particular. Reading Dr. Dyer’s book started me on a quest to read every book I could get my hands on that lent perspective to the meaning of life and the purpose of our soul’s journey.

Oddly, when I went back home for Spring Break during my first year at college, I was chatting with my mother about my near-death experience and who I was morphing into because of that life-changing experience along with the impact of the books I’ve been reading. I remember Mom looking at me with fascination as she proceeded upstairs and brought down a book to show me that she coincidently found at a yard sale by Jane Roberts entitled Seth Speaks. Mom had not considered religious beliefs beyond the Christian Church teachings until she read Jane’s book but was now fascinated by the life purpose teachings of Seth Speaks. That shared topic of conversation then became the common theme of our discussions throughout our lives until Mom passed away in 2015.

After college, I moved to Florida, got a wonderful job with AT&T which started me on my path of Information Technology as a life-long career. Things were going well for many years in Florida until I turned the age of 28 and started what astrologists define as my Saturn Return. Saturn return is a cycle of total transformation that occurs every 28-30 years of our lives. This first one was a doozy. I experienced a devastating situation that left me contemplating if and how to rebuild my life once again. Very soon thereafter, however, my boss sent me on a business trip to San Francisco to attend a business conference. My boss had a niece named Sandra that lived in the Bay Area and he thought that we should meet while I was in the area. Sure enough, we met for dinner one night while I was there and we became instant friends. She suggested that I extend my trip through the weekend and she would show me the San Francisco sights. I absolutely fell in love with San Francisco and, upon my return to Florida, I told my boss about the joy of that trip and asked that if any job openings were available in San Francisco to please let me know as I would love to move there. Amazingly, within a matter of only a few months, I got the job transfer, packed up and quickly moved to beautiful San Francisco. Within a year’s time, I met my husband, Al, and commenced an amazing journey with my soulmate. Thank you Saturn Return. Oh, and the amazing aspect of this story is that several months after Al and I started dating, I invited Sandra over to meet Al and to join us for dinner. She rang the doorbell, I let her in and Al looked at her and said Oh my gosh … it’s Sandra! They had worked together selling products at a local shoe store more than 15 years ago and had not seen each other since.

So I of course was amazed at the spiritual connection and resulting karma of Sandra helping me fall in love with San Francisco so that I would move there and meet my soulmate Al whom she knew. Wow.

Is all of this a stroke of coincidence? I believe with all of my heart and soul that it was all a pre-arranged stroke of fate and resulting joyful karma. Indeed thank you so much Saturn Return. Now I’m in my Saturn Return phase again and I’ve just lost the two people that I loved the most in my life—my soulmate husband and my mother. What has karma brought me this time around in terms of total transformation? Read on and you will see.

THE JOURNEY OF

CAREGIVING

INTRODUCTION TO CAREGIVING

October 10, 1987, was the happiest day of my life in which I married my soulmate, Al. We spent the next three years living in the Bay Area of California which, in my opinion, is the most beautiful place on Earth.

Within a month following the 1989 Bay Area earthquake that shook our souls, I received a job transfer with IBM to move to Las Vegas, Nevada. As newlyweds, we knew that it was a smart decision for us to take the transfer in order to be able to afford to purchase a home and build the next phase of our lives together.

For the next ten years, we experienced joyful bliss while living, working and loving each other in Las Vegas. What we weren’t prepared for was the onslaught of nightmares that came upon us beginning in late 1999 when I was diagnosed and treated for thyroid cancer. A few short weeks following my surgical and radiation procedures, my dear father died from cancer. Fortunately, I was well enough at that point to be able to travel to Florida to be with my mother and brother in order to attend Dad’s funeral service. Two months later, Al was diagnosed with prostate cancer and immediately following his surgery, his kidneys failed which resulted in daily peritoneal dialysis. From that point forward and for the next fifteen years, Al experienced multiple surgeries, ongoing medical treatments and he endured non-stop pain from additional health issues. For those fifteen years, I learned the process and pains of being his caregiver.

Caregiving is a deeply personal and purposeful journey unique to your experience of caring for a spouse, a parent, a child, a sibling or perhaps a friend. Some caregiving journeys are short-lived and others endure for many years. The length of the journey and the intensity of the journey are unique to both the patient and the caregiver and many lessons are learned throughout the process.

Many of my friends and colleagues are likewise currently on the journey of caregiving and yet everyone that I talk to has a completely different experience based on their lives and the lives of those that they are caring for. There is also a tremendous difference in the journey of caregiving for a spouse vs. a child vs. a parent. Although the day-to-day duties may be similar, the depth of the intimate relationship fosters a unique emotional experience deep within you.

Many of the unique variables depend on your relationship to the patient. Are you a spouse whose marriage is being challenged by the many changes that are affecting your intimate relationship? Are you a parent who is grieving the incapacity of your beautiful child’s life? Are you yourself a child who is experiencing the pending orphan status of caring for and then losing your beloved parent?

Although all of these variable relationships are uniquely different, there are also many similarities that occur within your soul in order to process, and hopefully survive, the experience of caregiving.

We will explore many of these survival techniques together with the goal of learning our life’s lessons and therefore to evolve as souls throughout the process.

THE TOP FIVE CAREGIVING MYTHS

An outsider’s perception of the actual role of caregiving is quite different from the perception of those of us who