The Resting Place: Thoughts Along the Way

By James E. H. Mayer

A diverse collection of writings draws the reader into the realm of overcoming sexual abuse, finding a heartfelt path to forgiveness, and coming to understand the power of love that resides in our inner core, waiting to be released. Other writings explore ways of pushing past the gloominess we all experience in life that keep so many of us from seeing the brightness that awaits us just ahead; the author further explores the subjects of pride, doubt, embracing faith, living with a compassionate heart, and finding our place in life.

Building on insights gleaned from living in countries around the world, the author explores the state of indifference that is often found among people who fail to embrace the broader human condition; rather, the author suggests we too often see the self-focused, whats-in-it-for-me mentality that seems to have become a plague across the world. The author also explores an exception to the norm in nation building. He looks at the Republic of Korea and how it developed into such an economic world powerwhen only fifty years ago it ranked among the lowest in per capita income. He explores the secrets to their success and answers the question if those secrets can be adapted to the underdeveloped countries of the world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 28, 2013
• ISBN: 9781490808499

James E. H. Mayer

James E. H. Mayer lives in Mission Viejo, California, with his wife, Yongbok. During the course of his forty-five-year career, he lived in fifteen countries around the world. He and his wife have six children and twenty-three grandchildren.

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Copyright © 2013 James E. H. Mayer.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-0848-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-0847-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-0849-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013916725

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/18/2013

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Foreword

Sorrows Scattered On The Path

The Harvest*

I Am Third*

Rotary Letter

. . . With Liberty And Justice For All

The Spirit Within*

The Most Terrible Plague Of All*

Rotary Reprise*

A Friend To Walk With You*

Appropriating His Miracle

Doubt*

Rotary Reprise*

Republic Of Korea

Duty, Honor, Country*

A Salute, Of A Different Kind*

Growing Your Faith*

In His Season*

A Eulogy Of Love*

Brightness Behind The Clouds

The Hermit Kingdom

A Compassionate Heart

Pride

Rotary Reprise

Finding Our Place

The Higher Path

Healing After An Unexpected Loss

On Seeing The Rising Sun

Love

A Few More Poems

Afterword*

Acknowledgments

Cover is a photo I took of a Jeongja (a traditional Korean pavilion) built in Dang-jin, Chung-nam, Korea, by my friend, Dr. Um, Jungsik, a world renowned Korean Philosopher whose primary inquiry is Ethics. Dr. Um wanted a place to consider life’s questions. It’s a place I have found to give me time for repose and reflection through the years.

FOREWORD

The following pages continue my journey in Winding Through the Clouds: Lessons Still Being Learned in the Walk. My primary audiences in those writings were my grandchildren, family and close friends—I was writing to share some Truths about lessons I had learned in my own Walk.

The focus on the new texts is a bit different. They are more contemplative and introspective. I have written about characteristics I have seen in family members that appear to be a reflection of my own core. I have written a poem at the beginning of each new chapter that establishes the subject of the essay that follows. In each case, I have embedded the person’s name or identifying word that shows whose poem it is.

Other writings included in the book are my personal reflections on diverse subjects which are the result of being mixed with diverse cultures and experiences while living overseas for thirty plus years.

The first Chapter deals with the subjects of abuse and forgiveness—in this chapter I share two seminal experiences in my life that defined me for a number of years; the reader will learn how to overcome the haunts that often hinder our search for peace of mind. In the Chapters that follow, the reader will see how one can open their minds and their hearts in dealing with the issues of pride, finding ones place in life, pushing toward the brightness behind the clouds, staying on life’s path, what it means to have a compassionate heart, maximize the gifts that come our way and understanding the true nature of Love.

Interspersed among those writings are several essays—one deals with the impact of war at a very personal level, another looks at the meaning of the words ". . . with Liberty and Justice for all", one focuses on a haunting feeling about our country and our world, another looks at the events following September 11, 2001, and a final one considers one nation’s economic success and asks whether it is a model for the rest of the world to follow.

The hope of this book is that you will be fortified to move forward on your own walk with greater confidence and contemplation on how you can overcome horrendous personal experiences that have impacted your inner core. As you read these pages you will likely find yourself stopping and considering your personal haunts and seeking a path to a peaceful resolution.

The book will also help you in how to handle the issue of forgiveness. It will show you that once having dealt with forgiveness, really dealt with it, your path will be less fraught with pain. It will help you to better deal with stumbles in life that we all make and also show how you can be a source of encouragement to others that come across your path.

I am including writings from my first book printed by a missionary friend while my wife and I were living in Ethiopia. Those writings fit the theme of this book and will add to the readers understanding of relying on a source greater than oneself as one takes a moment to find a Restful Place and consider the paths you have wandered through your life.

It is my prayer that when you come to your Restful Place, you will find the Love that has always been there.

During the course of our lives we are touched by thousands of people—some more deeply than others. It is a rarity when we are affected to the very core of our being through our relationships. I want to dedicate this book to two people who have made such an impact in my life.

First is my wife, Yongbok. The older I get, the more complex I find myself to be. I have many haunts that have deeply scarred me over the course of my life. The writings that follow will highlight some of them and hopefully, show a path for healing.

What is remarkable about Yongbok is her ability to see deeply into the character of a person. She is able to see beyond the faults, haunts, and scars which surface from time to time; she can see the potentials that are seemingly hidden behind the exterior bravado that is so much a part of me. She realizes my challenges in finding acceptance. She understands the scars that have ached for healing. Very simply, in spite of everything, she accepts me for who I am. She never attacks my core; rather, Yongbok accepts me for who and what I am. Are there aspects of my inner core which she might wish were different? I would expect so but she has never hinted or suggested I knew there was something wrong with you.

Yongbok does not let the surface scars impact her fundamental acceptance of me as a person, a husband, a father and a grandfather. In those core areas, Yongbok brings a very unique acceptance in an unconditional love. We struggle at times in communicating our deepest thoughts because of language and cultural differences; but, through the Grace of God, we seem to overcome and, at the core, love one another deeply. For that, I am so very grateful.

The second person is Judy. In this book, the reader will find references to her. Judy has taught me a very important lesson concerning forgiveness. Through her example, she has proven that the most horrendous experiences in life can be turned to positives. She struggled as a young woman overcoming heartaches and disappointments. Because of my actions that are explained later in this book, we did not see one another for almost eighteen years. She reached out to me through a friend because of her deep love and concern for our eldest son. She needed our son to better understand the dangerous path on which he seemed to be heading. She blindly reached out to me in the hope that I might be able to guide him back to a better road. I hesitated, at first, because I was concerned about opening wounds of hers and mine which, over time, had healed or at least been protected.

I insisted that Judy and I talk before I would become a part of our son’s life. I was not prepared for her complete forgiveness. She taught me what forgiveness really meant. There were no specific words exchanged on the subject; rather, it was a steadfast focus that forgiving was more important than remembering.

Whether Judy is deeply haunted by the difficult challenges and decisions she alone was left to deal with is not clear; but I can say with certainty that she has no rancor or regrets for the decision she made in 1980 that I should become a part of our son’s life. Judy only looks to the positives in life. I gave her such pain at a young age. I do not ask for her forgiveness because it is not needed. Judy will likely be embarrassed to read these words. The idea that she taught me about forgiveness will seem strange to her.

Thank you, Judy, for your self-confidence and in finding your way through very challenging circumstances. As you read the pages that follow, you will understand the significance of your impact on my life these past forty plus years.

SORROWS SCATTERED ON THE PATH

Yet again those struggles come to mind scattered on the path;

Oh, if only I could leave them behind.

Needlessly, the hurt scars my soul,

Grabbing my peace,

Blocking the joy longed to be felt.

Obliged, it seems, I carry the unhappy memories

Kept deep in my heart,

Locked in the past,

Expecting to feel the peace hidden below the scars;

Except, am I the source who blocks the healing?

May today be the washing of past sorrows

Allowing the full measure of True Love to wipe the sadness away.

Yielding to the freedom of His peace

Experiencing His unending love.

Remembering no more the wounds left scattered on the path.

Sorrows Scattered on the Path

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. [Luke 11:14 NIV]

Sorrows Scattered on the Path looks at the area of forgiveness and how forgiveness can haunt us throughout of our lives until we are able to come to a proper understanding of what true forgiveness is all about. The preceding poem is a reflection of a character trait I found in my wife that was also a challenge I struggled with in my own life. I finally plowed my way through the struggle and thus the following is the result that I hope others will find encouraging.

I remember it well… my father was a casualty of WW II in August of 1944 leaving my mother and three boys to move forward alone . . . four years later, when I was only six years old it happened. Every detail is a vivid reminder of the devastating impact this life-altering experience had on me. I can still see him standing there looking down on me as I lay on the football field that was across the street from our home—it was just after dusk; his words and eyes were frightening. His face was crimson; there was spittle frothing at the corner of his mouth as he yelled at me. He threatened me with warnings that if I ever mentioned what happened to anyone, he would find me and I wouldn’t like what would happen.

I could do nothing but submit to him because I was so little and there was no one within ear shot that could come to my rescue. Because of his yelling, I figured I had done something wrong. I wasn’t sure why he was yelling at me. I remember crying—not at what had happened to me physically but because of his yelling at me. It scared me and confused me. I promised him I would never tell. In return he promised he wouldn’t hurt me. So for the next several years… .

In the midst of those experiences I became aware that what was happening was wrong. I cannot say with any certainty what the source of that awareness was. I only remember that there was a creeping cowering feeling growing deep inside of me that heightened the psychological conflicts and the inexplicable shame that I was feeling.

I was confused. That experience was having a devastating impact on my life—and would for years to come. It twisted my feelings of personal relationships—as I grew into my teenage years, love became a matter of giving and receiving pleasure—nothing deeper.

I was a psychological mess. I learned how to keep it hidden. It is probably the reason I still have the outward bluster that is my shield from people getting too close; getting too close to the truth of who I was—not who I am today.

We all seem to cling to past situations which deeply affected our personal interactions that keep us from moving forward. We remember those unkind words or actions that were so unfair and totally unwarranted. Somehow we cannot seem to let it go, unless… .

Years later there was another experience that I can now see had its roots in what is described above. I abandoned a young woman who was bearing our son. My concept of love did not include responsibility—it only revolved around pleasure. I had many excuses for the decision I made: a Priest convincing me I was too young and too immature to take the sacrament of marriage (quite an amazing bit of advice in retrospect); my step-father was adamant that I not marry the young woman and refused to allow my mother to provide her written approval which, at that time, was require in California (the solution to that problem was only a few hundred miles to the east in Nevada where no such approval was required); without a job, I had no financial means of taking care of the young woman let alone the child that would soon be born; simply put, I was afraid of the unknown.

I knew inside I was taking the easy way out in walking away by simply following the Priest and my step-father in supposed obedience, rather than doing what I knew, even at that time, I should have done.

I made the wrong decision. There are a host of reasons as to why but it doesn’t alter the facts of the matter. In many ways, it might have been easiest to hold onto the fear of exposing the truth: the lack of accepting personal responsibility, the feelings of inadequacy in assuming the role of father and provider; it might have been easier to hold on to the excuses and the constancy of shame and disappointment in myself and not let go, unless…

These were two very different experiences. Both had a devastating impact on my life—I was marked deeply by both. Certainly, my future decisions in life were dramatically influenced by those two seminal incidents. However, too often we allow ourselves to wallow in the murky waters of the past and fall into feelings of despair, depression and distress. We should eagerly search for the path forward; not for the purpose of forgetting the wrongs inflicted upon us or which we caused others but, for the purpose of positively learning to deal with the consequences of life that impact us all. For me, getting past them has not been easy. Truthfully, the memories surface from time to time—the feelings of shame—but I did find a way out that I’ll share later in this short writing.

For now let’s focus our attention on the underlying causes of our feelings of despair, depression and distress. Why do we cling to such unpleasant experiences? Can we find release from the torment we feel deep inside that seemingly cannot be put