I Had to Lose My Virginity: How I Used My Inner Self to Achieve My Goals

By Joyce Kimaro

I Had to Lose My Virginity is a compelling story of an extraordinary woman who emerges from obscurity to become one of the successful and influential women entrepreneurs in Africa. This truly amazing story, skillfully told in a mix of poetry and vivid prose, provides intimate and insightful glimpse into a life that has defied biting poverty, personal failure and tragedy to become a remarkable portrait of success.

The reader will doubtless find this book provocative, motivating and inspiring.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Jun 28, 2018
• ISBN: 9781546294320

Joyce Kimaro

Joyce Kimaro is a personal development coach, inspirational speaker, writer and a successful entrepreneur based in Dar es Salaam Tanzania. She is the founding CEO of JoinGroup Microcredit Company Limited and a partner at SEJ Insurance Brokers Company Limited. Previously she served the Government of Tanzania for ten years as an accountant. She has contributed to improving the lives of more than 3,000 working poor in Tanzania by equipping them with business skills and micro loans to start their businesses. She is passionate about transforming lives by helping people to plan for success and tap into their full potential to achieve their goals. She believes that true success comes from within and that success or failure is a matter of choice. Joyce holds an MBA from the University of Wales and is a proud mother of two sons.

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© 2018 Joyce Kimaro. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 06/27/2018

ISBN: 978-1-5462-9431-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5462-9432-0 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgements

Preamble

PART ONE LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT

Chapter 1 Humble Beginnings

Chapter 2 Bold Choices

Chapter 3 A Wake-Up Call

Chapter 4 A Way Where There is None

Chapter 5 Love BUT Focus

Chapter 6 Good is Not Good

Chapter 7 Life in England

Chapter 8 Firm against Pain

Chapter 9 Single Again but Not Alone

Chapter 10 A New World

PART TWO INNER POWER

The Power of Love

The Power of Mind

The Power of Faith

The Power of Luck

The Power of Words

The Power of Vision

The Power of Choice

The Power of Focus

The Power of Kindness

The Power of Courage

References

Preface

In church, I listened to the preacher talking about all people being equal before God. I was aged seven at the time. I could not understand what he meant by that. If we were all equal before God, why was it that some people were rich and others were poor? Why were we living in a grass house while others lived in a mansion? These are questions I was asking myself but I had no clear answers for them. I then asked my dad if it was true that we were all equal before God.

We are all the same, my daughter, said my dad.

Why are other people rich and we are poor, dad? I asked him.

It is because they chose to be so, he replied. I told him I wanted to be rich too.

You have to do things you never did. You have to let go of things you would never want to let go of in order to be rich, little girl! he said.

I continued digging. Why can’t we do things we never did and let go of things so that we may become rich?

It’s not easy. It hurts; it’s too painful. Wait until you grow up, and you will understand what I mean, he replied with a tinge of anger in his voice, picked his walking staff and walked away from me.

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My grandmother once told me a story of a lady who committed suicide because a man had broken her virginity and then left her. I asked her, What is virginity, and why was it a big deal that she had lost it? Grandmother pulled my head onto her lap and patted my cheeks, saying, My child, you will be a woman of dignity and integrity if you keep yourself well and never allow any man to sexually play with you until you attain the age of majority and get married.

Having understood her, I developed a phobia for men. I was scared of all men except my father and my brothers. Whenever I walked alone and I came across a man, I would run like one who had seen a lion. This behaviour continued well into my early teenage, especially because cases of child rape were on the rise in my community. I had occasional nightmares of being raped and losing my virginity, but in reality I was determined to heed my grandmother’s admonition.

When I decided to write an inspirational book and needed a title for it, I remembered my nana’s story and the fear it had induced in me. I also remembered my father telling me that we were poor because we were doing things in ordinary ways and there were poor people’s habits we didn’t want to let go because it hurt to do so. My father had not said it in so many words but now that I was grown and had thought through his words, this is practically what he had told me. I have come to see the fear associated with loss of virginity in the same light as the fear of giving up our customary ways for new ways. It might be the fear of failing, losing money, losing friends, losing status, or even being misunderstood by the society if one implemented a new idea.

The title of this book, I Had to Lose My Virginity, was thus conceived.

This title is used in a figurative sense to tell the story of my life, for if I have achieved anything this far, it is because I painfully stepped out of the safe zone. I pursued – and continue to pursue – my goals with tremendous passion, diligence, making bold decisions and acting in extra-ordinary ways. I have learnt vital lessons through many personal experiences, chiefly that anyone can become successful in spite of his or her background so long as he or she has a clear vision and is willing to invest passion, determination, courage and endurance. This is the principal lesson I am delighted to share with you, dear reader, on the pages of this little book.

For

my mother, Rosada Kimaro, a tough and hard-working woman. You instilled your resolve and never-say-die spirit in me at a tender age.

For my adorable father, the late Donati L. Kimaro, my best friend and my life coach.

I’m who I am today because of you.

Acknowledgements

My thanks to

My precious sons, Phinny and Lameck, who pushed me to finish the book, always asking me when it would be published;

My sisters Ritha and Francesca, and my brothers William and Robert, for encouragement;

Mr George William Kihigwa, for moral support, constant encouragement, and astonishing friendship;

Mr Frank Bashumika, for guiding me throughout the writing processes;

My brother, friend and mentor, Mr Leonard C. Kitoka, who took his time to review and advise me on many aspects of my book.

Profoundly grateful to Mr Arthur Kaane for the unforgettable contribution of reviewing manuscript and making invaluable improvements to it.

I dearly appreciate all your support and encouragement.

Preamble

David, a great king of ancient Israel, was once so fascinated about God and his creation he composed one of his riveting songs for God:¹

When I consider your heavens,

the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars,

which you have set in place,

what is mankind that you are mindful of them,

human beings that you care for them?

You have made them a little lower than the angels

and crowned them with glory and honor.

You made them rulers over the works of your hands;

you put everything under their feet:

all flocks and herds,

and the animals of the wild,

the birds in the sky,

and the fish in the sea,

all that swim the paths of the seas.

In this beautiful worship poem, a pertinent question is asked and that is the one I invite us to ponder for a moment. The question interrogates the purpose for our existence on planet earth. The answer is given to us in the poem. God crowned us with glory and honour as kings, and then he appointed us to be rulers over all of his creation on the planet. His viceroys. This is his original and eternal plan for man.

Now, I have never heard of a destitute ruler of any country. A ruler looks after all the wealth in his or her territory and enjoys some of the wealth. That is our portion as far as our creator is concerned; he put everything on the planet under our feet. It follows, therefore, that the destitution that afflicts most of us in the so-called Third World is not designed by God. And if it is not of God, it is evil. God hates poverty, so should we.

Think about that for a moment. We are made for greatness, and equally so. And yet some are poor and others are rich, meaning that some are dominating their world as intended by God while others are being dominated against God’s intent. These people – the rich and the poor – are all equal in God’s eyes and have equal opportunity in this existence. God didn’t say, Let some be