Cords Of Grace: A Faith-Based Support Group Guide for Those with Memory Loss and Their Care Partners

By Molly Henning

John Zeisel, Ph.D., Hon D.Sc.
Author: Im Still Here: A New Philosophy of Alzheimers Care

A global support missing for many people living with dementia is integration into their life-long religious communities. Meanwhile, among powerful emotional connections alive in the brains of persons with dementia are those linked to their spiritual, often religious, life. This holds for the music, arts, prayers, chants, and rituals of all faiths Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism and Hinduism among them. Religious rituals are learned and remembered through the brains procedural learning system a brain capacity that is healthy long into the condition of dementia.

Molly Henning in her detailed and carefully structured Cords of Grace: A faith-based support group guide for those with memory loss and their care partners applies significant lessons of secular dementia theorists such as Tom Kitwood, Peter Whitehouse, Naomi Feil, and my own Im Still Here approach to create a support group curriculum for Christ-centered denominations Anglican, Methodists, Roman Catholics, Presbyterians among them.

Her title drawn from scripture: I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love refers to universal spiritual characteristics of empathy and compassion a profound message of all religions.

Henning goes beyond structuring a particular religious basis for dementia support, in all persons, regardless of religious faith. Henning points out that these activities raise the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain that make us all feel good chemicals of well-being [that] persist in the brain whether we remember why or not enduring physical benefit to these activities that enhances quality of life.

The structure of this intriguing book serves as a model for other religious groups monthly themes and exercises to engage persons with dementia through spiritual texts, songs, prayers, poems, paintings, sculpture, meditations, and illustrative photographs all powerful magnets for still strong emotional procedural memories.


The Rev. Jack Gabig, Ph.D., Assoc. Professor of Practical Theology,
Trinity School for Ministry, Ambridge, PA

This is a tool that is biblical, practical and very pastoral, to help care for those whose needs often go unnoticed or misunderstood. It will be useful not only to those under our pastoral charge but also may help the church reach out to those who need support and may not know where to look.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 25, 2018
• ISBN: 9781973626534

Molly Henning

Molly Henning came to Christ as a teenager through a very patient explanation of the gospel, which began for her a renewing and rewarding journey of faith. With deep gratitude for that personally addressed expression of Gods love, she has led various Bible studies and edited and published a collection of her late husbands sermons to help others grow in their faith. She earned a nursing degree later in life in addition to Parish Nurse certification. When her spiritual mentor was slipping into dementia she began researching best practices for engaging and encouraging her. Armed with this experience and confident in the God-given value of every person, Molly joined the facilitators of a faith-based memory loss support group at her church. Over the next seven years she continued studying relational methods for engaging people living with dementia to find effective means of encouraging them and their care partners with the words and images of the Bible.

Book preview

Copyright © 2018 Molly Henning.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®,

NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

St. Stephen’s Anglican Church, Sewickley, PA

http://www.ststephenschurch.net

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

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Bloomington, IN 47403

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9736-2652-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9736-2653-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018904772

WestBow Press rev. date: 5/23/2018

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Contents

36453.png Acknowledgments

36455.png Testimonials

36457.png Evolution of Care

36459.png The Support Group

36461.png Facilitators

36464.png Exercises

36466.png Meditation Themes

36469.png Provision Introduction

36515.jpg Scripture References

• Worry

• Isaac

• Bread

36517.jpg Song List

36471.png Forgiveness Introduction

36519.jpg Scripture References

• Woman

• Joseph

• Prodigal

36521.jpg Song List

36473.png Redemption Introduction

36523.jpg Scripture References

• Tears

• Care

• Suffering

36525.jpg Song List

36475.png Easter Introduction

36527.jpg Scripture References

• Thomas

• Mary

• Seeing

36529.jpg Song List

36477.png Hope Introduction

36531.jpg Scripture References

• Noah

• Divi-divi tree

• Renewal

36535.jpg Song List

36479.png Security Introduction

36537.jpg Scripture References

• Truth

• Watcher

• Sealed

36539.jpg Song List

36482.png Eternity Introduction

36541.jpg Scripture References

• Eternal Bodies

• Home

• Sheep

36543.jpg Song List

36484.png Belonging Introduction

36545.jpg Scripture References

• Dog

• Hug

• Treasured

36547.jpg Song List

36486.png Purpose Introduction

36549.jpg Scripture References

• Moses

• Saul

• Light

36551.jpg Song List

36488.png Fellowship Introduction

36553.jpg Scripture References

• Paul

• Onesiphorus

• Service

36556.jpg Song List

36493.png Courage Introduction

36558.jpg Scripture References

• Daniel

• Girder

• Paul

36560.jpg Song List

36495.png Christmas Introduction

36562.jpg Scripture References

• Mary

• Shepherds

• John

36564.jpg Song List

36509.png Appendix

36497.png Select Annotated Bibliography

36499.png Acknowledgments for Images

36501.png Other images that may be helpful

36503.png Public Domain Songs

36505.png Guidelines for Memory Loss Support Groups

36512.png About the author

With deepest gratitude for the friendship and faithful witness of Nanky Chalfant

Acknowledgments

In 2008 Shirley Woolaway and Ron Benson approached Pastor Geoff Chapman and pastoral care director, Debby Frantti, of St. Stephen’s Church with a deep concern for the caregivers of people living with dementia. Shirley’s mother was living with dementia and her husband had recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. Ron had been caring for his wife in her journey with AD for three years. As a professional counselor, Shirley had been leading a support group for all types of caregivers, but felt that the needs of those living with dementia were so distinct and demanding that a dedicated support group was needed to help address the day-to-day unknown, the isolation and grieving involved. Geoff and Debby agreed.

With the support of the church and the Pittsburgh Alzheimer’s Association education director, Shirley and Debby began a faith-based support group for both caregivers and their partners living with dementia. Annette Moulton, Rose Marie Lavelle and other church members came onboard as facilitators to assist and encourage the participants. The Alzheimer’s Association provided facilitator training and use of its library as well as speakers for particular topical concerns as needed.

I am grateful for my family’s help, patience and encouragement over the years of working on this project; for Debby Frantti’s inspiration and guidance; for Peggy Noll’s editing and support; for my son Daniel’s scientific editing; for Mary Sisak’s help with choosing and explaining exercises; for the care partners who have taught us so much about love and grace; for all those who have taken time to write books about their experiences and those who have worked so hard to improve the well-being of those living with dementia; for so many of my friends who have prayed for this ministry and for our wonderfully wise and merciful Lord who has honored our prayers so generously.

Molly Henning

Testimonials

I remember there being such a sigh of relief shared by all the caregivers who attended – as in Ahh, finally a place where people understand what I’m dealing with every day…and care! At the same time, Rose Marie and I were delighted to have our 4 or 5 people who were suffering with memory loss come into our own small group for conversations, singing and praying. It started out very simply. I read from a book called Streams in the Desert or from Jesus Calling for a few moments and we’d pray for the opening time. That was how it all began.

I have personally been blessed greatly by my time with our group of those living with dementia. Our conversations over beautiful pieces of art and our times of singing to the Lord are precious and seem to serve as a leveling time–we are all in the same place–certainly at the foot of the cross together. Flashes of wonderful–and sometimes painful–memories have been shared by them and I would like to think that our caring listening and our prayers have helped to celebrate and to soothe those who have shared. I always leave that time together thinking that these folks could use a full time pastoral caregiver–as every day is a challenge for them—but we do what we can in the once a month gathering–with some touching base for prayer and caring in between meetings.

Debby Frantti,

Facilitator; Director of Pastoral Care at St. Stephen’s, Sewickley

Our Memory Loss Support Group has been more than helpful to me and also to my husband, who has dementia. It’s a place where I find support from folks who truly understand what the daily life of a care-giver is like. My husband always looks forward to his time with everyone. He enjoys the activities and the social time with the other folks. It definitely is a much-needed program in our community for care-givers and for those they love and care for.

Rose Marie Lavelle

Facilitator and care partner

I have been part of a dementia caregiver support group at St. Stephen’s Church, Sewickley, for eight of my eleven years as caregiver for my wife, Polly. The group served both the memory-impaired person and the caregiver. We met each month in plenary sessions for about 15% of the time, and then in separate breakout sessions designed to meet specific needs of each group.

For most of each caregiver meeting, a facilitator would give participants an opportunity to share what was on their hearts. Leaders of the group also scheduled resource people for caregivers and kept us current on Alzheimer Association activities.

By far, however, the most helpful aspect of the group for me was the month-to-month opportunity to be among peers who were grappling with the same life issues as I. It was reassuring and sustaining to me to know that I was not alone in this struggle.

My fondest and most useful takeaway was It’s the disease, not the behavior.

Ronald G. Benson

Care partner

I did not know how to proceed when I learned my husband had Alzheimer disease. I knew little about the illness or what to expect. There was a fear of the unknown and a question of will I be able to cope.

I was thankful when friends at church told me about the Memory Loss Support Group at St. Stephens in Sewickley, Pa. I was eager to attend, I so needed information and knowledge. In the group, I learned about the disease, its symptoms and acquired coping strategies. But most importantly for the first time I did not feel alone. As others shared their personal experience I felt an emotional comfort that someone understood what was happening to us. Even though they care, friends and family often times do not understand; one must live with the illness to totally understand the stress and strain of the care-giving role.

A strength came from the group many times during the next eight years as I cared for my husband at home until his death. People in the group gave me support, encouragement and held me up when I felt I could not stand.

The beautiful thing about the group is that one can take the memory impaired person to the meetings. The group meets jointly and then separates forming a care-giver group and a memory impaired group.

My husband Wade loved his group, they had fun and sang songs. The socialization was very good for him and I believe it contributed to his being healthier. One of the ladies in charge called after his death to thank me for allowing him to be part of the group. My husband was a corporate pilot. I was told he had flown the group all over the world and when they arrived, he told them about the visiting place. The group would say where are we going today? Wade will you fly us? They kept him flying to the end, and I am sure he felt useful.

We were very blessed and fortunate to be a part of the support group. It helped get me through a difficult time in my life. My thanks to all of you.

Shirley Chitty

Care partner

As the sole caregiver of my husband who has been suffering with Alzheimer’s for 9 years, being involved in the Memory Loss Support Group has truly been a lamp in a very dark tunnel.

To meet with others who are attempting to deal with this type of debilitating disease as well as those who are knowledgeable in the avenues of available help is so encouraging–simply to know I AM NOT ALONE is very uplifting.

And it has given me peace of mind knowing that my husband is also enjoying his group sessions.

I think you created a safe and comfortable environment. It is so very important to people who are dealing with any kind of dementia that they feel SAFE. Even though Jim had no memory of Pat, he thoroughly enjoyed Pat’s outgoing and friendly personality, both at the Memory Support Group and once Pat began attending Valley Care. Singing created comradery, and Jim always loved music and loved to sing (although he couldn’t carry a tune and he knew it!)

Also, he really enjoyed the paper to take home. While he could still read, he could not absorb what he read. He would look at it and look at it and we would often go over it together. I feel that he was impressed that it had been given to him and it was his!

Alice Ward

Care partner

Evolution of Care

Philippians 1:9 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight

Because you have shown some interest in reading this curriculum, I imagine that someone important to you is showing signs of significant memory loss. Perhaps you have a pastoral concern for those who are struggling with dementia and for their caregivers. This project is the fruit of my own experience with my dearest friend and mentor. We had been prayer partners for over twenty years and friends for longer. As she slipped increasingly into forgetfulness and confusion, I struggled to find ways to connect with her and too often felt as if I had missed the mark, although she always appreciated hearing scripture, praying and singing hymns. She had been my rock through much personal turmoil. My turn had come to support and encourage her and I wasn’t sure how to engage her effectively. Because she had always given me solid assurance of God’s love and gracious plan for me, I wanted her to have the same confidence even if she couldn’t retrace the events of God’s faithful history in her life. So, my study into dementia began.

I found that though my questions and frustrations were new to me, they were not an uncommon dilemma. For a very long time concerns over the ramifications of dementia have troubled many people. Jesse Ballenger, in his history Self, Senility, and Alzheimer’s Disease in Modern America, describes the various interest groups that have pushed the way our society treats the threat of dementia and its victims. He considers how the rise of industrialism’s market economy and scientific technology have challenged concepts of personal value and selfhood. Long held trust in God-given worth and dignity has been challenged since the Enlightenment period by the concept that selfhood and significance were earned through intellect and accomplishments. Our cultural fear of dementia is, at least in part, due to the presumed loss of self, suffered as cognitive abilities decline. While this cultural anxiety has driven large investigations into pharmacologic cures, Ballenger questions the wisdom of such a single focused approach. He suggests that those with dementia might be better served by efforts to integrate them into society, especially given our financial limitations. Such integration would redefine the dementia sufferer as more than a shell of his or her former self, and refocus our efforts on the person rather than the disease.

As some may struggle with the validity of a visit or activities that the person with dementia will not remember, part of the answer can be found in understanding how endorphins, the emotional signals within the brain, are formed and affect our quality of life. In the mid 1980s, Candace Pert was the Chief of Brain Biochemistry of the Clinical Neuroscience Branch at the National Institute for Mental Health. Her research into the biochemistry of the brain demonstrated that endorphins are manufactured throughout the body in response to positive stimuli. These messages are delivered back to the