Dam It! Just Let Me Grieve!: Stop the Platitudes! Start the Grieving!

By Jana L. Hertz

Dam It! Just Let Me Grieve! is for those bereaved and anybody who loves them. Whether youre struggling to drag yourself through the mourning process, or youre watching helplessly as somebody you love walks through the hell of loss, this book is for you.
Dam It! Just Let Me Grieve! is a no-nonsense, unapologetic look at surviving grief. It eschews flowery language and trite platitudes to describe the reality of learning to live with the unique empty space that death leaves behind. Readers will find no illusions here: grief can be ugly and painful.
Dam It! Just let me Grieve! is also about hope and support.
Loving bystanders:
Learn exactly which things to say and not to say, what your grieving friend needs right now, and how to help.
Those grieving:
Be affirmed that you are not going crazy, and you are not alone. Loss is inevitable, and affects every human being at some point in their life. This book is for everyone.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Feb 22, 2018
• ISBN: 9781504364195

Jana L. Hertz

A former elementary school teacher, Jana currently works as a behavior intervention specialist for the counseling department of Interagency Council in her hometown of Lake Havasu City, AZ. She works with vulnerable adults and youth fostering art intervention support by utilizing art expression specifically with those who have experienced any kind of trauma and loss. Her devotion for helping others is equaled only by her love for her two grown children, Katherine and Chad. She was inspired to write Dam It! Just Let Me Grieve! after losing both her father and older brother in the same year, as well as sustaining the loss of a close personal friend. While writing the final draft of this manuscript, Jana also lost her mother.

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Copyright © 2018 Jana L. Hertz.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2016915593

ISBN: 978-1-5043-6418-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-6419-5 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 02/19/2018

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Advice is not nice!

What not to say

• Snap out of it.

• You shouldn’t isolate.

• Don’t be sad; your loved one is with God.

• Don’t be sad; think of all the memories.

• You’ve got to pull yourself through this.

• At least they aren’t suffering anymore.

• Cheer up.

• Be strong.

• Get on with life.

• It’s time to stop grieving.

• God should be your comfort.

• You’re still sad; your faith must not be strong.

• I understand how you feel.

• Remember we are never given more than we can handle.

• It’s God’s will.

• Call me if there’s anything I can do.(they won’t call; call them)

• It was their time to die.

• You must be strong for your children.

• Time heals everything.

• Try not to cry.

• Everything will be okay.

• Move On!

• They lived a long life!

• Get over it! (No one ever gets over it!)

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Platitudes trigger attitudes!

Knee-jerk and wishful responses to grief advice:

• Could you just shut the (bleep) up?

• Thanks for sharing your brilliance.

• "Wow! THAT was really comforting."

• Would you mind if I punched you right now?

• Wow! Your compassion is astonishing!

• I can’t believe you just said that to me! Really? Did you just hear yourself?

• How can you be so cruel?

• Did you really mean to say that to me?

• Be happy? What a great idea! Just stop being sad! Wow, thank you!

• Thanks, thanks so much.

• It’s not about you!

• "I’m