Trust, a Novel: .

By Jackie Adams

After suffering through years of abuse, Tori just wants answers and to find a way to reclaim her life and keep her son, Webster, safe. In the midst of Toris confusion, in comes Pierce to save the day. Against her better judgement, Tori gives her love and trust to Pierce, but did she make the right decision?

Trust, A Novel is the story of a woman struggling to gain control and make sense of her life, something many people can relate to. You begin to genuinely care about Tori and hope that, through her struggles, she finally finds happiness and peace.

Jackie Adams is skilled at creating characters that we can see in ourselves that leave you wanting to know more. With bits of humor, romance, and unexpected twists and turns, Trust, A Novel is a great read! (Nicole Love, mother of five boys)

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Feb 2, 2018
• ISBN: 9781532040863

Jackie Adams

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Book preview

Trust,

A Novel

Jackie Adams

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TRUST, A NOVEL

Copyright © 2018 Jackie Adams.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-5320-4085-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-4086-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018900069

iUniverse rev. date: 07/06/2018

Contents

Preview

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Preview

T ori Gable’s life is anything but ordinary. After enduring years of abuse, she is caught between reality and nightmares, consciousness and unconsciousness. Tori finds herself at the mercy of her loved ones and the healthcare professionals she has entrusted with her care. But what happens when the very people she has come to depend on are not at all who or what they have made themselves to be? When nightmares become reality, and the lines between fact and fiction are blurred, who can Tori actually turn to? Can she even trust herself?

The only thing she knows for sure to be true, is that everything she thought she knew has been tainted and shrouded in a wicked web of deceit. As she navigates through love and heartache, anguish and lies, will she ever come to know what truly hides behind the torment? Or will her path to discovery destroy what little bit of herself she has left?

I’d like to thank Brandy Swindle

for the help with the more intimate scenes.

I'd like to thank Beverly Owens for her assistance in formatting my book.

I’d like to thank Rose Alivernia for typing and editing my manuscript.

I’d also like to thank Stephanie Zobrist for the summary.

Last but not least, I’d like to thank my families and friends for sharing their wisdom, lessons, knowledge, and stories to help my novel become whole.

I dedicate this novel to all whom feel alone and disbelieved enough to believe less in oneself. When life becomes perplexed, intricate, and complicated beyond self perspective and or understanding! May you find comfort, answers, or escape through all Tori’s adventures.

Chapter 1

I 'm sitting at a table in Kalicos waiting for my friend Sophie to arrive. My coffee is strong, and I'm enjoying the warmth of it cradled in both hands as I watch the raindrops hit the pavement. The cafe smells like freshly baked bread and brewed latte.

The cafe has an oversized crowd with a lot of conversations blending all of their voices in harmony. I escape my problems realizing that each of these people have their own lives, their own families, and their own stories. Maybe I'm not as alone as I feel.

My sister's words come back to me, they just don't see outside themselves.

Do I see outside myself too much? Do I ever see inside myself? With this question I feel uncomfortable and start making my thoughts a priority. Right now, I’m uncomfortable thinking about me as I wait, fidgeting, I turn away from the crowd and back to the rain outside the window. Maybe if I was to get close to myself I might discover the reason why I feel as if I’m wanted dead.

Where is Sophie? Did she get lost? Did something happen to her bus? What time is it? As I begin to worry, I hear her.

Tori, I’m over here! Let me grab my Hazelnut, girl.

I smile at her relieved that she's safe. I take in the crowd around her. A few envious stares from women as the men try to avoid staring at her. She gains attention everywhere I've been with her. She’s too humble to notice.

She comes to the table and sets her coffee down. She puts her lightweight, yellow rain jacket on the back of her chair. As she sits she says, Tori girl, you wouldn't believe what happened on my way back here! I think the bus driver had one too many espressos. The lady thought she was running a bus-athon. Woo!

As Sophie positions herself comfortably, we both laugh. This is what survivors do. We make light of a heavy situation. Laugh when we want to cry. Beautify when we need a reason to keep believing, even if it's self created at our own expenses. Searching when we…

Tori, you always look like you're lost in thought, Sophie waves her hand in front of my face sarcastically, Earth to Tori.

I sigh, huh, sorry! I look at her hazel brown eyes, they have a sudden change, a more serious look in them. She pulls her chair in closer to our table, leans in, and we better positions ourselves for a more direct conversation. I have so much to say to her, but I'm not sure where to start.

Sophie, there's something I need to tell you. I set my coffee down nervously, and fold my hands in front of me.

She tilts her head, Every time I hear those words the tragedy of life unfolds. Her shoulders tense waiting on what I’m about to say.

Oh, so you're a philosopher wrapped up in poetic wisdom? We both smile, and I suddenly rather escape than tell her about the drama taking place in my life.

I can't control these issues happening, and I feel guilty needing the help to stop them.

Sophie, seriously! I'm in trouble. Major trouble! Normally, I could take this on alone, but my son is starting to be affected by what's taking place. Webster can be all eyes and ears! I think it’s all disguised with the intent on driving us both crazily insane.

Sophie's posture straightens, What do you mean, Tori? I see her face become weary with concern.

I repeat still accepting it myself, It’s like someone’s hiding behind a disguise to drive Webster and I both crazy! The problem is I don’t understand it, so I can’t explain it to you. I realize I'm having problems on where to start and still it all sounds ludicrous. Even trying to explain it, makes me feel incompetent and embarrassed.

All my thoughts are whirling with flashbacks, and so much has happened it's all making it more difficult to relay what's going on. I start feeling an overwhelming sense of distrust, anxiety, danger, and I realize if I try to tell Sophie she will probably think I'm insane.

I shell up and quickly start to change the subject. I ask her, How is Myles doing? I feel relief in the attempt to change the conversation than to challenge her sanity. I don't want to feel trapped in honesty, to be held accountable for her feeling jaded like I feel I have been, depriving me my peace of mind within our friendship.

DON'T DO THAT, TORI! Sophie’s voice is louder than I expected. It's too stern, and she looks like she’s just as surprised herself.

I'm offended, Do what? I ask buying me some more time and hoping it's enough.

Never-minding the discussion like you never started it, after having the nerve to play stupid, she says sarcastically.

I'm not never-minding it. I'm learning things about myself I never realized. For you to understand what I'm going through, I'd have to tell you more than parts. I understand my life has been nothing more than just that, parts. I start to feel even more alone than earlier. I feel detached. Detached and branded for everyone's opinions and thoughts.

I'm feeling baffled and unsure. Now that I've realized this I just want to go home, hide under my covers, listen to the rain, and let my brain drain sleep off to a more vibrant denial of hope. Hope until it happens again. Either to me.. or much more.. to Webster. I have to stop it!

Okay, let me tell you, Tori. I have twenty different bad circumstances on my plate right now. I have court, I have a belligerent ex who thinks he should be treated as a king by everyone, who has been stalking me! My number is all over the place and I don't know how, where, why, she grows quiet and I notice her eyes becoming teary as she stares off. I turn my head towards the direction she's zoned in. She's watching a man walking a dog in the rain.

She says What's it like to be with someone simple like him? Right there next to him, Tori, away from all these bad things happening? Someone I can just breathe with and enjoy? Someone who can just enjoy me, too? Why is he alone?

The man bends down and pats his dog's head.

I look back to Sophie and I try to comfort her with some hopeful words. When I reach for my coffee I end up spilling it. We both stand quickly. A young waitress comes over and starts washing our table. Sorry, I quietly apologize to her.

Sophie. Let's get out of here and have some fun! We both need it. I try to put on my best smile. I feel like my reality is always ruining others perspectives. I cause them to think too much. Sophie came in smiling and laughing, and now she's in tears.

No Tori! You always push away your problems. She wipes her chair seat with her napkin. Is she judging me? How dare her! I am feeling impatient and exhausted. It's not a good combination. This is why I don't trust ANYONE!

I say, You seem to know me sooo well! You know what? I'm tired of this. I step back from her as if I'm afraid of the consequences in voicing MY truth. I’m learning too much about myself in a day. I suddenly feel weight, this reflex. Why am I doing this? Why am I stepping back as I blurt out MY hurt and MY truth?

I feel let down, exposed and haunted. I take one look at her and I make my way to the door bumping into others. A few murmur to me under their breath. I just roll my eyes and when I get to the door I look back and say, I'm sorry I made you sad. I'm sorry I made you cry. Talking about this is only making it worse for you. You have your own problems. Nothing good will come of the rest of this conversation, Sophie. You take care, as I walk out.

My heart is heavy. Alone, this has been the topic of my day, and perhaps it bothers me more than I realized. I look to the ground thinking of all that's taken place as I take each of my steps. All these years pretending I was being loved, and in return a shadow, nothing more than exactly that, a figment. Everybody knows shadows grow bigger, taller, scarier, and in the dark they are monstrous. My shadow my enemy, hogging my space, overpowering my realism, and leaving me worse than invisible.

The rain on my walk home begins to nurture me. I feel this. I can see this is actuality. I need time to heal, time in nature. Nature is where I feel a temporary freedom. My heroes calm me, with the sun hugs, the cloud knights, following the scorching freckled days and the goose bump breezes, caressing my skin with my eyes closed hoping the moment freezes in time. Something I can never lose. Nothing can taint. This gives me more than a moment to appreciate the simplicity. The perfect gentleness on a day so needed.

Time doesn't really stop for very long, though. Soon the reality exposes and swallows any recollection of the better. Vile poisons of the bored and treacherous. How can I seek answers if I know what I mean, but I can't explain it to anybody else?

I know I'm not crazy nor am I arrogantly lazy! I feel myself screaming the right words, when I open my mouth to tell, all I see is my reflection in their pupils. There I am, a small figure standing in a mist, the overpowering perception of their thoughts, I, the problematical of the so called inferiority complex.

The brain, the tongue tease, the puppet on strings. Their seed of denial planted in my thoughts. There they are bigger than life, at least bigger than my life.

I hear a horn blaring crazily. I smell burnt rubber, and a man screaming, STAY OUT OF OUR WAY!!! Followed by a woman's wicked laughter.

Chapter 2

H ello? I try to open my eyes, but my eyelids are too heavy. The most I get is fluttering. Hhhel, my voice is raspy, too raspy. Like it's been a long interlude of time since I last used it. I start coughing, and my ribs feel pain like they've been interfered with.

I exercise my eyes very slowly trying to open them. It doesn’t work. I feel frantic, but I'm trying to keep my emotions together. I wiggle my fingers. I start to breathe slower..

I can squint my eyes now. I really can't see anything more than bright light. Nose feels fine, neck is fine. My breasts to my, my abs. I feel bandages on my abs! What about what I don't feel? I can't reach my legs, and I have no sensation in them. I tell myself to move them, but I don't feel anything. I NEED MY LEGS!

Breathe, I tell myself. Don't even think about.. focus. I use all my strength to try and move my left leg, then my right leg. Why can't I move my legs? No, breathe. I feel darkness overcome me, tiredness.

It feels like moments, but I have no idea how much time has passed when my eyes open wide and fast again. Hello? HELLO? There is still no answer.

My domain is completely black. I can't see anything now. I can, however keep my eyes open. How did I get.. Sophie.. Webster! Where is Webster??? Oh God, please keep my Webster safe. My son needs me! Nobody understands what we've been through!! I'm and there's this.. and he's yelling.. and I'm.. in his, hers, their way.. and there is smoke.. and I remember..

I start spitting, as if I'm reliving this.. Hello? As I shake, missing my Webster, my legs finally feel a tremble. Yes, I can feel them! I trace over the bandages over my stomach again. I start to hear high ringing through my ears.. and I..

Darkness

My eyes open wide again. This time I can't talk. I taste salt, and it reminds me of salt from tears. I have something in my mouth. Something more than air and whatever it.. hell debris. Did I actually wake up before or was I dreaming? I feel very confused, disoriented. I start waving my arms in the air, and choking on it, is in my.. Hel.. Hell..I throw up, and out comes a small tube. And I cough.. I cough a lot. A nurse brings me a cup as she holds to my mouth and I yank it from her hand.

I am capable. Stop making me feel like I'm not. No words are actually spoken, though, I can't tell her so I drink.

Hello? Hello!

The nurse looks at me. She fiddles with my IV, other wires that look to be all over the place and all over me. My eyes become heavy again. She finally looks in my eyes, but it's as if she's seeing through me not at me. She lifts my head, gives me a drink and I begin to cough more. She tries to stick that damn tube in my mouth, and I shove her away with all the strength I have left in my arms. I feel pain throbbing all through my body.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want the world to realize how badly I'm hurting. For them to feel this pain running throughout my whole damn body. HOW DID I GET HERE? Darkness falls….

I open my eyes. Oh no.. what if she.. Hello, Hello. There, nothing in my mouth. At least, I still have my voice. I mentally relive the scariness of when I didn't. I remain quiet, though. I need this time to figure out what is going on. I sort my thoughts before the darkness takes me again. I know it will.. okay, rain.. walk.. car. Man.. and woman.. and yelling is all I remember.

I look around taking in my environment. I hear the vents click on. I feel mad. I feel cold. Everything in here is bright white. This is definitely a hospital room. I can hear pitter patters on the floor from heals and loafers. At least, the ringing in my ears is gone.

I want out of here. I want my Webster. I wouldn't want him to see me like this, though. Breathe. Breathe.

I tell myself he's fine. He's much better than sitting in this hospital with me, right? I'm worried. I'm worried they're being sneaky and abusing him when nobody is looking. Maybe he's not with his dad, but what if he is?! Are they giving him enough attention with him being there, so they treat him extra kind? Has it worn off yet? How long have I been here???

I start to practice moving my muscles, nodding my head, squeezing my hands open and shut and wiggling my fingers and toes. I hear voices becoming louder, closer, and what they're saying becomes clearer.

Two women talking to each other. Is room 213 taken? She has a high pitched voice as she speaks to the other woman.

"Yes, she came in two weeks ago, suicide. I hear the lady's voice change as she says the dreadful word suicide. Her tone rises. The lady continues, She was rushed here, but as soon as she starts to recuperate she'll be moved to the 16th floor."

I feel sympathy for the patient they're talking about. I wish I could be of help, but I'll be lucky to get myself home. I'm already sick and tired from being here. I want my kid, my life, and the sorry excuses from those who are trying to disrupt it. I want them held accountable for what they've done to me and are starting to