Paving the Road to Inspired Empowerment: Thought Action Reflection (T.A.R)

By Donny Grazano and Tom Yabroudy

This book is an inspiring journey to help you to triumph over lifes many hurdles. Regardless of the readers race, sex, financial status, sexual orientation, or religion, this book will serve as a tool for transformation. Filled with personal experiences and inspirational wisdom, the author takes you on a quest for the life-changing answers to the questions, Why am I here? What is my purpose? It also talks about how to create boundaries, how to learn to let go, and many more topics that we all face from day to day.

Embark on this trip to see the unimaginable become an imaginable reality. There will be some laughs and some tears, but all are leading to a place of empowerment. No matter how bleak the outlook, no one is ever hopeless or alone. This book is a real testament that darkness can be transformed to light.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jan 17, 2018
• ISBN: 9781504395540

Donny Grazano

Donny Grazano is a motivational speaker. He provides tools to self-reflect, acquire recognition, and empower transformation. He draws his inspiration from over 28 years of recovery from addiction. He is an Integrated Energy Therapist, Certified Reiki Master, Interfaith Minister, and Life Coach. He is also a student of A Course in Miracles for 27 years. His life is dedicated to healing and helping others. Donny is a National Business Trainer for Eufora International as well as the owner of Trynergy Salon in New Jersey. He resides in Montclair, New Jersey with Choco and Khaleesi his beloved dogs.

Book preview

Looking for Greener Pastures (Thought)

Don’t look for greener pastures until you fertilize the one you already have. You may think, Well there’s plenty of shit in my life…. but you know the Shit is sometimes what helps us grow and eventually makes that pasture a little greener. Everything in life can either be used to heal us or hurt us (sometimes hurt before heal). The choice is in our own perception.

Have you ever found yourself fantasizing about a bigger life? You know, with a larger home and a better paying job? Maybe you can picture yourself with a different partner you see as better than the one you have or perhaps a more expensive car. Let’s go all out and say you are rich and famous. Have you ever found yourself saying, If I only had such-and-such, I would be thrilled, or When I have even more money, I will give to charity, help more people, and make a difference in the world. Here’s another one: When I get a bigger house, I’ll keep it clean. However, until then, what’s the point?

Here’s the thing: what you have now is what you attracted or earned. If you keep getting what you always got, it is because you are doing the same things. No doubt it would be nice to hit the jackpot, but until then, life does not go on hold. Asking for something bigger before you know how to handle what you have is like a three-year-old asking to trade in their tricycle for a motorcycle. Master where and what you have, otherwise you go from a small garden of weeds to just a larger garden with weeds, creating more work and chaos. The real question is, why do you think if you have more you will suddenly do more, when you may not be seizing the moment now?

Now is the moment you have to practice for the bigger things you wish to come. If you want a better job, start acting like a responsible executive now. If you want a bigger house, start taking care of the house you are living in now. If you want to help people, make time or share now. You can always increase what you do or share later. Want a better partner? Be a better partner now. If you are not in a relationship at the moment, be what you want to attract now.

There are so many things that surround us because they can provide growth and wisdom. Pay attention to all the lessons in the here and now that can provide you with strength for where you want to end up. If they are missed, then when or if you get to where you want to go, you will not have what you need to stay there. Sometimes that is what challenges give us, muscle for bigger things to come.

Greener pastures come when we think and act like they are already here. Sometimes a Greener pasture is knowing you are already in paradise. A shift in perception and finding gratitude in every lesson, good or bad, brings a newfound freedom. Don’t get caught up spending all your time thinking about tomorrow or yesterday when now is where opportunity lives.

Looking for Greener Pastures (Action)

Let’s start with a written reality check. Create three columns. What I Have, What I want, and what I am currently working on.

Now a list of things that don’t work or cause a challenge in your life.

Here is where you stretch your mind. What are the learning and or healing benefits from the things on this list? Acknowledge the lesson and start to work on it.

If you have the When I have this, I will do that philosophy take a stand and pick one thing you can cultivate right now. An example is to clean the old car you have now. If you can’t change a behavior now, the new car will end up the same way.

What things or people do you have right now? Are you grateful? It’s easy to forget and to stop acknowledging them. Pick a person today you want to share your gratitude with. Include them in the things that matter when you share.

Get out of your own way and stop thinking so much about what you want or don’t have. If your mind drifts to a daydream today, direct it to a vision of where you are now with you at your greatest potential living joyously.

Looking for Greener Pastures (Reflection)

1. What were the benefits of creating your three columns of life?

2. After spending time soul searching on the challenges of life right now, what lessons or opportunities did you discover?

3. How will you use that knowledge to grow?

4. Name one thing you already have but want more of. How did you cultivate that today? What action steps did you take?

5. Who was on your gratitude list and did you let them know they were on it? If so what was that like and how did it leave you feeling?

6. Describe your visualization of what you are living fully looks like.

7. What were the stand out moments of today? Why?

8. What actions or steps from today were effective? How will you integrate them into tomorrow or your daily life?

9. How do you feel at the end of this day? End it with one positive thing that lights up your heart.

The Key (Thought)

Life is a series of doors we walk through based on where we are and the trials we are going through at that time. Sometimes we feel blocked while other times we move with ease. It’s been said one door closes and another one opens. I agree however I don’t think they just pop open. I think we unlock the doors using a key. There are many to choose from and all of them when used at the right time and right door creates opportunities. Love, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, trust, understanding, patience, education, curiosity, vulnerability and the list goes on of keys at our disposal.

Keys hold a very special place in my heart because they can have such incredible symbolism. When I started teaching and giving lectures, I decided to end every class by giving keys away. I want to remind every person of all the keys they possess and also the ones they can pick up along the way. The only thing I ever request in return for the gift is a promise to hold that key for one week. So that each time self-doubt creeps in, the key will remind them of all they have and how powerful they are. With the right key, you can open anything, we were born with many and can pick up whatever else we need along this journey called life. Some keys we have to work hard for a while others just seem to appear, it’s still our job to be present enough to recognize what’s around us.

It wasn’t that long ago the most powerful moment in picking up a key happened to me. A couple of years ago the girls from the salon and I were getting ready for our annual trip to San Diego for a conference. That year the focus was on business education within the salon industry, which I teach for Eufora, and was one of the presenters. The girls approached me very excited about an idea they had, Let’s all get tattoos when we go out there this year. Of course, I was entirely on board as I have quite a few already. I asked what they were getting. Melissa (My salon manager) and Jahaira (one of my top stylist) said: We thought we all could get keys! I thought at that moment my heart would literally burst open. I was already overwhelmed with the idea we would share an experience of getting tattoos, never had I imagined they would suggest keys. While we all have different meanings behind our keys, the shared experience and the thought behind the experience has forever changed me. That day something opened up in me, and those girls were my keys. Their gesture unlocked a part of my heart that represented mutual love and respect for each other and our path of growth.

Take the time to know what keys you have, which one’s serve you and those that do not. You don’t have to hold onto all of them. You can share them with others and accept them graciously too. It is an awesome gift to unlock a door for someone else as my salon team did for me. Letting someone share with you is just as powerful because together we are always stronger than apart. Don’t waste time playing small when you are walking around with all the tools (keys) that give you the potential for greatness you are meant to be.

The Key (Action)

Put a key in your pocket and give one to someone you care about.

Throughout the day use the key to remind you to open the doors of opportunity.

Send a text or make a call to the other key holder just to say you believe in them.

Meditate on what keys you may be holding that no longer serve you.

This day is filled with possibilities of growth. Education is a key so learn something new.

Fear, hate and resentment hold you back. Don’t lock the door on these feeling until they are dealt with and then toss the key.

The Key (Reflection)

1. What meaning do keys hold for you today?

2. Who did you share a key with and why?

3. Is this someone you will mentor? If not where can you be of service to another person?

4. What things did you realize you needed to release and why?

5. What key do you need to pick up to take yourself to the next step toward your dreams?

6. Who in your life has opened a door for you? How did they do that for you?

7. Was there moments today when you remembered just how much power you have and the gifts you’ve been given. What are they?

8. What did you take away for this reading and how can you use that in your daily life?

9. How do you feel right now as you end your day?

10. What goals or commitments have you made for the upcoming week? Holding a key isn’t enough, you must use it.

Ah, Whatever (Thought)

If you find yourself saying, Ah whatever, to five small things in a row that annoy or hurt you, believing you were letting them go, rethink that. More likely than not, they will catch up with you. Also, if they do, the feeling can be paralyzing or shocking. It may feel as though you got hit out of left-field. However, in truth, avoidance or tricking yourself into believing you let something go is really what happened. There are days I have woken up feeling like I don’t want to face the world only because I had said, Ah, whatever one too many times.

The word Whatever can mean many things to each of us. One meaning is: At this moment, I can’t or won’t deal with this shit so… Well…Whatever. It’s a shutting down process that may have at one time acted like a self-preservation mechanism. The problem can be that we never go back to the hurt or anger until it is layered with more hurt and anger. Then the explosion comes, and we may unload inappropriately, which ends up eclipsing the origin of the problem because the focus becomes our psycho, acting-out behavior.

Then, sometimes Whatever means we don’t have an opinion on something, or are afraid to express it in hopes the other party will guess what is on our mind. Maybe we don’t say what we want because we don’t want to be held accountable if it does not go smoothly. Perhaps we are afraid of rejection. The problem is that when we speak an untruth, we set ourselves and others up for failure. Plus, why shouldn’t you express your wants or needs? It does not mean everyone has to do your bidding. However, if they ask tell them! So even if they don’t ask, you still have the right to speak and be authentic.

I will just throw this out there: Whatever can also be a polite way of saying F*** you. It is passive aggressive and still not speaking of the hurt you feel. Ultimately, your anger will call forth the anger of the other person, and the chances of getting somewhere with someone from this stance are slim. Instead of saying Whatever as shorthand for Screw you, try saying honestly Screw you in your head, as a power phrase to remind yourself something bigger is going on and needs to be addressed. Making something a power phrase turns a negative into a positive reminder that something negative is going on. (I know that sounds paradoxical, but as soon as you can own your negativity, you have turned it into something positive.) Once you know what you’re saying really means something else other than what it sounds like, the awareness can empower you. It’s okay to pause and ask yourself some questions about what you are feeling. Then you can approach whatever it is from a higher place and, hopefully, a more loving one.

Whatever just won’t work on the road to self-empowerment and freedom. Take a deep breath, invite God in, and face the day full force from a place of love and self-respect. Say to the fear trying to hold you back, Bye Felicia!

Ah, Whatever (Action)

Let’s start with becoming aware of the words as they come. Maybe count how many times in a day you say it.

Write what those words mean to you.

What are you avoiding?

If the healthiest version of you showed up, what might you say instead?

As you become more aware of the words or the attitude of Whatever, pause. Remind yourself it’s okay for something to matter. Say the words out loud or with your inside voice I am not a victim and this feeling of defeat doesn’t serve me.

Only use Whatever when you genuinely are indifferent.

Whatever will now serve as a trigger word to check in with yourself to see how you feel.

When you check in with yourself and feel uncomfortable pause for a moment, take a small risk in speaking your truth to the person you said whatever to. Search for a loving way to express why you said it and what it means.

Remember the words may not always come out of your mouth but the attitude or inner voice counts too. Do this exercise until it becomes easy to identify that feeling of checking out or being dismissive. Continue to push yourself to ask what the feeling is, then take a new action to grow and be heard.

Ah, Whatever (Reflection)

1. What did you discover?

2. What are the benefits of taking action?

3. How has changing this attitude or behavior allowed for a deeper connection with others?

4. What was the struggle if any?

5. Having practiced the exercise did you find new questions to ask yourself or answers that helped shift your outlook and responses? What were they?

The Lies I Tell Myself (Thought)

We all have an internal dialog that goes on in our heads all the time and sometimes that discussion is nothing short of a lie. This occurred to me after listening to someone I greatly admire and respect talk about herself a way that seemed off the mark of real truth. I asked myself if I do the same thing. Do I also have a misperception of myself? In turn, this question brought me to question my limitations.

It was not the first time I asked myself this question. Over the years, I had already become increasingly aware that, in fact, the answer is yes. My perception is off. It can go in either direction, positive or negative. This is why having people in my life whom I trust to question my line of thought is so important to me. Of course, I consult with more than one person because what each person shares with me is based on their perception too. Then somewhere in that mix I eventually find a middle ground of truth. I have decided not to surround myself with people-pleasers because they are not great tellers of truth. If you ask me, calling it as you see it gives me a better chance at growing. Telling me what you think I want to hear just doesn’t cut it. I always hope it is done with some tact of course, but even if it’s not, I still welcome the honest feedback.

Here are some lies I tell myself in that clouded mirror. My focus must be on my appearance, financial wealth and intellect to be worthy of the acceptance of others and myself. The world has cultivated a distorted view of physical perfection, and I buy into it. The expectation is so unrealistic that self-acceptance feels impossible. Nothing I do to look good will ever be enough for anyone, based on social media, magazines and television, which constantly bombard us with how we are Supposed to look, dress, think or act.

However, the biggest problem is my own low self-worth. The truth is that nothing I do is ever enough for me. I want to be perfect in hopes of a greater chance of acceptance by you. I am afraid that when you get to know my flaws, you will abandon me. So maybe if I am attractive enough you will overlook them. Secretly, I hope you are shallow, and I am your flavor. Then I will not have to work so hard at hiding the weakness that may cause you to reject me. However, the problem is that I can never be perfect. My looks won’t protect me from rejection because I know they will fade and that even before they fade, they are inadequate. The distorted body image tells me I am fat all over, but what it really reminds me of is The possibility of rejection.

Secondly, I feel as though I know nothing. Everyone got a manual to life, and I must have been in the restroom or shopping when it was handed out. Why does it look so easy for Them? I am sure what they know is more valuable than what I know. What if someone finds out I didn’t get the manual? The truth is that when I act like a Know it all and lack humility, it is because I am frightened that you find out how stupid I really am. I am trying to convince both you and me I have value. I am defensive when questioned because now you are getting closer to the truth. If you knew I did not know it all, would you still need or want me? I cannot take that chance, I think. So I tell myself that my value is based on my ability to provide solutions to your needs and expectations, and not on who I am. The reality is that I know things that are different from the things you know because my journey allows me a different perspective. No one knows everything, and together we know more. Our value is not on how much we know but how much we will share and listen.

Which brings me to question my value based on What is rich enough? There was a time I imagined rich as exactly where I currently am financially. Now I’m here, and I do not feel rich. I thought money could make me happy and free. The truth is money buys lots of Things, but happiness isn’t one of them. There are many definitions of success, and money is the crudest form because, like anything else that is external to our true being, it can be lost. However, I still tell myself that money makes me valuable. The truth is people do not remember how much you spent on them or what you gave them. What they do remember is how you made them feel. Maybe in the short-term, they think about the monetary value of your gifts, but in the not long run. Money is not the root of all evil, but being ruled by the fear of rejection and abandonment is! When I am not feeling or giving love, I will never feel rich. Having a connection with others is the highest form of success.

Passing thoughts move in and out of my mind, and many are lies. I monitor these thoughts today and spend less time entertaining them. They do not serve my ultimate plan, which is freedom and self-acceptance. Instead, I focus on my truths. We all have stories we tell ourselves. To me, it is important to question these stories and