Voices in My Head

By Sofia Williams

An Aussie boy who struggled with life, he had to find the right path or he was doomed. At the age of only fourteen, he felt like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. The world he was living in became too much for him to handle, and all he wanted was to escape from this harsh reality. It became a matter of life or death, but was he willing to destroy what was destroying him?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 25, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543451306

Sofia Williams

There are no limits when it comes to writing, if you can imagine it, you can write it. My hope is that my books can bring joy to many people or even better my books will inspire a young reader to one day write their own story. I live to write and write to live, writing has become as natural as breathing for me and I’m just happy to be able to share my creativity with the world.

Book preview

PREQUEL

I was just an Aussie boy who struggled with life. I had to find the right path, or I was doomed. I wanted to find my way, but it was hard when I kept getting hit with shit. Many times I just wanted to say fuck it and give up. I was living in hell. Every time I would try and leave this life, something would stop me. Maybe I did have a purpose, or maybe I was too scared to pull the trigger. You’ll soon find out what made me the man I am today, what made me stronger, and what made me keep going when I was ready to throw in the towel.

CHAPTER 1

Broken Home

W hy don’t you shut the hell up, Sara?

Ben, who the hell do you think you’re talkin’ to?

I am so fed up with your damn bullshit! Every day I wake up miserable because of you! Ben roared.

I regret the day I married you! Sara cried.

I’m glad we have the same regret, said Ben.

I hate you! I hope you die! Sara shouted with her eyes filled with tears.

I lay in bed and listened to the arguing continue for what seemed like forever. My parents had been arguing a lot more lately. I truly believed my parents hated each other. I loathed when my parents argued. It mentally tore me to pieces. Didn’t they still love each other, at least a little bit? Did the word family mean anything to them?

That night I cried myself to sleep and dreamed of the happy family we once were.

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of rain hitting my window and the smell of pancakes. I wiped the crust from my eyes, stretched, and went downstairs to join my family for breakfast. I walked into the kitchen and saw my twin sister sitting down at the table, eating her breakfast.

Good mornin’, Super Mikey, said Stephanie.

Good mornin’, Stephanie. Did you sleep well?

I did, thank you, she said with a smile.

I grew up in a small family; it was just me, my twin sister Stephanie, my mom, and my dad. Stephanie and I had an unbreakable bond. Our family seemed like the perfect little family. There was so much love, but over time, that love seemed to fade away. My parents were screaming at each other more often, and one evening I went into my parent’s room and saw my mom wiping tears from her eyes. I didn’t know why she was crying. It seemed like she was always crying for no reason. Maybe she cried because she was overwhelmed, or maybe she felt the same way I did, wanting our family to be the happy family we once were.

That morning at breakfast, there was an awkward silence that overtook the room. Then finally, Dad broke the silence. Guys, your mother and I have decided to get a divorce.

Stephanie and I stayed quiet as my dad carried on about how things would be better if they weren’t together. I heard what he was saying, but it hurt hearing that our family would forever be changed by this.

CHAPTER 2

Coming to America

I was twelve years old when I came to America. I remember hating the plane ride. My ears kept popping, and it wasn’t a straight flight. We had to get off four times to board another plane. Each plane that we got on was cramped, uncomfortable, and stuffy. I couldn’t even sit with my mom.

The hardest part about leaving my home in Australia was leaving my sister Stephanie. How could I leave my other half? She needed me.

I remember when we were driving to the airport, Stephanie just held my hand the whole trip there. Tears filled both of our eyes. I couldn’t cry though; I had to stay strong for her.

Once we got to the airport, Stephanie was like a ticking time bomb as the hours inched closer for me to leave. Then, over the announcement, the lady said, Flight 321 ready to board.

The meltdown began. Stephanie locked hard on to my arm and began to cry. No, Mikey, you can’t go. I need you!

I didn’t want to leave her, but what could I have said to make the situation better?

Michael, I don’t know how I am going to survive without you! This isn’t fair! Stephanie screamed and cried.

I know that this isn’t easy. But we will get through it, and everythin’ will be okay. We will always be brother and sister, and nothin’ can break our bond, I said reassuringly.

Flight 321 ready to board.

Stephanie hugged me tighter and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I love you, Super Mikey.

I love you too, Steph.

Before we unlocked from our hug, Stephanie stuffed a note into my pocket.

I gave my dad a hug goodbye. My dad gave me a weak smile, then pulled me in and gave me a tight hug. Michael, son, I love you, and I always want you to remember that whateva life throws at you, you’ll be fine. He paused for a moment and then took a deep breath. Just keep your head held up high, son.

Thanks, Dad, I love you too.

I gave everyone one last wave goodbye. Then I boarded the plane with my mom. Once we arrived in America, it definitely wasn’t a walk in the park. I hated New York City. It was so busy, and people were everywhere—not to mention that our living situation was very poor. My mom and I lived in a really shitty motel. It was revolting. At night I would hear mice scurrying across the floor or people arguing, even people having sex. It was very unpleasant. I just wanted to go back home.

I knew Mom loved me and that she tried her best to take care of me, but she wasn’t doing a great job. I don’t know if Mom thought I didn’t know what she was doing, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew exactly what was going on.

When my parents were together, my mom was a stay-at-home mom, while my dad was the one who worked and took care of the bills. But now she had to make money somehow for us to survive. The way Mom made her money was by becoming a stripper and sleeping around. I remember Mom leaving at night, and every night she left with a different man. I never understood how my mom could live the way she did. She changed her whole lifestyle. With every day that passed, I saw my mom become a different person.

When we were in Australia, Mom was always cooking us these amazing meals, and she took care of everything that had to do with Stephanie and me. Dad was a computer engineer, and when he came home from work, he was always ecstatic to see us all. Those were the good ole days when everyone was happy. Things only started getting bad when Dad started assuming that Mom was cheating on him. I saw how Mom drastically changed. Everything about her was different, even her appearance. Her skin broke out. She became paranoid and started picking at her skin. She lost her hair. She became so skinny from not eating. Her teeth looked worse. Drugs were destroying my mom. I could tell she was on drugs because I had seen what drugs did to my cousin. Seeing her high was scary. She acted as if she was crazy. She would tell me people were after her and were trying to kill her. She heard and saw things that weren’t even there. I began to resent the person she had become.

CHAPTER 3

New Beginnings

W e stayed in that hellhole for about six months. Finally, we would be moving to a nice apartment. My dad always told me, You can’t have a rainbow without a little rain, and he was right. Everything seemed to be going so horrible, but hopefully now, things would start to get better. It would be a new beginning.

The apartment we moved to was very nice. It was in the good part of town in Brooklyn. The first day we moved into our new apartment, it felt amazing. I finally had my own room, my own bed, and it wasn’t revolting. Mom continued sleeping around for money, but at least our living situation was better.

It was a rainy Saturday afternoon. I was in my room hanging up ballet posters. I smiled to myself in satisfaction; things were really starting to get better. I still wasn’t too fond of New York, but I just had to keep my head up. I hoped that Stephanie was doing the same.

I was starting to get bored, so I decided to go take a walk. I got down to the lobby, and I saw this girl walking a dog. Then the dog got away and ran toward me. I grabbed the leash, and the girl ran up to me and took the dog back.

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Reviews for Voices in My Head

[uvi_poznansky · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This collection is about love, sorrow, even grief, melded in the crucible of life. The author, Cindy J. Smith, is a truck driver who is blessed with a natural gift. Often while driving through the night, when all is quiet, she is hearing these voices flowing through her mind. She sees herself as their vessel. They force her to deliver them to paper, and she does so with a gentle hand, making her mark with simplicity, and with heart wrenching honesty.Here are but a few of these voices in her head:The winds of change are blowing coldWithin my world today.My dreams of love and happinessHave all been drawn away.And here, an excerpt from OLD MAN:As you sit out on your porchIn your old rocking chairWondering why no oneEver comes visit you there You are thinking of your children Are they all full grown Where are they? How are they? Why have they left me alone?And here, from OH, MY CHILDI’ve been wanting to show youHow very much I care,But you are in your own world There’s no room for me thereIf you love poetry, Voices in My Head would be a treat for you.Five stars.