As I War Myself

By Javier De Alva Garza

A young man embarks on a journey to gain independence from drug addiction. After his home life falls apart, he is left to experience the miseries of homelessness as he continuously challenges addiction to battle. Addiction’s efforts to keep him in chains are successful, but that does not prevent the young man from rising up to defy his enslaver over and over again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 21, 2017
• ISBN: 9781512794212

Javier De Alva Garza

This book was inspired by several factors: the weaknesses the author found in himself and others and the arrogance residing in each of us regarding our human nature and strength.

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Copyright © 2017 Javier De Alva Garza.

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This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents,

organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the

products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-9422-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-9421-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017910918

WestBow Press rev. date: 7/17/2020

She was a being who made many cringe due to her indomitable power. She was our enemy—yet our nature. She became our friend to cruelly stab us in the back until our insides were exposed to the light, where they would dry and become dust together with our bones. No training, no experience in life, and no person or event could have prepared us to fight an enemy such as this. In our homes, we teach the young that nothing is impossible—that we can be unstoppable. Yet this is only said by those who never experienced the abhorrent encounter that is to battle her face-to-face.

I told myself I’d never do ’em. I promised myself I would never get lost in that sad-looking road that from a distance seemed dangerously fun. You don’t need to be intoxicated to have fun, they told us. How I envy those blessed souls who never dared to touch a single drug or mixed drink. And the lucky ones—those who, even after trying a malignant substance, were easily capable of leaving it.

She does not discriminate. Her works have been discovered from the famous and the rich down to our comrades who fight to make ends meet. In this fact, I find that no one is safe; no one can escape her unforgiving tether once it is leashed on our insides.

What was it like at first? It was fun. Many of us called it a one-time thing. We were fools. We were too arrogant to acknowledge the fortitude of our weakness silently hiding in the deepest parts of our beings. Soon we started calling it a temporary thing. We promised ourselves that once we were married with children, we would stop. We were fools. Oh God, with tears in my eyes, I repeat those agonizing words: we were fools, we were fools …

First, it only occurred when I was with friends. I was never brave enough to bring it into my parents’ home. The fellas in the group who were more experienced tended to be the community providers; their cellphones were filled with such contacts. They knew whom to buy from, the prices, and the usual places a specific dealer asked to be met. Initially, it was uncomfortable to walk down the street with the poison in my pocket, but soon enough, it became the norm.

Getting high became a habit. Drugs were continuously around me, around my friends. Still, I managed to remain sober during school, sports, and important events. She did not yet rule my life, but her shadow slowly crept up like the sunrise light.

Some days I would follow her like a puppy