The Corksuckers

By Willi Baer

A slice of the lives of four fabulous women who love their work, their men, and their wine. Their adventures span the North American continent from Toronto to California and the Caribbean. Their lives are struck with comedy and tragedybut mostly comedy. Come take a trip with the Corksuckers!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 27, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524605629

Willi Baer

This is author Willi Baer’s third book but first novel. “It’s much more fun writing a novel,” states Baer, “because you are only limited by your imagination. How-to books are basically just facts.” The author has lived in several countries and in the tropics and draws from life experiences of friends and acquaintances. She has two more novels in the works.

Book preview

BOOK 1

1960

Chapter 1

Mary Louise Reynolds

Lollipop Lollipop O Lolli-lolli-lolli..... What the hell? Mary Lou sat bolt upright in bed to the clock radio screaming the pop hit. Oh my god...is it time to get up already? She turned down the sound and peered at the red bedside travel clock, yeah it was time. Then she suddenly remembered it was the first day of her new job, the first day of the rest of her life. No biggie. Then Mary Lou briefly wondered why people say that because in reality, every day is the first day of the rest of your life. Standing unsteadily, her head pounding, she got her bearings and staggered to the bathroom. Planting herself on the john she wiggled her toes in the fake fur rug and wondered why she drank so much last night. Oh yeah, it was a 'good luck in the new job' dinner with a few of her friends from Eatons (Department Store), only they never made it from the bar to the restaurant saying how much they all loved each other and swore never to lose touch. Finally Mary Lou practically lying her head on the table, uttered the inevitable lez all go to my place....and they did. Not sure what time everyone left she peeked around the corner to the living room and decided that it wasn't in too bad shape, a few empty bottles, ring marks on the coffee table and chips smashed into the rug but not too bad.

The shower felt amazing in spite of the lack of water pressure and she stood there for awhile thinking about what had brought her to this day. Working at Eatons for four years she closed her eyes and thought thank goodness...no more cash registers, no more cranky customers, no more Christmas rush, no more standing on my feet all day, and I finally have a job I can brag about, an advertising sales representative. In fact Mary Lou was selected to be in the first team of women to sell advertising at one of the leading advertising agencies in Toronto, if not in all of Canada. What a coup! And how the hell did it happen? She didn't really know a thing about advertising but she knew she could interview well and the big boobs didn't hurt. The goofy looking guy who interviewed her barely looked at her face but she didn't care, she wanted that job so badly. When the phone call came asking her back for a second interview, she couldn't really believe it but deep down inside she knew it would happen, she was destined for something more. There had to be more, otherwise she would never have left Terry.

For her first day on the job Mary Lou chose an olive green poodle-cloth suit with a box jacket over a pale pink blouse and a small matching pillbox hat. She covered the goods, she already had the job and didn't need to show them off. Doing the best she could with her brown curly locks tucked under the hat she checked herself in the mirror one more time and decided it was good. Down three floors in the elevator she walked briskly to the bus stop and smiled flirtatiously at the good looking guy standing in front checking his finger for a ring. Yeah it was there, she could stop smiling now.

Arriving at the Bell & Stewart Advertising building Mary Lou approached the lobby elevators in swift stride even though she was scared to death...after all...smart, pretty women were supposed to walk fast, with confidence and so she did, but she didn't feel confident. She was met at the entrance by someone from Personnel who led her to a small meeting room with a table and a stack of papers and she was instructed to complete all the paperwork and let her know when she was finished. Tax forms, insurance forms, emergency contact...ugh, she had no idea what they meant but she filled them out as best she could. She was then given a brief tour and shown her locker (locker? why would she need a locker?). Finally they walked up a flight of stairs and into a large conference room where several other young women sat around the enormous, highly polished mahogany table.

No one was speaking, they all just sat and waited, not sure what for. There were nine women seated and all of them very attractive and smartly dressed and not one of them wore a hat. Mary Lou was slightly embarrassed and immediately thought maybe she could stash her hat in the locker, but she never did, she wore the stupid thing all day. She then noticed a striking redhead across from her with a high beehive hairdo and an aloof manner. The redhead appeared to view the others with disdain and when their eyes met they each quickly looked away. Mary Lou thought "oh boy, she hates me, not even a smile...what a snob".

Three more women were led into the room and seated. Talk about uncomfortable. No one spoke. A mousy little woman with dark horn-rimmed cat-eye glasses came in, said good morning and passed around yellow-lined pads, pens and empty three-ringed binders to everyone, then quickly exited. A table at the far end held two large pitchers of water and a couple dozen glasses turned upside down. No coffee. Groan.

Finally a door at the far end opened and in marched a tall, square, homely woman with Groucho Marx bushy eyebrows, owl-sized eye-glasses and arms down to her knees. She planted herself in front of the flipchart which had been tenuously placed on a rather weak-looking easel.

Good Morning Ladies, my name is Beth and I'll be training you all on clerical paperwork, ad sizes, how to write ads etc. for the next two weeks. Her bushy brows shot straight up her forehead and down again. Paperwork, what paperwork? I thought we were going to learn how to sell advertising. Beth then asked us all to write our names on little white tags, place them inside a small plastic envelope and pin them to our jackets so she could plainly see them. Eyebrows up. She explained that once we completed the entire training, two weeks with her and two weeks with the sales managers, we would receive our official credentials....whatever that was. Eyebrows down.

Midway through the morning which was filled with basic dimensions, Mary Lou noticed a lot of the women were taking notes. Other than the handouts, she was not sure what she was supposed to make note of so she tried to look busy and began doodling tiny leaves around the margins of the page.

A fifteen minute break found all the women in line in the washroom smoking cigarettes and finally some began chatting with each another.

Hi, I'm Marie McIntyre, what's your name? Mary Lou turned to see the sweetest smile beaming from a very pleasant face. Oh hi, I'm Mary Lou Reynolds, Mary Louise actually but Mary Lou will do.

Nice to meet you. What do you think so far?

Well, it's interesting I guess, I'm just a little surprised, I never even thought about learning the paperwork.

Yeah, me too but I didn't really know what to expect.

Mary Lou was now first in line and headed into the next available cubicle. She tore off strips of toilet paper and carefully lined the seat as her mother had taught her. Then she immediately began flushing the toilet even though many others were also flushing. She hated the thought of anyone hearing her pee. She read somewhere that it was called a shy bladder. All she knew was that she didn't feel comfortable peeing in public, even though it wasn't technically in public. As soon as there was a lull, Mary Lou flushed again. Finally all peed-out Mary Lou left the cubicle, washed her hands and returned to the meeting room.

The second half of the morning was just as boring and confusing as the first half and Mary Lou had to pinch her arm occasionally to stay awake. Beth's droning voice didn't help. About 11:30 AM Mary Lou's tummy began rumbling and she coughed, hoping it hid the sound. Soon an orchestra of growls began and she prayed for lunch.

At 11:55 AM Beth stood and announced that it was lunch time and everyone should follow her to the cafeteria on the next floor down. Everyone stood, turned and followed Beth out the door, all grateful for the respite from Beth's bushy-brow lifts. The cafeteria was large and rather impressive with a nice selection of lunch food. After scanning the counter Mary Lou looked up and spotted a delightful plump lady whose hair was encased in a holey hair net.

What'll it be, hon?

May I have a grilled cheese with relish, please? And a cherry coke?

Coming right up.

Mary Lou? Is that you? Mary Lou turned to see a familiar face in her cousin Gwen.

Oh for heavens sake, what are you doing here?

"I work here.'

You work for Bell & Stewart?

"Yes, for two years now, what are you doing here?"

"I'm in training to be a sales rep. What do you do, what's your job?"

I'm a graphic artist, we're down on the fourth floor but we eat here, the whole building eats here.

Just then Tildy, the cafeteria lady hollers Hon, here's your grilled cheese. That'll be 35 cents and 10 cents for the cherry coke.

Gwen, let's do something soon, okay?

Okay, I'll call you.

Mary Lou paid her tab, grabbed her tray, turned and saw that almost all the seats were taken. Damn. Suddenly she saw Marie's hand shoot up in the air, Over here Mary Lou, there's a seat here. Damn.

Marie moved her purse from the empty seat and proceeded to introduce the other two at the table.

Mary Lou, this is Margaret and this is Millie. Oh my gosh I just realized all our names start with 'M.'"

Maggie.

What?

I prefer Maggie, not Margaret.

The name Maggie was now attached to the aloof red head who managed to return a weak smile to Mary Lou's wide grin....(like me, please like me), but she seemed to be friendlier toward the others. Mary Lou wondered briefly why this Margaret person hated her and then turned her attention to Millie who had been sitting at the far end of the table in the meeting room. Millie was a beautiful woman with thick blonde hair, large blue eyes and a great zaftig figure. She was warm and friendly and open and was liked almost immediately by everyone who met her. Easy to laugh and find the humor in everything Millie asked if we noticed Beth's eyebrows ?....and the snickering began when Millie started raising her brows up and down.

Lunch conversation revolved around the mornings training and not much else before they had to head back to the conference room. The afternoon seemed to go a little faster amazingly enough and before long it was time to call it a day. Millie sidled down to the end of the table where the others were and asked Maggie, Marie and Mary Lou if they wanted to go for a drink. Maggie said sorry, I have a date and Marie said that she had other plans, so Mary Lou decided to go, much against her better judgment as she was still a tad under the weather from last night's party. But she liked Millie and thought why not.

Let's go to the Savern, it's just around the corner.

Sure, I've never been there but that's fine.

The Savern Tavern was the home bar frequented by employees of all the surrounding companies. Some even called it their company annex. As the girls walked in, several guys were heard Hey Millie. Hi Mills. Hello Gorgeous, who's your friend?.

Down boys.

How do you know all these guys? asked Mary Lou.

They're from work, you know I've been with Bell & Stewart for about five years, I was a clerk.

YOU we-re?

Just then a waitress appeared Hi Millie, what'll it be?

The usual Suzie, CC and water

And you honey?

Uh, I'll have a VO and ginger ale.

Millie continued Yes and about three other clerks applied for the sales job and I was the only one who got it so they all hate me, especially Beth.

Why would Beth hate you, she's their supervisor, isn't she?

Exactly. Because when we all applied for the job she told us that none of us would get it because we weren't sophisticated enough. So when I got the job and she had to call me in to her office, she told me I'd be sorry and I'd never last. I just said 'watch me'.

Good for you. Do you think she's jealous? Do you think she wanted the job?

No, she didn't apply, she knows she's not pretty enough, but she's jealous of all the publicity we'll be getting.

What publicity?

Well, they plan on doing a TV spot or something about the first team of saleswomen and a newspaper story with our picture in the paper and some other stuff....so we'll be mini-celebrities for a minute and a half and that probably ticks her off.

Just then a couple of dapper looking guys who Millie knew walked over and asked if they could join them.

Sure pull up a seat. Mary Lou this is Jake and Coop. Guys this is Mary Lou

Well, hello Mary Loooooo sang Jake and Coop nodded his head and smiled.

How was your first day in the real world? asked Jake.

So-so, you know how Beth is, her dancing eyebrows kept us awake.

Hey Sam, bring us another round this from Jake. They were soon joined by a few others and more drinks were consumed, jokes began and guffaws roared.

After awhile Mary Lou excused herself to go to the restroom, she was bursting. Thank goodness no one else was in there and she peed like a race horse. Rising she checked for toilet paper on the heel of her shoe as her mom had taught her to always do and finding none she headed to the wash basin, turned on the faucets and looked into the mirror. OHMYGAWD! How did my makeup get so smeared and my eyes are bloodshot and my hair looks like a nest! She had doffed her hat in the meeting room and forgotten about it when they left. Have I looked like this all day? I gotta get out of here.

As Mary Lou approached the table all the guys stood expecting her to once again sit, instead she said It's time for me to go guys, thanks for the drinks.

"Leaving so soon? This from Millie.

Yeah. Where ya going' dollface? from Jake.

I have some things to do, see you tomorrow Millie.

You okay going home?.

I'll just grab a cab.

Outside Mary Lou walked to the corner and hailed a cab. Sinking in the back seat and again feeling slightly woozy, she thought, what was I thinking? I just wanted to go straight home from work and reflect on today's lesson and now I'm bombed and will probably be hung over again tomorrow. She wondered how long Millie would hang in there, she was having a blast trading the guys drink for drink. And how come her eyes weren't bloodshot and her makeup looked like it had been freshly applied and every hair was in perfect place. She could easily hate Millie except that she was so much fun and so friendly and sharp.

Reaching home, Mary Lou paid the cabbie two bucks on the $1.75 fare and headed to her apartment. Home at last. It was only a little after 8 PM but it seemed like it should be midnight. She put on her pajamas, washed her face and applied moisturizer, set her alarm, crawled into bed and was grateful the room wasn't spinning. Tomorrow would be a new day and hopefully a little more exciting, and she would not drink tomorrow night. Mary Lou was still excited about her new job.

Chapter 2

Margaret Maggie O'Hara

Maggie meandered through Eaton's to the subway checking out the glove counter, she loved kid gloves, heading home from her first day on the job and as soon as she arrived inside the front door she went straight to the fridge and grabbed a coke. Voices were heard coming from the living room.

Hi.

Hi girl. How was your first day?

Okay, sort of interesting, I guess.

We had a blast today said Angie. Hailey and Angie were Maggie's two roommates, both were stewardesses with Trans Canada Airlines and occasionally were scheduled on the same flight which happened today. They were rehashing the day's events and discussing weird passengers one of which was a guy who thought he was god's gift and was determined to get a date with at least one of the girls before the flight was over. All for naught. They were used to this kind of outrageous flirting and men who wanted to score and it was always the topic of conversation at the end of stew's flights. Stews in those days were always gorgeous and men loved to say they were dating a stewardess. And the stews took great delight in flirting back and then turning them down for a date or sometimes writing down a false phone number giving them a semblance of hope.

Maggie pretended to listen with interest and smiled wanly, then announced she was going to soak in a hot tub for a while. The girls suggested they order Swiss Chalet chicken for dinner and all agreed.

Maggie sat on the side of the tub, stared at the water flowing into it and felt a twinge of guilt about lying to the girls at work about having a date. Truthfully she was hoping that Doug would call her but he hadn't yet...as usual. She and Doug had been dating for about three months but their dates were getting further and further apart, he was always working, or so he said. Deep down inside she knew it was over, but she held out hope. Sinking into the hot water Maggie closed her eyes and remembered their last kiss. She was hoping for something more but Doug didn't seem that interested. In fact Maggie would have gone all the way, but Doug hadn't even tried to get to third base. Maybe he met someone else. Still, maybe he truly was just busy.

The phone rang. Maggie's eyes flew open. She heard Angie answer the phone then burst out laughing. Maggie knew then that it wasn't Doug. Angie and Hailey both hated Doug. They didn't like the way he treated Maggie and thought he was an arrogant son of a bitch. Just then the doorbell rang too. It was the restaurant delivery boy. Angie hollered for Maggie. Coming she hollered back.

Maggie dried herself, pulled on her pj's and joined the others at the table.

You owe two bucks.

Two bucks? What the heck did you order, lobster?

No, just chicken...and a bunch of other stuff, all our favorites, came to six dollars including delivery and the tip.

Geez! It better be worth it. Maggie's previous salary was $28.00 per week but she'd be making more at her new job, so she felt justified. Besides the stews made a lot more money than she had and they were good about picking up the tab when needed.

The girls chowed down. It was worth it.

Maggie felt better and after watching a bit of television in glorious black and white, she turned in for the night. She planned on being more receptive to the training tomorrow, oh yes and on being friendlier. It wasn't that she was unfriendly, it was just that this Doug business put her in a blue funk and that upset her even more. This should have been the most exciting day of her new career and instead she acted like a cold