Kiss Billie for Me Xxx: A True Story

By Jeanette Gray

In 1929, Betty Trainer, a beautiful, twenty-year-old woman immigrated to Australia from Scotland. Brave and ready for the unknown, she embarked on a new life, including getting married and having two children. But challenges developed, and soon she dealt with an abusive husband and postnatal depression, a tragic mix that led her to kill one of her sons and attempt to kill the other.

In Kiss Billie for Me xxx, author Jeanette Gray, Bettys granddaughter, tells her story and that of Billie, the surviving boy who grew up to be Grays father. She shares Bettys tragedy as she migrated to Australia with no family to help her birth, parent, or recover from the unknown effects of postnatal depression. Gray narrates how Bettys situation and her actions had dramatic consequences for her and her surviving son and changed the course of this familys history.

Kiss Billie for Me xxx offers insight into postnatal depression and restores dignity not only to Betty, but also to other women who suffer from the same affliction. While Kiss Billie for Me xxx is a story of tragedy and pain, it is also a story of great love and compassion, and serves as a lesson for treating mental illness with the love and care it deserves.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Jan 10, 2017
• ISBN: 9781504305990

Jeanette Gray

Jeanette Gray has a passion for creative writing and English literature. She feels privileged to share her family history, which she learned after her father’s passing. Gray deeply hopes that her book will touch the lives of anyone suffering from depression or any form of abuse—and prompt them to reach out for help. She currently lives in Queensland, Australia.

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Copyright © 2017 Jeanette Gray.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com.au

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

ISBN: 978-1-5043-0598-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-0599-0 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 01/09/2017

Contents

Dedication

Foreword

Preface

Introduction

PART 1

Chapter 1. A New Life

Chapter 2. The Incident

Chapter 3. The Enquiry

Chapter 4. Billie

Chapter 5. Bill, the Man

PART 2

Chapter 6. Bill, My Father

Chapter 7. Who Am I?

Chapter 8. Another Tragic Turn

Chapter 9. Bill’s Diagnosis

Chapter 10. Tears in Heaven

Chapter 11. The Last Breath

Chapter 12. The Secret

Chapter 13. Lives Entwined

Afterword

About the Author

Acknowledgements

Dedication

This book is dedicated to anyone who is suffering from or has suffered from postnatal depression. PND is a real illness, which thankfully is much more recognised today and can be successfully treated.

Please seek help. You are not alone.

www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

the hopeline.com

National suicide prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-435

www.lifeline.org.au

Foreword

Women have traditionally birthed and nurtured their babies with other women for guidance and support.

When Betty Trainer migrated to Australia without her family in the early twentieth century, there was no kin to help her birth, parent, or recover from the unknown effects of postnatal depression. The tragedy of Betty’s situation and her actions had dramatic consequences for her and her surviving son, Billie, and changed the course of this family’s history.

Jeanette Gray has weaved love and compassion into this story, which for eighty years was cast aside as shameful. By bringing this story to light, Jeanette restores dignity not only to Betty, but also to other women who suffered from postnatal depression, and to the sons and daughters who loved them. Although Betty died after living a short life, her actions spoke for generations. Jeanette never met her grandmother, but through the discovery and realisation of the secret, she has been able to heal a lifetime of pain and mend her relationship with her father.

This book is an important discovery and serves as a lesson for treating mental illness with the love and care it deserves.

Jeanette takes you on a journey of tragedy and pain to show how compassion and understanding can transcend time and heal relationships, no matter how long they’ve been broken.

Monica Batiste

Author, Artist, Yoga Teacher.

Preface

This is the story of the life of William Edward Pedder: Bill or Billie, as he was affectionately known to his friends, and Dad to me. The story uncovers his trials, his tribulations, and the secret he took to his grave. The Pedder family had a family secret that no one ever spoke about. Dad knew only some of it. The sad part is that if he’d known more, his life could have been very different, and he wouldn’t have died with a deep black hole in his heart. I am the youngest of his four children, and it’s only since his death that I can truly appreciate him for the person he was and honestly say I love him.

I didn’t feel this way when he was alive and didn’t think I ever would. I also had a big hole in my heart, for the most part of my life. I know much more about him now and have a greater understanding of Bill as a human being, since discovering the truth about the secret. In order to fully understand who he was, I have weaved the pieces of his life together. Telling his story also means telling my story, which is a difficult and confronting task and a journey of self-discovery. This journey has been many years in the making. All of the events detailed in part 1 are based on facts taken from true accounts depicted in newspapers, personal letters, government agencies, court reports, and genealogy research.

Part 2 is based on my own personal accounts, memories, and real experiences.

Introduction

Australia has been a nation of immigrants since its colonisation, from convicts to prominent, wealthy men, like John Macarthur. In the 1800s and early 1900s, the colonial governments assisted British emigrants to ease unemployment and overcrowding in Britain and to boost Australia’s population, especially after World War I, when 65,000 Australian men died fighting. There were numerous schemes to encourage immigrants to Australia; child migrant schemes were thriving. Children as young as four years old were being rescued from the poverty, hardship, and moral danger they were exposed to in their environment. The Empire Settlement Scheme was operational between 1922 and 1929. The British and Australian governments, along with the Salvation Army, recruited young men and women, boys, orphans, and unwanted children. Providing they were industrious, of good moral character, in good health, free from bodily or mental defects, and in all respects capable of labour, they were accepted into the scheme and granted assisted passage. They also were said to be rescued from almost hopeless environments and settled in comfort with bright prospects. With the promise of a better life than they could ever imagine, in a beautiful sun-burnt country, more than three hundred thousand immigrants (young women to be employed as domestic servants, and young men as labourers) arrived in Australia between World War I and the Great Depression (1919–1929). Some did have a better life and some returned home, while others were left with shattered lives or no life at all.

So this is where my story begins, it was the year 1929. A beautiful twenty-year-old girl named Betty Trainer, who was to later become my grandmother, made a life-changing decision.

PART 1

Chapter 1

A New Life

Walking home from a long day’s work at the factory, Betty’s back hurt, the blisters on her feet bled, and the holes in the soles of her shoes saturated her socks from the rocky, rain-soaked Glasgow street. The Depression had hit hard for the average working class family in the United Kingdom, and unemployment was at its worst. But Elizabeth (Betty) Douglas Trainer was lucky, so her parents kept telling her, that she had a job. Tuberculosis and other serious illnesses were on the rise, as were Glasgow gangs, with rumoured links to the notorious and very dangerous Razor Gang. Betty felt fearful and depressed with her life and prospects for the future. She didn’t feel lucky at all. She dreamed of escaping her life. She imagined beautiful country towns in places where the sun shone for most of the daylight hours and where the streets and fields were filled with the sights and scents of fragrant wildflowers.

While she was daydreaming, Betty stopped to rest and leaned on an old wooden light post to get some relief from her aching back. She noticed a sign nailed to the post; it was red, white, and blue, featuring a map of Australia with five white stars beside it. The heading said, The stars which shine over Australia, the land of opportunity. She continued reading: The call of the stars to British men and women. Men for the land. Women for the home. Employment guaranteed. Good wages. Plenty of opportunity.

She had seen similar signs in the streets and shopfront windows, which tried to encourage the young and unemployed to participate in the scheme, but she never really paid much attention to them before. There were always lots of promises made that sounded too good to be true, but for some reason, this sign took her eye. It read across the bottom in small print, For further information apply to any employment exchange or to the Director of Migration and Settlement, Australia House, Strand W.C.2.

Betty went to Australia House to investigate further and found out that all of it was indeed true. The British and Australian governments would pay her way to Australia, find her lodgings, and employment, and the only thing required from her in return was the promise to stay and work in Australia for at least two years.

After much thought, she decided to go. This decision would change the rest of her life. Her parents weren’t happy about her decision, but she was an adult, and they believed that their daughter had done the research and knew what she was doing.

There was a lengthy recruitment process, and then the awaiting emigrants were grouped together according to their age and gender. Betty was teamed up with a number of other young women to be employed as domestic servants in Australia. They were all very excited about the journey they were about to embark on and could hardly wait to start their new lives.

Betty had no regrets about leaving her home town of Glasgow. Her job in Anderson’s factory was hard work, and although this was where she was born and where her family lived, she hated the overcrowded, smog-filled city that she called home. This is what she had been dreaming of: a chance for a new life. She was heading to Australia, a land of hopes and dreams with picturesque countryside, sun-kissed beaches, and glorious wildflowers. She could hardly wait.

She was, however, rather poignant about leaving behind parents who loved her very much, a grandmother who adored her, and a younger sister who hoped to one day grow up to be just like her big sister. She feared she would miss them terribly. There were also aunts, uncles, and cousins, but she believed travelling to Australia to make a new life was her destiny. And one day, maybe she would return to her home town, richer for the experience.

Travelling with Betty was Alice Young Fairbairn. Alice, an only child, was born in Cocksburnpath, Scotland, in 1907. Her father was a local fisherman who provided well for his family, but they were also struggling in the Depression. Alice yearned for her independence. She was twenty-two years old, and her father felt it was time that she spread her wings. Her aunt had migrated several years earlier to a small town in Victoria called Rapanyup. She’d always had good things to say about her new home and life in Australia and offered Alice a place to stay as well as a job as housemaid and nanny. So when Alice heard that the Assisted Migrant Scheme might be coming to an end, she too jumped at the chance.

Although Betty and Alice seemed similar, they