Been Hustlen

By Sherika Moore

This novel is about a group of friends from Oakland, California, that gained love and respect for one another at a young age. Each lived different lives but had the same struggles: bills with no money, negative guidance, and influence as role models. Through loyalty, passion, deceit, and love, no matter what friends they all accumulated, they manage to ride or die through it all, hustling to the death do them together. All stayed focused on their own talents, gifts, or tricks of their trade even though the systems vision for them was failure. They did not let that stop them. They adapted to getting money, gun violence, and high tolerance to that good Cali weed. The Oakland friends had one mission: making it out alive and on top by any means necessary.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: May 27, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524503581

Sherika Moore

Sherika Moore is a phenomenal author. She has a creative mind and a beautiful soul that will inspire the world and light up a room. Writing helps her escape her busy world. She is a mother of three teenagers, a behavior technician (para for autistic children), and the youngest big mama of all time! Black Love is one of her most prized projects because she loves giving back to the world. Black Love gives her a chance to unite different artists and talents locally, for free, just so the voices of the community are heard. Sherika is so admittedly about sticking together and changing the world for the better—“What better way than words to start a movement?”

Book preview

Copyright © 2016 by Sherika Moore.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2016908362

ISBN:   Hardcover   978-1-5245-0360-4

            Softcover    978-1-5245-0359-8

             eBook        978-1-5245-0358-1

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 05/27/2016

Xlibris

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CONTENTS

Kayla

Jamela

Henry

Kayla

Jamela

Henry

Jamela

Kayla

Henry

Jamela

Kayla

Henry

Kayla

THE SQUAD

Jamela

Henry

The Squad

Kayla

Jamela

Henry

Squad

Kayla

Jamela

Henry

Kayla

Squad

My 2400 Vill Angel

Special thanks to God for the talent he blessed me with. To my son everything is for you, my rock, my inspiration, my motivation to teach others in life. To my girls we practice for perfection, you seen me struggle, you seen me hustle and now your witnessing your mother bubble from the bottom to the top with god himself. S/O to West Oakland, where I ran wild, learned, cried, fought, loved and grew. S/O to The Vill you are my first love, I have never felt comfortable or safe nowhere but home. Majority of my life I spent with you, my loyalty was to you and to the hustle. To all my lost friends, My 2400 Vill angels my childhood was complete because you guys were in it, our created paths may have came to an end but I will never forget my angels this one’s for you!! Special s/o to my boys J.R and All Nuts I swear whenever I came home you where there to greet me with smiles, hugs and jokes. To my very special friend, adviser and companion for years he gave me that fire. Which helped encourage me even when I was wrong to do better. You taught me another way and loved me unconditional thru it all my boy Mainey Bo. To my big cousin Art you are truly the hustle, I’ve watched you move mad mean and you stayed giving me the game, Rule number one live a long life. To my fans there’s more to come, we been hustlen!! Last but not least S/O to the Hustle I ate because of you, you made me kitu! Solid, loyal and humble, I owe it all to you! And even thou my God has taken his angels back, I share no more smiles or childhood snaps with the people that knew me and understood me, so I do this for you guys. Watch over our families as my heart became heavy February 11, 2016. My lids are sore as we cry, we sigh, Lord we repent asking to see him once again R.I.P Albert Easly! December 24, 1980 to February 11, 2016.

Special thanks to my loyal friends and teachers at Encinal High School, for the support you gave and the belief in me. Personal Shout to my Mehinda Asalia aka Fia, you always told me I was good, you recited my words and really believed in me I love you so much, this one’s for you and my Macho Man aka Lil Delree. To my girl Jill It’s not one thing you wouldn’t do for me and my children I’m grateful for you and love you to pieces and trust Kailey is covered hunny from here to the heavens. My girl Quana you inspire me every day and I can’t thank you enough for even taking a chance on a younsta. Last but not least My big cousin FeFe Diva, I will never forget you took me in your room and showed me what that independent life was about. Money sacked in shoes boxes and niggas doing what they know to providing, if not ghetto blaster gotta rol1. I love you and thanks for it all you always had my back boss up!

To my future husband God blessed to complete my life, my soul mate Darrell A. Gospel Sr. You were my rock, my best friend, our late night prayers, conversations and passionate love making motivated me to do what I know and love best. Our journey is no were over it only just begun, I love you Gharadehli 4 life!

Kayla

Kayla! What I tell you about fighting?

Ma, it wasn’t my fault. The other girl started it. She was talking about you.

Hell, that little girl don’t know me, so what does it matter? You not gone be happy till them white people come get your ass! You think they give a fuck about you? Them muthafuckas already have their education. You just another black child causing problems.

Kayla started to blank out. She was used to her mother fussing. By now she was eleven and she had more things to worried about in her little world. Kayla, you hear me talking to you, keep on and I’m going to let them haul yo ass outta here.

It was no use defending herself. She knew her mother wouldn’t understand. Either you get punked by the kids or you stand up for yourself. It just so happened Kayla would lose it and become the total blame.

Little girl I told you ova and ova again, I don’t want them people calling me. I gotta work and pay all the bills. That’s hard enough, thanks to your daddy.

Every time Kayla got into trouble, her mom would end the conversation by downplaying her dad. She just wanted to grow up so bad. Kayla was beautiful, smart, tough, and full of life. Problem was, trouble seemed to come looking for her. Kayla’s beauty kept her in mess. Them immature boys would try to touch her butt, and the girls didn’t like her because of her caramel-shaded skin. She had light brown hair that bounced softly against the top of her back. Her clothes were up to date and freshly ironed every day. Her mother always felt, We may be from west Oakland, but we don’t have to look and live like it.

Mom, can I call Dad?

What for? You not running my phone bill up calling Texas. Shit, he knows you alive and well. You betta wait till he calls you."

Kayla’s dad, Thomas, was an ex-user. He ran the west Oakland streets until he got hooked on his own supply. Then things began to unravel for him. Tammy, Kayla’s mom, left him, took Kayla, and never looked back. Thomas then left Cali and moved in with his mom Madea. She had a non-tolerance for foolishness. It was get clean or don’t come to this address. Kayla did what she knew best—call her dad’s cousin, Rosemary, who lived in deep east Oakland, if she wanted to relay a message to her dad. That was the way to do it, then everyone’s happy.

Cousin Rosemary, this is Kayla.

Hey, baby, how you doing?

Fine, I was wondering if you heard from my dad.

No, baby, he didn’t call today, but I will call him soon as we get off the phone. How is your mom doing? I haven’t heard from her in a while.

She’s fine. She just been working a lot.

Kayla! Tammy yelled as she walked toward the living room from the kitchen. Who you telling my business to?

Mom, it’s cousin Rosemary.

Umm, Tammy went back into the kitchen to finish making dinner.

Tell your mom I said hi.

Mom, cousin Rosemary said hi.

Hey. Tammy never had a problem with Rosemary. They used to hang out together and party, but since Thomas and Tammy separated, she felt no need to keep in contact. After all, she had a child to raise on her own now and Rosemary as well started having babies.

Where’s my baby cousins?

They running around getting bigger and bigger every day. Brook is ten now and Devin is seven.

Aww, I miss them. I wish I could see them soon.

"Well, ask your mom if you can come for the summer or even the weekends. Uncle Devin got his car and we don’t mind picking you up, sweetie.

Okay, cousin Rosemary, can you please tell my dad to call me and I love you guys.

Sure thing, baby, I’ll call him now.

Thanks, cousin.

No problem. Talk to you soon, baby.

Kayla hung up the phone and entered the kitchen doorway. Mom, do you think I can start going to cousin Rosemary’s house for the weekend or the summer? She say Uncle Devin has a car now.

Tammy kept seasoning the chicken breast as if Kayla said nothing. What she really was doing was trying to come up with an excuse, so Kayla thought. I’ll think about it. You stay outta trouble and I can trust you going places.

Kayla thought to herself, That was better than saying no. Time went by and she sat in her room doing homework and waiting for her dad to call, but the night crept up and there was no call from Dad. She often felt neglected as if her dad was too busy chasing women and not worried about her. She was glad he chose to move to Texas to better his life, but at the same time she so badly wanted him to come back to Cali.

Gurl, you know she told me the same thing, right, but I kept on going. Loud annoying conversations came from Tammy’s room. Kayla hated hearing her mother on the phone. All she seemed to talk about was mess, the same mess girls talked about at school. He said, she said.

Mom, did Dad call?

Didn’t I tell yo ass to knock on my door before opening it? Next time I’m gone throw a shoe at yo ass.

Kayla closed the door back and went into her lonely room. No siblings to play with or age-appropriate friends to hang out with but her cousin Mickey and she stayed on punishment. She was so lonely.

Get up, time for school! Tammy flipped on Kayla’s bedroom light as Kayla wiped her eyes to adjust from the midnight sleep. If yo ass went to bed on time, you could get up.

I did, Mom, I’m just stretching.

I know one thing, you bet not take yo ass to school showing out today or I’m going to stretch yo ass. Kayla got up from her bed and slowly walked to the bathroom. She did her normal routine, pee, washed her face, brushed her teeth, and looked at herself in the mirror for about ten minutes straight. She would pretend she was an actress, rapper, or a host interviewing Celebes. Kayla knew she was different. She knew she had to become something in life in order to escape the pain she’d already been through.

Kayla, it don’t take that long to wash your face and brush your teeth. Hurry up before you make me late.

Kayla would ignore her mother and keep on daydreaming for at least a couple more seconds. She had to end her performance right. Some kids hated school, but Kayla, she loved it. She had a thirst for knowledge and it was her only outlet besides her friend Jamela. She just met Jamela earlier this year, a little intimidated that Jamela was in the eighth grade because she knew Tammy would not approve of Jamela. It was tough wanting to hang out on weekends with Jamela, so she never invited her over. Kayla learned so much from Jamela. She was like a true big sister. Every time Kayla got in trouble, Jamela had her back to the fullest. Jamela also worked in the office as an office aid, so she would tell the principal at Cole Elementary School, Kayla’s innocent. She was defending herself. I saw the whole thing, knowing she was lying her ass off. Just like the teachers and the boys, Jamela saw something more in Kayla that made her attached to her.

Bye, Mom, see you later.

Bye, you better remember what I said.

Kayla closed her mother’s ’95 Buick car door and walked off, thinking nothing of what Mom said, but why her father didn’t call.

Okay, class, settle down. Today we are going to be doing work out of our mathematics textbooks. You will have to complete pages 1 to 3 and the review section. Whatever you don’t complete in class you may do for homework or finish up another time.

Mr. Golden was a little weird. He had a cool personality, but at times he couldn’t control the class well. The boys would be up clowning and acting like fools, loud as ever, that the teacher from the next room named Ms. Nellie had to come settle them down.

Everybody loved Ms. Nellie. She had this smart, sexy, sophisticated look to here. She was mean as shit when she wanted to be, but she was truly beautiful inside and out. Mr. Golden was high yellow, with glasses thick like Coke bottles and chunky. No one, I repeat, no one took him seriously. At times Kayla used to wonder if he even had a wife, ’cause he never talked about his personal life, but they knew he had one. By the way his beard looked wildly grew in and the strong smell of alcohol in his coffee, somebody was stressing him and it wasn’t just their class.

We have ten more minutes before lunch. Those who have finished their class assignments can take out their spellings words and start doing the definitions. Now if you decide not to turn it in by the end of the week, it will definitely affect your grade.

Kayla’s class members considered her the smartest in the class, so right when Mr. Golden was done with the ten-minute warning, they would rush to her desk asking her for her answers. Kay got smart. She started turning in her assignment minutes before the warning. Kay then began to check her desk and secure her belongings before the break. She had this O.C.D. thing going at a young age, thanks to Tammy.

Move, bitch! Kay hated this girl name Shay. She was so rude. For some reason she didn’t like Kay, maybe because she was prettier, her hair was longer, or, as Kay would say, She looked like Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street.

I’m telling you now, Shay, if you put your hands on me one more time, I’m going to body slam yo ass down these stairs.

Shay looked at Kayla as if she was a joke. I wish you would, bitch. Shay liked to talk shit and torture Kay ’cause she let her do it for a year almost, but Shay knew better, so nothing more transpired.

Yea, okay, that’s what I thought, I see you walking yo ass straight to the cafeteria though. Kay continued on. She had things to do.

Later on that day, Kayla went home. She sat by the phone as she did her homework, waiting for her dad to call. Finally the phone rang.

Hello.

Hey, baby girl.

Daddy, what took you so long to call me?

I got off work late and I knew you were in the bed, so I said I would call you today since I got off early.

Dad, when are you coming out here?

Well, baby gurl, I was saving some money so you would come for the summer, if it’s okay with your mom.

I don’t know, Dad, I been getting in trouble a lot, Dad, at school. She might say no.

Tammy knew it was Kayla’s dad ’cause she didn’t yell at the top of her lungs, Momma, pick up the phone it’s fa you! So she got up from her bed and walked to the living room where Kayla sat on the floor, Indian style, twirling her fingers around the spongy cord.

Why are you getting in trouble, Kay? You know better.

Dad, it’s not me, these kids like to talk smack and bother me. I don’t start it. I just finish it, like you taught me.

Tammy didn’t give a damn she wasn’t running up to no school for bullshit. She taught her to catch their ass off school campus. School is where you learn. Tammy walked in the kitchen muttering, I see, he finally called. Kayla paid no mind. She kept talking to her dad.

Daddy, it’s this gurl named Shay at my school that makes me so mad. She walks by me, bumping me and calling me names almost every day. Man, I just wanna punch her in her face.

Baby gurl, girls like dat are just jealous of you. They wanna see you get in trouble. You have to learn how to pick your battles. She’s mad at herself and it’s not your fault. Daddy has a beautiful princess. Kayla smiled from ear to ear. She loved it when she talked to her dad. He always made her feel better.

Daddy, I really wanna come see you. I miss you so much. All I do is just write about you in my diary.

Well, baby gurl, I’m going to make sure it happens this summer. Is your mom around?

Kayla hated when they got on the phone. They did nothing but argue especially ’cause Tammy wanted money. Yea, Dad, she’s in the kitchen.

Tammy felt it coming. She had to prepare herself from not letting out the anger in front of Kay. She knew it wasn’t her fault her dad made them sad-ass choices on his own.

Can you pass your mom the phone, pudding?

Mom! Kay yelled to the kitchen.

"What?

Dad wants to talk to you.

Tammy slowly dried her hands from washing dishes and grabbed the phone. Hello.

Hey, Tammy, how you been?

Busy, you know I am raising your child.

Thomas kept his cool. He still loved Tammy and he knew he messed up, but he would have thought by now she would at least forgive him and start anew.

Tammy, first let me say I apologize about all the shit I put you and my daughter through and I would give anything to take it back, but it’s the past.

Apologizing don’t put food in Kayla’s stomach now, do it, Thomas?

No, it don’t. I just started working last month. Please give me some time to send her something, Thomas paused. Honestly, Tammy, I have been saving for her to visit this summer. She is old enough to ride the plane now.

I don’t know, Thomas, she has been fucking up in school and I don’t trust her going nowhere else acting a fool.

Tammy, I’m her dad! You don’t think I could handle her?

Tammy couldn’t see Kay’s face, but she knew she was listening.

Okay, Thomas, I know she misses you and I know you are her father. I will let her come under one condition: she’s back before enrollment in school.

Kayla could have almost fainted. She was excited that her mom and dad did not argue, but most important, her mom said yes. Kayla ran and hugged her mom so tight, tears began to run down her face. Tammy knew her daughter had been through a lot and she was not going to keep her from her dad. After all, he never had a job, but getting money for dope and to hear that, she knew he truly had changed.

Aright, here goes your daughter.

Tammy!

Yes, Thomas.

Thank you so much, I really mean it from the bottom of my heart.

Tammy couldn’t even respond. This was a lot for her to take in. She passed the phone to Kayla.

Daddy!

Okay, baby gurl, your mom said yes, so from now on, I need you to do what you supposed to do. No fighting, help around the house, and do your work.

Yes, Daddy, I’ll see you in a matter of months. I love you, Dad!

I love you too, pudding.

Kayla hung up the phone. She was so excited. She ran to get her diary. She was now the happiest gurl in the world. It felt like the month went by so slow she had started counting down from December, which felt like a life sentence, but she knew what she had to do and she was determined to see her father.

Listen up, class! a short Spanish chick with curly hair stood in front of the class. Everyone was in shock, especially the boys. Their mouths were wide open.

Mr. Golden has quit and I am the sub until they find a replacement teacher, so I when I call your names, I want you to go get construction paper to make a name tag so I can learn who you are.

It was really funny how all the boys did as they were told. This was the quietest I ever seen them. I mean, no one was out of their seats playing around.

Kayla.

Here!

Please go get a color you choose and make a name tag.

Kayla got up and got herself a piece of paper. The rest of the class did as told. When it was time to turn in work, damn near all the class was finished.

Ms. Gomez, where is Mr. Golden? one of the students asked.

I don’t know. I got a call this morning. They didn’t tell me what happened. They just said they needed me.

More students joined in. I told you he was weird.

He probably drunk himself to death.

He couldn’t fit into any of his church pants.

Okay, okay, enough talking about Mr. Golden. Whatever happened is his business. You need to focus on yours. Ms. Gomez was a little thing, but she handled her own. I don’t think Ms. Nellie came not one time to the class to shut them up.

Boo!

Jamela, you play so much, why are you in my class? Jamela had office aid duties. She would come and deliver papers or copies to the classes at times.

Y’all like your new teacher?

She cool. I still don’t know what happen to Mr. Golden though.

Gurl, he got fired. The principal caught him pissy drunk yesterday.

How you know?

Come on, you know I’m the aid. I hear everything. By the way there’s a cutie pie in the office right now getting enrolled in your class. He starts Monday.

How he look?

Chocolate smooth skin and cute. He hella fitted and his name is Henry.

Henry! What kind of name is dat for a cute boy. What happened to Tyshawn or Deon?

Jamela laughed. You’ll see, he hella cute.

So why you don’t get at him?

Gurl, he yo age, too young for me. You know my nigga’s at Lowell Middle School.

‘Tramp, get out my class. You passed out the paper already." Kayla pushed Jamela toward the open doors.

You betta get him before Shay do. You know she a hoodrat!

Both y’all hoochies from the same place Acorn, Kayla jokingly threw up Acorn Projects to make fun of Jamela’s hood.

Whateva, you 24 hoe!

These were two different hoods that most times they had beef with each other, but that didn’t matter to Jamela and Kayla. They were true partners.

Gurls, enough joking around. Kayla get back to work.

Kayla rolled her eyes and went back to her seat. She hated being called out. It just gave more reason for the messy girls to single her out. Kayla sat there in silence. Little did her teacher know her work was done. She was doodling the whole time. Thanks to Jamela, she had something else on her mind: Henry. Too bad she had to wait till Monday to meet him. It was only Thursday.

Jamela

Mommy hurting, baby, please go to the store and get Mommy something to sell.

Okay, Mom, be right back.

Jamela was the oldest outta five kids. She would take care of the two sets of twins whenever Cheri went on a binger for days. Jamela was only ten at the time, but she did her thang as if she was grown. CL (Candy Lady) would help her out from time to time, but she would beg her not to call CPS. She knew her mother would be mad she even let her in the house. Jamela would go to the store and steal large amounts of groceries or sellable things in the street to feed her mother’s habit.

She missed the days when she could be a kid, the good days when she lived with her father on the air force base. Cheri and Jamela absolutely wanted for nothing. Cheri was nothing like this. She had beautiful yellow skin, shining like the sun. They used to call her the black Marilyn Monroe.

When Jamela was about three years old, Rich was deployed to Fairfield from Texas AFB. Cheri then started hanging out with friends and driving to the Bay Area just to hang out. Shortly after, she met Black West Oakland’s biggest kingpin from Acorn Projects. He had her trying new drugs and doing all kinds of wild things. Cheri seemed to be intrigued by Black. She felt as if she was finally living a normal life: No more traveling place to place. No more being sheltered from the world.

Little did she know things would unravel as fast as it did. Rich chose his career rather than waste time chasing after Cheri. He figured their marriage was nothing if she would leave him after only knowing a street nigga, as Rich called them for three months.

Cheri then moved in with Black in the projects, leaving all her belongings and a signature on the divorce papers, along with the still unpaid-for wedding ring, forcing her to take Jamela because Rich wanted no part, especially ’cause Jamela looked so much like Cheri.

Times was all good for about five years, then shit hit the fan. Black was arrested for drug trafficking, kidnapping, murder, and organizing gangs. Soon as Black went in, they married fast. He knew he was going to be in for a long time. Cheri went downhill. She started doing drugs and Jamela’s twin sisters were born.

Cheri went to visit as much as she could until the drugs took total control. By the next year, Cheri was pregnant again with another set of twins; this time boys. Black couldn’t believe how his black Marilyn Monroe had folded. No money in the world could keep her from going down. All his boys were turning face, even though they were getting paid to look out for her. Niggas still ran trains. Disloyal became a trend in the streets. Black was so lost, he wanted so badly to hit the streets and get his family back on track. As his fifteen-year sentence tallied out, Black was now trying hard to keep his name relevant. His West Oakland legacy will remain, but new kingpins took over.

Stay outta my store. Don’t come back, you hear! the Chinese man from Housewives yelled. He was so tired of her coming in and stealing out his store. Jamela was so fast and quick, he could never catch her. Jamela didn’t look back. She kept running fast as her little legs could carry. She knew she had to get back before her mom left her brothers and sister alone. Jamela felt the whole world on her shoulders. She was a beautiful little girl with a developed body at the age of ten. She would do whatever her mom asked of her just so she wouldn’t get beat or see her mother sick from drugs.

Jamela! Cheri called from the living room. No answer responded back. She was even more pissed. The babies were crying from being soaking wet. Their bellies were empty and noses full of snot. Cheri was going crazy. She was all out of IOU’s and favors. Everybody had a piece of that.

Slam, the door closed tight. Jamela came in the house with a shopping cart full of groceries and diapers. Cheri jumped up. What the fuck took you so long, you know Momma sick.

Cheri wasted no time. She grabbed the diapers out the basket.

No, Mom, I got that for the twins. They have no more diapers.

Cheri didn’t give a damn. They were an easy sell.

Go fucking steal some more and leave me the fuck alone, you and them damn kids get on my nerves.

The door was left swinging open and like that, Cheri was gone in the wind. Jamela looked around and saw her brothers and sisters crying, screaming. She could have fell out, but she did what she knew, unloaded the groceries, put all four in the basket, and rode to CL’s house.

Knock knock. Light taps on the door touched CL’s ears.

Who is it? CL asked as she made her way to the door. There they were, Jamela and her brothers and sisters, dirty, hungry, and tired looking.

Come on in, babies. She left again, pudding?

Jamela shook her head yes in embarrassment. CL grabbed the babies out of the basket, smelling old piss and defamation for days.

When’s the last time these babies were changed, sweetheart?

This morning, I went and stole two packs of diapers just now and Momma took ’em.

CL wanted to say so much, but she kept to herself. It wasn’t Jamela’s fault. After all, she was only ten when they were born.

Go in there, Jamela, and run these babies some water while I send someone to the store for some diapers.

CL called her next-door neighbor. Janice, can you bring me a pack of diapers? Size two or three. I surely would appreciate it.

No problem, baby, I was just on my way to Pawns to get me a pack of cigarettes.

Thank you, Janice.

Janice was CL’s buddy. They would go shopping together and hang out on their porches watching all the kids play and fight year round. Both were well-known and respected women. They had been there since the Acorn Projects first opened. They knew every momma, every kingpin, and every police that came into the neighborhood.

CL, I ran the water.

Okay, baby.

CL and Jamela both undressed the babies and put them in the tub. She had two pink hospital buckets for the boys. They were real little from being premature and not quite a year yet. It helped them stay stable.

Jamela, you watch them while I grab some towels and clothes to put on them.

CL had a lot of grandbabies so clothes was no issue. She just was taken aback by the rashes and bruises they had on their bodies; all of them, even Jamela.

You know, baby, CL could take care of you guys. You don’t need to stay there in that house no more. You babies should not have to go through this.

Jamela kept washing the twins up in silence. Sure, she was thinking about what CL was saying, but she was also in fear of what her mother would do if the welfare check stopped.

Please, CL, Momma would be mad at us. She always say, ‘Them people would take us and separate us.’ I can’t let that happen. I’ll be thirteen in two years, CL, then I can take care of them on my own.

Baby, you just a child and you should have the chance to live a child’s life. Don’t you want that?

Jamela understood CL all too well, but she was her mother’s help and it had to stay that way.

CL, my mom wasn’t always like this. She was a good mom. She just got on drugs.

Jamela, let me ask you something. Where is your dad?

Jamela dropped a tear. He don’t want me. After my mom left him for Black, he left me.

CL hugged Jamela so tight. "I’m sorry, baby, things will get better and CL not gone ever leave you.

Hello. It was Janice coming back from the store with the diapers.

Gurl, I’m in the bathroom. You can put the diapers on the couch with the clothes.

Janice wanted to be nosy. She knew CL didn’t have any infant grandbabies. She wanted to see what was going on.

Child, I almost forgot—making up something real quick to enter the bathroom—can I borrow some flour? I was gone cook some fried chicken?

CL knew Janice all too well. She hurried up and picked herself off the bathroom floor so she could stop her before she got to the door. Yeah, hun, it’s in the left cabinet by the stove.

Janice still got to see Jamela and this made her even more suspicious.

Isn’t dat Cheri’s lil girl?

Yeah, I’m keeping an eye on them till she get back.

Janice gave her this I don’t believe you look. CL paid it no mind. She just pointed to the cabinet. The flour over there. Lock that bottom lock when you leave fa me, hun. CL closed the bathroom door, finishing where she left off.

Jamela was all alone sitting in the dark, no lights or TV. She kept hearing CL’s voice in her head reminding her she didn’t have to live like this. The twins were fed, clean and resting like kids were supposed to. This day of nightmares had gone by, but she knew tomorrow was a different day and the kids had to be bathed and fed all over again and Cheri still hadn’t returned. Jamela tried so hard to get some sleep, but she kept thinking her mother was calling her name. She kept hearing knocks on the door. Hour after hour, strange people were looking for Cheri.

Jamela broke down in tears. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? God, please help me.

CL always told her to call on God if all fails. She told her to have faith in God. He is listening and won’t put too much on you, you can’t bear. Some things Jamela believed, but some things she didn’t understand about God. She just knew to pray.

For the first time in a while, the doorknob turned and the door cracked open. It was Cheri. She never came back after the same night, but the reason soon was clear. She brought home yet another man. Cheri had moved in another nigga. Jamela lost count after Black left, but he was different. He had this weird look about him. He scared Jamela in the worst way she never felt comfortable.

Hey, baby, you still up? Jamela said nothing. She just looked at the strange man.

Oh, baby, this Mommie’s friend Mitch. He gone hang for a while till Black come home. She said dat all the time.

I know Black’s never coming home. I read the letters, the ones she never had time to open. Jamela grabbed her blanket and went into her room. She wanted no part of Mitch. She wished he would disappear like her dad.

Never mind her, baby, she just getting older and acting out since Black left.

Everybody in the Corns knew Black. He was truly the man, but his absences kept Cheri in a world of trouble.

Oh yeah, she looks like she damn near grown. Mitch kept looking at Jamela’s room door.

No, she’s eleven going on twenty, so she thinks.

Dat what’s wrong with these fast-ass little gurls. They need to be put in their place.

Cheri paid no attention to how much Mitch was into Jamela. She just worried about her next high. The next morning, Jamela was awoken by the cries of the twins. Cheri was knocked out on the couch, with only her bra and panties on. Jamela looked around to see where Mitch was. No sign. She thought he was gone for good.

Mom, can you help me with the twins? Jamela kept shaking Cheri’s legs to wake her from her sleep, but Cheri didn’t wake up. She just slapped Jamela’s hand, motioning her to go away.

You don’t need help, you think you grown already.

Jamela jumped from the sound of Mitch’s deep morning voice. Why are you here anyway?

Mitch snapped, Little gurl, you better watch your mouth, that’s what’s wrong with you kids, you talk back too much.

Jamela rolled her eyes and went in the room to check on the kids. Mitch followed her standing in the doorway. You want to be grown so bad huh?

Jamela ignored Mitch. She just kept laying out the diapers and wipes on the queen-size mattress bed that they shared. One by one, she changed the diapers and placed the kids on the floor so they could play with the few toys they had so she could make cold milk bottles to hold them off until the hotdogs were ready. Soon as the kids were fed and changed, she got dressed and went outside. No kids to play with ’cause they were all at school, where she was supposed to be. But her mom never made her go, so she would go to CL’s house and sit for hours until she felt the twins needed her.

Where the hell you been?

I was at CL’s house. She was teaching me how to cook.

Didn’t I tell you to stay away from over there? You bet not be telling my business!

No, Mom, I wasn’t. She was just teaching me how to cook and wash clothes, dats all.

Um, Cheri replied as she inhaled her last puff of cigarette smoke.

"Mom, I wanna go to school. I miss being in class and CL said if I don’t go to school, the welfare gone take me away.

Don’t tell me shit CL got to say. I’m the mother!

Jamela got up from the couch and walked off muttering, Half the time.

What you say? You betta watch your mouth for I bet your ass.

Jamela went into her room to check on the twins. They were sound asleep. They probably cried themselves to sleep, she thought. Cheri sat on the couch thinking about her life and how much she missed Black. She knew if them people came to her house, the kids, her check, and home would be gone in a flash. She got off the couch and went into Jamela’s room.

Get your clothes together. You’re going to school in the morning.

Jamela was relieved but worried at the same time. She didn’t want to leave her sisters and brothers, but she needed to be in school.

Two years went by and things were bitter and sweet. Her mother battled her habit badly. Months would go by and Cheri would be good—no drugs. But Mitch stayed in the picture, so she backslided when they would get into it. The beatings stopped from Cheri, but started with Mitch. Cheri was so happy to have a man in her life, she never stopped him. She just made excuses for him.

When Jamela turned twelve, Mitch started having sex with her. She would beg her mother to put him out, but she didn’t listen. She just blamed Jamela for being fast. Jamela started running away from home to Tay or CL’s house until one day she couldn’t take it anymore. One Friday, she had CL call CPS. Enough was enough. She wanted the abuse to stop before he repeated the same abuse to the twins. Even though it felt like death, she finally was relieved. The twins and Jamela were no longer getting beat and rapped. CL fought hard for a year and won custody of all five of them since no family members stood up to get them out