Karma

By Paloma Blanca

Karma is a heartbreaking story about the struggles of a family and what happens when everything you know suddenly changes.

In the midst of losing so much, the worst is yet to come. It starts with a letter that the siblings dont realize is going to change everything, from how they live their lives to how it will impact them in the future.

How much can love take before even the heart calls it quits? How much is enough?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Nov 3, 2015
• ISBN: 9781514462195

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Copyright © 2015 by Paloma Blanca.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 09/16/2015

Xlibris

800-056-3182

www.Xlibrispublishing.co.uk

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Contents

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter eleven/Epilogue

INTRODUCTION

Hi, my name is Susanne.

I have lived a very happy life, mostly. Even though I only have my mother and brother.

My life has only consisted of school and looking after my brother.

I am 15 and my brother is 13, his name is Sam.

My mother is Vallerie, a sweet 34 year old waitress, due to the kind of clientele and having to look after us (because let’s face it we can be a handful), she smokes and occasionally drinks, even though she doesn’t like drinking I caught her doing some nasty stuff because of it.

Me and Sam, we never met our father, Sam took it worse than me since he’s still a boy in need of a father figure/role model.

We have lived together in this small village for so long that every time we do something or don’t do something we hear about it, every single time.

We spend most of our time at the Restaurant mom works at where we all know everybody, we basically grew up around the staff.

But mom has been smoking for years, even before Sam and I were born; some say it was due to loving our father so much that when he was gone she started, it left her broken.

The story that I’m about to tell happened on the fateful day Sam found a letter in the bin.

Sam came to me with tears in his eyes, falling down his cheeks he was that upset.

Worse than when he found out about what had transpired between our mom and dad, it hadn’t even compared. Before he gave me the letter, before he even showed it to me, just by looking into his eyes I knew it was going to change everything, that fateful day…

CHAPTER ONE

What’s wrong, Sam? I asked concerned and trying to control the tears that I felt fighting to come down.

I had to be strong for him, I was and am his big sister whatever was happening I’d be there for him.

Without saying a word to me he raised his hand that was holding the letter and waited for me to get it.

Sam was a strong boy, his shoulders broad like he was already through his teens and his hair short sand blond hair but even though he acted mature for his age I knew right now that he needed me.

I felt that right now if it was as serious as his facial expression told me it could change him. I was the one who looked after him while mom pulled double shifts at times so she could pay the bills.

Look for yourself was the only thing I managed to hear when I came out of the thoughts in my head.

I took a few deliberate steps toward him and automatically took the letter out of his hand, there in that a4 piece of paper the only thing that captured my attention were only a few words: cancer and treatment and months.

I tried to get myself to read the letter but my vision was getting blurred each time I tried. I slowly raised my other hand that wasn’t holding the letter to clear my eyes or see what was wrong and suddenly realized that I was crying, silently. I knew what the letter meant even if I hadn’t succeeded in reading all that it said.

What’s this? I asked, voice shaken completely in denial and even though I felt my knees giving away, I tried to walk to the nearest couch, of our small living room.

I found this letter while I was tying up the black bag inside the bin. After all it was my turn to take the garbage outside. Sam calmly said, matter of fact.

I looked at him and I saw his eyes, his voice may have seem calm and collected but his eyes showed the fear and sadness that had taken a hold of my heart when I let my eyes look at the letter.

We both knew what the words cancer meant and the chances of survival were small, in any kind of cancer.

But maybe this isn’t mom’s I said but as soon as the words came out my eyes went again to the letter and above on the left side corner on top was our mom’s name, and I knew there was no denying it now. There in black and white was written by computer the name of our mom Vallerie William.

I forced myself to read the rest of the letter, and as I continued tears finally ran down my face.

It said in the letter they… the doctors wanted mom to go back to the hospital for exams and to give them a chance to find the best way to treat lung cancer but if in case she refused they wouldn’t be able to help and she’d only have a year according to exams that they already had done.

If she’d gone sooner, because according to the letter she had said she had had the symptoms for awhile: coughing blood and losing weight, which is the biggest way to tell something was horribly wrong, she’d have more of a chance.

Furthermore they asked mom to call to make an appointment for further analysis as soon as possible.

I closed the letter and looked at Sam, still standing where I left him.

Did you notice any of the symptoms they mentioned? I know it was stupid to ask but part of me couldn’t understand how this had happened without me noticing it.

I saw a tissue of blood once but I didn’t know it was… Sam paused unable to say the word, it was hard to think that the person they loved so much, that had cared about them the only parent they had left might… I couldn’t even bring myself to think it.

You couldn’t know, Sammy I said softly as I raised from the couch and walked towards my little brother, hugging him, trying to comfort him.

I couldn’t bear the thought that later he would blame himself.

I pulled out of the hug he wasn’t even returning and looked into his eyes, my hands still on his shoulders letting him know he wasn’t alone.

Look, we’ll wait until mom comes back from work and we’ll talk to her, OK? I asked softly, calmly I couldn’t let him know I was frightened of what it could mean and as I asked I knew it was so we didn’t feel so useless, so the feeling there was nothing we could do take hold of us and leave us in further despair.

Sam looked at me and nodded, and that was the only thing he did before he turned around and walked back to what he was doing before.

Go finish your chores and do your homework, alright? I tried again and realized it was too late since I was alone in the room, hoping he’d at least knew enough to do his homework, that he’d have something to do to distract himself with.

He shouldn’t have been the one to have found the letter. As I hoped he had heard my instructions I turned around in the living room almost lost, I’d almost forgotten what I was doing before Sam came in the room, we both had chores and we both went to school.

With all that had happened I had stopped what I was doing, so I shook my head and looked around me again knowing this would hit me several times whether I was distracted or not.

Mom hadn’t even said anything, since she was the only parent we had always been close, she was our mother and father. I never thought we could keep anything between us, that’s how close we’ve always been.

It had been a shock but even as I started to vacuum the living room since I had been interrupted by Sam and even as I was doing what I did once a week on Saturdays, while mom was at work it didn’t make me stop thinking about it, I knew it was the same for Sam.

A few hours passed as we did our chores, I passed by Sam a few times and while he did his chores I could see his eyes bright and shiny, I knew like I was he was on the verge of tears but he was fighting it for now, barely holding it together as I was.

Since mom was the only one with the key that was outside, she had given me one when I did 15 saying that since I was mature enough I was allowed a key but back then I thought she wanted me to have a key so I could bring my brother from school straight home but back then I just smiled at my mom’s proud face but now I just waited until I saw my mom’s wavy long hair and chiseled porcelain face peak in the living room where she caught me sitting down on the couch I had vacated a couple hours ago.

What are you doing, sweetie? she asked a smile ready. Her body relaxing into the couch after a day standing up waiting tables.

Before I could reply, she looked around and seeing the room cleaned and vacuumed, she continued teasing me well, you’re not lazying around, I see.

I smiled back, I couldn’t help it. Even after the few hours of dark and negative thoughts, mom had always managed to make me smile.

Shuh, I just finished my chores. I said and seeing mom I started thinking that maybe that letter was a mistake, I mean she didn’t look sick.

Until a few years after my little brother Sam was born, mom had always been a bit bubbly and a little round, she had been getting thinner and thinner but I had always thought it was because she had had two babies and she was just getting back to how she had been before getting pregnant with me.

Mom had showed me pictures of her and dad when they were together, how happy she looked and my dad, he had the most beautiful eyes according to mom and he looked so happy too. When mom had talked about him with a smile on her face and a few tears running down, it was so obvious she still loved him very much.

But as years passed, and she kept getting thin, I didn’t think too much of it after all her parents when alive, were also very thin.

I met my grandparents for a few years, our grandmother had died when I was 7, I went with mom and Sam to her funeral, before she had died mom had at times left me and Sam with her.

I sighed, she had been great and even that young I could see how grandad had loved her very much.

Unfortunately a few months after grandma Alice passed away, so went grandpa Luis after her. After she had passed grandpa’s health deteriorated, he cried several times while in the presence of mom, always saying how much Vallerie resembled his dear wife. So mom after not even having time to mourn the death of her dear mother, she ended up having to mourn also the death of her dear father.

Mom had relied a lot on me and Sam to get through it, emotionally. She loved her parents.

I came out of my thoughts with mom looking at me, realized that though I’d gotten distracted with the thoughts in my head, so had she.

Mom? I asked, trying to get her attention after a few seconds she looked at me and waited for me to tell her the reason of the what or why I’d called her, so I continued what were you thinking? so engrossed she was, she hadn’t even asked for Sam.

Nothing. mom said but I could see in her eyes that whatever she had been thinking, had left her a bit down and as I was about to insist she smiled and continued where’s Sam?

Knowing she was just changing the subject, and for a moment I decided to drop it after all, she is my mom giving her a smile of my own, I answered her question He must’ve finished his chores by now, he is probably in his room doing his homework.

Shouldn’t you be doing the same? mom asked a glint of playfulness in her eyes, she knew if I hadn’t done it by now I probably didn’t have homework or I’d be finishing it soon.

Nah, not going to do it today. I said playing along. Me and mom weren’t just daughter and mother, we had always been friends.

She raised her eyebrows as if she couldn’t believe my answer, seeing she was about to take this subject seriously.

Mom, don’t worry. I’ll be doing it in an hour. I said getting serious too, I hadn’t brought a lot to do from school as the teachers loved me.

Mom raised from the couch, the one right next to mine where she had sat during our interaction and winked knowing she wouldn’t have to worry about me and my homework.

I’ll be right back, just going to say hi to your brother. Let him know I’m home and hopefully get a kiss and a hug too. she said as she started to walk toward the hall, near the door to Sam’s room.

The house was in complete silence and I thought back to that letter.

Maybe it was just a misunderstanding or they switched samples by mistake, it does happen. I said aloud, it would explain why the letter had ended up in the bin.

But then I heard a loud no coming from Sam’s room.

I ran to his room where I saw both my mom and Sam, my little brother in tears, also in Sam’s case a little anger in his eyes.

Whatever had happened, it had finally blown up.

What’s going on? I asked after the sounds of sobbing, the only noise in the house had subsided.

They both turned to me but gave me no answer to my question.

I looked at Sam and asked: Sam? as he knew I expected him to tell me, we had no secrets, as brothers and sisters even with 2 years separating us we were very close.

I asked mom about the letter I found, sis. She doesn’t want to tell me. I figured you wouldn’t be able to bring it up, Su. Sam said calmly and even using my nickname with a teasing smirk. He knew I didn’t like it when he did, not Su nor Anne.

Mom just refused to say anything or even look at us, she looked everywhere else. Just avoiding us and trying to avoid the subject because until it wasn’t voiced it couldn’t be real.

Mom? the word left my mouth as if it held all the answers and I know it did, she did.

I expected her to turn around or even yell at us for going through her stuff even if it was in the garbage but even if there were several options of how she’d react they all ended with her leaving the bedroom, leaving us with no answers, instead the words that came out of her mouth weren’t the ones I expected.

Kids, you better sit down on the bed. mom had said, silent tears still running down her face. I could see her eyes sad and hopeless, I had never seen my mom so down and even if there’s nothing she could do right now, I…me and Sam wouldn’t leave her alone to this despair, with that feeling crushing down on her.

I walked from the entrance of Sam’s bedroom to sit on his single bed, few seconds later I saw Sam getting up from his chair where he’s usually found doing his homework on his desk, and sat down next to me.

After a moment of taking deep breathes, she smiled down at us as if not to make us panic, but gathering strength and courage.

A couple of months ago I started losing my appetite, was losing weight more so than before getting pregnant with you Susanne. she paused and looked straight into my eyes.

I nodded as if asking her to continue, Sam sat in silence. Waiting.

When I started to lose a bit of color too, I went to our Doctor at the clinic? He recommended me to the hospital where I saw Dr. Patrick. she said the question showing us how nervous she still was to tell us these things, we knew she was struggling, maybe because she thought or didn’t know how far we’d read the letter either way I wasn’t letting her do that. I wanted the whole truth.

We know, mom. Sam said as if reading my mind. Apparently he was reading between the lines, just as I was but no more words were forthcoming out of Sam, so we both waited for her to continue.

"Anyway as soon as I told him my symptoms, our Doctor had rushed me to do the basic analysis like Blood analysis, weight and blood pressure at the clinic as I came back into the Doctor’s room as he had said after…he gave me a probable diagnosis, he said I had lung cancer as the symptoms had told him, I had asked then