Timber Blades & Paper Roses: An Unedited Proof

By Talix A. R. Cross

Shorts and poetry from the journals, notes, and diary of a transient mind.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Feb 5, 2016
• ISBN: 9781504966108

Talix A. R. Cross

I will write until my hands fall off.

Book preview

Contents

Introduction

001. Not for you

002. Licorice

003. Etiquette of Eating

004. Siblings

005. Hole in Tree

006. Puppetry

007. Double Standards

008. Adrenaline Pumping

009. Tiny Notes

010. Mrs. Q

011. School Fight

012. Lunch Out

013. Just like you

014. Blacks Doors

015. Inevitable

016. One-Line

017. Tag (You’re It)

018. Invincible (Fake I.D.)

019. Single Leaf

020. Reckless Youth I.

021. Cold Drags

022. One Lane (Brink)

023. Fake Age

024. Fireworx (May 24)

025. The Willow(‘s Crown)

026. Bent Tents + Dune Lands

027. Path Infinite

028. Little Miss Hubbord

029. 2-Sides (Fable)

030. The Woman I Watch

031. Teen Mess

032. You Turn Me Out

033. Mystery of Self

034. I Loved You

035. Tiger

036. Cram’d in the Loo

037. QII.

038. As One Night Stands

039. Pocketbook (Gone)

040. Reckless Youth II.

041. Childhood (Quarry)

042. Bones + Substance + Nature

043. Stone-Church Rooftop

044. Fall the Towers

045. Winter Wage the War

046. Consorting With the Enemy

047. Winter Come-Gone

048. Paradise Minds (O the…)

049. If I Stood Here

050. Lady of the Roses

051. To Your Window (K)

052. Skate

053. As Far As We Can

054. East Coast I.

055. Poets of the Earth

056. Ocean Atlantic

057. East Coast II.

058. When the Tree Awakens

059. Gravity Shack

060. Reckless Youth III

061. Broke Contracts

062. Self Harm

063. Found-Ferry-P.E.I

064. Singular Tree

065. East Coast III. 212

066. Confessions of the Pain

067. Rainbow Affair (Pride)

068. Girl @ the Rock Show

069. Lost Notes

070. Headliners

071. Inches Away From Oasis

072. The Wipeout

073. Rotten-Show

074. Split Skull

075. As She Waits for Me (My Apologies)

076. Selling Pleasure

077. Cackling Hyena

078. Stupid Beauty

079. Danny’s Revenge

080. Reckless Youth IV

081. And Then I Met You

082. Drive Her Out (of Your Life)

083. Farm Home

084. Corn Stock

085. Kiss Me

086. Crazy-Man

087. Had This Dream

088. Driving Forever (Our Youth Away)

089. ‘Love, Rage’

090. Garden Graves (Bite)

091. Lie Still

092. Treat Me like A Goddess

093. Late Days

094. Twenty Talk

095. Death + Taxes

096. Alley Cat, Alley Cat

097. Old Faces

098. Fall into My Very Dreams

099. Save Me!

100. Reckless Youth V.

101. And She, And She Never

102. Apt. Cube (1003)

103. Payne Music

104. Sir Squish-ington

105. Tortoise in Dreams

106. Move to the City

107. Holiday Radio

108. Only in Dreams (Six-string)

109. Vulgarities + Violence

110. If (This City)

111. Un-Named Non-Sense

Acknowledgements

For: One

Introduction

I don’t know what to tell you, I’ve never done this before

This is a beginning (for starters)

The beginning of my work, my dream (– One of my dreams, it’s a biggie and an important one though -) of creating + trying + aspiring (to write) in healing + forgiving (forgiveness, of self + others) in realizations + uncertainty + memory – A beginning to the rest of it, the all of it (me, now, life) A work of me. The work of I

Being – faulty, grieving, growing, becoming

I’m uneducated (unaccredited, untrained) + dyslexic as well as suffering other mental issues and still this is the only thing I want from life – to write (+ I do, everywhere)

While all my desire is pure + action frequent (in notes + clicks + blinks + on-the-spot-thoughts) Taken by notions in the moment + chicken scratched in notebooks (pocketbooks) on the road or in corners on sidewalks, visiting, (in) shopping, (on) smoke breaks, on club nights + raves + games + coffee dates + sometimes outright in the middle of dinner or dead-center of the conversation (As you will see if/when you get through to the end - if you’re interested that is -)

My grammar is terrible as my spelling much worse (I’m no scholar)

My technique + form (+ style) probably baffling and though young (unlearned) unperfected – flawed, erratic perhaps random (most likely) incorrect, at least to academics + purists (+ pedantic panderers of literature) though this is me, errors + idiocy (+ all)

My life (+ being) through my eyes, in my experience, and I have been influenced by everything. From art, music, movies, comic, literature, intoxication, nature, time, relations, emotions (actions), addictions (habits), ideas, passions, people (known + unknown, magic or imagined), animals (the same), fads, fashions, the stars (the universe), the senses, sex + fantasy Everything I’ve known has influenced me some way, somehow –

And that/this is what I know + all that I know, all that I am, is me + so I write it

Though names have been changed (it is-)

As my memory – this is my way to always remember who + where I was as well as just how far I’ve come (how lost I was) what I went through to get here + now (in this generation, of this generation) this is how I record + realize myself – this is me + I am these writings, these words This is I + I know nothing else, nothing more + so I write what I know (as I must) and though flawed (and improper) the mistakes I’ve made – remain (as I have no editor)

However, I do so explain here + now, that these faults + shames (+ fukk upps) are also me

(While) sometimes idiomatic (I write what I speak, we speak, they speak and hear and sound(s) as is heard and also) ambiguous and/or hidden meaning lies within the form or frame of the works/ pieces/ sentences …etc… Sometimes deceptive, perplexing or outright imaginings from dreams + drugs seen + (delirium possibly from) sleep deprivation but I have tried my best to correct obvious spelling errors (with some help from One + a few others) where pointed out or noticed. I have also vamped these pieces as chronologically publishing puts these works between 15 and 20 years (ago) of age + I’ve changed (learned seen grown perceived and thought) since then (and I mean changed the wordings/formats/perspectives and verses not the experiences or situations themselves – though I have added some with time I have also omitted some original workings in some pieces for personal reasons)

As well some pieces may be collaborative – of several/many separate experiences. However, such occurrences were/are similarly connected. Some events and even people, places (pieces -), are combined as a collective experience into an individual piece (work -)

These are events only as they occurred/appeared to me (the author) + were recorded by me (the author) in part or full at the time. Notes, lines, staves, verses (poems) completed or to be later (when sober perhaps) drawing in retrospect.

Any likeness (to you or anyone you know) is purely (Bunk) coincidental (As this is me) it is all just me, I – the same and this book, these works, is what has come to pass – The scribbled/sketched fragments of moments lived – My life, my dream come to be -

To hold my own words (poems/works) printed, bound (forever – my memory) and complete with my faults + mistakes on pages laid out as my ways + moments experienced – my writings, holding such meanings to me, of me, for me. And with the belief of one so supportive, this is it. My one + only, everything, as the only way for me to succeed in any form (remotely) is to put it out there (put me out there) + make it all of me because I don’t know anything else (as will clearly be seen in this unedited proof, the hope - I think, plus)

As more than 15 years in the making, I’m not sure how to explain myself (I was a kid back then, a dumb, drunk, high kid making too many (stupid choices from ridiculous options +) shit decisions and I suppose that random notes have their reasons but I never believed that or could not admit it anyway, that this (inking rhyming writing describing) poetry is the only thing that I need + love + want in life, the only career I could ever possibly pursue

And perhaps if not today,(but I will not/cannot stop and so) assuming I live long enough than possibly in the future shall I move you profoundly, powerfully, (even as an exception, kindly, heartfelt) + then find you a fan

And while the lack of education/accreditations has me wary to profess a profession

(As a nobody) and only time (+ existence) will tell if I (deserve or) can live up to any title granted me (chosen or given) As I say poet and I say writer but

Is an unread (unknown) poet with no audience (+ no learning) really a poet?

Although I was looking for One’s approval, only one (one who could see it, the need to do so) It has been given from the very beginning in unwavering encouragement and loving support (knowing me fully and still believing) with the strongest ideas that I could do this, would do this, should do this – whatever it takes-

And this is it.

The beginning –

The beginning of everything to come

And I hope you enjoy it!

Talix A. R. Cross

If you are struggling with addiction

Suffering from depression or any mental condition

I urge you to hang in there and seek help

within local resources

Physicians, hospitals, clinics

Support groups, help centers, call lines

or in an emergency dial 911

And please, please rescue strays…

Timber Blades & Paper Roses

An Unedited Proof

By Talix A. R. Cross

ImageofBlade_edited.jpg

001.

Not for you

Do I write (anyway)

It is for one

For me for I

And I alone

To recollect

The inspirations

Of my life

Moments long gone

Yet paper captured

Captured forever

Emotions buried

But there on the

Blank page

Relations + Actions

Of past forgotten

Brought back

In an instant

To see now

What I saw then

And contemplate

Sights that excite

+ Enthrall

The beauty in a

Single moment

Want not lost

Mistakes and shame

Such lessons gained

Or not

To look back

Up and down +

Side to side

To write the views

And scenery

The seconds that

Seem real so real

Or not

The truth, the lies

The sex, the drugs

The choices

Right or wrong

Or not

Hold my memory

Bring back the scent

The sound

In the sights that

Spill out of myself

In stained ink

Settings

Some things so old

I can barely

Recall them while

Others I still cannot

+ Some shall not relent

Just will not stop

My whole lifelong -

Those days before

I remembered

How to forget

Childhood and

Growing up

Dreams of children

And all the days

I’ve lived since -

And how and where

And why and when

Besides I truly have

No choice in the

Matter

I am who I am +

Weather I like it

Or not

    I write

002.

The warmth of

  The body

Laying against

  Your own

In comfort + safety

  And love

As the loyalty

  Follows you

Anywhere

  Everywhere

When the seasons

  Change

She gets a shave

  Skinny

Fuzzy

  Row-ler

And I bawl

  Thought it was

Replacement

  ‘O the tragedy’

My very first

  Taught me to love

Tiny, black, curly

  Ball of fur

At five she came

  To my life

Changed me

  Gave me friendship

And sunk into my heart

  Forever

Rolling playing

  Rubbing loving

Running catching

  Laughing tugging

Washing grooming

  Walking caring

Watching protecting

  Sleeping resting

Sharing listening

  Hugging being (together)

II.

She brings you emotion

In volumes though silent

The greatest expression

Shows in soft warm poses

Pressed up against the body

So close the bond

On the couch together

Side by side or perhaps

Cozy on the feet

Keeping toes warm and

You share all your secrets

Lightening the heart

Knowing she’ll hold them

Never judging

She doesn’t mind

The faults you hold

Just loves, always

Calming with age

She quiets herself

Still keeping near

Waggin hugging loving

On every entrance + exit

So patient she stays and

Awaits the return of each

And every loved one

Fetching she brings her love

To the palms hoping only

For the cherished caress

Of family and you grant it

The purest heart

Wanting nothing more

Then a comforting touch

To be held to be safe

To be loved and love

Unconditionally

  To be home

And here she has hers

  Forever

003.

The etiquette of eating

With proper artillery (in tow)

You tell them it is of

  Kings and Queens

Then Kick them out

  For sawing

+ Hacking at the bone -

Cavemen, cavemen

Disgusting the

  Habits

Drag them by the

  Ear and hair

Along the path

To leave (expelling)

Impolite the idea

  ‘Well I never…’

To accept such

  Indignities

Not ever -

Does them no good

To allow such low

  Standards

‘They’ll never learn’

  Knife to the knuckles -

Correct them their position

Or degrade them outrageous

Then just kick them out

  And that’s not improper?

  Go figure

To slurp your soup and noodles

Or sandwiching spaghetti

Dunking toast in your coffee

Using your hands for your steak

Double-triple-dipping

Reaching over another’s plate

Stuffing in your serving then

Taking food from others, their share

      How rude

Shovelling it all in without a breath

Chewing with your mouth open + gaping

Inhaling and snorting without a taste

Even no ‘please and thank you’s’ pending

Packing it all in without a rest

Speaking mouth full spilling + dropping

Taking more then you’ll finish such a waste

Spitting it out (groaning) disgusted face, offending

      How rude

Wiping hands on your shirt or the furniture

Making comments inappropriate

About others choice of nourishment

Being loud and unruly behaving brutish

Raucously abusing insulting interrupting

Putting your hands in a communal serving dish

Sucking your fingers then grabbing + touching

Everything else on the table for everyone

      How rude

Consuming what’s meant for everybody then

Tossing around food for fun, entertainment

Scratching picking touching yourself with the cutlery +

Leaving food in a mess smeared all over the place

    (Like your chin or forehead + being proud and gaudy)

Not excusing yourself, exploding forced functions of body

Complaining splayed out on the table manners absent

Being selfish getting angry if you’re not the focus primary

Causing a scene turning heads with aggressive disgrace

      How rude

Though I do wonder

  What it is

  You’d say of

      Chopsticks…

004.

I have siblings that are not siblings

Who have siblings that

Are not siblings of mine

Some a decade my elder or

Just about in some cases while

Others my younger by half or

Just over in one case

+ All of my siblings families

  Are different

Youngest or oldest

Gender ratios + age groups –

From children to infants to

20 something’s and late teens

And up to mid-years even

As they only keep growing (with time)

Strange how unique a family may be

For even my family is

Separate families combined

And my tree stands close to

Those of my family + theirs

  Creating a forest

Of support for any (member any)

Given one of us – with these

Extra roots and limbs and

Buds + leaves reaching

Farther and wider and deeper

Spreading out + aging +

Changing in time

Wisdom and weakness and

  New wild youth

With wrinkles + the wrecking

Of the next generation

Understandings between the

Eras of human existence still

Finding themselves awkward in

The others presence

Uncertain of what to converse over

  As they seem to be staring in

Disapproval at the outfit or

Earrings, the stylings or seeming’s

The generation that’s growing

The music or dealings or ideals

The practices or piercings

They say ‘so many

Holes + the sizes (sigh)’

Or ‘the colour of your hair style +

Even how its styled for that matter -

  It’s too short, it’s too sharp

It’s too blonde, it’s too dark

It’s too big, it’s too pink or a

Mohawk? Is that real?

Are those streaks?

I see your roots and I know that

Colour’s fake’ they say

Like they’re not stating the obvious

  As if I don’t own a mirror

Didn’t set this on purpose

Don’t see what I’m wearing

Can’t get how I’m living -

Such shocking displays

Some think some say

Though I like it this way

But it comes at a cost (sometimes)

I mean I love it + chose it +

Show me in the open plus

  It’s totally me

Though it still pulls at the

Insides when someone/anyone

Especially those that are close

Say otherwise

  Disliking your style

    Misunderstanding your wiles

        Poke fun at your trials

And of course it’s very often

(Family)

Siblings that take sides or

Point out flaws or just

Outright lie to goad you

Sometimes prodding you