A Girl and Her Warhorse: Reveal False Hope. Restore True Rescue.

By Angie Goeke

Drawing from Scripture and her own introspection on life as a pastors wife and mother of four, Angie shares a story of pain and healing extracted from her personal journal and the thought-provoking questions that guided her to dethrone her warhorseher false hopeand seek Jesus forgiveness for replacing Him with another. Through inspirational anecdotes, relevant verses, practical insights, and unique lessons, Angie helps others build God-centered confidence that leads to a more meaningful relationship with Christ and frees lives from the burden of exhaustive idolatry.

A Girl and Her Warhorse is an in-depth study that challenges every womans view of herself in light of the gospel and unveils one womans faith-filled journey as she revealed false hope, restored true rescue, and found confidence in God once again.

Angie Goeke inspires women of all ages to live for Christ. Her authentic approach to living with Jesus and sharing the trials and triumphs of the Christian life is encouraging as well as inspiring. She is a gifted writer, musician, mother and friend who loves big, feels deeply, and desires to live passionately.

Dr. Nicole Fitzpatrick

Director of Counseling Hyde Park Counseling Center

Angies grace-filled Bible Study engages you with seldom asked questions and thoughtful wise insights. Her writing is contagious!

Eunice Otte, LPC Owner

Eunice Otte Professional Counseling

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 3, 2016
• ISBN: 9781490884288

Angie Goeke

Angie Goeke and her family serve the Katy, Texas, area, where her husband, Paul, is a pastor. She writes from having experienced the satisfaction of Jesus in His restoration, healing, and peace. Angie currently lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband and their four children, where she enjoys leading worship, blogging, walking the dog, and avoiding the cat.

Book preview

A Girl

and Her

Warhorse

Reveal False Hope. Restore True Rescue.

ANGIE GOEKE

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Copyright © 2016 Angie Goeke.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WestBow Press

A Division of Thomas Nelson & Zondervan

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.westbowpress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4908-8418-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-8419-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-8428-8 (e)

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/07/2016

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Introduction Playground Expectations

Chapter 1 The Warhorse

Chapter 2 The Warhorse and the Wife

Chapter 3 In the Beginning

Chapter 4 The Attack

Chapter 5 Eve’s Idols of Distraction

Chapter 6 Hiding in Shame and Shifting the Blame

Chapter 7 Consequences and Curses

Chapter 8 The First Step—Restoration

Chapter 9 Forget Not

Chapter 10 Heals

Chapter 11 Redeems

Chapter 12 Crowns You

Chapter 13 Satisfies

Chapter 14 Continually

Chapter 15 Character of Our First Husband

Chapter 16 The Vows

Chapter 17 The Offensive

Chapter 18 Fighting Together in Marriage

Chapter 19 A Future Hope

Afterword

Reader’s Guide

Suggested Reading Plans

This book is dedicated to Paul.

I have endless gratitude for your love and support. Love you.

Foreword

H onest. Transparent. Vulnerable. Hopeful. These are the words that come to mind when I read what Angie Goeke has written.

From dreams to broken dreams and from darkness back to light, Angie unfolds her story in a way that will grab your heart and capture your reality. In a humble way, saturated with grace, this book will allow you to realize that you’re not alone. You’re not the only one going through your struggle and you’re not alone as you face difficult times.

As Angie opens her heart, she speaks to women in a way that breaks down walls of doubt and self-protection and builds a new foundation of trust in the Faithful One, Jesus Christ.

This book will help you be real about your life. It will also lead you to restoration, wholeness, and joy as a woman who is precious to God.

Using solid Biblical teaching and candid personal experiences, Angie will help you grow and set you on a path of healthy growth for a lifetime.

Get ready for an authentic look at life. Get ready to be honest, transparent, and vulnerable about yourself. Most of all, get ready to find hope in a Savior who loves you and draws near to you in every struggle and joy.

Michael Newman

Author of The Life You Crave: It’s All About Grace and Struggle Well

Preface

I am so honored that you have picked up this book. I had no intentions of writing a book for public consumption. A Girl and Her Warhorse is a product of Jesus’ restorative power and grace as it overtook my life. When my husband and I were dealing with issues in our marriage, Jesus was at work in our hearts, transforming our perceived notions about matrimony, each other, and our God. It was a difficult season of life as Jesus broke us in order to reset the bones of our relationship that needed ultimate healing. For me, I came to realize through countless hours with my Bible and journal, that I had been relying on my husband to meet expectations that could only be met in Jesus. Psalm 33:16-17 struck a unique chord with my soul: The king is not saved by his great army; a warrior is not delivered by his great strength. The war horse is a false hope for salvation, and by its great might it cannot rescue (Psalm 33:16-17). I began to search the Scriptures for hope and rescue outside my husband and came to find that my true love and satisfaction came from knowing Jesus and all that He is.

When expressing this with a counselor who was walking with me through the early stages of this season, she suggested that I compile all my journal entries. It was a poignant and eye-opening process as I witnessed from a new slightly-removed perspective how Jesus had made changes to my heart along the way. This collection of diary entries and Scripture studies, along with thought-provoking questions, led me to uproot my warhorse from its throne and to seek Jesus’ forgiveness for replacing Him with another. After reading the finished work of assembled writings and questions, I was then encouraged to share it with other women who might be struggling in similar ways. I shared first with a few close friends and then branched out in vulnerability with a small group of women at our church plant in Buda, TX. Again, I was encouraged to make the book available to a larger audience.

So, here it is—my personal journal for all eyes to see! Through this process of hurt and renewal, Romans 8:28 makes all the more sense to me. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. My prayer is that by sharing what God has taught me about His unending and unfailing love, others will experience His goodness and the purpose to which they have been called. I hope that we all learn to walk in vulnerability with each other and honesty about the condition of our hearts. I sincerely desire for all of us to see ourselves as He sees us—valuable treasures equipped for great things.

If you decide to keep reading, wonderful! Please see the Reader’s Guide in the back of the book. I’d love to hear your story, too. Share with me at angiegoeke.com.

Introduction

Playground Expectations

I can remember as a little girl playing on the playground after lunch. I think it was about third grade, and I can still see myself and approximately four other little schoolgirls taking turns acting out our wedding days. The rules of the game were fairly straightforward. Each day one of our little mod-squad had a turn describing the dresses and announcing her new last name. Mr. (fill in the blank), you may now kiss your bride!

Of course, the playground bride of the day also got to boss everyone else around. She would tell the other girls where to stand and who they had to accompany as they walked down the isle. There was always one poor, unknowing little boy who was never picked to be a groomsmen and another poor boy for whom we were all too embarrassed to confess our affections.

I remember my dream wedding dress was blue jean. It was the late 80’s and Debbie Gibson was going to sing Electric Youth as I walked—I mean, danced—down the aisle—I mean, red-carpet runway. The bridesmaids were all going to wear white denim mini skirts with multi-colored paint splatter all over and matching white denim jackets. My new last name was going to be Knight. I’ve tried to recall why I liked that particular last name so much. I don’t think I knew anyone with the name. My only conclusion is that the idea of a knight riding in with shining armor on a white warhorse to sweep me off my feet must have been the inspiration. Maybe it was just Hasselhoff and Night Rider.

As ridiculous as that little game seems to me today, I have a feeling my friends and I weren’t the only third-grade girls dreaming about their wedding days and their Prince Charmings. It seems to be in our blood as women. We fantasize and plan. We desire to be princesses, even if just for one day. We long to be loved and adored. We yearn to be swept off our feet by the men of our dreams. We have idealized them in our heads before we’ve even hit puberty. The poor lads have thousands of expectations placed on them as husbands before they’re even out of UnderRoos.

As adolescents we usually carried these expectations with us to geometry and chemistry, hoping to catch the eye of the junior Mr. Right. Perhaps we used our teenage years to complete and edit our ever-growing mental list of boyfriend musts and deal breakers. Into college we took that checklist of characteristics and qualities we just couldn’t live without. In my case, I found that guy the first week of freshman orientation. It took all four years of dating through college to convince him that he indeed was my Mr. Right, but I snagged him nonetheless.

For some of us, the desire of fulfilling that third-grade dream of the perfect day and the ideal man lasted long into our adult years. I was young and honestly didn’t realize what I was getting into. The fairy-tale picture of my Mr. Knight riding in and saving me from loneliness and fear, then returning me to my castle of luxury, was not at all what marriage has turned out to be. My husband, though a wonderful man, has not turned out to be the mighty and strong savior of my heart.

I spent the first nine years of my marriage not recognizing who my husband genuinely was, not truly understanding what motivated him or frustrated him. I didn’t comprehend what his intended role was in my life. I didn’t correctly grasp what my role was as a wife or even as a woman. I definitely misunderstood that marriage was one of many monumental goals to achieve and a destination on my road map to success and worth. I mistakenly assumed that in marriage I would somehow arrive and immediately mature, and that loneliness, fear, and my lack of confidence would be cured.

I worked diligently to impress my husband, to be beautiful for him. Still I was always fearful that I was insufficient. I found myself never getting enough of him, never spending enough time with him and always feeling as if I was last on his list of things to do or people to see. I was lonesome, and I felt like there was a immense disconnect between us. I assumed it was all my fault. I sought him when I was sad. I scampered to him when I was filled with joy. I scurried to him with every problem and success. When he was frustrated with me, which is common early in marriage for both husband and wife, I would let it establish my worth and value. When he was delighted with me or found me beautiful, nothing else could compare to that feeling of acceptance. I didn’t realize that I was counting on this man to fill all my expectations. Every last daydream that I had stored up and revised since before third grade was now his responsibility to fulfill.

There was a lot to be discovered and uncovered and a lot of growing up to do.

Mix all my misconceptions, fallible reason and thought, and numerous failures and sins with his misconceptions, fallible reason and thought, and numerous failures and sins and we were like two childish, selfish, and exhausted kids on the playground. There was a lot to be discovered and uncovered and a lot of growing up to do. The 80’s glam and rocking out to Debbie Gibson wasn’t going to last forever like I had imagined. Night Rider was cool for only so long. And while not at the same degree as David Hasselhoff, when my knight rider was off camera and in the real world, he also wasn’t so charming.

I had it all wrong.

Chapter 1

The Warhorse

The king is not saved by his great army; a warrior is not delivered by his great strength. The war horse is a false hope for salvation, and by its great might it cannot rescue (Psalm 33:16-17).

W e all have warhorses—those things that appear great in might and importance. We all have things or people upon which we rely to improve our life. We all have things on which we desperately wait for salvation. Although we may not say it outright, our hearts may be crying, When I finish school and get that dream job, everything will get better. When I find that man of my dreams, my problems will fade away. I’ll experience true happiness when I hold my child for the first time. They