From Whence Cometh My Help: A Journey Through Grief

By Ann Davis Melton

In this book you will follow the authors journey on her long uphill climb out of grief. You will read stories of others who have lost loved ones and who have shared their deepest feelings and emotions in an effort to help others recover from the devastation caused by the loss of a loved one. You will see Gods unlimited power at work in their lives as he is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or dream.

As Dr. Ann Melton grappled with the loss of the love of her life, she wrote daily in a journal, describing her emotions and her needs. It is her prayer that in sharing her story and those of others, readers will be helped in their journeys out of the loneliness, heartache, and grief brought on by the death of a loved one.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 27, 2015
• ISBN: 9781512714937

Ann Davis Melton

Ann Melton grew up in Western North Carolina and married her high school sweetheart and the love of her life, Frank. She received her doctorate from the University of South Carolina and after thirty years in education, she retired as a public school superintendent and traveled with her husband the next seventeen years. Ann is the mother of two, and the grandmother of five, and the author of seven award-winning books.

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Copyright © 2015 Ann Davis Melton.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WestBow Press

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-1494-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-1495-1 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-1493-7 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015916644

WestBow Press rev. date: 10/27/2015

Contents

Acknowledgments

Preface

Our Life Together

The Greater the Joy the Greater the Sorrow

Heightened Senses

The Comforter

In the Night

Long Uphill Journey

He Leadeth Me

Affirm in Our Hearts Where Our Loved Ones Are

Comforting Words

Sources of Strength

There Is No Right Way or Wrong Way to Grieve

Anger at God

Anger at Our Loved Ones

Finding Someone We Trust and Letting Our Feelings Out

Quiet Times with the Lord

Breathing as Prayer

Pray

Grief as Our Goliath

The Hole in Our Hearts

Focusing on the Lord

One Step at a Time

Finding A Place to Heal

Keeping Busy

Giving Our Love Away

Seeking His Love

Trust

We Do Not Choose What God Puts Before Us

The Firsts are the Worst

Looking Back on Life

Trying Not to Worry

A Day to Just Watch

Fanning the Flame

The Problem with Negative Thinking

Peace

It Is Well with My Soul

It Is Well

Praise and Thanksgiving

The Threefold Cord

Minute to Minute

Mistakes and Regrets

Counting Our Blessings

Hearing God’s Voice – Feeling His Love

A Glimpse of Heaven

Allow Your Pain To Push You into Your Purpose

The New Norm

Boot Camp

Suffering

A Time to Live and a Time to Die

Never Give Up

Crying is Healing

Giving Ourselves Time to Heal

Surviving the Holidays

What I Learned in the First Four Months

What I Had Learned at the End of the First Eight Months

What I Learned by the End of the Tenth Month

The First Anniversary of My Husband’s Death

The Six Stages of Grief

Life Goes in Cycles

Major Decisions

A Message to Friends of the Bereaved

A Post Script To Friends of the Bereaved

I Believe That Our Loved Ones Can See Us

Visions and Dreams

Searching for Shalom

Keeping Memories Alive

Appendix A   Plan Now, Don’t Wait

Appendix B   My Funeral Wishes

Author’s Statement

My Prayer

Bibliography

Permissions

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission. NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered trademarks of Biblica, Inc. Use of either trademark for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written consent of Biblica US, Inc.

New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright © 1989, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from The Living Bible copyright © 1971 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. The Living Bible, TLB, and the The Living Bible logo are registered trademarks of Tyndale House Publishers.

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills,

from whence cometh my help.

My help cometh from the Lord,

which made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1-2 KJV

This book is dedicated

to the memory of

Lambert Franklin Melton

A man of great

kindness, integrity, love, generosity,

and service to his fellow man.

A man whose life

was made rich by virtue of

great moral and physical courage,

noble character and

strong intellect

1maninbluesuit.jpg

My husband, Frank Melton

Acknowledgments

I want to thank the many friends who were willing to share their stories and for their willingness to relive the awful days, weeks and months following the death of their loved ones. There is no way to adequately prepare anyone for such an experience, but it is my hope that this book will in some way help others to heal.

I want to also acknowledge the three ladies who believed this book should be written. The first is Betty Coward Stillwell, who came to me just two weeks after my husband, Frank, died and told me that I was supposed to write a book about dealing with grief. Betty had lost her husband, Kent Coward, when he was very young, so I knew that if anyone knew what I was going through, she did.

Just two days after Betty approached me, I received a card from Sandy Howard Douglas, a young lady who was in my fifth grade classroom my first year of teaching in Covington, Kentucky. We have grown closer as the years have gone by, and she is a person of deep faith. In her card she wrote, "I already know the name of your next book. It will be From Whence Cometh My Help."

Then a few days later, I got a phone call from Gail Smithwick, a first year teacher Frank and I met years ago when we moved to Covington, Kentucky so that he could attend college just across the river in Cincinnati. When Gail called, she said, I believe you are supposed to write another book, and I believe that it should begin with the e-mails you sent after bringing Frank home from the hospital under hospice care.

When these women approached me, I could not imagine writing another book, especially one dealing with the grief I was experiencing at the time. However, as the days passed, I began to think about what these three people had told me. All three believed strongly that I was supposed to write another book and that it was to deal with the grief process. I began praying about this, and then one day four months after Frank died as I was sewing, I was strongly compelled to go to the computer and begin this book. I went to my computer, and two hours later discovered that the difficult task of telling my story had actually begun.

I would be remiss if I did not also mention my mother, my Aunt Sara Sue, and my Aunt Edith, as well as my Granny Sherrill and Frank’s mother, Lona Kilby Melton. These godly women persevered as they watched their loved ones suffer and die, and they never lost faith. Instead, these women became stronger in their faith, and their love of the Lord grew deeper. We are told in the book of John that there is a cloud of witnesses watching us and praying for us, and I have no doubt all five of these ladies are a part of that cloud. I also believe Frank is there with them, loving me, and praying for me. Consequently, each time I felt like giving up, I had only to remember them, and I was encouraged to push on to complete this book.

I want to thank Darlene Lowe who proofed this book. She did not just read it and make needed changes. She took a personal interest in the book and put her heart into the process. I wrote the book as I went through the grieving process and I never reread it. I could not reread it as it would have been too difficult. Therefore, you can imagine all the changes that were required. This book would not be what it is had it not been for Darlene and I thank her from the bottom of my heart.

I also want to thank several of my dear friends who called, visited, sent cards, took me out, prayed for me constantly, loved me through my ordeal of grief, and encouraged me to continue to write. Tina Stovall, Betty Turner, Alan Allman, Verna Shuler, Frank Crawford, Mary Lowder, Jimmy Parris, and Nancy Pryor were there when I needed them the most. And of course, my children, Myra Hargrove and Buddy and Carla Melton gave me hope and lifted my spirits through it all.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

Preface

When we lose someone we love the grief we suffer may seem unbearable. We may feel devastated and bewildered by the flood of emotions that accompanies such a loss and we may wonder if we can survive.

This book was written over the span of a year – the first year after my husband died. It is gut wrenchingly honest as I share with the reader my deepest feelings as I traveled through the dark days of grief.

It is my hope that somewhere within these pages you will find passages that help you, comfort you, and give you the strength you need on your journey out of grief.

It is my prayer that this book will serve as a reminder that God is always present to comfort us and to sustain us in our most challenging and difficult times. I pray that we will call on him again and again and that his presence will reside in each and every person who is suffering. God’s love is deep and it is in that love that we will find comfort.

Our Life Together

We met in the eighth grade, and he took me to the eighth grade prom. The next day he told a teacher who asked him whom he had taken to the prom that he had taken the girl he was going to marry. We dated all through high school; of course, we dated other people, but he was always there for me. If anything bad ever happened in my life, I only had to turn around to find him there supporting me. If I dated someone he did not approve of, he would be there with a kind lecture. I will never forget a night I was at the bowling alley with a group of very nice friends, he appeared and asked if he could talk to me. Of course, I said, and we went out to his car. It was raining, and we drove into town and up beside the court-house, where we could look down Main Street. I want you to know that I am always here for you, he told me. I don’t always approve of who you date, but that is okay because you have a lot of growing up to do. But one day, we are going to get married. We talked for about thirty minutes, and then he took me back to the bowling alley. I will never forget that night or the love and concern he showed for me.

Because I am the product of a broken home, marriage and a family have always been the most important things to me. All during high school and college, I prayed daily for God’s guidance in my life: God, please don’t let me make a mistake. Please help me to choose the right young man to marry. And my prayer would always end the same way: God, please help me to choose the right young man, but God please let it be Frank Melton.

We dated for eight years and were married in 1963. He was the love of my life and my reason for living; there is no doubt in my mind