Sorry for the Inconvenience/Going Your Way: My Adventures and Experiences on the New York City Subways…Buses Too…… (And Then Some!)

By R.J. Nobleman

Well, I hope you enjoyed the storiesall are TRUEthat I wanted to share with you in this book! I promise to keep tabs on things that occur from this point on so that I can put them into the sequel.
Like I stated in the Preface, anyone can write a book of this kindabout the crazy, exotic experiences they have experienced or witnesses on subways, buses, cruises, tour buses, elevators, and the like. Its just a matter of putting your experiences to paper, or computer files.
Throughout this book, I made references to the fact that many people who also witnessed these occurrences sort of said or did nothing, that they just did not want to get involved. This was evident in their making believe that they did not see or hear anythingthat they were just oblivious to the situationthat they just didnt want to get involved! That is why I have coined the expression pulling a Sergeant Schultz. Im confident that Sergeant Schultz, played by the late John Banner in the 1960s series Hogans Heroes, is the one who made believe he did not see or hear or know anything that was going on that wasnt acceptable. His famous words were I see No-THING, No-THING! and I know No-THING, No-THING! This was evident in the Kitty Genovese murder case, as occurred in Kew Gardens, Queens, New York City on March 13, 1964. As described by Wikipedia, Kitty Genovese was a young woman murdered by a killer who came back a second time, to finish the job, and nobodynone of those who heard or witnessed itintervened or called the police. This has often been called the By Stander Effect or the Genovese Syndromebasically all those who heard the commotion or witnessed the crime pulled a Sergeant Schultz! They saw N0-THING, No-THING, they heard No-THING, No-THING, they knew No-THING, No-THING, they DID No-THING, No-THING! One thing that I am hoping for is that the expression that I coined in this book, pulling a Sergeant Schultz will become a new expression.I think you know what I mean by new expressionwords and expressions that pop up over time and become part of the English language, even unofficiallywords and expressions like dis, right-on rock-n-roll disco hip-hop my bad, couch potato, going green, ambulance chaser, and many others. One thing about these new words and expressions that they all seem to have in common is that nobody seems to know WHERE these words came from, nor WHO actually coined them! My hope is that pulling a Sergeant Schultz will become another one of those new expressions. If that happens, we will ALL know who coined it, the one and only R.J. Nobleman, and WHERE the phrase was coinedSORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE/GOING YOUR WAY!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 23, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483604510

Book preview

Copyright © 2013 by R.J. Nobleman.

ISBN:          Softcover                                 978-1-4836-0450-3

                   Ebook                                      978-1-4836-0451-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 04/19/2013

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Contents

PART I. SUBWAY EXPERIENCES

PART II. Buses, Charter Buses, City Buses, Multi-Day Bus Tours

PART III. Experiences on AMTRAK and Multi-Day Rail Travel

PART IV. Experiences on Cruise Ships, Boats, Freighter Cruises, Riverboat Cruises

PART V. Experiences with Cars, Car Services, Taxi Cabs, Car Pools, Limousines, Car Parking Lots

PART VI. My Experiences on Elevators

PART VII. Fast-Moving Animals

PART VIII. The Impromptu

Dedicated to

ALVINA

And all the other Basset Hounds of the world, past, present, and future!

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Preface

When I told a friend of mine that I was planning to write a book about the crazy things I’ve seen on the New York City subways, he paused for a second., then turned around and said, Ya know—that’s something that probably EVERYBODY who lives in New York can write a book about! Thinking about that, I guess he was right! I’m sure that everyone whom has ridden the New York City subways has seen some crazy, outrageous things! A father of another friend of mine told me that he rides the subways everyday, at all different hours, and you wouldn’t BELIEVE some of the nuts I see!

Anyway, as I started to write the book, I realized that not only have I seen crazy things on the subways, I’ve seen plenty of crazy things on buses too. So I thought I should I should those stories as well.

As I continued writing, I realized that plenty of crazy things have also happened on other modes of transportation as well: tour buses, car services and taxis, car pools, big cruise ships, small cruise ships, AMTRAK,—on basically any mode of transportation that I’ve used, I’ve witnessed or have been involved in some outrageous incidents that to me were funny, even if some others don’t think they’re funny, so I’ve included those stories as well. When people have asked me why I’m throwing in all kinds of stories from all other modes of transportation if the book was originally limited to subways, I tell them a motto or policy that I learned from my high school music teacher. Whenever anyone questioned the way he did certain things, or why he did them, he would say: I’m the BOSS here! I give the ORDERS! I call the SHOTS! The TAIL does not wag the DOG! I used to love hearing him say that, because every time he did so, I would wonder what it would look like to see a tail wagging its DOG! I would try to form a picture in my mind of a tail standing still, with the DOG wagging back and forth! (Come to think of it, suppose someone had a bulldog, or Doberman, or boxer,—dogs whose tails are usually clipped shortly after birth—would you see a dog wagging all by itself, WITHOUT the tail?). What would THAT look like?

You may be wondering why, of all the forms of transportation I’ve included, there’s no mention of airline travel. That’s because I don’t travel by air—I guess you can say I’ve got flyophobia! But if I did travel by air, I’m SURE I would have stories about that too!

Finally, the last section in this book is entitled The Impromptu. In that section, I threw in stories that are funny (at least in MY opinion) but which have NOTHING to do, WHATSOEVER, with transportation or travel, but which I felt I would like to add. You may ask why I would put such stories into this book. The answer is the same as I previously explained: It’s MY book, I’m the BOSS here… . the TAIL does not wag the DOG!.

Finally, I would like to mention that the stories told here are all TRUE! They really HAPPENED! MY intention here is not to degrade nor dis the NYC subway system, AMTRAK, cruise lines, bus companies, taxis, etc.; I’m just reporting on what I actually saw, heard, felt, and experienced! Now, sit back, and ENJOY! I also hope you can deal with my obnoxiousness which periodically raises up its arrogant head in many of the stories!

PART I. SUBWAY EXPERIENCES

OUTSMARTED—BY A DOG!

I was on my way home from work one day in the early 90’s, standing on the platform of the A train in Queens. This is an elevated line, and one of the LEAST things I would expect to see is a DOG walking on the platform! Yet, right before my eyes, a German Shepherd suddenly appears! How he got there, or when, or by whom, is an unsolved mystery, yet the reality was that he was there and I perceived a dangerous situation for him. He could, theoretically, fall off the platform and break a leg, or fall down to the street below—about a fifty foot drop, or he could get hit by a train! I realized that I HAD to get him off the platform and OFF the train station! I had to do this even if it meant I would have to exit the station, get him off, and return by paying another fare. I realized the streets would not be the safest place for a stray dog either, but he would be safer THERE than on the platform! So I kept calling him here boy, here boy, and whistling, and patting my thigh. He just paused and looked at me, as if he couldn’t decide whether to follow me or ignore me altogether. After about ten minutes of my coaxing him to follow me down the stairs and off the platform, a train was pulling into the station! Then I knew that time was CRUCIAL! I had to somehow convince this dog to follow me off the platform! As the train pulled into the station and the doors were about to open, I FRANTICALLY continued to beckon him off—here boy, here boy, here boy I kept saying, whistling, patting my thigh—to no avail! The train doors opened and the passengers were watching me frantically calling that dog! Again he paused, looked me in the face, turned, and walked right into the subway car! He turned around again, looked me in the face, and watched as the doors closed. The train started to pull out of the station, and the passengers were HYSTERICAL!, pointing and laughing at me on the platform while the dog was on the train! Maybe they thought it was MY dog???I felt maaaaad stupid standing there—the dog was on the train, I was still on the platform!

Later on that evening my friend came over to visit. He came by quite often since we liked to sit around and ‘throw the bull’. I told him the story, and he laughed just as hard as the passengers did that day! Ah-HA-HA-Ha-HA he said! Outsmarted by a DOG!

Ph.D.! DOCTOR’S DEGREE! Outsmarted by a DOG! Ah-HA-HA-HA-HA… . !

THE CIGARETTE SMOKER WHO WOULD RATHER FIGHT THAN SWITCH!

It was in July, 1983; I was on the F train headed towards downtown Brooklyn to work at a special, unpaid, internship program. It was a little after 9 AM, still considered the rush hour, but near the end of it. The trains were still fairly crowded—some seats still available, but relatively few. Some passengers were standing (straphangers). All of a sudden, one of the standing passengers, leaning against the train doors, decided it was time for a smoke. Smoking is illegal in the subways, even back then, but some people who are brazen or just plain stupid still do it, every now and then. It’s just too bad they don’t get caught too often! I’m not trying to ‘DIS’ smokers here, because I’m a smoker myself (cigars)!

After he ‘lit up’ one guy, a passenger seated not far away from him politely asked him to put the cigarette out, but the smoker just kind of ignored him. Then another passenger, a younger guy, decided he was going to show off his ‘macho’ image, and he asked the guy once, then twice more, to put out the cigarette. The smoker began to curse in another language, yelling and screaming—I couldn’t make out every word, but basically telling