Ramblings of a Twisted Mind: A Fictional Autobiography

By Lance Neumann

What if I created a fantasy world and somehow it
came to life. And what if that world had powerful
beings calling themselves gods.
Now imagine if those so called gods came to this world and
chose to help me. What follows is the fi ctional account of what
would happen to me and the people around me. Come and
enjoy the ride in my roller coaster of a mind.
What the hell was that, Kelly asks.
I kissed her, I say.
That was not a kiss that was intercourse with your cloths on,
she accuses.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Mar 22, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483606026

Lance Neumann

Lance Neumann lives in Arizona with his cat Kimara. He enjoys writing for the joy of it and hopes you will all enjoy it as well. He is and always will be a five-year-old at heart. Never grow up. His picture shows who he is inside and he hopes you all will let that part of yourself out from time to time to play and enjoy the world like it was meant to be.

Book preview

RAMBLINGS OF A TWISTED MIND

A Fictional Autobiography

Lance Neumann

Copyright © 2013 by Lance Neumann.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Rev. date: 03/20/2013

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

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CONTENTS

Chapter One The Visit 1987-2012

Chapter Two 2012

Chapter Three 2013

Chapter Four Javier

Chapter Five True Love

Chapter Six Birthday

Chapter Seven California

Chapter Eight Home

Chapter Nine Friends

Chapter Ten Family Christmas

Chapter Eleven 2014 Graduation

Chapter Twelve 2014 College

Chapter Thirteen 2014 Christmas

Chapter Fourteen Hillary

Chapter Fifteen 2015

Chapter Sixteen 2016

Chapter Seventeen Power

Chapter Eighteen 2017

Chapter Nineteen The Plan

To Erika for allowing me to make love to her in the pages of this book and to all those people in my life who inspired me, Karen, Hillary, Tracie, Laurelle and Daniell. My mother and father who always believe in me.

My family and to all those in books, music and film that shaped who I am and inspired me. Most of all to God for giving me this gift.

CHAPTER ONE

The Visit 1987-2012

A man with shoulder length brown hair sits on a couch with his wife. She has her head on his shoulder and his arm is around her. She looks up at him, It seems awful calm lately. There doesn’t seem to be much going on, she says.

I know and I like it that way, he says.

There is a knock at the door and he gets up to get it. When he opens it. George and Ernie stand there with huge grins on their faces.

I don’t like when you look at me like that. It mean you want to do something crazy, he says to his two friends.

Well I don’t think it’s crazy, George says.

A tall man about six five appears and asks them what they want. The man looks at his friends and asks, Ok now what do you have planned.

It’ll be fun Lance. We want to go to earth and see what happened to the Lance we left there, Ernie says.

June, Samantha come and get your husbands, he calls

Two women appear with baskets and they look at him, We have the food for the trip so let’s get on the road, one of the women says.

June I can’t believe you are going along with this, he says to her.

Lance’s wife comes up behind them and says, It sounds like fun.

He drops his head down and shakes it, Well I have no choice now. Are you two happy, he asks.

Ernie smiles and yells, ROAD TRIP!

You would think that being gods we would have better thing to do than go spy on my copy, Lance says.

A large red dragon appears and changes into a middle-aged man and asks to come too. More and more pop in and in the end it seems that all the gods of Lexxon are going.

So what happens to the world while we’re gone, Trea, goddess of nature asks.

Nothing I will have us back the moment after we leave, the god of time says.

Oh, she says.

They arrive the moment after George and Ernie took Lance the first time leaving a copy behind. They all watch as Galafre plays my life like a movie. Ten years into my life Taksan comments, Man you were pathetic after they took you. You are so lucky you got out.

They continue to watch and Bella the goddess of love begins to cry, It’s so sad. No one wants to love him, she says through her tears.

They watch all the way to the end and Lance shakes his head, Well let’s see if we can give him a better life, he says.

Ok let’s give him money. Let’s make him rich, George says.

Galafre takes them back to the same time and they have me win the lottery. I now have millions of dollars. So they watch how my life unfolds with it. They watch me take my money and slowly become a monster taking advantage of anyone I know.

Ok rewind. That was unpleasant, TheLance the god of balance says.

Ok in the first life he had two strokes let’s see what happens if he has money but still has the strokes, Ullma says.

Can’t be any worse, George says.

I say we help him along now and then. Instead of watching him screw up let’s make sure he doesn’t this time, Somena says.

I agree it was sad not seeing him fall in love, Bella says.

Now Bella he fell in love lots of times just none of them wanted anything to do with him, Levara says.

And you just loved that didn’t you Levara, she says.

Well I am the goddess of pain, she tells her.

Ok so this time let’s wait until he moves to Arizona and then we can help him out, Lance tells everyone.

Are you going to allow us bad guys to do some things too, Taksan asks.

Yes I’ll let you do some things to him but not too bad I want him to be happy for the most part, Lance tells him.

June and Samantha are whispering about something to their husbands and they all finally agree on something and Ernie comes up to Lance, We want him to get the woman Erika. She is the one that had the most feeling for him of all the ones he met, he says.

Perfect. She did love him but just couldn’t get past his age. So we’ll have to give her a push, Bella says.

It’s the beginning of April and I’m getting no where in Oscoda. Paula has been asking me to move to Tucson. Russell is stationed on the air base there and I like the heat so much more than the cold of Michigan, so I decide to go. I sell my Nova for three hundred and buy a one way ticket to Tucson.

The heat is shocking at first for being April but I adjust. I move in with Paula and it goes ok for a while. I have a job at a hot dog place. It went ok for a while then I got a better job at a cafeteria. Worked my way up to baker and then had an argument with my boss and quit. Two months later landed a dishwashing job at a restaurant and there I stayed for over four years. By this time Paula and Russell have moved and I am left in Tucson. Paula’s friend Debbie and I get an apartment together and I started seeing one of the waitresses at the restaurant and I moved up to baker there also. Bella and I are out one night and we stop for a soda and I buy a lottery ticket.

So I guess we know where he got your name, George tells Bella.

Quila make sure he has the only winning ticket, Lance says.

Do I tell you how to keep the balance. This is my area of expertise, she says.

Lance puts up his hands in defense and says, Sorry.

I didn’t give it a second thought until they announced the winning numbers and I won. A hundred and fifty million and I took the lump sum giving me seventy-five million. Thirty million in taxes leaves me with forty-five and I freak. That weekend I take Bella, Kelly and Eileen and we hop on a plane to Vegas. We lose just under a million each but I have plenty. I hand out a million to my parents, my baby brother Russell, Paula and Linda. I quit work and I buy a big house, a fancy car and I find the best financial advisor I can and money starts rolling in.

Oh no here we go again. By the way good job on the money Quila, Lance says.

I keep a close watch on my money for fear that it will be stolen but I am lucky. My wealth grows to an outstanding three billion and I was living it up, parties and women and then it happened.

Ok here it comes. The first stroke. George says.

January eleventh, nineteen ninety-six I have a stroke. I spend a week in the hospital and I have no visitors but my financial advisor.

Nice touch keeping everyone from visiting Bacia, George says.

Got my meds and was good. I thought about that time in the hospital and how no one came to see me. I had five billion dollars and decided to cut back and just have the bare minimum. I find a bank and set up an account with three billion in it. I give another two billion to my financial advisor to keep doing what he can with it. Then I sold my house and found a studio apartment and moved in.

Why have we turned him into a hermit, June asks.

Up the street is a restaurant and my old boss from the restaurant I used to work at before is the general manager there and he gives me a job.

So tell me again why we are making him work, Lance asks.

If he isn’t at the restaurant then he never meets Erika and they never fall in love, Bella tells him.

Well we could have them meet another way, he says.

This is my job so let me do it ok, she tells him.

About a week into it I’m walking home and I get jumped. They beat me up pretty bad and I end up in the hospital again. I ask my financial advisor to see if he can find me a bodyguard. I get out the next day and I interview several people and I settle on a woman, Tina. About a week goes by and she asks me, Why don’t you buy a car and drive to work and what is up with that anyway. You have more money than God and you have a dishwashing job at a restaurant.

You know about my stoke and see that I walk with a limp now so I don’t want it to get worse so I exercise by walking to and from work I tell her.

I have a bad habit of falling in love fast and I also don’t want them to like me for my money so no one knows about my money. The first crush was Crystal and she left two years later in ninety-eight. I wrote so much poetry for her and a small story and I gave it to her just before she went back to Alabama.

Oh I wanted to slap her silly when she told him she would date him if he was younger, Bella tells Lance.

One day I decide to get on a bus and ride it for a while. I sit behind a couple and they are talking about all the problems they are having and he tells her, As long as we have each other we’ll be fine.

I get off with them and follow at a distance so they don’t notice. I find out which apartment they are living in and I go to the office and pay their rent for the next year. I take the receipt and all the cash I have on me and put it in an envelope and I take it to them. He shakes my hand and she gives me a hug and many thank you’s later I leave with Tina.

That was really nice of you she tells me.

It felt good too I tell her.

I see this very pretty girl so I strike up a conversation with her and find out she’s single so I ask her if she would like to go out sometime and she tells me no. So I don’t think about it I just say it Would you kiss me for a hundred dollars then?

Where’s the hundred she asks.

I pull it out of my pocket and she looks at me for a moment and leans into me and kisses me quickly.

How ’bout a longer one for another hundred I ask.

She smiles and says yes and I kiss her again. When our lips part she smiles and says Any time you want to I can be reached here, bring your cash.

I get on the next bus and find another woman but this time I word it differently. I ask for a long slow kiss for a hundred and you would be surprised how many agreed.

One day Tina is called away for a family emergency and I decide to visit my parents in Tennessee. I spend a week with them. On the trip there I am watching all the pretty girls and fantasizing. On the trip home I have a two-hour wait for my connecting flight. I get something to eat and sit next to the window and watch three young girls, two brunettes and a blonde, at the gate across from me. The little brunette looked to be only sixteen but the other two looked like they were just over twenty. I finish my meal and by now there are five there. An older brunette and a another blonde had joined them as well a young man. I pull out my phone and call information and found the closest bank to the airport and called it.

Hello, the woman on the other end says.

Yes could I speak to your manager please, I ask.

She asks me to hold and a few minutes latter a man answers, Yes how can I help you, he asks.

Yes my name is Lance Neumann and I have an account with you. I am in the Dallas-Fort Worth airport and I need a large amount of money suddenly. I was wondering if you might be able to help me, I ask him. He is silent for a moment as he types in my name and then asks, How much would you like Mr. Neumann?

Well I think a hundred thousand should do, I tell him.

Yes sir we will have that to you as soon as we can, he tells me and hangs up.

About fifteen minuets later I get a page and go to the security check point and a young man is standing there waiting for me. He asks for identification and I have the guard hands him my license and then he hands the guard a briefcase and my license back and leaves. The guard opens the case and inspects the money and then hands it to me He asks me if I would like a guard to escort me and I look at him, Does it look like I would have this kind of money on me, I ask him.

He smiles, No sir it doesn’t, he says.

I pull out a stack and hand each of the guards a hundred and they thank me and I leave. I go to the bathroom and go into an empty stall. I take the money out of the case and put it in my duffel bag and put two stacks in the inside pockets of my duster. I get back to my gate and ask about later flights to Tucson and I’m informed that there is one at eight-thirty. I smile and have my ticket changed to that flight and then I sit down again. I watch the five girls for a while and then I stand up and walk over to them and put my bag behind the ticket counter. One of the blonde girls tells me I can’t do that and I look her in the eyes and ask her, Well how ’bout I give you a hundred dollars to forget that it’s there and another hundred for a long slow kiss?

Really, she asks.

The older brunette had come over by then and heard what I had said and when the younger blonde hesitated she tells me she will. Not shy she grabbed my face and planted one on me and I held on to her as well. Several minutes go by and the others have gathered around and our lips separate and she smiles. I smile and take several more bills from my pocket and put then in her pants pocket. I pulled her to me and kissed her hard as my hands began exploring her body. The others watch stunned as my hands unbutton her pants and hers do the same to mine. We have moved behind the ticket counter and I drop to my knees taking her pants with me. She closes her eyes as my tongue tastes her and then my wet finger enters her and she moans. I continue fingering her until she falls to her knees beside me smiling. I stand buttoning my pants and ask the blonde again if I could have a long slow kiss and she grabs me and she ends up on the floor next to the brunette. The second blonde ends up blowing me there and then insisting I fuck her right there. Which I did coming in her mouth. The youngest looking brunette asked for her kiss and I ask her for her ID and she shows me her license and she just turned eighteen three months ago. After our kiss she takes my hand and leads me to the men’s room and takes me inside. She pulls me into an empty stall and strips off all her clothes and then mine. Over an hour later we come back and she is smiling and tells the others that she has my number and address. The remainder of my time before my flight is spent taking turns kissing and finger fucking them.

For the next year all five girls would fly into Tucson and stay with me for a week at a time about five or six times that year.

Months go by and it works well for me. One day I ask the wrong girl and one thing leads to another and we end up at my place about to get naked when Tina comes in and asks the girl how old she is. She tells her she’s eighteen and Tina doesn’t believe her and forced an ID out of her, finding out she’s only sixteen.

Tina opens the door and lets her out and then turns on me I don’t have a problem with the kissing for cash and even when they’re minors but you have got to be more careful. They’ll put you in jail for statutory rape even if she is consenting.

I get up in the morning and shower and Tina meets me at the door.

We have a few errands to run today I tell her.

We get on the bus and ride about three miles down the road and get off. We walk across to the Buick dealership. Tina smiles and says, It’s about time you got a car.

We leave with the title to a white nineteen ninety-eight Buick Regal sedan. Our next stop is the bank. I talk to one of their financial agents and we set up a fund to pay for the people who work for me. With some work we make it self-perpetuating with an untouchable principle that generates enough for payment to all employees and the amount of taxes on the interest generated for the IRS. All my accounts are built that way to generate enough for taxes on the interest that my money earns.

It’s around five o’clock when Tina drives me home. In the morning as we are walking to work Tina seems much happier about it than before. Before I go inside I tell her to meet me here at five with the car.

I come out and get in, Now what kind do you want I ask her.

What kind of what she asks.

Of car I say with a smile.

Thank you she tells me as she hands me the keys to the Buick and gets in her black nineteen ninety-nine Mustang.

Last year I bought the apartment complex that the young couple lived in and for nineteen ninety-nine I get another. I plan to buy an apartment complex a year for the next ten years and set up the finances to make them run themselves with only fifty percent occupancy allowing the remainder to be for those who can’t afford housing. Most of those tenants insist on helping. Some clean the rooms and others repair things. They take care of the grounds and protect one another.

In two thousand I meet Laurelle and she is beautiful but I can’t tell her about my money so I just love her from a distance.

I meet Hillary at the Tucson Mall while I was walking around just looking and we started talking. I came back the next day and we talked most of the day. We become friends and as usual I become attached. I try to help her through her problems but she ends up moving back to Michigan. We write for a time and I take a trip up to Michigan to see her but it never happened and I find out she is pregnant and going to marry the guy and that is the last time I talked to her. About two years later she got a mutual friend to give her my email address and she wrote. We talked for a while and I plan a trip to see her and it doesn’t go well, her husband is jealous of me so I don’t get to spend much time with her and I go home dissatisfied. We text and talk and after a while we stop. I text her once or twice a year and she tells me she loves me but I don’t try anymore. Her husband was right though if I could have I would have taken her away from him but she loved him and wanted her child to be with her father. She made her choice and I stopped trying.

In two thousand three Karen and Joe start work there and I find out that Karen has the same birthday. We become friends and I have her over to my house to watch movies and just hang out. I slowly fall for her and Laurelle quits and then along comes Erika and she is beautiful. We talk and I find that she isn’t shy about things and like me she tells people things that they really don’t need to know or care to. She has a very giving heart and I fall quickly for her. Karen and I start to drift apart and the stress is to much and I say things that are mean and stupid and I can’t help myself but she moves back home when her boyfriend breaks up with her and I lose her. All I have now is work. Around this time I meet Tracie and we hang out and become best friends. She gets pregnant and moves leaving me alone once more.

Over the years I still ride the bus and pay for kisses.

I had gotten two tattoos for my wrists in January and March. Then September fifteenth, two thousand seven it happens again because I was being stupid, again. Another stroke puts me in the hospital again, scaring all the people who work with me. Brenda my manager takes me to the hospital.

Lying there just looking up at the ceiling Tina knocks on the door and comes in, giving me a huge hug and her husband shakes my hand.

Thanks for coming I tell them.

Of course she says.

Where’s Dave she asks.

I sent him home. He hadn’t slept for thirty-six hours and I’m fine now I tell her.

I’ll stay with you until he gets back she tells me.

At that her husband shakes my hand once more and says his good-byes.

He has to get home to take care of our son, she says with a smile.

How old is he, I ask.

Eighteen months with another smile.

We sit and talk about her life and mine until the doctors come in to tell me about my condition. They tell me that they are going to release me tomorrow. I finally get a primary care doctor and he tries to get my blood pressure under control but can’t seem to get it low enough so he sends me to a cardiologist and that does the trick.

In two thousand eight I buy all the property around my apartment and that of the couple who owns the triplex, living behind me. I also buy all the lots on the block giving me a single lot two hundred and fifty feet on one end, three hundred eighty on the other and four hundred thirty five feet long. I have all the property cleared and fenced in. I have my project manager see to having it all ready for building even removing the small road through the center. Construction on my house and Dave’s plus the other buildings begins in April and finishes around Easter. The house is a two-story, fifty feet by ninety feet with a forty by thirty-foot garage and five small twenty by forty feet apartments behind the house. In the driveway there are three vehicles, a two thousand Buick Regal, hunter green, replacing my white one, Dave’s two thousand five Nissan, and a large six passenger black SUV. On the other side of the garage is a combination storage and garage for my green thirty-foot limo. At the back of the house is the pool and patio. Dave and I sit out in the evenings and talk. He finds my fascination with a young lady at work ridiculous.

All you have to do is tell her who you are and how much money you have and she’ll be all over you he tells me.

Over the years I have come to realize I will be alone for the rest of my life. People like me even women but to them I am a friend, father figure, older brother but none think of me in the romantic way but I like being in love. I’m a better person when I am I tell him again.

But I’m just saying. You even stopped with the bribing women to go home with you he continues.

That reminds me we have our monthly meeting with the churches and shelters tomorrow, I tell him.

In the three years you’ve worked for me you have made crazy money and you are alone as well. You could retire on what I’ve paid you so far, I say, changing the subject.

He looks off into the distance and whispers, You know I lost my parents last year in that accident and my brother in Iran in two thousand five and you remind me a lot of him. That’s why I took this job. I’m not going to lose you like I lost him he finishes.

You know I’m not going anywhere. I’ve had four stokes and they barely slowed me down. I’m unstoppable, I say with a chuckle.

He smiles at that and nods, You do work some crazy hours. I still can’t believe you still work. You must laugh at the paycheck you make.

I was going to quit in two thousand six but she happened I tell him.

Well I guess it’s just you and me then he says as he takes his glass inside.

Two thousand nine is nothing special but two thousand ten became an interesting year, to say the least. Dave and I are out shopping for some new furniture and the young lady helping us commented that we made a nice looking couple. I immediately saw through that and invited her back to the house to help place the new furniture.

We’re not a couple. He’s all yours I whisper in her ear when he wasn’t looking.

Needless to say I was moving furniture alone. The next month I barely saw my bodyguard. On my birthday he brings her to the house and tells me he loves her and wants her to know everything. So we sit her down and explain who I am and what I do.

Oh my God! Do you know how loved you are around the city? How is it that no one knows who you are, she asks firing question after question and not letting me answer any of them.

Dave finally kisses her to shut her up. Once she calms down I propose she come with us when we visit the churches and shelters.

The next week we visit the churches around the city and the shelters handing out blanket and food and talking to the people. Letting the pastors and minister and social workers know who we had selected and she hears the same thing from everyone we meet, Tell your boss he is a wonderful man for what he is doing.

We get in the limo after the last one and she smiles at me and kisses me on the cheek, You are a very clever man. Telling people you work for one of the riches men in the city and that Dave is your bodyguard to keep you safe and his identity safe as well.

How many people know your secret, she asks.

Well there’s you and Dave. All my finance people and my family, I finish.

It’s the beginning of two thousand eleven and the three of us are having lunch at the place I work when Dave excuses himself to the bathroom and Erika comes out of the back and sees her with me talking and laughing. We don’t see her but Dave does when he comes out of the bathroom. He sits down with a huge smile on, Erika was watching the two of you and she looked like she wanted you dead, he says to his wife.

That was beautiful Lanka. Giving her that little nudge, Bella says.

Lanka looks at her, I had nothing to do with that. She really is jealous, he tells her.

That’s wonderful. That makes my job so much easier, she says.

He purposely kisses her to make sure no harm came to her if Erika meets her somewhere by chance.

This is the girl Dave has told me about. The one you are hopelessly in love with but won’t tell who you are, she says smacking me on the shoulder.

And like I told him. I want her to love me not my money, I say to her as I get up to leave.

We leave the restaurant and head to the mall to see a movie. Dave holds Janeen back and she looks confused, Trust me you are going to love this.

I enter first and head to the center of the food court and get up on one of the tables, I have a hundred dollars for any woman between the ages of eighteen and fifty who will give me a long slow kiss.

Janeen is shocked and watches as the line forms. Dave pulls her away from the sight and they walk around the mall for about and hour then they go into the theater. Moments later I come up behind them with a cute blonde on my arm.

This is Jessie, I introduce, she was the best kisser.

We separate, going to our chosen movie. Janeen sits there for several minutes and then turns to Dave, Does he do that every time you come here?

No he was just showing off for you, he tells her.

We meet up outside the theater and Jessie is gone. I get a questioning look from Janeen and I answer, My money ran out.

I see what you were saying back at the restaurant, she says understandingly.

I also see why my husband stays with you, she confesses.

My reckless behavior, I ask.

You are a constant surprise and you need a keeper, she comments.

Dave gets very serious, he kisses her and looks her in the eyes Lance is one of the most mature people I have ever meet and if I wasn’t around he would be just fine. I am lucky to have him as my friend, he finishes.

Janeen is taken aback by her husbands serious tone and she apologizes. I tell her there is no need and that is just my little brother protecting me from something I don’t need protection from. Dave instantly feels horrible for what just happened and apologizes to her. She takes him by the hand and they leave. Janeen is driving them home when Dave looks over at her and says, You know we just left him there without a ride.

She gets a horrified look and Dave takes her hand and assures her that I will be just fine. About an hour later there is a knock on the door and she opens it to me standing there. She apologizes but I stop her and tell her not to worry about it.

Your husband forgets that all I need him to protect me from is physical assaults. Verbally I am devastating I reassure her.

I leave and walk the two hundred feet to my back door, Dave having moved into the house I built for him next door.

The end of October they make the announcement that they are having a baby.

Well with this special news there is only one thing to do, and I pause, letting them anticipate.

Dave hangs his head as I continue, I will need one more time at the mall because after the baby I can no longer purchase kisses from the masses. It would be inappropriate.

Later I look over at her as we sit in the back yard and I smile, I was just kidding back there.

I know. You will never give up buying kisses, she says with a smile.

You are truly a wise woman, I compliment her.

CHAPTER TWO

2012

As the pregnancy progresses I walk to work alone more often. February fourteenth, two thousand twelve was the day that I screwed up. I had always been careful about the kissing away from my work or home so they couldn’t find me again. I wasn’t thinking today. I crossed the street on my way home and a pretty little girl asked to use my phone. I liked what I saw and it just happened, I’ll give you a hundred dollars for a long slow kiss.

She hesitates at first looking at me with disgust and then softened, Let me see the money.

I pull out five twenties.

Ok but keep your hands to yourself, she says.

I stepped closer and she bends her head back and readied herself. I stand a full head taller so I lean down and our lips met. Hers parted slightly on impulse but she closed them again. I take a full minute and then released. She takes the money and I walk off so I thought that was the end of that as usual. I think about her on the walk home about how pretty she was and how perfect her ass was. I chastise myself but not harshly because I have never taken advantage of anyone that age before nor of any age. She looked to be about sixteen.

The next day at school she tells her friend about what happened and that it wasn’t a bad kiss for someone so old.

That gives me an idea. You know we want to go to that concert next month but it’s in Phoenix and we’re gonna need about two fifty, she tells her.

Yea we’d only need to kiss him three times each and we’d have it all she agrees.

Are you listening to this, Bella asks Lance.

Yea so what, he says.

Can’t you see where this is going, she says.

He looks and then when he sees it his eyebrow rises and he says, Well I’ll be. You go Lance.

I’m so proud of him, Bella says.

Did you or Lanka help him with the kissing, he asks her.

No we didn’t and you should check with your own wife to get your proof, she says.

She appears beside him and she kisses him and when she is finished she just smiles at him.

So it was ok, he asks her

Oh my god you are so stupid sometimes. Yes it was wonderful, she says smacking him on the shoulder.

About a week later I see her walk in the front door of the restaurant with her friend. She looks around and she spots me in the back. She waves for me to come out. Curious I do. I say hello and she tells me, We need money for a concert we want to go to. It’s gonna cost two hundred and fifty dollars each to get there and back including the price of the tickets.

And you were expecting me to give it to you because of the other day. I don’t think I’ll get in too much trouble especially when they find out about the money I tell her.

No that’s not what we’re here for she starts and her friend finishes, We figure if we both kiss you three times we would have enough.

Oh I see. When is this concert, I ask.

It’s next month, she tells me.

Well I think I am going to change the terms of this arrangement, I start.

How, her friend asked a little frightened.

Well it seems you need something I have and you have something I want so I propose this. You come back tomorrow at four o’clock and meet me at the bus stop across the street. I will pay you each fifty-buck for one kiss. I want you to come back four more times giving me a total of five kisses from each of you. Take it or leave it, I finish.

Ok, she says reluctantly.

So what are your names, I ask before they leave.

I’m Beth and this is my friend Cristi, she tells me.

Ok I’ll see you tomorrow, I say thinking I won’t see them again.

They leave and on the way home they discuss whether they are going to come back tomorrow or not.

At school the next day they are with three of their other friends and the concert topic comes up and Cristi lets slip that they have a way to get the money. Beth explains and they decide to join them then they all can go.

Dave and Janeen come over that evening and I tell them what happened.

Dave asks, How did she find you? You’re always so careful so things like this don’t happen.

I did it across from work just after I got off. She asked to borrow my phone and she was so pretty I couldn’t resist.

I don’t see the big deal. It’s not like you’re having sex with them. It’s just some kissing, I am surprised to hear from Dave’s wife.

The pregnancy must be mellowing you, I tell her.

I think about it all day while I work. When I finally finish it’s only three thirty so I debate whether to wait or just go home. I leave and walk across and sit down at the stop to wait. I’m about to leave when I see her get off the eastbound bus on the opposite side of the road. Cristi follows her off, but then three more get off as well. They let the bus pass and then make their way across and down to where I am waiting. When they get there Beth introduces the others, This is Kelly, Jennie and June they want to go to the concert too.

Are they ok with our arrangement, I ask.

Yes, she says.

Beth is first and she takes her time allowing her lip to part ever so slightly. Cristi is next and is stiff at first but softens towards the end. June enjoyed it a little too much I think and Kelly was tense the whole time. I looked at Jennie when we finished, You made my heart race a little. That was one of the most sensual kisses I have ever had.

I notice a bus coming so I say my good-byes and leave. The next day is different. They look different, prettier. We sit for a time and talk. Beth is first again but this time she sits on my lap. Her kiss is soft and warm and I could feel more passion in it this time. They all seem to be a little more relaxed this time. The others were different as well, Kelly was more relaxed this time and June was much more sensual than the last time. They all made my heart beat a little faster this time. The fifth day comes and I’m sad to see it end. They arrive all in dresses and skirts looking beautiful. I tell them they look beautiful and we sit and talk like always. I kiss them all with the lustful passion I feel for each of them and I could feel it being returned. I hand them their money and watch them get on the bus. I sit for a while and then I get up and walk home thinking about each of the girls. I get to the house and go inside. I just finish changing out of my work cloths when there is a knock at the door. Dave answers it and then tells me it’s for me. I come over to the door and there they all stand. They all look a little sheepish having followed me home like they did.

We don’t want it to stop Beth tells me.

Well I don’t have any more money to give you I tell her.

We don’t want any more money we just don’t want to say good-bye, Kelly says, surprising me.

I take them all into the living room and they sit down.

Is Janeen home I ask Dave.

Yes he answers.

Could you have her come over to talk to them for me, I plead.

He makes the call. They all sit uncomfortably facing me. Janeen comes through the door and sees the girls. She calls me over and whispers, What did you do to these girls?

Nothing, we kissed, I tell her.

Dave I need you to take him out back so I can talk to these girls and try to fix the damage, she tells her husband with a disapproving tone.

She sits down and Beth asks when she is due.

May she tells them

Is Dave your husband Kelly asks.

Yes but we need to talk about why you’re here she starts.

We’re here to be with him, Beth tells her simply.

That man is old enough to be your grandfather Janeen says pointing towards the patio.

We know and at first it was about the concert but then we talked and got to know him. I know he’s old but his kisses are really nice, June explains.

What do you want from him now, she asks the girls.

We just want him Jennie volunteers,

In what way Janeen asks nervously.

Well I can only speak for myself. Even though I’m only sixteen and even though he’s old I want to be with him in every way, she tells her and they all nod in agreement.

She gets up and comes out onto the patio, What did you do to those girls they are in love with you. A man old enough to be their grandfather, she says disgusted.

Would you like me to show you what I did to them, I ask her.

I turn to Dave and look him in the eye, It’s just to demonstrate. Don’t hurt me too much please.

I take Janeen by the hand and I sit her down in a chair and then sit down next to her. We talk for a while until I can see she’s relaxed and then I ask for a kiss. She hesitates at first but then she looks back at the house and thinks of the girls and agrees. It’s soft and gentile and when it’s over she looks at me in shock.

And you did that five times to each of those girls she asks.

Yes I answer hesitantly.

They’re only sixteen they aren’t thinking clearly. Well you have got to do something to discourage it and I think I know what to do she says picking up her phone.

About twenty minutes later a car pulls into the driveway and a man about Dave’s height comes back. Janeen thanks him for coming and explains what happened.

He goes inside to talk to the girls. When he comes back out he smiles and tells them, They have no idea what I’m talking about. They say they were getting orders for Girl Scout cookies. One even has an order sheet and that you had them come in and then I arrived. Those are some clever girls, he tells us.

She looks over at the sliding glass door and all five are standing there and they smile and wave. Janeen apologizes to him and looks angrily at them. He leaves and the girls come out onto the patio.

Well if you are going to be hanging around me you are going to have to tell your parents I tell them.

So now with those girls in love with him we don’t need Erika and he can quit work, Lanka says.

I’ve already laid the ground work and we’re not going with one of those girls. They’re wrong for him, Bella says.

How can they be wrong for him? They are in love with him and they are half Erika’s age. With a little push from me in bed he can have them all for life, Lanka says.

Bella frowns at him. Kyrie appears first and then June and Samantha. Several of the other female gods appear as well and Kyrie asks, Lance is that what you want? Lots of women in love with you.

When I was a young god that is what I wanted and Lanka made it happen. Six thousand years I had lots of women but after a while even with my home filled with women I still felt alone. Until that day I ran into you, he says pulling Kyrie to him.

I couldn’t get you out of my head for the next fifteen years and here we are married for the past ten thousand years and you are still the one I want to see when I open my eyes in the morning, he finishes.

And it’s so cute how he jumps when you call, Ernie says with a smile.

So Lance who do you think he should be with, Bella asks him.

Erika, no contest it’s the same feeling I have for Kyrie. The other five he loves but it is mainly lust, he says.

That said the girls leave. At home Beth tells her parents what has been going on.

We like him and we want to be with him, Beth tells them.

Her father tells her he’s calling the police.

If you call the police we will deny anything happened and it’s not like we slept with him it was just kissing Beth yells at him.

The conversations aren’t going any better at the others houses as well.

The next day the girls are grounded and tensions are high. A limo pulls up to the house and a man in an expensive suit gets out and comes to the door with two police officers. Beth’s mom answers it, My name is Oliver Wilcot and I am a lawyer for The Samaritan. I would like all of you to come with me please.

They get in the limo and the front glass is up and all the windows are blacked out the limo starts to move and when it stops again he gets out and Cristi and her parents get in. Three more stops and all five girls are in the limo with their Parents. The car starts moving and the front window comes down revealing Dave and me in the front.

I have suspected it but I have no proof. Who was the one who hurt these girls. Some older male has abused each one of these girls and I want to know who, I say raising my voice.

Eyes drop and a look of shame and self-loathing cover their faces.

Beth is the first to speak, It was my Uncle George. He started when I was ten but one-day mom came home early and caught him so we don’t see him anymore. Dad beat him up pretty bad too. I tried to tell you but you wouldn’t believe me.

Each one tells her own story and with each one the pain has stopped with husband being arrested and neighbors being convicted.

How did you know, Kelly’s mother asks.

When a girl the age of these are attracted to someone my age it is usually from abuse, I explain.

And you paid them to kiss you, Beth’s father accuses.

And they were free to say no plus the fact that it was your daughter that searched me out to make money for a concert she wanted to go to, I tell them.

Which I would have never allowed her to go to, Beth’s mom says.

The car stops and I have them all get out. We are at an apartment complex. I knock on the first door and a little girl of about three opens the door and you can hear her mother yelling at her about opening it. She looks out and sees me.

Oh it’s you. Please come in, she says, I see you have brought some people with you.

We all go inside and sit and I ask Diane to tell them where I met her and her daughter.

He found us in a homeless shelter. He talked to us and really listened. My little girl was sick and he made arrangements to have her looked at for free and he got us this apartment. I clean and do odd jobs and he makes sure we have food and whatever else we need she finishes.

She’s just one person and she has probably been paid to say all that, June’s mother says.

Ok then, I say and lead them outside.

Split up and pick who ever you want, I tell them.

They head off in every direction. About forty-five minutes later they all come back and we stand by the limo.

So how did your search go, I ask.

Jennie’s dad volunteers, I knocked on three doors and all but one said you were a saint. The other one didn’t know who you were.

They all have similar stories and they lead them all to believe the stories about him are true. They get back in the limo and Dave drives them all home.

Now I know you don’t believe me or trust me but you can believe this. If you choose to forbid your girls from seeing me you know that won’t work. They will find ways to come to me. You are going to have to trust me that I will take care of them, I tell them.

This man is a good and decent man that would not take advantage of anyone but he hired me to make sure that he doesn’t ever slip because he is human. I have known him for the last six years and with all the money and power he has he has not once abused it. Yes he pays women to kiss him. Where’s the harm, he finishes.

Back at their homes each parent or couple sits their child down and they talk. Some talk while others argue but the outcome is the same. Each girl grounded or not will see him and nothing they do will stop them.

The next day is Saturday and each girl convinces their parents to take them out to lunch. She chooses the restaurant and when they enter they see something they wouldn’t have ever believed. In the back past the kitchen they see me working.

Does he own the restaurant is the first thing they ask.

No is the answer. They order and eat. Leaving without talking to me. Over the next week they all receive letters from their banks informing them that their mortgages have been bought by a third party. The next Saturday I have off and I invite the girls to a movie. Kelly, Beth and Cristi’s moms all come with us. We enter the mall and the girls surround me and they whisper something and then they all kiss me. I head to the center of the food court but before I get there I’m recognized. I stop the young lady and I climb up on one of the tables and make my announcement, I have a hundred dollars for any woman between the ages of eighteen and fifty who will give me a long slow kiss.

The line forms and I’m there for the next hour and a half. The girls take their moms and they do some shopping. Cristi’s mom asks her where she got the credit card and she tells her I gave it to her. When her mom looks worried she tells her to relax there is only a hundred dollars on it and we all got one. When they return they find me still handing out money and kisses and the moms are still disgusted.

Doesn’t it bother you that he is kissing other girls, the moms ask the girls.

Why. We are the ones that know where he lives and the ones he is with. Not them, they are told.

We all go into the theater and see our movie. When the movie ends Dave and Janeen meet us outside the theater. Women start to approach and Dave announces, He is done for the day and all those who attempt will be tasered.

We go to dinner and finally Beth’s mom asks, Why do you work when you clearly don’t have to?

Beth echoes her mother’s question. After dinner Dave drives to my work and parks the limo next door at the little shopping center. We go in the back and we sit at a table. Erika comes out and Dave points at her, That is the reason he works here.

Tell her who you are and who you work for and she’ll be yours, Cristi’s mom says.

I want her love not her greed. Like your girls. They love me for me not my money, I tell them.

The concert is next week and I inform the girls and their parents that Dave will be taking them.

The limo arrives early on the day of the concert and Dave drives them all to my house so I can spend a little time with them.

Keep my girls safe Dave I say as they’re leaving.

You really care about them don’t you Janeen asks.

We go inside and she does her best to keep me distracted while they’re gone. It’s past one in the morning when he drives up. Dave doesn’t want to wake their parents so he brought them to me. They are all passed out so we carry them inside and put them to bed.

In the morning I find them all in my bed. I slip out and go downstairs to get some water. I find Dave and Janeen asleep on the sofa so I go into the study and shut the door. About an hour later there is a knock at the door. Dave comes in and sits down next to my desk.

You know I’m worried about them. It really isn’t natural to have this big a crush on someone your age, he says.

I know and it will all be ok, trust me. Boys will come and they will move on but I am not going to throw them away like others have before. They are mine and I will take care of them, I tell him.

I do trust you and I know you will take care of them. I guess it’s the future father coming out, he says.

You are going to make a great dad, look how well you’re doing with me I say grinning.

By this time the girls are all up but none want to leave. It’s the weekend and I’m off so they want to spend it with me. I send them home to gather what they need for the weekend and I make sure their homework for school is done and if not that they bring it so they can finish it. When they get back they all set up on the kitchen counter and work. Judy, Kelly’s mom is with them and she pulls me aside.

Sooner or later one or all these girls are going to want to sleep with you she comments.

I know and I will handle it. They are beautiful girls. I will sleep with them when they are eighteen but before you freak out there is a reason for it. None of these girls will be one of five after that. They will each pull away and I hope to bring some boys into their lives that will help them move on I reassure her.

These girls self esteem is not where it needs to be. Some women are with men who are abusive because that is all they think they deserve. Take Cristi for example. She is beautiful but has a few extra pounds and worries about it. I work on making sure she knows she’s beautiful even with those extra pounds" I go on about each one and what I think they need.

We go inside and Kelly asks why she’s here.

I’m your mother. I’m here to check up on you girls and make sure Lance doesn’t take advantage of any of you, she tells her.

Relax mom we have all tried but he won’t budge we have to wait ’til we’re eighteen, Kelly tells her.

She looks at me and I shrug, Told you I’d take care of it.

Dave comes in the house and he sees a look making it’s way across my face.

I don’t like the look of that he says worried.

Oh quit being such a baby I tell him and pull five twenties out of my pocket.

I look at Judy How ’bout you? Want to see what drove them crazy, I ask.

She smiles What do you think girls she asks turning around.

A deafening, NO!!! comes from all five at once.

She laughs, Relax girls I know how important he is to you she tells them.

Judy leaves, returning home. Homework is finished so we all head outside to the patio. The weather is warm so Jennie suggests they all get in the pool. I close my