Polka Dot Tuxedo: Short Satiric Plays and Poems

By Andrew Jacob

POLKA DOT TUXEDO is a book of original one act satiric plays and poems, on the subjects of social affairs, art and politics. The collection of vivid and stimulating plays and poems presents a world of adversity, illusion and the grotesque. Written with crisp style, easy to perform dialogue, and immensely colorful and energetic characters, the plays range from three to fifteen minutes in length. Plays include: Hippie, about an unruly resident confronting the manager of his quiet apartment building. The Great Surrealist Class, presents artist
Salvador Dali refusing to teach his art class students. Royal Patient, conveys a psychiatric hospital reality with weird doctor and patient relations - especially the patient, Queen Cleopatra. One of the satiric poems: America of an Immigrant depicts a legal immigrants perception of his new country, seen by him through the windows of a Boeing 747. This poem received First Prize in the National Poetry Contest conducted by Lucidity Poetry Journal. This collection of satiric plays and poems constitutes a perfect educational supplement for high schools and college acting workshops, comedy review shows, competitions or festivals, and also for professional theater settings. POLKA DOT TUXEDO was created for the new generation of inspiring actors to shine.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jan 28, 2014
• ISBN: 9781493162772

Book preview

CONTENTS

THE PLAYS

Analyst

Forbidden Books Bookstore

Great Surrealist’s Class

A Hippie

Hollywood Post Office

Royal Patient

THE POETRY

America Of An Immigrant

Ball And The Dictator

Chinese Calendar

Dinner With A Leaf

Dinosaurs

Husband

Poetic Club Enigma

Tarantula

The Turkey And Tradition

When Eve Was Dating Adam

ANALYST

SETTING

An office. Sign on the wall ‘AIRPORT TERMINAL SECURITY.’ A desk with one chair.

CHARACTERS

ANALYST: a man in his thirties. He has a long black beard, foreign accent and smiles all the time. He wears a white shirt buttoned up, white pants, black shoes.

OFFICER: a uniformed airport security officer, very confident, official and commanding—except for the bulging waistline.

OFFICER drags the ANALYST into the office, forces him to sit in the chair.

ANALYST

Why are you bringing me to your security station. What did I do wrong?

OFFICER

You’ll learn soon enough! Open your bag!

ANALYST does. Inside there is only one item—a box of donuts. OFFICER pulls them out slowly and places them on the table. He checks the bag once more to find it otherwise empty.

ANALYST

There must be a reason why you brought me here. This is a free country and I have the right to know.

OFFICER

You are sniffing for something at the airport all day and taking pictures. Do you have a boarding pass for a flight?

ANALYST

No, I don’t have a flight ticket because I am not going anywhere.

OFFICER

You are a terrorist!

ANALYST

Only an infidel would think I’m a terrorist. Do I look like someone living in a cave?

OFFICER

So, who are you?

ANALYST

I am a professional analyst.

OFFICER

Analyzing what?

ANALYST

I’m analyzing the cleanness of the airport.

OFFICER

For whom? Who is paying you for that?

ANALYST

I do it for myself, free of charge.

OFFICER

What else are you checking at the airport.

ANALYST

I am also checking the airport for pigeons.

OFFICER

Pigeons? Are you sure, not for alligators?

ANALYST

No, just pigeons, so they won’t interfere with my brothers’ planes landing.

OFFICER

Your brothers? Are they also analysts?

ANALYST

No, they are training to be airline pilots.

OFFICER

And they want to bring here, what? Explosives?

ANALYST

Yes, but only a few bombs and rockets.

OFFICER

To fight whom? Us?

ANALYST

No! Not to fight infidels but to fight my brothers.

OFFICER (perplexed)

Wait a minute. Now, you like us and don’t like your brothers anymore?

ANALYST

Yes, I looked deeply into my heart and I found that I only like infidels, like you!

OFFICER

I really don’t know what you’re up to? What is your real goal?

ANALYST

Just between us. (lowering his voice) I want to high-jack an airplane.

OFFICER

No! Really? What are you gonna do with this high-jacked airplane?

ANALYST (proudly)

I’m gonna sell it to this airport, for 5 million!

OFFICER

For five million! In that case, we won’t prosecute you. You don’t want to blow the airplane up. Just to sell it. You are not a terrorist but a businessman!

ANALYST stands up.

ANALYST (enthusiastically)