The Blood Bank

By Neal Donohue

The great Count Dracula flies to Hollywood with his assistant, Boris, to find a job as a lab technician and manager at a local blood bank. True to his reputation he can't control his appetite as a notorious blood sucker. He finds the unusual Hollywood characters too much for his patience and finally decides to fly back to Transylvania with his helper, Boris, but not before he delivers a striking indictment to the unsophisticated American culture.. This theatrical comedy will stir up old memories of Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff while keeping you laughing at the absurdity of Hollywood.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Neal Donohue
• Release date: Nov 18, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301929030

Neal Donohue

Neal is an Air Force veteran, and has traveled the world both for the military as well as in private life. He has taught English as a Second language in both Mexico and Korea, and worked in London, Spain and Ibiza. His educational background was grounded in Kansas and still holds dear the bright memories of the State who honors John Brown. Though versed in communication, English and world history, Neal's vast and notable experience encompass the panorama of human psychology; its detailed implications as well as cultural affects. Through travels and work he has met and known American icons as varied as Muhammed Ali, Buzz Aldrin, and Eldridge Cleaver. Presently residing in Montana, he teaches public speaking, and enjoys each and every day the Lord is willing to give him.

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THE BLOOD BANK

By Neal Donohue

Copyright 2017 by Neal Donohue

All Rights Reserved

Smashwords Edition

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CAST

LAB TECHNICIAN—Young applicant, hypnotized and immediately sent home by Bela.

BELA—Count Dracula, the world renowned vampire of Transylvania.

BORIS—Bela's loyal assistant, also from Transylvania.

NURSE FENDER—Stern supervisor of the Sunshine Blood Bank.

MARIE NIGHTINGALE—Young nurse assigned to help Bela at the clinic.

DOCTOR Parsan—Newly hired Director of the Sunshine Blood Bank, quickly enamored with Nurse Nightingale.

DONORS—Varied assortment of blood donors, from bankers to winos.

UNDERCOVER DETECTIVE—City officer investigating the death of Mr. Katzenzakis, the local banker.

THE BOOD BANK

by Neal Donohue

ACT I

Scene One

(Awaiting an interview at the Sunshine Blood Bank of Los Angeles, two job applicants sit quietly against a wall, reviewing their resumes for the position of Phlebotomy technician; that is, a medic who draws blood for examinations. Above them a large clock declares it to be eight. One nervous applicant is dressed casually, while the other is over-dressed in a tuxedo and cape, inspecting his finger nails. His odd appearance draws the attention of the other job applicant.)

JOB APPLICANT

Phlebotomist?

BELA

I beg your pardon, were you addressing me?

JOB APPLICANT

Do you see anyone else in this room? I said, are you a phlebotomist?

BELA

I am from Transylvania.

JOB APPLICANT

What?

BELA

Transylvania! That is small village in Bulgaria. I know not where this phlebotomy is, and I do not care.

JOB APPLICANT

You don’t get it, do you?

BELA

What must I get?

JOB APPLICANT

This is the Sunshine Blood Bank of Hollywood.

BELA

Of course it is. That is why I am here. Why are you here?

JOB APPLICANT

I’m a phlebotomist.

BELA

Who cares? I am from Bulgaria.

JOB APPLICANT

Listen, carefully. I draw blood for a living.

BELA

(Laughs)

And so do I. Much longer than you, I can assure you.

JOB APPLICANT

I believe that, grandpa. But that doesn't mean you'll get this job.

BELA

I am not your grandpa. What job are you applying for...janitor?

JOB APPLICANT

No, wiseguy! Phlebotomist! I just told you that. Are you deaf? I'm a phlebotomy technician.

BELA

Well, I only want job to draw blood.

JOB APPLICANT

Then you are a phlebotomist?

BELA

And you are idiot. How many times must I tell you? I am Transylvanian. What is wrong with you? You will never get job as janitor.

JOB APPLICANT

I'm not applying for a job as janitor!

BELA

I would not give you one if you were. You are obviously demented peasant.

JOB APPLICANT

A what? Say, you don’t know what a phlebotomist is?

BELA

Must I go through this with you, again? Stop it! I don’t care. Go read comic book.

JOB APPLICANT

I draw blood for a living.

BELA

(Exhilarated)

Ah! Why did you not say so? Are you of the living dead? Perhaps you can be my helper. You should apply for job and draw blood.

JOB APPLICANT

I am! Are you cracked in the head, you illegal moron? Don't you know why I'm here?

BELA

This is not