Amish Scrambled Eggs with Humor: Bed-And-Breakfast Fables

By Joseph Crawshaw

This book originated from the many interactions we have had with the persons who have entered our doors. All the chapters in the menu actually occurredsome serious, some sad, some funny, and some thought-provoking. Combining these ingredients with a concern about the loss of middle-class values, this book bakes up a solution for the television executives and others to consider. Place this dish in an oven, set the heat up, and see what happens.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 10, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499077971

Joseph Crawshaw

Joseph is a first time publishing author. Joe and his wife, Gloria, are retired educators who operate a bed-and-breakfast in the middle of Old Order Amish country. Having been in operation for seventeen years, the dialogue between our guests, Amish neighbors, and ourselves have prompted the writing of this book.

Book preview

Menu

I. Breakfast Starters

II. Main Dishes

III. Second Helpings

IV. After-breakfast Mints

V. Refrigerated Breakfast Leftovers

VI. Heartburn and Diarrhea

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I. Breakfast Starters

Sitting around the breakfast table with our guests is probably the most rewarding part of being an innkeeper. Our guests are unique; people are unique. Just listening to their stories over the second and third cups of coffee inspired the writing of this book.

Throughout the following pages, I will retell the many moving, funny, and serious moments in the lives of our guests and of our Amish neighbors. To the delight of our guests, our Amish neighbors—especially David and Aaron—grace our table about every morning. Questions about their Amish culture are always discussed over additional fourth and fifth cups of coffee.

For the past sixteen years, we have served up bacon, eggs, pancakes, diarrhea, indigestion, and constipation to people from every state and from many foreign counties, like New Jersey!

Gloria and I moved here to Frogtown Acres Bed-and-Breakfast approximately sixteen years ago. Our mailing address is Paradise, Pennsylvania. However, we are really located a short distance from the town of Intercourse. Other towns—such as Bird-in-Hand, Bareville, Fertility, Blue Ball, and not far up the road, a hamlet called Virginville—surround us. Please do not ask about the derivations of these names. I don’t ever want to go there!

We are both retired educators who moved to the area. We received a gift certificate from our students for a night’s stay at a local bed-and-breakfast. That night, Gloria asked, What are we going to do next in our lives? I said, How about running a bed-and-breakfast? The rest is the reason for this saga.

Frogtown Acres is located on approximately three acres wedged among eight Old Order Amish farms. We have four buildings built in 1810 on this premises. All were badly in need of repair.

Over the past years, our lives have been enriched by our many guests. These folks brought with them their accents, their heritages, their occupations, their religions, their concerns, their likes, their dislikes, their happy times, their sad times, and their dreams.

This book is just the start of some of the magical moments which were shared over reheated food! Of course, all the names have been changed to protect us from many legal suits! Hopefully, after you have read the last page, you will realize what a charmed life we have.

So please, for the next couple of hours, put yourself at our breakfast table and enjoy our guests and neighbors. Here are their stories.

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II. Main Dishes

Chapter 12 – Amish Fireman

Chapter 12 – Gas-a-bow

Chapter 12 – Virginia Belles

Chapter 12 – Foreign Panties

Chapter 12 – Dentures

Chapter 12 – Pipe Fitter

Chapter 12 – Terrorist Hunter

Chapter 12 – Still Born

Chapter 12 – Lost Ladies

Chapter 12 – The Spaniards

Chapter 12 – Snow Angels

Chapter 12 – Moon River

Chapter 12 – Bare Facts

Chapter 12 – Country Cream

Chapter 12 – No TVs

Chapter 12 – Tornado Ladies

Chapter 12 – South of the Boarder

Chapter 12 – Paper Picker-upper

Chapter 12 – Nun Story

Chapter 12 – Chicklet

Chapter 12 – Amish Birth

Chapter 12 – Betty

Chapter 12 – Oops

Chapter 12 – Presbyterian Women

Chapter 12 – The Mexican Family

Chapter 12 – The Bishop

Chapter 12 – Embarrassing Moment

Chapter 12 – Christmas Present

Chapter 12 – Death Ride

Chapter 12 – Jackass

Chapter 12 – Unbelievable

Chapter 12 – Diane

Chapter 12

AMISH FIREMAN

In the Amish country here, there are six volunteer fire companies throughout the area. A lot of the Amish boys, before they join the church, are the volunteer firemen that make up these fire companies.

We had recently moved to Frogtown. One early morning, there seemed to be a fire across the field. During the fall, I had been told that if they put away the hay too soon, and if it still contains a lot of moisture, it could create hot hay that causes barn fires.

As I noticed the smoke in the distance, Amos, the Amish boy next