Final War on Jupiter

By Carl Wells

An emperor's report--in his own words

Final War On Jupiter is written by Sagwind IV, emperor of Ramosan, Jupiter. Sagwind IV was appointed Supreme Warlord of the Allied Forces for the Preservation of Jupiterian Civilization, in the war with Godosan--a war which shook an entire planet. This is his very personal report on that expedition.

Final War On Jupiter is the concluding volume of the trilogy, The Chronicles of Jupiter. Book I was War On Jupiter by Lieutenant Nublander. Book II was Brains Ought Not to Be Overworked by Wrinklebonk. All three books were translated from the original Jupiterian, and edited for American audiences, by Carl Wells.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 19, 2010
• ISBN: 9781463490669

Carl Wells

Carl Wells enjoys living in Southern Indiana, in what might be described as Flyover Country, except that almost nobody flies over.

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© 2010 Carl Wells. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 8/16/2010

ISBN: 978-1-4520-1289-6 (sc)

ISBN: 9781463490669 (ebk)

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

CONTENTS

Cast of Characters

Translator’s Introduction

Chapter 1.

I First Hear of Final War

Chapter 2.

At the Trekak Races

Chapter 3.

Smedwich Meets Someone Interesting

Chapter 4.

Allobanquar’s Plans

Chapter 5.

Smedwich Makes an Afternoon Visit

Chapter 6.

Barnsniff’s Return from Arnosan

Chapter 7.

Our Letter to Godosan

Chapter 8.

Dining at Escodino’s

Chapter 9.

Her Ladyship Sparkanette

Chapter 10.

Our Letter Arrives in Godosan

Chapter 11.

Ranward’s Letter to Us

Chapter 12.

The Godosan Priests Talk to Us

Chapter 13.

The Expedition Sails

Chapter 14.

Sailing Days, With a Birthday Interruption

Chapter 15.

Not a Routine Sailing Day

Chapter 16.

A Somewhat Surprising Issue, and a Further Surprise

Chapter 17.

We Hear From Godosan, and Reply

Chapter 18.

Our Western Allies

Chapter 19.

Hendaddle Speaks

Chapter 20.

Peace of Godosan; the War Begins

Chapter 21.

The Second Attack and Immediately After

Chapter 22.

I Consult Another Advisor

Chapter 23.

Among the Wounded

Chapter 24.

With Ranward

Chapter 25.

Hendaddle

Chapter 26.

Organizing Our Return

Chapter 27.

Smedwich, Wounded, and Another Wounded Man

Chapter 28.

In Godosan

Chapter 29.

A Stop on the Way to Ramosan

Chapter 30.

Allobanquar Does Something Intelligent

Chapter 31.

Where is Smedwich?

Chapter 32.

Barnsniff

Chapter 33.

Barrenbolt’s Barn

Chapter 34.

Final Reflections

Footnotes

Getting In Touch With the Author

Author’s dedication:

For Elsalatra, with the deepest gratitude and love.

Translator’s dedication:

For my mother, with love.

Cast of Characters

Abbleward—a Godosan soldier

Allobanquar—nephew of Sagwind IV, and a general in the Ramosan Imperial Army

Allsworthy—an advisor to Sagwind IV

Ammulette—wife of Bentlipt

Ansander XI—emperor of Arnosan

Arnispot—Second Shield in Lieutenant Nublander’s Fifty

Arnlettle—cook on board The Floating Pebble

Babbleboot—a Godosan rutch cab rutch

Ballandar—Nublander’s father

Banderbog—slave of Sagwind IV

Bandbredder—a Godosan priest

Barnsniff—senior advisor to Sagwind IV

Barrenbolt—a Banosan general, and a key advisor on the expedition to Godosan

Bellwinder—an attendant to Ranward II

Bendlesong—a soldier in Lieutenant Nublander’s Fifty

Bentlipt—First Shield in Lieutenant Nublander’s Fifty

Benzepple—a son of Tarkanet and Lanuite

Bernsander—a son of Graplander and Zelleetra

Bet the Beak—a trekak (racing bird), son of Fastfeather

Branbarren—an advisor to Sagwind IV

Brentendle—Second Mate on board The Floating Pebble

Brusherforce—an attendant to Sagwind IV

Devinattle III—emperor of Banosan

Digwilling—a Godosan priest

Ebenozer—a colonel in the Godosan army

Edgewood—the captain of The Floating Pebble

Elbonelber—a Banosan priest

Elbonong—a soldier in Lieutenant Nublander’s Fifty

Elnosneed—a lieutenant on The Imperial Majesty

Elsalatra—wife of Sagwind IV, and empress of Ramosan

Erblesnoot—a First Shield from Arnosan

Esmaneet—cook for Ranward II

Evenhand—king of Tismosan

Falibar VI—Ramosan emperor from 47,120 to 47,156

Fastfeather—a trekak (racing bird)

Fidwillider—a Ramosan trekak jockey

Graplander—an Ionabosan soldier

Greenbinard—a trekak trainer

Hendaddle—a Godosan priest

Lanuite—daughter of Ranward II, and wife of Tarkanet

Larispin—an advisor to Sagwind IV

Larrenbart—younger brother of Sagwind IV, and father of Allobanquar

Lavalette—a daughter of Sansalt and Mermana, also niece of Ranward II

Lebenweed—a colonel and doctor in the Allied forces

Lendle—a son of Bentlipt and Ammulette

Levensneed—a legendary explorer of Arnosan, who flourished in about 1,100-1,150

Manglenut—a harbor attendant in Godosan

Marinette—a Ramosan woman

Maringle—a Godosan doctor

Melladendra—a daughter of Tarkanet and Lanuite

Mellisandra—wife of Wrinklebonk

Mellowood—a lieutenant leading the Tismosan forces

Mermana—wife of Sansalt

Merrilisa—a daughter of Tarkanet and Lanuite

Mesnora—a daughter of Bentlipt and Ammulette

Messelliness—a daughter of Graplander and Zelleetra

Mestel—an ordinary seaman on The Floating Pebble

Mezzlewind—an historian shadowing the Supreme Warlord of the Allied Forces

Mulchen—an Arnosan general, and a key advisor on the expedition to Godosan

Nap in the Nest—a trekak (racing bird)

Nellareebal—a daughter of Graplander and Zelleetra

Nimblewing—a Godosan priest

Nimesette—a daughter of Bentlipt and Ammulette

Nublander—a Godosan lieutenant (formerly from Ramosan), author of War On Jupiter

Ornablette—a Tismosan farmer, widow of Scudgeworth

Ornsbottle—father of Marinette

Onwulf—a Ramosan colonel instrumental in founding Godosan in 47,000 and after

Padwallader—oldest son of Sagwind IV, and thus heir-presumptive to the throne of the empire of Ramosan

Panwalling—a Godosan doctor

Pendrattle—a son of Barnsniff’s cousin

Pennypopple—a daughter of Tarkanet and Lanuite

Pequinage—a Ramosan general

Peralak—a slave of General Barrenbolt

Pondpasser—a close friend of Wrinklebonk

Purnbetten—Ramosan captain of The Imperial Majesty

Quiet Excellence—a trekak (racing bird)

Ranward—oldest son of Tarkanet and Lanuite, and, following his mother, second in line to rule Godosan (as Ranward III)

Ranward II—king of Godosan

Raxal—a son of Bentlipt and Ammulette

Red Belly—a trekak (racing bird)

Sagwind IV—emperor of Ramosan

Saltana—a daughter of Sansalt and Mermana, also niece of Ranward II

Sansalt—younger brother of Ranward II

Scudgeworth—a Tismosan farmer

Sesquinnette—mother of Marinette

Sodge—a sea captain from Tismosan

Sparkanette—mother of Sagwind IV

Sweetlady II—a trekak (racing bird)

Tarkanet—historian and novelist, and husband of Lanuite

Tebben—captain of The Western Courier

Tradmentor—king of Narosan

Venrattle—First Mate on The Floating Pebble

Wrinklebonk—author of Brains Ought Not to Be Overworked

Yomana—a daughter of Sansalt and Mermana, also a niece of Ranward II

Zampulak—author of the biography Barnsniff: Man Behind the Throne

Zelleetra—widow of Graplander

Translator’s Introduction

A translator may not be exactly an artist, but he can greatly ruin the work of an artist. Do your best to convey the author’s story honestly, or don’t start.

Handbook for Interplanetary Translators, p. 4, by Invanond Rellawort

Final War On Jupiter is the third and final book of the Chronicles of Jupiter.

Book I was War On Jupiter by Lieutenant Nublander.

Book II was Brains Ought Not to Be Overworked by Wrinklebonk.

Book III, Final War On Jupiter, was written by Sagwind IV, emperor of Ramosan. He had, as he states himself, a good deal of help in doing the research for the book, and in the book’s editing, but the writing does seem to have been done by him. (He also had help in gathering the epigraphs which begin each chapter.)

It is not necessary to read the first two books to be able to understand and enjoy (hopefully) Final War On Jupiter. Each book stands alone, although there are of course common topics and characters which make the books legitimately a trilogy, despite the fact that they were written by three different people.

All three books were best sellers on Jupiter, and continue to sell well there, years after their original publication.

I regret that I am not permitted to go into detail as to how I came into possession of the Jupiterian manuscripts. Apparently I was chosen to translate the three books for two reasons: 1/my facility with many languages; 2/it was believed that I would cooperate with my sources, and would not insist on revealing more than I was permitted to reveal.

On point one, it is true that I do have a certain God-given ability to learn, and translate from, foreign languages. Doubtless many men and women could have done a better job, but I am not ashamed of my own performance. I must admit I wouldn’t be embarrassed to meet Lieutenant Nublander, Wrinklebonk, or Sagwind IV. I think if they knew (American) English, they would not be greatly disappointed in my translations of their work. That is not to say that no better translations are possible. However, better translations must await another American being given the original texts, and being given the opportunity to learn Jupiter’s one language! I claim only to have done my best.

If there are times when the phrasing seems too American, the fault is of course with me rather than with the original author.

On point two, I have scrupulously followed through on my commitment to keep quiet about my sources. This has on occasion led to some awkwardness. Some people have doubted—or claim to have doubted, at least—that I have ever held in my hand books written on Jupiter. Let’s see them, they say, not unreasonably. But by the terms of my agreement with my sources, I returned the Jupiterian books as soon as my translations were complete.

Then let’s see you write a paragraph in Jupiterian, some people have said. I could do so, quite easily, but by the terms of my agreement with my sources, I have agreed never to do so. It is, I readily admit, somewhat frustrating not to be permitted to refute my critics by writing a few sentences in Jupiterian, or by translating from English back into Jupiterian just a few of the countless sentences I have translated in the trilogy. But a deal is a deal, and I have kept and will keep my end of it. My sources have, in turn, kept up their end, and have dealt with me in honorable fashion. Despite my occasional frustration at having some people doubt that I really have translated the three books of the trilogy, I remain deeply grateful for having been chosen as the translator for the project. It has been challenging, but immensely rewarding. I consider it a privilege to have been chosen, and the opportunity of a lifetime.

My friends and family have been thoroughly supportive. They too have not seen the books from Jupiter, written in Jupiterian. But they have never doubted me. The reason is clear, as some of them have admitted: they know I have no imagination. I could never have made up the events of these three books. It is perhaps not a very stirring reason for them to have faith that I have told the truth, but it is a sound and honest reason, and I have been very grateful for their trust in me, whatever its provenance. I have thanked them privately many times; I thank them here publicly for the first time.

This book obviously completes the trilogy. If, however, in the unlikely event that enough people want to read more books written on Jupiter, my sources have hinted that they might be willing to give me other Jupiterian books to translate. I confess I would not be sorry to be employed in such further translations.

Carl Wells, translator and editor

October 4, 2009

Chapter 1.

I First Hear of Final War

I’ll begin at the beginning. Mother always said I had no originality.

Underwhelmed, by Partsnip, Chapter 1

Beginning at the beginning, I want to make it clear that Final War was not my idea. Indeed, I was apparently one of the last to hear that all this was building up. That’s often the way it is. People think that the emperor of Ramosan knows everything that’s going on almost before it happens, but in fact I often seem to be the last to find out about things. Or maybe I’m told early on, and then forget. As Barnsniff, my faithful advisor, politely hints about once a week.

Anyway, I do have a clear memory of the first time this Final War stuff came to my attention. It was a day in early January, 47,354, and I came gently awake. I kept my eyes closed for a minute, reestablishing who, what, and where I was, so that I could appear as little confused as possible when I opened my eyes.

I opened them. All as expected. Still in the First Office, just off the Imperial Throne Room. Not as big as the Throne Room, but big enough, and the imperial chair is a good deal more comfy than the imperial throne, and far more suitable for napping, as I figured out decades ago. Barnsniff was seated on a couch, diligently reading through some papers. We were alone. It was, I trusted, still mid-afternoon, although about thirty minutes later than it had been a half-hour ago when my eyes fluttered shut.

There, I said. Better.

Your Majesty is refreshed? said Barnsniff, looking up.

Fresh as a breeze on The Ocean. Ready to grind out the rest of the day, like a strong, young, and stupid field slave with a good attitude. Unless, of course, there’s no more pressing business for the day, I ended, hopefully. If a seventy-four year old man can’t take the last half of the afternoon off, on a slow day, what’s the fun in being emperor? It wasn’t to be, however. As it usually isn’t.

I’m glad Your Majesty is refreshed and eager. Because there is one important matter we need to discuss, and I will need Your Majesty’s clearest attention and instructions.

Hint duly registered, Barnsniff. I’ll try to stay attentive.

Thank you. Barnsniff hesitated, gathered his thoughts for a bit, and spoke. I’m not sure where to start, but perhaps the further back the better. Your Majesty may not remember a minor incident in Ramosan history. In the year 47,000, one Onwulf, a colonel in the Ramosan army, and an aristocrat, declared that there was only one god.

In 47,000?

Yes.

I’m seventy-four, Barnsniff, not three hundred seventy-four. I would hardly be able to remember something from 47,000.

I meant that Your Majesty might have remembered reading about the incident, or hearing about it.

Oh. Hmm. Yes, I see your point. No. No, I have no memory of hearing about that. If I studied it in Ramosan history, I’ve forgotten.

I doubt if it was mentioned in your history studies, Your Majesty. It is by no means something of great fame. I also knew nothing about it, until a few years ago. This was consoling. Barnsniff’s memory for history is astonishing. If not even he had heard about Onwulf (until a few years ago), no one could blame me for coming up blank on the subject. Onwulf and his few followers sailed west, eventually arriving on the continent, where they founded the nation called Godosan. Ramosan, and the East in general, had nothing to do with them. Until 47,140, that is, when a Ramosan military expedition was sent out to try to conquer Godosan, during the reign of Falibar VI.

‘Falibar the Fool,’ I said, delighted to remember a man everyone, including my strongest detractors, considered even a worse emperor than me.

Precisely, said Barnsniff. This expedition was no more successful than most other projects Falibar VI undertook. Godosan soundly defeated Ramosan’s undermanned expedition, and Godosan was forgotten by Ramosan for another two centuries.

I know what’s coming next. It’s all starting to come back to me, I said, shifting a bit uneasily in the imperial chair. Do we have to go into this, Barnsniff?

Your Majesty will see the reason for a brief recap, very soon.

Then let me do the telling, and thus spare myself at least part of the tongue-lashing from my faithful advisor Barnsniff. About ten or twelve years ago, my impetuous young nephew, Allobanquar, came to me with a plan to conquer Godosan. All right so far, Barnsniff?

Exactly, except that it was actually about fourteen years ago, in 47,340.

Time flies when you get older, Barnsniff, as we both know. You’re only ten years younger than me, and gaining on me steadily. Anyway, I granted him permission to send a spy to Godosan, to evaluate our prospects of conquering them. He sent one Nalbender… no, Nunblender… no—oh, just tell me the name, Barn.

Your Majesty is very close. The man’s name was Nublander, a lieutenant in Your Majesty’s Imperial Army.

Nublander! Yes. A close personal friend of Allobanquar. To make a long story short, Nublander did go to Godosan and back, and brought back voluminous information on Godosan to his friend Allobanquar. Allobanquar came to me, asking for a large army to go off and conquer Godosan. I consulted you, of course, at which point the plot thickens. This Nublander, it seems, had fallen in love with Godosan, and was adamantly opposed to his friend’s plan to go to war with Godosan. So, unbeknownst to Allobanquar, Nublander told Barnsniff that it was madness to attack Godosan, no doubt explaining why in details I never knew.

Barnsniff nodded briefly, to indicate I was on the right track.

So Barnsniff, agreeing with Nublander, told Sagwind, in effect, ‘Lay off Godosan. They’re trouble.’ And I was influenced by your opinion. But, I added, sighing, not influenced enough. I permitted Allobanquar to take a small army—how many men?

Ten thousand, I believe, Your Majesty.

Permitted Allobanquar to take a small army of ten thousand men to Godosan. Far less than he wanted or needed. But exactly ten thousand more than Barnsniff wanted to give him. And, summarizing quickly, Godosan once again defeated mighty Ramosan in warfare. They exacted very moderate terms, and the Ramosan army limped home. Allobanquar under a cloud, and the Emperor Sagwind IV not exactly wildly popular himself. If I insisted on going to war with Godosan, I should have sent an army big enough to win. Or, better yet, I should have followed your advice to send no army at all. You were in the right, Barnsniff. I admitted it at the time, you’ll remember.

I remember it all very well, I can assure Your Majesty.

And that pretty well sums up my knowledge of Ramosan-Godosan relations. I take it there’s more.

"Considerable more, Your Majesty. Among the terms that Godosan exacted after their defeat of us, they were permitted to sell or give away their holy book in the East, at least in those nations which allowed them to do so. Which they immediately did. It’s a book called Why, and purports to be the teachings of their god which he saw fit to give to various Godosan prophets in the early years of their kingdom."

Have I read that?

I think not, Your Majesty. But I’m very glad you asked me about that. As it happens, I have a copy with me, and I think Your Majesty will want to read it. He lifted up a book, thankfully not too forbiddingly thick.

You’ve read it, of course.

Yes. I read it about thirteen years ago. Lieutenant Nublander gave me a copy. It may have been the first copy in the East. I read it at the time, and I’ve read it again in the last few months.

If you’ve read it twice, Barnsniff, I’ll trust your judgment. No need for me to tire myself out unnecessarily.

He shook his head briefly. No, I think Your Majesty will see the need to read it yourself. It’s this book which is causing all the fuss.

Fuss? What fuss is that?

"Copies of Why began to circulate quickly, in the East. Plus, not long after that, Nublander’s memoir came out, and had a strong Jupiter-wide sale. His book, curiously, alerted the readers of Why to a unique fact about Godosan. Studying Why confirmed what he said, and what he said was rather startling."

Which was? I asked.

He hesitated, then spoke a little more quietly than usual. It seems the Godosan people want to see Final War take place. They recommend it. They believe it will be a good thing for them and for Jupiter as a whole.

What? Don’t joke about something like that, Barnsniff.

"I can assure Your Majesty I’m not joking. I’ve read Why and I’ve read Nublander’s memoir."

What can Nublander know about it? He’s Ramosan. Hardly an expert on Godosan’s holy book.

"Was Ramosan. He gave up his citizenship in Ramosan, to become part of Godosan. In fact, he ended up fighting on the side of Godosan against Ramosan."

A traitor!

Well, he doesn’t consider himself a traitor. As Your Majesty will see when he reads Nublander’s memoir. Barnsniff held up another book, this one considerably thicker than Why.*

More reading! I said, admittedly with some dismay.

I regret to burden Your Majesty with these tasks, but Your Majesty will want to be as well informed as possible about Godosan.

Why? We’re not contemplating going to war with them again, are we? Allobanquar hasn’t been agitating for another army, has he? He’ll find Uncle Sag not quite as soft a touch this time.

No, it’s not that. It’s this thing about Godosan recommending Final War.

Shocking. Stupid. But hardly our worry, Barnsniff. Fortunately Godosan is half a world away on the other side of The Ocean. If they want to be loonies, let their neighbors deal with them.

I’m afraid it’s not that simple. Barnsniff sighed gently. As Your Majesty knows, we Jupiterians are a tolerant people. Each nation has its god, but each nation also respects the gods of other nations. We in Ramosan worship and serve Ramo, for example, but no one begrudges that the people of other nations may want to worship other gods.

Of course. What’s your point?

The point, Your Majesty, is that throughout Jupiterian history—47,454 years of history—all the many nations, all the nations and the gods of all nations have agreed on one fact: Final War is a very bad thing. And to advocate Final War is to threaten the very core of Jupiterian civilization. It simply isn’t done. Except twice. Twice in 47,454 years, nations have advocated Final War. They were warned, but refused to listen. They were pleaded with, really, but refused to admit they were wrong. Your Majesty knows the result. They were exterminated—man, woman, and child.

We both fell silent. The giant castle seemed as quiet as a solitary cottage on the fringe of The Desert. Hundreds of people were busily carrying out their tasks—or counting the minutes to quitting time, more likely—but Barnsniff and I heard nothing of it. Very well insulated, I guess. Eventually I spoke, quietly.

Not our usual way of fighting, eh, Barnsniff?

Decidedly not, Your Majesty. We love our wars, on Jupiter—that is, most of us do—but we don’t kill non-combatants. We fight for victory, glory, slaves, spoil, real estate, to prove our courage, and I suppose for a few other things that don’t immediately come to mind, but we fight man to man honorably, and every vanquished foe is treated with respect. And now comes Godosan, he added, shaking his head slightly, and frowning, saying, ‘No, you’re all wrong. Final War is good.’

They’re mad.

"Perhaps. But the point is, they’re doing the one thing it is not permitted to do: advocating Final War. And the whole world has gradually awakened to the fact. Godosan has itself to blame. They were the ones who insisted on sending Why throughout the East, and throughout all of Jupiter. They published Nublander’s book, and saw that it had wide distribution. They could have been left quite alone, if they had simply kept their ideas to themselves. But, no, they have to convince the rest of Jupiter that their god is the only god, their truth the only truth."

I detect a touch of bitterness, Barnsniff.

Perhaps, Your Majesty. I think it’s for their sake. But yes, I feel a touch of bitterness. As you know, I’ve always wanted to leave Godosan alone. But they won’t cooperate. And now here we are, having to deal with them, and perhaps… well, we know what is at stake. He brooded a few seconds, then spoke again. Anyway, that’s what I have to tell you today. The East—indeed the world—has gradually awakened to the Godosan position on Final War. And people have reluctantly come to the conclusion that something must be done. And something is being done. I have here in my hand what I have been given to understand is an invitation to Your Majesty, from Ansander XI, emperor of Arnosan.

Young Andy!

Yes. Will Your Majesty read it now?

Open it and give me the gist of it, Barnsniff.

Barnsniff opened the official looking letter, scanned it carefully but rather quickly. "Yes, just as described by its bearer. Ansander XI requests the honor of Your Majesty’s presence at a meeting in Arnosan, about two months from now. At which meeting virtually every nation in Jupiter will be represented, if they can get there in time. Every nation except Godosan and its colonies, that is. They’ve been invited, but have turned down the invitation, sending instead a long letter to Ansander and to the East, explaining why Final War is good, as supported by the teachings of their holy book Why. The meeting will discuss what must be done about Godosan. Barring a last minute change of heart on the part of Godosan, it looks very much as if an expedition will be sent to Godosan. It will be the same as the other two times nations advocated Final War. Every nation will send troops. The Triplets* will be expected to lead the way, but every nation will send at least a small contingent of troops. Everyone will drop their quarrels, and band together against Godosan. Which, though a small nation by eastern standards, is not tiny, and can be expected to fight with great determination, knowing that defeat means death for all of them. So that even at the best, many Jupiterians, including many Ramosans, must die. What a mess!"

A mess indeed, Barnsniff. But surely you don’t think the aging Sagwind IV should sail off to Arnosan to this meeting.

I’ve been pondering that. I think there is no need for Your Majesty to attend.

Good!

It’s certain that there will be general agreement that something must be done. People are too upset to do nothing. Plans will be made for an expedition to be mounted. Most of the meeting will be about details.

This has gone along pretty far already, for me to hear of it all for the first time, Barnsniff. Are you sure that was wise?

No, Your Majesty, not at all sure it was wise. I kept hoping… Probably I should have said something sooner. I don’t blameYour Majesty for being upset.

"Not upset exactly, Barnsniff. But I am still living, and still the emperor. For better or for worse. Many would say for worse, but there it is: I’m stuck here until I croak, at which time you can all see if Padwallader is significantly better." Padwallader, of course, is the oldest of my seven sons.

I hope Your Majesty is emperor for many more decades, and that I am permitted to serve you as along as I live. I always try to bring up important things, as soon as possible, but this time, I admit… I kept hoping… Final War… extermination of an entire Jupiterian nation, man, woman, and child. It was uncharacteristic of Barnsniff to speak in so disjointed a way. Please forgive me for not telling you sooner, Your Majesty.

Readily granted, Barnsniff. Now, what about this invitation from Ansander?

There’s no need for you to go, Your Majesty, but of course someone must attend representing Ramosan. Someone who has Your Majesty’s confidence, and knows your thinking well. It will be basically about details, but there will be the sticky issue of who leads the expedition.

The Triplets as a whole, of course.

Yes, but there will have to be one man named as overall leader of the expedition.

Ah, jealousy among the Triplet emperors a possibility, Barnsniff?

Exactly, Your Majesty.

How to solve that?

I’ve been pondering that, Your Majesty. Ansander of Arnosan, and Devinattle III of Banosan, will both want the job. Both are young, vigorous, capable men, and would be excellent at overseeing the expedition, from a military standpoint. Both, unfortunately from our point of view, are ambitious men dedicated to the aggrandizement of their respective empires.

Which means the potential diminution of Ramosan. Where the word diminution came from, I don’t know. Sometimes I astonish myself. Probably I picked it up from Barnsniff.

Precisely, Your Majesty. Neither, therefore, seems, offhand, to be a man that we would want to support. But Your Majesty knows we’ve had tenuous relations with Arnosan in recent years.

Yes. To put it mildly. Thank Ramo you’ve helped me avoid a war with Arnosan.

"Not everyone would thank us, Your Majesty, but I think—no, I’m convinced—that Your Majesty has been wise to avoid such a war. ‘When Triplets fight, men die.’ I would like to go on avoiding such a war, as long as possible. Ramosan is growing stronger year by year. Our economy continues to improve, year by year. Free trade seems to have helped immensely. Those who hated the policy, have adjusted. If war must come with Arnosan, let it be only after many more years of increasing Ramosan prosperity."

"Let it be after Sagwind IV is in his grave. You and I have agreed on that, Barnsniff.

Yes. And therefore, my idea is that we back Ansander of Arnosan, for leader of the expedition. Sort of as a way of cooling tensions between us.

Exasperating Devinattle III of Banosan, in the process, I objected.

Perhaps a little. But our relationship with Banosan has been rather solid for many decades. And of course they’re on the other side of Arnosan from us, much farther away, and historically less frequently our enemy in warfare. Often enough our enemy, but far less frequently than Arnosan.

You’re not afraid, Barnsniff, that supporting Ansander will encourage him to think we’re bribing him to stay at peace with us?

We are bribing him, in a sense, Your Majesty. That’s between you and me, of course. But I don’t mind throwing Ansander a bone—a very valuable bone, admittedly—if it will ease tensions with Arnosan a bit. He knows Ramosan will fight him if necessary, and knows we are very powerful. I don’t mind politely supporting Ansander for leader of the expedition, if it might help ratchet tensions down a little, between our countries.

Prepare to see us blasted in a few editorials, Barnsniff.

My hide is thick, Your Majesty. And Your Majesty bears it well.

You get the worst of it. Barnsniff is the one blamed for giving bad advice to the aging Sagwind IV. Hinting that Sagwind, never too bright to begin with, is growing senile, and far too much under the sway of Barnsniff. Am I too much under your sway, Barnsniff?

Certainly not, Your Majesty.

Hmm. I suppose the historians will thrash it out, and decide both of us were knuckleheads. But I’m stuck being me, and so far me has found your advice helpful. And, looking back over three decades, right most of the time.

Wrong far too often, Your Majesty.

Wrong on occasion, Barnsniff. But I would have gone wrong far more often without you, I think.

Thank you, Your Majesty. Your words are very encouraging to me.

All right, we’ll back Ansander XI of Arnosan, for leader of the expedition. Will you represent me at the conference?

Honored to do so. I was hoping you’d send me.

Consider yourself sent. Take an appropriate retinue. Perhaps Padwallader among them.

Thank you. It’s an excellent idea to take Padwallader. A little more on the leader thing. It’s possible that Ansander and Devinattle will be too jealous of one another to yield on the leadership. Even with us backing Ansander, Devinattle may be too grumpy to accept him. In which case, it would be a good idea to have an alternative candidate in mind.

Which you do, I’m guessing, Barnsniff.

I was thinking of Tradmentor, king of Narosan.

"Narosan. A small kingdom. No threat