Waiting for a Miracle

By Jessie Thompson

From the moment of conception Vanessa Parkers life was already set in stride. Not for professional objectives, but for spiritual awareness. Molded by her mother Vanessa is raised to be a good little church girl and a loyal daughter, but one dreadful evening changed her life forever.

Abandoned by the family she believed truly loved her, Vanessa finds herself drifting with the falling snow as she follows a stranger into a world that she never imagined shed be a part of. The Pastor at her local church preaches upon the theme I am what God says I am. Vanessa tries to hold strong to her faith, but no matter how she attempts to free herself from the choice she made the hurt has already transformed how she perceives herself as an individual and a Christian. Trials in life gave her reasons to question her beliefs and wonder if God really is a forgiving God. Can she overcome the guilt that overshadows her and be the person that God created her to be? Only time will tell.

Waiting for a Miracle shares the poignant tale of a young womans journey to self-acceptance after the events of one evening consume her family, her self-esteem, and her love of Christ.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Aug 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9781532031793

Jessie Thompson

Jessie Thompson was raised in Bronx, New York and educated in the public school system. Although she discovered the joy of creative writing in high school, she did not expose her God-given talent until she had to face the trials of life. Jessie currently resides in Fayetteville, North Carolina. Waiting for a Miracle is her second book.

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Copyright © 2017 JESSIE THOMPSON.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, names, incidents, organizations, and dialogue in this novel are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

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ISBN: 978-1-5320-3047-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-3179-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017912864

iUniverse rev. date: 11/07/2017

Contents

Acknowledgements

A Tale Of Two Mothers

Thirteen

The Pact

Home Again

The Visit

Holiday Wishes

A New Kind Of Family

Grandmama

The Boneshakers

Charmed

Paperweight

Auntie Brat

Run Shoes Run

Norman

A New Attitude

He Touched Me

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

First thanking God for the blessings that he have provided unto me. There have been so many unseen sacrifices that have been made on my behalf. There are many people deceased and living that has given cause for my existence and so many that have prayed for me and for this Lord, I thank you.

I thank you for my son Phillipe whom I call King and I thank you for the time that you gave me with my daughter Lashonta before her untimely death. I thank you for my birth dad Jesse and Cornell Phillips, the father that raised me. I thank you for my brothers and sisters; Phyllis, Barbara, John, Johnnie Mae, Linda, William whom we refer to as Pete and Robert whom we call Thomp. I also thank you for the blessings of five healthy grandchildren; Dwayne, Christian, Jovan, Jade, Jeniah; and one adoptive granddaughter, Nakeyra. Lord, with your grace upon me I know that you will continue to shower me with your love and for this I’m truly grateful.

I ask your blessings upon the people that I’ve encountered along the way, the ones that entrusted their life experiences unto me to help make this book possible. Lord, I pray that you continue to hold the rein on all of our lives and guide us forward in your will.

When the day comes that we all gather together in your presence and we proudly bow before you as a family of one may you gesture your angels to lead us through your royal gates that we may abide with you forever.

This I ask in the name of your son, Jesus Christ.

A TALE OF TWO MOTHERS

God gave me two mothers and for this I was ashamed

not for the one who birth me, but for the one that had to learn my name

I felt she didn’t know how to love me neither did she even try

I couldn’t understand why my first mother had to go live with the Lord on high

I did not know how to grieve for I was but a tiny child

expected to adapt to whatever with a cute little smile

Went through life feeling like the outcast, always the fool

always seems to be the one God wanted to abuse

But the years kept on rolling and time kept slipping away

then early one Sunday morning God took my second mother away

My whole world crashed down around me then everything just stood still

as I tried to figure out if this was really God’s will

Late one night as I slept my two mothers stood by my bed

with angel wings so wide and halos above their heads

My first mother looked at my second mother and smiled

she said, Thank you for taking care of my child

with me in the middle and them on each side

I was enclosed in a hug of motherly pride

So I picked up my heart and packed away my tears

and decided that I’m going to stay strong for the rest of my years

For I know a day will come when my two mothers will stand and wait

with open arms to escort me into Heaven’s gate

In honorable memory of Fannie Mae Thompson and Norvella Phillips.

THIRTEEN

What a time to be surprised. Vanessa would have never guessed that one simple act would change things so drastically.

Mom was working the graveyard shift as usual and wasn’t expected to be home for several hours. The Night Spot, a restaurant/night club located on the tip of exit 23 on the New England Interstate is a big trucker’s stop surrounded by strip clubs and bars. Most of the time after mom has settled the household she only had an hour to get to the restaurant, pull the money drawers, do a cash register count and make the final drop into the safe that was already regulated not to open again for twelve hours. Being the oldest it was Vanessa’s responsibility to look out for the younger siblings. To make it a little easier on her mom saw to it that Tony and Lisa were bathed and in bed before she left for work. If it was the weekend she allowed Vanessa to stay up to watch the late show.

Vanessa wanted mom to know that she could be depended upon. She tried hard to show maturity and keep herself out of trouble so that mom could depend upon her. She loved the fact that she was trusted with such a responsibility as being woman of the house in mom’s absence.

Everything was working out until the day mom came home early and discovered that her most trusted child and Todd were having a hands-on biology study session. Vanessa tried to move quickly when she heard the key in the door, but by then it was too late. There Todd was stuck in the middle of the floor with his bare bottom exposed as he held a pillow tightly in front. The expression on mom’s face let Vanessa know that she was too astonished to allow anger to erase this moment. Suddenly the ruffles, ribbons and Shirley Temple curls could no longer symbolize the sweetness of pure innocence. Mom can no longer look upon her as her precious good little girl. Not now that she has become the other woman; the mistress.

At that very moment the relationship between Vanessa and mom changed forever. The ideas that Vanessa had hoping that one day the bond between herself and mom would become more on a friendship level than mother and child burst in her head like a balloon that someone stuck a pin in.

While looking for a hiding place Vanessa ran into the bathroom and locked the door. She fell to the floor and began to pray hoping prayer could get her out of this predicament. She began to compromise with herself; there is no sin that God will not forgive. How should she begin this prayer? Our father which art in Heaven, the Lord is my shepherd I shall not want, deliver me from the pestilence fowler…. Perhaps it’s too late for that one. She listened earnestly preparing what to do when mom kicks the door in. It dawned on her that running into the bathroom was not a smart idea. She just trapped herself in a small space with nowhere to go, even if she climbed out the window, then what? Mom’s footsteps paced up and down the hallway followed by Todd pleading for forgiveness. Through it all she never heard mom’s voice but she imagined what mom was doing. She closed her eyes. She could see mom’s hands flaring up and down in the air. She heard something fall to the floor. Jesus, I hope she’s not packing she thought. Vanessa squatted on the floor between the toilet and the wall until the house was once again silent. She slowly unlocked the door and peeped out into the silence. She saw nothing other than the glow of the nightlight. She huddled close to the wall and crept to her room jumping into the bed and pulling the covers over her head. She begged that death would come quickly. One blow to the head and this all will be over.

Todd was all of six feet tall, slender and has the smoothest black skin you’ve ever seen on a person that dark. His skin almost glows a bluish tint under direct sunlight, but handsome was all he had going for him because beneath that gorgeous exterior a real man was trapped and trying desperately to escape.

Vanessa doesn’t quite remember how it all started neither could she logically explain why she did what she did or why she allowed this to continue for so long, all she know is that she wish she could take it all back or that there was something that she could say to mom that would justify for forgiveness. She spent days trying to come up with the right words of apology or how to even begin the conversation. It was killing her that mom was acting as if she didn’t see what she saw. Although she was young, Vanessa was old enough to know better, so using her age was not an excuse. She knew that she could have put a stop to the relationship with Todd had she just told mom the first time it happened, but she found herself waiting and anticipating his touch. There were times when all she could think about was if tonight was going to be a session night, how he was going to approach her and where she was going to feel his touch first; from the ankle up or from the head down? Although she tried not to seem too anxious, she longed for him and wanted to be ready when he arrived. Each time the clock ticked her heart thumped. She felt every pulsating beat.

Mom was busy arranging the last minute details before running out the door for work. She reminded Vanessa to sweep the kitchen floor then turn off the light. Vanessa had already taken her shower and was preparing to cuddle up with her blanket and pillow when mom turned the key in the door locking it securely. What her mom didn’t know was that Vanessa wore no panties beneath the flannel night gown. The anticipation was already overbearing and the grown-up feeling she got with each session made her feel so much more mature than she really was. Todd made her aware of all the blossoming areas of her body and what was protruding and growing hair. It was the highlight of her sexuality as he showed her how to love every single growth spurt.

She must have dozed off when he entered the room with mom’s make-up case. She smelled the heat from his cologne as he ran his fingers through her hair. Vanessa knew she was trapped on an emotional roller coaster of ecstasy that usually ended with him carrying her off to bed and tucking her in for the night. His soft lips on hers caressed her into a deep sleep. Her last memory of the evening usually ended with her falling asleep in his arms. The only thing she felt the next day was the unusual tingling of her vagina as a reminder of the previous night’s caressing and no matter how she tried to hide it she was constantly going into the girl’s room to check the front of her pants afraid that someone would notice the wet spot threatening to soak through.

Maybe it was her own guilt that made Vanessa suspicious, but mom seemed to be extremely quiet the next few days. It was as if nothing had happened. She went on with her daily routines as always, never making mentions of what she had walked in on.

Vanessa’s bedroom was directly across the hall from moms. Mom never allow closed doors fearing that there might be a break-in, a fire or something. She said everyone should always be aware of their surroundings. Closed doors are for dressing and undressing. It was difficult to sleep not knowing what mom might do or how she felt. Oh, how Vanessa wished mom would just say something, whip her, punish her or treat her bad; any reaction would indicate what was going on in her mind. But mom wasn’t giving any signs.

The only thing that changed with Todd was the evening sessions. Every morning he’d rise ten minutes before the alarm sounded, shower, shave and manicure himself in front of the full-length mirror. He obviously knew that Vanessa was tempted to watch as he dropped the towel to the floor and proceeded to apply body lotion. Slowly turning from side to side as he ran his hand up and down his body assuring that she got a clear view of every single movement. What was once entertaining to her has now become disgusting. She realizes that she let this charade go way too far and these behaviors has now become too much for her to handle. She doesn’t know what to do or say to make it stop. She would like to get up and close her door, but with the situation being as it was she wasn’t about to challenge mom’s rule.

Perhaps she was drifting off to sleep and allowing her imagination to get the best of her, but just as Todd turned to remove the plastic from the suit mom picked up from the cleaners’ yesterday mom rose behind him. There was something in her hand and with one blow to the head Todd’s half-dressed body fell to the floor. Tony and Lisa were grieved that their dad was dead, but Vanessa was relieved; it was over, or was it?

She was wakened by her little sister hitting at her bed covers. Mom said you’re late for school, get up she insisted. Vanessa sat upon the side of the bed and focused her attention towards the clock that was reading seven fifteen. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Scared and confused she hopped off the bed, ran past mom’s room and down the hallway into the bathroom. Her heart was pounding hard and her hands were shaking. She placed her back against the closed door and tried to jiggle herself back to reality. She leaned over the sink and turned on the water using the noise of the running water and flushing toilet to try and drown out the picture that had taken precedence in her head over and over again. She saw mom standing in disbelief as the two of them scrambled to find a safe hideaway. She quickly jumped into the shower hoping to once again wash away the guilt that now has her in bondage. After dressing she slowly walked towards the kitchen where mom invited her to sit. She has been in trouble for small incidents like not washing the dishes or leaving the light on overnight, but it’s going to take a miracle to get out of this mess. This was a situation that only God could get glory from.

It wasn’t easy for Vanessa to smile back at mom as mom placed her plate on the table in front of her. The toast was already jellied and eggs running with cheese just the way she like it. Mom’s voice was just as pleasant as always but there was a certain kind of sadness in her eyes. Hurry up and get finished the school bus will be here soon Vanessa, mom said looking back over her shoulder; make sure everyone gets their lunch. Yes Ma’am; Vanessa replied with a low soft voice. Mom proceeded down the hallway and disappeared into her bedroom closing the door behind her.

Three brown paper bags were lined up on the edge of the counter as usual; one for Tony, one for Lisa and one for Todd. Vanessa complained so much about the horrible lunch menu at her school that mom ordered her a lunch card and usually kept a few dollars on it so she could buy some off-menu items on the days that she couldn’t stomach the school meal. People have said that the school meals at Sommerville High were much better, so next year she won’t have to worry about a meal card.

By the time mom returned to the kitchen she was dressed in the aqua blue pants suit that she had bought to wear to Vanessa’s graduation. Her face was covered in shiny bronze make-up with marooned lipstick carefully outlined in brown pencil to give her full lips the appearance of thinness. She was rustling around as if she was late for a meeting of some kind. The fact that mom was wearing this outfit gave Vanessa an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach because once mom buys something for a certain occasion she saves it for that occasion only and the fact that she wasn’t preparing to get some sleep after a long night of working let Vanessa know something was about to change. Vanessa is so used to seeing her mother in that awful waitress outfit that she almost forgot how beautiful and shapely she really is. Vanessa never understood why she wore a waitress uniform anyway because she’s the boss and the owner of the Night Spot. It was intentional on the part of mom that their eyes never met as Vanessa rushed Lisa and Tony out the door to the bus stop.

THE PACT

It was a week before graduation and the class had just returned from ceremonial practice. The school day was almost at an end when the office monitor entered and handed a slip of paper to the teacher. Vanessa Parker she spoke in an authoritative voice, take your things and go down to Principal Anderson’s office. All eyes and heads turned towards Vanessa as she curiously did as she was told without disrupting the class to ask any questions. The monitor was already gone when Vanessa was handed the hall pass.

There was a lady standing outside the office watching as Vanessa drew closer. She inspected Vanessa from head to toe. She was a very stern looking older woman with no intentions of cracking a smile. Vanessa knew she hadn’t done anything wrong, as a matter of fact for the last two months after the Todd incident she made sure she was extra good. Principal Anderson introduced Vanessa to her. Vanessa Parker she began, this is Ms. May from the Department of Child Services. She’s here to speak with you. Suddenly Vanessa’s mind began searching for reasons that this woman needed to speak with her with such urgency that she needed to pull her out of class. Surely mom didn’t tell this stranger about the Todd incident. As the door closed behind them the woman reached down into her brief case and pulled out a folder with Vanessa’s name written on the tab. There were several forms laying inside. Vanessa noticed the neat handwriting belonging to her mom. Your mom has made arrangements she began to place you in foster care. Vanessa almost lost control of her bodily functions. Her lips weren’t moving, but her mind was asking a hundred questions. The only words Vanessa could muster was, what? I’m here to take you to meet your new foster parents the lady continued. The words foster care and foster parents were stuck on stupid in Vanessa’s brain. The lady stood up and took Vanessa by the arm. Vanessa snatched back and prepared to bolt out of the office when two men that had been standing in the rear took hold of her. Vanessa began to scream hoping someone would come to see what all the commotion was about. Principal Anderson walked behind her desk and sat down folding her hands on the manila folder watching as the two men led Vanessa back to her seat. Save yourself the embarrassment Ms. May insisted. You’re only going to bring attention to yourself and then everyone will be in your business.

As they reached the outside Vanessa’s eyes connected with her friend Elana. One of the men still had a firm grip on Vanessa’s upper arm leading her to the parking lot. Elana sensed that her friend was in need of help began walking fast in their direction. As she got closer she saw that tears were freely flowing down Vanessa’s face. She tried to unlock the helpless stare that held them connected. Elana dropped her book bag and ran faster. By the time she reached the van Vanessa was locked away in the rear and her hands fell along the sticker on the door that read Department of Social Services. Vanessa watched helplessly as her friend’s screaming and crying confused body drifted further and further away. Through the closeness of their friendship and the secrets that they shared Elana was sure Vanessa would have told her if something happened or what would cause this, but now she find herself standing in the distance with no answers. Elana scrambled back to her book bag to find her cell phone. She quickly dialed 9-1-1. Listen, she cried into the receiver, my friend was just kidnapped. Once Elana was done giving all the details of the incident the operator put her on hold. When she returned to the phone she assured her that everything will be taken care of and instructed her not to worry.

By the time reality set in Vanessa was sitting in a cubicle waiting for her sentencing. She caught a quick glimpse of her mother as she wisped pass the doorway. Vanessa ran out of the cubicle in her direction just to find that they were separated by a glass wall. The man that assisted in forcing her into the van stepped in front and grabbed her by both arms and pushed her back into the office space insisting that she stay put. Ignoring his presence she cried Mom as loud as she could. Her mother didn’t even acknowledge the sound of her voice. She continued to walk until she entered the staircase and the door closed behind her. Vanessa felt imprisoned, alone, and betrayed. She was scared, hungry and cold. Abandoned by the one person that she thought truly loved her; rejected without a word spoken.

This began a recurrence of episodes in Vanessa’s life. She felt as if she was being traded and swapped like an animal in wander. She was passed from one foster home to another. There were no questions asked, no explanations and never too many words spoken.

Ms. Nancy was a nice lady, an older woman with grey highlights just on the edges of her hairline. She welcomed Vanessa with comforting arms. She almost seemed thankful for the transport to leave so they could be alone. She was what the system called a hop mom because she only took children in for a temporary stay until other arrangements were made. She has seen many children come and go for reasons far beyond their understandings. She seemed lonely and was more than happy to have the company. The blue circles surrounding her dark brown pupils gave Ms. Nancy the appearance that she’d seen a lot of hardships in her lifetime. If you give her the chance she’s sure to have a collection of stories waiting to be told. Her olive colored skin didn’t have deep wrinkles, but the tiny freckles on her cheekbone suggested that she was once a beautiful young woman.

Vanessa was the only child there at the time and she was glad for that. She needed time to get her thoughts together so she could figure out how to get herself out of this situation. She never gave running away much thought before, but this seemed like a good time to do so. Ms. Nancy focused all the attention to her. She sympathized with Vanessa and allowed her to do as much talking as she wanted. Over the next few days she did all she could to help Vanessa adjust to her new living arrangement and prepare her for what she might expect would happen next. She took hold of Vanessa’s hand and tried to convince her that time heals all pain and that she will be just fine in the long run. She held her close in her arms and let her talk for as long as she wanted as she dried her tears and did her best to cuddle her to sleep. Vanessa woke embarrassed that she had fallen asleep in the arms of a stranger. She told Ms. Nancy that this was a punishment from God, but she could not find the nerve to explain why God was so harsh. She knew what she did was wrong, but she felt that the punishment is way too exaggerated for it. How could someone who proclaims to be so loving be so brutal? Deep inside she knew she deserved everything that she was experiencing, but she was angry just the same; Angry with the fact that her mother chose to disown her rather than discuss the situation, angry that she was so weak to temptation and angry that she has to accept the way people now perceive her. The only things Vanessa now owned were the clothes on her back, two outfits that Ms. Nancy gave to her and the items in her book bag.

Just when she began to get comfortable with her arrangement the van featuring the same logo that picked her up from the school and dropped her off came back to transfer her to another location. It didn’t make sense to ask questions because by now Vanessa understood that no matter what she thought, the situation was out of her hands. She may as well have been invisible. Rather than fight a losing battle she just laid her head back and forced herself to go to sleep. When she awoke they were pulling up in front of a building that looked like an old retirement nursing home. The clock on the dashboard read eleven twenty. Two hours and ten minutes later than when they started. The only inscription over the door were the words twenty twelve which Vanessa assumed was the address. The man reached out his hand to help her down the step of the van, but Vanessa sucked her teeth and shoved past him as if he wasn’t really there. All she wanted right now was for someone to point her in the direction that she was expected to adapt to. The door was buzzed opened after a short intercom conversation between the driver and whomever was on the other end. Vanessa was led down a dimly lit hallway into a small office. Once the introductions were completed a woman handed her a white envelope and a brown paper bag. The sticker on the envelope read Haley’s School for Gifted Girls. Inside was a welcome packet which included several common information forms, a diagram of the building layout, a daily operational schedule and the rules and regulations which the woman verbally read to her. There are one hundred and thirty seven other girls in this facility she explained and we all get along as family. Everyone has chores which must be done by a certain time. Class attendance is a must! No one is going to force you to do anything, but if you want to stay here I suggest you abide by the rules. This might not be where you want to be, but it’s better than being nowhere, she said looking Vanessa directly in the face. Your room number is two sixteen. Take those stairs right there she said pointing to a sign above a metal door. You are assigned to the bed on the