Sara

By Marilyn Randall

This is the story of Sara and her journey into the dark disease of alcoholism. A seemingly normal young woman, who very nearly drinks herself to death, and the path she walks to reach the place where she finally wants to get well.

The author takes us on a trip into the thinking and experiences that create the perfect storm where situations continue to contribute to the, nearly always, fatal illness and how her loved ones fight to save her life. From Randalls own personal experiences comes her conviction that hope is something we should never lose when dealing with this disease because not everyone has to die from it. Against seemingly impossible odds of loss, death, grief, and finally, tough love, she shows us the miracle of sobriety.

There is evidence today that alcoholism is created by a combination of several factors such as the predisposition to drink to change the way we feel and the need to try to feel more normal because of excessive nervousness, stress, or feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth are the contributing emotional factors while the physiological addiction that comes from drinking large amounts of alcohol every day until that line is crossed happens over a period of time and can be just as lethal when the liver, kidneys, pancreas, or eventually, the brain fails. And then there is also the genetic factor.

No matter the combination of factors involved, we must acknowledge that we are living in the age of an alcoholic-and-drug addiction epidemic, but as long as there is life, there is hope, and this is Saras story; a story of struggles and life experiences that seemingly might cause her to lose all hope and desire to get well, and a learning experience for anyone who wants to know more about dealing with this disease and how to recover.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 5, 2016
• ISBN: 9781524545741

Marilyn Randall

Marilyn Randall’s journey into the writing world, began many years ago when she wrote and illustrated her first children’s book titled Best of Best Friends and after, she went on to add five more children’s books to her growing list of accomplishments. In 2010 she won the Pacific Northwest’s Pinnacle Achievement Award for her book, A Hard Nut to Crack. Later that same year, after a tumultuous relationship, she began to write fiction novels with her first being, Quicksand, a heartfelt and emotional tale of an interracial love story, peppered throughout with her powerful poetry. She has added to that list many times and her final fiction novel will be out later this year. An author with a flair for the imagination, while perfectly marrying it with real life issues, she has developed a style noteworthy of the attention she now receives. Her adult fiction novels are one of her most treasured accomplishments. In this final anthology she leaves us with thought provoking pieces as well as life issues that she always enjoyed writing about.

Book preview

See the Ending to Live The Beginning

Hold onto tomorrow in tremor

Or it will rage beside the beast

Watch the ending as it flashes

In the mirror upon my flesh

Like lightening striking near enough to burn

The pangs of want and need

For hunger of truth from other’s graves

But liquid never lasts

And dreams also evaporate in spirit

And for tomorrow upon my wicked breath, I drink again

Tomorrow I die a little more

With every ounce I pour

Down my thirsty throat

And flee to other places beside mine

For not standing where I am

I am not here as you are

I drink the part of me that bleeds

I fill my heart with wine

Instead of blood it pumps

And keeps me sane for yet another day

Press the glass against my mouth

Smell the odor of death

Sucked across the tongue

Sending me into myself

To once again survive for where I am

And no one knows I cannot stop

Swirling one day after another

More ounces of liquid that will

Change everything within me

And around me on the outside

I drink from crystal lakes

Submerged beneath the wine goblet’s rim

I drink from glacier’s edges

Dripping from the last empty glass

And each one fills my mind with more

More messages of past surrounding

Another day of agony

The pain is blasted once again

So I can feel myself instead

Of numbness everywhere

Again I drink to stay alive

Again another to calm my soul

And each sip closer to the death

That I have forever feared

Yet raced toward with every swallow

And if I ever breathe again

Free of that which traps my soul

I will have looked at the ending

Only to see the beginning

When I finally, with humbled grace, become sober

Chapter One

My name is Sara and I’m an alcoholic.

The first time I said those words aloud I was filled with such shame, regret, anger and defeat. All the emotions of someone beaten down by a disease they had completely lost control over. Alcohol had taken control. My life was in shambles and I had hurt many people along the way. I was devastated that after years of drinking and trying to make myself feel better, something I thought was the most fun in all of the world to do had turned on me and caused me to do unthinkable things and to become someone I didn’t recognize anymore.

My life didn’t start out that way. I didn’t wake up one morning thinking Oh my goodness, I think I’ll be an alcoholic when I grow up. I was a young person with goals, ideals, values and morals. I had been born into a loving, caring family and had the support from everyone, so how did this happen? How did this happy, normal, pretty little girl grow up to become a raging alcoholic with no control over her life or the amount of alcohol she consumed every day of her life? That’s where this story begins.

Sara was a beautiful baby when she was born. She was the first child of Evan and Gina, a young married couple who lived in a small Washington community, North of Seattle. Evan wanted to be a carpenter, having grown up in a family of contractors and builders, but in the 1980’s he had some difficulty finding steady work so to better support his growing family, he put away his hammer and went to work for a trucking company. That job was steady, afforded him a better income and later he moved from the local, in state deliveries to long haul interstate trucking, which meant fewer days home every month, but more money for his family’s needs.

Gina was a very pretty woman who loved being a homemaker and a mother. She had captured Evan’s heart because of her beauty, but also because she was such a kind and caring woman. In the early years of their marriage she worked outside the home at several different jobs, but when the children began arriving she was more than happy to give all of that up and become a stay at home mother to her children. She was a very good mother too. She was loving and caring and as her family grew she more and more set aside any desires she had to be there for her children always. She often played the role of both parents since Evan was on the road more and more. Eventually, in a seven year period she had provided him with five healthy children. Over time the hard work and anxious times of raising that many children alone most of the time took it’s toll on her and Gina not only gave up her ambitions to do anything one day for herself, but she also gave up her health. In 1999 Gina was diagnosed with diabetes and heart disease and was no longer capable of keeping up all the time with all five of her children and their needs. Evan was home less and less as the expenses of raising that many children was a burden he just could never get ahead of and by the time Gina became ill he had pretty much resigned himself to a life on the road with few times for family life, so he more or less watched his children grow up from afar.

Sara, being the oldest, often helped out with her younger siblings. She had two sisters and two brothers and since they were all fairly close in age they formed very close bonds as children and the younger ones relied heavily on Sara at every turn. She was whom they ran to when they were injured and she was who they looked to, to help them with their schoolwork and even their chores. She truly loved all four siblings and rarely tired of being the big sister to all of them. She was naturally nurturing and caring for each of them and she often stayed home from her own activities when the younger ones needed her. They all not only looked up to her, but they loved her to the moon and back as they used to tell her. Gina was especially proud of her too. She was grateful that her first-born was so loving and willing to sacrifice to help with the younger ones. So often she would tell Evan that without Sara she would never have been able to handle all the children alone, especially after she became so ill.

The days were long and always busy with someone needing something extra. The very small town of Coupeville where they lived was on an island and they lived close enough to the little town to walk there once a week to shop at the only grocery store. The town was a very old settlers town having been a port for sailing ships delivering goods and supplies in the 1800’s and the historical value alone made it an interesting walk through the residential areas and into town. Some of the buildings were very old and had been restored and were on the historical register, which made them very special. The very old parson’s home and carriage house was painted a welcoming soft yellow while the old, Catholic church and it’s bell tower were painted a very bright white. There were buildings trimmed with gingerbread lattice and trims reflective of the Victorian era when they were originally built and it made for an interesting walk through the streets and Gina always made sure the children learned about the town’s history and felt a certain pride for their home. At the very end of Front Street a very long dock still stretched into the Penn Cove bay where they had unloaded ships during the early beginning of the town, but today it was mostly used to house businesses that catered to tourists such as a tiny restaurant and shops. The main street of town was also mostly devoted to tourists now and made for an interesting walk for them and the permanent residents also. The family loved to walk into town each week to the ice cream shop located on the main street facing the waterfront and located fairly close to the dock and in the summer they managed once a week to scrape together enough money for everyone to enjoy a single scoop waffle cone after a busy week doing chores around the house. Sara’s two sisters were both lovely girls; Karen and Ginger were two and four years younger than Sara and Tony and Brad came next in that order. Being the youngest, Brad was seven years younger than Sara and Tony was five and a half years younger than she was. The boys were both tall, good looking boys and as they approached their teenage years they were both guys that the girls were always flirting with. Ginger was named for her bright red hair, having been born the only redhead in the bunch. She had grown into a beautiful girl with porcelain, fair skin and strawberry blonde hair. Karen was the tallest of the three girls even though she was three and a half years younger than Sara and a year younger than Ginger. She was a pretty girl, but not thought of as beautiful as the other two were. Sara was about five foot five inches tall and had violet blue eyes with dark brows and hair. She didn’t have to wear makeup for others to recognize that she was beautiful as she had a rare, very natural beauty that boys and later men found very attractive. While growing up she was asked out on many dates, but usually refused them so she could stay at home and care for her family, who by this time needed to help care for their Mother who was becoming more and more of an invalid. More and more the responsibility for her care fell to Sara. She had few friends because her days were spent with the family and there was little or no time for anyone else, especially a social life where she could just relax and have a good time.

Sara graduated from high school first of course, but because she was so needed at home she made no plans to further her education. It had always been expected that she would still be helping her mother as by now her mother’s illness kept her bedridden quite a lot of the time. Her heart was failing and weakness kept her much too tired most of the time to be much help. The children weren’t toddlers anymore and they could mostly manage on their own, but someone had to do the grocery shopping, keep the house cleaned, fix school lunches, keep the laundry done and be there to look after their mother, especially on those days when she was too ill to get out of bed and all of this responsibility fell on Sara’s shoulders. She always said she didn’t mind, but if someone had taken the time to dig deep enough they would have found a girl who desperately wanted a life of her own, but who had resigned herself to doing the right thing for the family. At times she felt trapped, but no one ever knew and at times she felt all alone and again those closest to her would have never guessed because she covered it so well. She loved her mother so much, but sometimes there was a war going on deep inside her soul; a battle between doing the right thing for the family or doing something just for herself and the family always won.

Come on everyone, she said. You need to help me get this place cleaned up. She was shouting at her siblings. Dad will be here any minute and I need to finish up dinner, she said, and I need your help with the rest of this please?" she asked again.

Karen and Ginger finally started picking up the living room and straightened up for her while the boys continued arguing about who had made the latest run for the Seahawk’s most recent touchdown, neither having any interest in helping their sisters. They were used to the girls taking care of most of the inside chores while they mainly took care of the bedroom they shared together and the outside chores, such as mowing the lawn. While they continued to argue the girls were cleaning around them and Sara was putting the finishing touches on a roast she was putting in the oven for their special dinner. Dad only got home once or twice a month and only for a few hours, when he did make it, Sara and Gina always wanted things to be their best whenever he was home.

Evan had matured into a fine looking man, but years of driving truck had left him a bit paunchy and mostly out of shape for anything else. He loved his family, mostly out of a sense of duty, as being on the road for nearly as long as they’d all been alive had left him with a serious disconnect to all of them. They just didn’t relate much to him and neither did he to them. He was loyal and had been the one to financially support them for all these years, but he didn’t know any of them nor did they know him. Whenever he came home he spent most of his time with Mama in her room with the door closed to all of them and the time they sat down at the dinner table together enjoying the dinner that Sara always cooked for them was the only time they spent in the presence of their dad until he would return in a few weeks. They used to get so excited when they heard he was coming home, but as they’d gotten older it seemed to mean less to each one of them. As their mother became weaker and was confined to her room more and more, when he did get home, it was her he wanted to spend what little time he had with. He rarely had time to spend the night, almost always needing to get back on the road within a few hours and those few hours he would always spend with the one person in that home that he knew. He and Gina still loved each other, but their closeness and the physical love they’d shared in their early relationship had turned into mostly a friendship and even though there was a love between them, because of Gina’s illness it had been pretty much platonic for the last several years. They liked each other and he always looked forward to seeing her and spending time with her, but their relationship had changed so much that he barely recognized it anymore. Even so she was still the friend he could talk to about events he had experienced while traveling. She always seemed interested in everything he brought home to talk to her about and it helped him to have someone to share the stories with. The kids didn’t know him and he didn’t know them so it made it difficult to even carry on a dinner conversation with them. They would tell him briefly about what they’d been doing since he’d been home before, but none of them were able to talk about their innermost feelings with each other and the chasm between them seemed to widen as the children grew older.

Ginger?, Sara asked, Can you please help me finish peeling the potatoes and carrots for the roast? I’m afraid it’s going to be a really late dinner as it is and I should have already had it in the oven.

Just as she finished, she heard the rumble of her father’s truck coming up the driveway.

"Oh good," she thought, "he’s finally home. It will make Mama feel so much better to see him." And she and Ginger continued peeling the vegetables for the pot roast. The front door opened and rather than a jovial greeting from his brood, the loud, Hi, I’m home! was met with a subdued, Hi Dad. from everyone.

Sara came out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel. Hi Daddy, she said. How was your trip?

Fine, he quickly replied. How’s Mama?

She’s not too good today, Dad. I tried to get her up before you got here, but she just couldn’t do it. I’m sorry, she told him.

It’s okay Honey, he said. I’ll go in to see her now. When’s dinner? he asked.

In a couple hours. I’m a little late today. How long can you stay? she asked.

Long enough to have dinner, but I’m on a run to New Mexico and have to get started tonight, and he went down the hall to see Gina.

Her room was very small, as she’d chosen the smallest room when they’d moved in since he was gone most of the time, saying the children needed the larger rooms. Last year Sara had found some pretty floral curtains at the annual flea market and they had fit her window perfectly and brought some of the outdoors inside for her. There was no music playing as any sound was noise to Gina and she preferred the quiet. Her bed, which was full size in case Evan could ever spend the night, was shoved against the wall and there was one tallboy dresser on the other wall. The only decoration in the room, were photos of her children, some framed and some not; most of them were school photos scattered over most of two walls. There was her wedding photo with Evan hanging above the head of her bed and one small pink painting of flowers that Sara had painted for her for Mother’s Day when she was about eleven years old. The room was pleasant, but fairly sparse for a room where someone spent most of their life, but Gina was comfortable with it the way it was. She said, I’m surrounded by all the people I love and I don’t need any more.

Evan opened the door and walked directly to the bed, leaned down and kissed the top of her head. Hi Baby! How are you feeling today? he asked her.

Oh Evan, I’m so glad you’re here. How was the trip and I want you to tell me all about where you’ve been and what you’ve seen. Please? she asked him.

He chuckled a little, thinking to himself, "always the same. She lives through me and that’s all she wants is to know is where I’ve been and what I’ve done since I was last home. She’s too sick to do anything herself so she lives through what I tell her and every time I come home it’s the same. Let me get these boots off Honey and I’ll lay down beside you and tell you all about it. How were the kids this time? Any problems? He asked her.

No Evan, oh Brad and Tony have had plenty of arguing sessions over little things. They are good boys though Evan and it’s never anything too serious, but it bothers me to hear any of them when they squabble because I so want them to be close. Each other is really all they’re ever going to have and I know when I think about the future and that they’ll one day be on their own, I just want to know they’ve got each other to depend on. Other than that it’s been fairly uneventful, she told him.

Evan was thoughtful for a moment while he was removing his outer clothes. He carefully crawled over her to the far side of the bed and managed to pull all the covers back and lie down next to her full-length body. He gently put his arm beneath her and pulled her close to him. They both looked forward every time he left, to this one moment when he would return and hold her against him for whatever time they had together, when they could talk quietly and he would tell her of all his adventures on the road. It was a special time for both. Those few, very sacred moments when they were completely alone and could enjoy the closeness of each other physically. Making love was something they hadn’t been able to do for several years, but they still enjoyed this moment that had always been so special to them both and continued to keep them close emotionally. Evan didn’t realize how even he valued this time, always thinking he was the one giving something extra special to his ailing wife, but the truth buried deep within him was he needed this closeness too although not as much as she did. He was the only person in the world that could offer this to her, but because he was out there in the other world it wasn’t the same for him. I’ll talk to the boys before I leave, he told her and then he began telling her of all the things he’d experienced since he last saw her. She was at peace laying beside his body, feeling his warmth and hearing his voice quietly telling her all that she wanted to hear. Even the flat tire he’d had to replace and the awful wreck he’d come upon a week ago. He described everything he saw to her; the scenery, the mountains in the distance as he crossed the Nevada desert, the city lights as they appeared on his decent of the Grapevine mountain pass on his way into Los Angeles and the gorgeous waters of Shasta Lake, now that the rains had brought the much needed water levels back to an acceptable level. He told her about a moose he saw as he was near the Grand Teton mountain range in Wyoming and she listened intently for the nearly two hours he laid with her before they heard the light tapping on the door and Sara quietly pushed the door open to tell him dinner was ready anytime he was.

The two hours with Gina had flown by once again and he felt the let down he always felt, knowing he would once again be leaving her. Do you think you would feel up to having dinner with us today, Honey? he asked her gently.

No Evan, she replied, I think I’ll just lie here for awhile yet. I loved hearing all the stories so much and time goes so quickly when you’re here, doesn’t it? She asked him.

It goes way too fast. He said as he kissed her on the forehead again before he began making the moves to remove himself from the bed and begin to dress once more. As he sat on the side of the bed, pulling his boot on and fastening the laces, he told her he would see her again in a week and when she heard that she perked up because she hadn’t expected he’d be back so soon.

A week? she asked him and he laughed and said, Yes. I’ve got a special run next week that will bring me through here on Monday. I won’t see the kids as they’ll all be in school, but I’ll be able to spend a little longer with you.

Oh Evan, that’s so wonderful. That gives me so much to look forward to. Be safe my love and I’ll be praying for you every day, she told him.

You keep saying those prayers my girl, he said, they’ve kept me safe this long, haven’t they? He kissed her lips, quickly and softly and she kissed him back the same and he told her he’d have Sara bring her dinner in before he left.

Thank you, she barely whispered to him and she was asleep, content with the time they’d just shared and tired out from hearing all of his adventures, before he left the room.

Evan left her sleeping and pulled the bedroom door closed behind him before walking down the hall to the living area where once again Tony and Brad were arguing about a play they’d just watched on television. Evan sat between them on the couch, grabbed the remote and shut the game off before saying, I want to talk to you two boys before I leave.

At first the boys were disturbed that he had shut off the television without asking them first. They were feeling a little angry that this man who they only saw occasionally had the audacity to do that to them, but both boys quickly recovered and remembered he was their dad after all and this was his home too.

Mom tells me you two have been doing a lot of squabbling while I’ve been away this time. Is that right? he asked them.

Knowing they were going to be reprimanded they both looked at the floor as they both said at the same time, Yes Dad.

Well, I want you both to think about something. Your mother is very ill and she is getting weaker every time I see her. Your arguing and bickering is causing her to feel stressed and anxious for you, which means she is using far too much energy she doesn’t have. Now, I want you to stop the bickering for her sake. Do you understand me? She needs every ounce of energy to live each day without stress and worry so I don’t want her hearing more of that stuff because of you two. He said.

Yes, Dad, they both said at once, sorry!

Okay, he said, now how about we see what Sara has made us for dinner? and the three guys went into the little dining room where she had set a wonderful table. The pot roast and vegetables were excellent and Evan complimented her on her cooking abilities. Mighty fine dinner, Honey, he told her. I’m always so happy to have a meal here with all of you guys. Your dinners are always so good and I’m very proud of you Sara and all you do for these guys and for your mom.

Thanks, Dad, she said, I like cooking and mom taught me how over the years. How was she when you were with her? she asked him.

She was very tired. I told her you’d bring her dinner, but she was already asleep when I left the room. And then he said to everyone at the table, You all need to watch what you say and do that she can hear. She loves you so much and all she wants is for you guys to be close to each other and get along. It means a lot to her when she believes you love and care about each other. Ginger, how is school? Are you getting along any better? he asked her.

The last time he was home she told him she was unhappy because the kids at school had been teasing her about her red hair. They were saying things that were hurtful such as she was the only one in her family with red hair so she must be adopted. It had upset her and she had asked her dad if it were true. He had been shocked and did his best to convince her that she wasn’t adopted and that the other kids must have been jealous. He told her she was beautiful and one day she would feel differently. Right now the red hair made her stand out which she didn’t like, but someday she would be proud of it. She told him things weren’t any better, but she had figured out a way to fix it. I’m just going to dye it black, Dad, she said, then they won’t hound me anymore.

No you won’t do that, Ginger. Your hair is beautiful and I absolutely forbid you to dye it, seriously, Ging. No dying the hair, understand? he asked her.

But Dad, they tease me all the time. I just want them to stop. She told him.

I know, he said, but you are going to have to wait until you’re eighteen before that happens.

Oh Dad, you just don’t get it. She said as she left the table and stormed down the hall to her room, leaving everyone else with no understanding of what had just happened.

Sara then said, "Don’t worry Dad, I’ll talk to her later. She’ll be okay.

Thank you, Sara, but no matter what, you make sure she doesn’t color that beautiful hair. Now dinner was great, but I have to hit the road. I’ll be back in a week and hopefully I’ll have more time. Thanks for dinner, Sara. It was wonderful. I’ll be calling in a day or two, when I can. Take care of Mama for me, okay Honey? See you next week. He told her and just as he’d appeared a few hours ago, he was gone again as quickly.

As everyone helped clear the table, Sara was thinking about Ginger and how to help her with her hair problem. As soon as she finished the dishes and everything was cleared away, except the plate she’d set aside for Mama for when she woke up, she went down the hall to find her sister. She knocked on the door and opened it to find her sister laying on her bed, still sobbing her heart out. Oh Baby, Sara said and went to her to wrap her arms around her and show her comfort and love. I’m sorry you’re hurt. Come on, Sis, she said. It will all be alright. Let’s talk about it, okay?

Finally, after several minutes of trying to regain control and stop crying, Ginger sat up and looked at Sara. I hate my hair, she said and started to cry again.

I know you do, Ginger, but it’s what makes you so special. It’s what makes you stand out from the rest of us. It’s so beautiful and it highlights your natural beauty and the beauty you have inside. It’s like God placed a rose on your head to show the world you are so special. Those kids who tease you are jealous because they have nothing that makes them special like you do. She reassured her."

Really? Ginger asked. "You really think it’s that special Sara?

Absolutely I do. It’ a way to highlight the beauty in your heart and I don’t want you to change that. That’s what Dad sees too. He just doesn’t know how to say it. She said.

Wow, Ginger said, I didn’t know he thought that too. Thank you Sara. I feel better now. Will you please keep telling me if I forget what you just said. It’s hard to believe it because those kids have been so mean. I didn’t want to be different. I want to feel like I’m a part of this family, not different.

Ginger, Sara replied, you are maybe the most important part because you are the one who shines the most. I love you little sister. Now let’s go see Mama and see if she’s ready to eat yet.

Okay, Ginger said, and Sara, thank you. As they walked down the hall to their mother’s room they were holding hands and both of them felt a huge love for the other one. It was moments like this that Sara thought, "makes the sacrifices worthwhile."

Chapter Two

They carefully opened their mother’s bedroom door and slipped quietly inside. Sara walked over to the bed and knew instantly that things were different. Ginger, she said aloud, go get Karen and hurry and bring me the phone. Now Ginger! she all but yelled. Go now! Sara reached for her mother’s hand and knew instantly she was gone. She had left them and Sara was nearly paralyzed with fear.

No Mama, no, you can’t leave us now. Not yet!. Please Mama, not yet. She said and her tears couldn’t be stopped. She was kneeling now beside the bed when both girls came running into the room and seeing their older sister on her knees, holding their mother’s hand caused them to abruptly stop and they both also now knew their mother was gone.

Oh no, Mama, no! Karen screamed as she too knelt and wept with Sara now. Ginger who was the youngest of the three girls, was devastated. She collapsed beside her sisters and was sobbing uncontrollably as she passed the phone to Sara. Sara took the phone and realized she had to get control of her emotions. The family was going to need her to be strong and she had to find a way to be the strength that would hold them all together. Their mother would want that of her and she had to do it for her now.

As the other two girls sobbed over their mother’s body, Sara stepped away and dialed her dads cell phone. When he answered, she said, quietly into the phone, Daddy, you have to come home. Mama’s gone.

What? Evan shouted into the phone, I just left there four hours ago. Sara, what do you mean gone?

Dad, she died sometime after you left her. We just found her Dad. Oh please, can you please come back home Daddy? she begged of him. I need you Dad, please?

"Uh, Sara, oh my God. Honey, I don’t know. Its going to take time to get this load transferred and someone else to take over. I will be there Sara, but I don’t know how long it will take to get it arranged. Sara, you are strong. You can do this girl. Call 911 first and call her doctor. They’ll help you to figure out what to do and I’ll be there when I can. Okay, Sara? Do you understand? He asked her again.

Yes, Dad, but please get here as soon as you can, she said.

I will Honey. I promise. And the phone went dead in Sara’s hand.

Sara was distraught, but she quickly dialed 911 and told the person who answered that she needed help because her mother had passed away. As soon as the operator had all the required information, she asked Sara to stay on the line until the aid car arrived, but Sara told her no, she couldn’t do that. She had to locate her brothers and tell them and she had to call her mother’s doctor and even though the operator asked her not to hang up, she disconnected the call and went to find Tony and Brad. They were the youngest and they were going to need protection and care and Sara needed to be there for them. When she found them outside in the yard they were tossing the football back and forth. She called them to her and sat down with them on the front steps. Sitting on the front steps, in the fading sun, feeling a gentle breeze blowing through her hair and hearing a siren in the distance, the whole scenario felt so unreal to her. I have to tell you something guys. She said. It’s going to be very hard to hear this, but boys, Mama has passed away. We just found her and I need you guys to be strong for me now and help me to get through this, please? she asked them, not knowing how else to do this. Both boys were in shock and they both had tears rolling down their cheeks as they began asking her what had happened, if they could see her and when Dad was coming home? She took them both by the hands and led them into