Zip: A Survival Story

By Roxsane K. Tiernan

There will always be secrets. There have always been secrets. Sometimes the secrets are there because our knowing minds just don't want to remember. Sometimes we don't want to go there -period. Some of my life has been like that but I have been blessed with an amazing memory from age two and a half forward with very rare gaps. I

• Language: English
• Publisher: Book Savvy International
• Release date: Sep 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9781958876091

Roxsane K. Tiernan

I have lived a very full life complete with various challenges that made me who I am. As teacher I still have contact with students from 1959/60 and later I wrote most of these poems when I worked for the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts in Our Cabana in Cuernavaca, Mexico for two years as Program Director.

Book preview

The First Five

Zip’s life has been full of challenges, but I guess that has made her who she is.

Zip was born January 26, all 8 lbs. 4 ounces of her, and yet the story Zip’s mother stuck to for the rest of her life—Zip was premature, a wrinkly little monkey with no fingernails, no toenails, not even skin on her elbows or knees—she was kept in an incubator! Zip’s mother was trying to convince everyone that she wasn’t pregnant when she got married. When Zip was in her teens her Mother told her that Vancouver General Hospital gave out such problem children Zip’s mother vowed never to go back—AND the six other children were all born somewhere else.

What passion fueled sexual encounter prior to Zip’s mother’s family leaving Calgary for the coast implanted Zip. She is not sure but…the following events are certain. Her mother learned that she was pregnant. She discussed it with her older sister and they created a concoction: possibly one containing aloes or/and Black Hellebore to abort Zip. Wel—it failed—so they sent word to Zip’s father who came, and married Zip’s mother.

Zip’s father was in the Canadian Army waiting to go overseas. He was totally committed to the arrival of a strong, intelligent son, and heir. Zip’s father was not exactly pleased when she arrived either! He wanted a son, and to cover his disappointment he went out, got drunk, and didn’t make curfew at the barracks, so he got two weeks KP duty [kitchen patrol] peeling potatoes, and doing other kitchen chores.

Zip’s mother went through an awful pregnancy—she had toxemia, preeclampsia, edema and morning sickness. From photos Zip has seen she didn’t even look like her Mother. Her whole body was swollen, uncomfortable. She needed to keep her feet up. She was sick all day every day. She wasn’t comfortable laying down or sitting up. This stress and misery added to her husband’s wish to get overseas as fast as possible. Living with a wife who was easily agitated, and complaining due to her suffering was difficult.

About the time Zip’s father shipped out in March 1940 two month old Zip caught pneumonia, and ended up in hospital. From that point on she became a strange alternation of joy and frustration for her mother. She was a sickly child. Many foods made her ill. She caught everything going, and then some. If she wasn’t one type of problem child she was another. She had pneumonia again just before her first birthday. While in the hospital she came down with measles, and chicken pox, too. She weighed only seventeen pounds at a year.

Being only 17 pounds at one year old didn’t slow Zip down. She walked at ten months, and was soon climbing everything. One day her mother came into the room to find her sitting in the center of a tray of glasses on top of the highboy style china cabinet eating sugar cubes out of the sugar bowl. What was a mother to do?

Wartime made life different. Zip called every man wearing a soldier’s hat Daddy—her mother wasn’t impressed. Considering she was only two months old when he went overseas, no one could blame her.

In the early 1940’s living at Broadway and Trafalgar at night they could see the lighthouse at Point Atkinson but when the air raid siren went off they had to pull down the blackout shades, and sit in the dark.

Zip was told her Dad sent home the least money he could to support her and her mother. It was wartime—many things were rationed—tea, sugar, butter, coffee, Often Zip’s mother couldn’t buy the vegetables she was familiar with so knowing the basic food rules at times she bought strange vegetables okra, avocadoes or yams. Maybe this unusual diet, spurred Zip’s curiosity for trying new foods later on.

During the war things were different. The milk came in bottles with cardboard tops. When it froze the milk made long necks out of the bottles. The milk was delivered by a team of horses pulling a wagon. The ice came the same way. They had ice boxes no refrigerators. The ice was carried up the stairs in a huge pair of tongs manipulated by a fellow bent over by the weight. The one exception to this delivery method was a Chinese green grocer who had a large cavernous truck loaded with all the fruits and vegetables he could find. He had a route of customers that he followed regularly always arriving the same day of the week at about the same time. Housewives would come down to the street, check for the vegetables and fruits they needed, pay for them on the spot, and return to their homes stowing away their purchases.

Kitty corner from the upstairs duplex where Zip and her mother lived was a candy store with a tempting display in the large glass window fronting the street. They made the best nougat. It was in the attached suite that Zip saw a little boy bare naked for the first time. She was shocked.

Zip’s mother would often take her along Broadway to pay the rent or to get to her Auntie Cathy’s house where she could play with her cousins. When they paid the rent they usually visited the furniture store next door. The owner always had humbugs or other special candies. Zip preferred the St. Clair toffee suckers, and the white and caramel toffees called nigger bones. At that time no one was concerned with political correctness. In summer the landlord often found a spare nickel so Zip could have an ice cream. Zip made a good impression on the people that met her. It was easy to spoil her.

Once they went to North Vancouver by ferry, and then took a bus to visit Mr. Brown their Landlord. He raised chickens which explains why there is a picture of four year old Zip holding a barred-rock hen inside a chicken coop.

During the week her Mom took her by tram to downtown Vancouver to visit her mother’s brother, Uncle Bert in the Hardware department of Woodward’s Store. He was the manager. Then they would go shopping or have lunch at the White Lunch. They would usually order Fish and Chips, or Macaroni and Cheese. She remembered once going to the radio station to visit her Uncle Sam.

They often walked in Kitsilano to visit her cousins. There were two little girls about Zip’s age, and a boy a little younger. When Zip was really little, and couldn’t go to sleep, her Uncle Bert walked the floor with her, and sang all sorts of silly songs. As Zip got older she would sit with her cousins and listen while he read stories to them. Stories of Peter Rabbit, Uncle Remus and Wind in the Willows. Zip loved to listen to her Aunt or Uncle playing the piano. Froggie went a Courting was one of her favorites. Her Uncle taught them how to use a large handkerchief to make two sleeping babies and to make newspaper hats and boats. Their house was a great place to be.

The cousins played together well. Sometimes they all walked to Tatlow Park. They loved to giggle and roll down the slopes as fast as they could. When her Auntie Cathy’s mother died Zip and her Mom stayed with her Uncle Bert. Every morning all the children lined up for a dose of cod liver oil followed quickly by half an orange. The visit must have been close to Christmas as Zip remembers the large roasting chicken with its head wrapped in brown paper and its feet still attached. Maybe it was a turkey.

Christmases were usually spent at her Grandma Ross’s. They were there a lot. Although her Grandpa was getting old she remembers walking down Kingsway with him many days—picking up mill ends that fell from trucks delivering wood or picking dewberries, the tiny blackberries that grew in the gravel or walking to the store a few blocks away to buy candy. Her Grandpa would sit with her, pour some of his tea in a saucer to cool and feed it to her spoonful at a time.

Grandma’s house was a great place to be on Monday mornings. Monday was wash day.. It was quite a process to do the wash. First there was a container on a chair where the laundry was soaked, from there it was lifted out and put through the wash cycle in the machine. Then the clothes were put through the wringer and dropped into another container on a chair that had some of Mrs. Rickett’s Bluing in it. That was to make the whites look whiter. After a while they were put through the wringer again, put in a basket and taken outside to be hung on the long clothesline that ran the length of the backyard. When they were dry they were ironed and put away.

Meanwhile her Auntie Marg or Grandma made bap a flat bread made from leftover mashed potatoes with a little flour, salt and baking powder added. It was cooked on a griddle, then served with butter. They were oh so good. Food at her Grandma’s was something you looked forward to. The salad with shrimp, apple, tomato, chives, banana, lettuce and cucumber in it was delicious. The oyster stew wasn’t Zip’s favorite. She ate the creamy broth but passed the oysters on to the adults. Zip loved to twirl around in circles until she fell down—this was usually done at Grandma’s when the adults were ignoring her—either reading or discussing the war.

Christmas was great. Her mother had made new clothes for her favorite doll, Mary. They were elegant and fit perfectly. The doll sat in the new rocking chair, and Cousin Sarah’s doll Elizabeth had lovely new clothes, too. They spent many happy days with their dolls. Zip remembers the ambulance taking her Grandfather away a few times and finally the hearse coming. She remembers sleeping with her Grandma and Sarah, sleepwalking in the middle of the night, and her Grandma telling her to get back into bed. Sometimes she talked in her sleep, too.

When her Grandpa died Zip was four. She wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral. She was sent to spend the day with Aggie and Gabe. After she was about twelve she went to every funeral with her Mom. Her Mom didn’t like to go alone. As a result Zip can go to funerals easily. Zip can even give a eulogy or act as emcee. Death is a part of life sometimes a welcomed exit from pain or a long term illness.

As a child Zip had a few recurring nightmares. The first one she remembers was of being lost in the snow in Central Park where they got off the interurban tram. There were always lots of people. She was scared. In the dream she wore a pale green coat, hat, and leggings but she never really had those clothes. Another dream she had was of a man with a wooden leg crawling in the window, maybe he was a pirate. He scared her.

As a small child Zip would cry if she got a minor scrape or injury. Her Mother’s response always was soldiers don’t cry. She learned not to cry, just to suffer in silence. She was taught to be clean and tidy, to follow directions from adults and to be polite. When her Auntie Marg called her a Cabbage Head Zip responded with Pumpkin Head just before her Mom came through the door. She only heard what Zip had said. That is terrible behavior—apologize to your Aunt right now and don’t let me ever hear you saying those kind of things again. You must be polite. Why are you such a cheeky girl?

Zip was never allowed to run around naked and she rarely saw others without clothes. People needed to be covered up at all times. Their bodies were secrets they needed to keep private.

Her Uncle Harry was a chauffeur, so often on weekends, he’d take them to special places. Zip thinks he drove a 1936 Plymouth. Usually they had a snack before they left, something special, maybe Auntie Marg was impressing her beau. Zip remembers on separate occasions they had timbales, a cherry pie and custard pie. They’d eat, wash up and pile into the car for an adventure. Zip was busy looking out the window, and soon she would be sick to her stomach. They’d have to stop, let her vomit, clean her up and they’d get going again. They went to Horseshoe Bay, to Bowen Island, and once out to a dairy farm in the valley. Uncle Harry squirted milk from the cow to the waiting kittens then he squirted Zip. She was surprised. Uncle Harry and Auntie Marg were always teasing.

One night Zip was to sleep with Sarah, but Sarah wouldn’t cuddle her—Zip asked her to, she tried tickling Sarah-that didn’t work either so she BIT her. Of course, Sarah told her Auntie Marg and her Auntie Marg said, bite her back and she did. Zip’s Uncle Harry called her Tojo after the Japanese Admiral. She was very good at giving orders.

At home in the summertime her Mom taught her to pick blackberries. They ate them for breakfast with cream. Zip had a bathing suit made of elastic smocked cotton that fit her for many years. It was her favorite summer play clothes. She played outside a lot with the little boy from next door. Like other children they played doctor, put things in her vagina, and she learned the word Fuck. For that she got her mouth washed out with soap. Sometimes they went over to his house where his older brothers taught her to jitterbug.

Who sexually assaulted her when she was four Zip hasn’t a clue. It could have been one of the older brothers of the boy next door, or a friend of her cousin, Bobby, who stayed with Zip and her Mom while he went to the local high school. His sister, Norma lived with her Grandma and Auntie Marg. It must have been a terrible time for them as their mother had died of tuberculosis and scurvy teaching school in an Indian village on Lake Winnipeg. Their father worked in the shipyards in Vancouver at the beginning of the war but left to fish up the coast near Alert Bay.

For Zip, well things got worse. The only reason Zip remembers is that she got a very bad Herpes infection her genitals were covered with sores that looked like corn flakes to her which meant that her mother had to take her to the doctor’s. Now her mother knew that she hadn’t protected Zip well enough. Zip hadn’t just learned the word fuck. Someone had sexually abused her. Someone who had Herpes. When they got back from the doctors her mother threw herself down on the bed and cried and cried. Zip knew she was the cause of all that grief so she never used that word again.

Her mother had a hard time raising her. She was concerned with keeping Zip pretty, visiting her friends and her relatives, and keeping this sickly child healthy. She never trusted Zip. Her mother never saw things she didn’t want to see. For her, Zip was a challenge—too headstrong, too smart, and a real handful. At five years she weighed thirty five and a half pounds. –a willful energetic force of nature.

Zip’s health was variable so she needed an iron tonic, and more trips to the doctor than her cousins did. She had a mild form of whooping cough in1943 even though she’d had all the recommended shots. She had her tonsils removed when she was four. She still remembers the meals of ice cream and Jell-O in the hospital. She was anemic so she needed that sickeningly sweet medicine. She thinks it must have been expensive, too. Soon after her Dad came home she didn’t have to take it anymore. He said she’d be fine without it, and she was. After she started school she was mostly