The Vigil

By Oleander Main

The polar bears believe they are the guardians of the souls of all creation, maintaining a constant vigil over the polar ice. Join Aruq, a polar bear who takes a journey to determine what he believes. He encounters a Bear Talker, a human who can communicate with bears, and it changes everything for generations to come. You are invited to join seven generations of bears on a journey of faith. What do you believe?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Sep 11, 2015
• ISBN: 9781514406038

Oleander Main

Oleander Main is a novelist whose writing encompasses themes of relationships, belief systems, personal authority, and societal and global shifts. The name Juvante in The Nexus was inspired by the motto Deo Juvante which she learned of during her fi rst visit to Monaco. She is grateful to the Principality of Monaco for the inspiration and leadership they steadfastly provide to the world in the areas of environmental concerns and protection efforts.

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Copyright © 2015 by Oleander Main.

Cover photograph by Thorbjørn Riise Haagensen used with permission.

Photographer maintains all rights to his image.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 09/11/2015

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CONTENTS

First Generation: The Journey

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Second Generation: The Retreat

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Third Generation: The Divide

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Fourth Generation: The Remembrance

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Fifth Generation: The Calling

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Sixth Generation: The Enigma

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Seventh Generation: The Choice

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Bear Genealogy

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FIRST GENERATION: THE JOURNEY

Chapter 1

I am Aruq. Living half the year in the season of light which circles the polar ice has its limits. I am grateful when the earth tilts again to afford me the relief that darkness brings. I have grown patient for it, throughout my years of trekking across the Homelands.

My father, Suunrik, taught me this patience of the seasons, as he taught me how I might use this skill in other areas of my life. I use it when I lie in wait for the seals to emerge for a moment of breath from beneath the ice. Plunging my paws into the dark liquid chill to obtain food after hours of waiting,

I know that this patience has its benefits. Suunrik told me we are born with the ability to sense the vibrations in a way that is unique to our kind. We know the ring seal is coming from his vibration beneath the water, under the ice, to its breathing hole where we wait.

My mother, Tekla had a different explanation of our relationship to the polar ice cap. Huddled together with her as a cub during the coldest seasons, she would tell me the story of why we have remained here on the ice caps since the beginning of time.

Growing up, I could feel the vibration of the ice beneath my paws at all times. She said that this was a reminder of our purpose. She encouraged me to maintain the dignity of our kind and maintain the constant vigil over the ice.

As I grew to full form, I would sometimes traverse the ice, going far distances in order to see if this was correct. I would cross into the shadow ice of the Homelands, and slide down the waves of the shimmering gleam. I would seek out the brightest tops of ice that nearly blinded me with their reflective intensity. I would cross the solid, clear and opaque forms, across rock and over water, to see if I would still, and always, feel the vibration beneath the ice. I discovered that indeed I did. As long as the ice would remain, it provided me with a sense of security in the purpose that my mother had shared with me.

She told me, as she had told my sister, Nila that the polar ice of our Homelands held the sacred vibration of the world and that we were placed here at the beginning of creation to maintain a constant vigil. As a cub, I liked the idea of having a purpose and being important.

Nila and I would play together, sliding down the snow hills and proclaim ourselves to be the great guardian warriors of the world. We would challenge each other and attempt to display our superiority, through our strength in play or hunting abilities.

Nila, who was neither as strong nor as good a hunter as me, took solace in that she too was a wondrous guardian warrior because her fur coat was the purest white of any of us, and therefore closest to the snow and ice in color. She proclaimed herself able to blend so well into our environment as to be invisible, and therefore one with the polar cap.

Our first encounter with a human hunter helped us to appreciate this gift she had. Nila had played further from us, and was dancing across the ice cap in joy, when the hunters and their dogs approached. Curious as I was, I wanted to explore what made such noise and smelled so different from us, but my mother held me back.

Tekla told me that to approach the human hunter today meant to make a choice, to kill or be killed, to sacrifice ourselves or them. She said while each had a purpose, perhaps it would not be my purpose today.

We watched as my sister continued her dance with the human hunters approaching. Nila seemed oblivious to the danger, although she explained later that she had been quite aware of their closeness. As they lifted their weapons and pointed them at her, she danced into the snow mists and disappeared.

We have to give them a story to take home with them, don’t we? Nila had laughed afterward. We can’t have them returning home with nothing, or they will be the mocked and ridiculed by their kind.

From that point on we avoided the human hunters, all except my sister who would approach and retreat like a dance, feeling it her purpose to give them stories to bring back with them. She would return to us and share her adventures, explaining that not all of the humans she encountered were hunters.

Some are Bear Talkers and they can communicate with us, Nila would inform us, as if it were a matter of course.

Our cousins and I scoffed this idea, of humans communicating with bears.

For what purpose or what reason? we demanded of Nila.

They view us as having power, she said simply, and rolled across the snow.

We wanted to understand this power that she spoke of, and to understand how the Bear Talkers could communicate with us, but she would say nothing more.

As time spiraled forward, my mother would explain to us more of this sacred purpose and our relationship with the polar ice. Tekla said the ice itself was alive, and as such, a form of life. We did not believe her, because we could not eat it and be sustained. We understood the ring seals and the fish were a form of life because they would keep us alive, but were uncertain about the ice actually being alive. She talked to us about how every part of life forms a pattern and that this pattern is unique to things, and this polar ice upon which we lived was also living and had its own pattern.

Our Nila, whom we began to call the Human Talker, would perk up and ask for more of the story. She sought to understand the purpose of this polar ice that was alive and why we were made to be the guardians of it. Tekla explained since all things returned to the earth, including our souls, the polar ice attracted and collected the souls of all creation. So long as the ice would remain, so too the world of us all. The constant vibration we felt every moment of our existence on the ice was the collection of souls kept within it.

Suunrik countered this, saying how was it possible that all of creation could fit their souls on our ice cap when according to his father, the ice has been diminishing with each new generation? It surpassed belief, he announced, that an area growing smaller would contain and growing number of souls.

While I had tested to see if the vibration occurred everywhere on the Homeland, Nila took a different approach. In the sleeping times, she told me that she would journey to the dreams of the humans and return with their stories. Her approach seemed dissatisfying, as she returned to consciousness with varying tales.

The humans had different stories of where their souls would go, she told us. Some said they went below the seas, some would be born again into a new life form, some believed their existence ended altogether. This last notion concerned me greatly and I returned to my mother with questions.

Do we end and that is all there is? I asked of Tekla nervously. To hunt and mate and traverse the ice. Is that it then? What sense should I make of it?

My mother watched me for what seemed the greatest span of time and told me that she could not answer to my faith and had already told me of our purpose. She said to me that the journey of faith was one I would need to make in order to determine what it was I chose to believe. I was angry, as she had not asked this of Nila.

What journey will Nila then make, I asked. You expect her to cross the ice cap to make this journey of faith?

Tekla shook her head and, nodding to Nila, informed me that hers had already begun with her dreaming.

I did not understand why I would receive the challenge of an arduous physical journey while my sister would sleep away and return with fantastical stories. How was it that we would receive our knowledge in different ways? In truth, I was afraid to leave my family and perhaps return from this journey with no stories of my own.

Nila roused from her sleep before my departure. She comforted me in her own way, which was, at the time, no comfort at all.

Aruq, you will meet a human who is a Bear Talker, who will make the journey with you.

She had seen it in a dream of hers and she and our mother believed in the truth of it. Suunrik, however, cautioned against such things.

And Nila, what would such a Bear Talker want with Aruq? he questioned. A fine polar pelt to warm himself with? Aruq’s heart to eat and take his power? His bones to cast and tell fortunes? His teeth as a charm to make his human wife more fertile?

We considered this in silence, hoping that he would stop.

No Aruq, take this Bear Talker’s power instead, he advised. Eat his heart as these humans are heartless creatures anyway and he will have no need of it. Better still, eat his brain and perhaps you will dream as Nila does!

Neither idea was particularly appealing. Suunrik growled in laughter at this.

Perhaps this is the secret of Nila’s dreaming, he continued. She ate a human brain and caught some disease from it!

Tekla would have none of this, and swatted a paw in frustration at Suunrik.

From the beginning of time we have had our Dreamers, she responded. Many are females and you know this, Suunrik. We are charged with the responsibility of carrying life within us and this gives us abilities, such as dreaming. Go now, Aruq and make your journey."

And so I had begun my journey of faith.

The half year darkness had descended, casting the Homeland into shadows of fish scale grey and watery blue. Suunrik had often said we polar bears could find our way anywhere. We each knew at any moment exactly where we were in relation to all else. As a cub I had asked him if he knew a time when this would fail us. He had said no, nodding upward and scratching the ice with his large claw. I took this to mean that with the sky ever above and the ice below, we already had two certainties to guide us. He told me everywhere we stand is our Homeland. We are always home.

I trusted my sense of direction in all things as a cub, knowing that I would find my way back when I strayed from my mother. I could trust it to find food and shelter. So long as I knew what I was looking for, I would invariably find it.

This journey of faith was another matter. I did not know where it was that I would find it, and the thought of this made me uneasy. In such moments of uncertainty, the familiar shadow grays and blues of the season appeared to me as taunting enemies. The ever present sky and glittering stars provided no comfort. The stars seemed to me closer to reaching on a journey than this elusive notion of faith.

With each step taking me farther from the familiarity of my family, there is a trepidation gnawing at my heels like an arctic fox might when I feast. I shake it off, deciding to ignore it in favor of focusing on the ever-familiar vibration beneath my paws. When I lie down to rest, the iterant pest I’ve come to consider this feeling seemingly expands. It’s larger than a fox and the more distance I have from where I first began, the greater its size.

I remind myself that I am a hunter and trekker and can find my way to anything. Where is my equanimity now? When I do as I have always done, it never fails me. Here on this journey, it is not to be found. My uneasy companion accompanies me, growing to full size. He will prove to be a formidable opponent, should we face off to fight. He’s as large as I am, and equally tenacious. He is none other than me, and therefore inescapable.

I don’t like this edginess, mainly because it’s overly familiar. It was present in my play with Nila and my cousins to a lesser degree, like some dim shadow trailing behind me. I’ve got little to do on this journey, beyond walking, sleeping and occasionally hunting, so I begin to track my shadow companion of restlessness.

Thinking back on it, it’s been behind every question I’ve ever thought to ask. Commended for my curiosity as a cub, I gave little thought to it at the time. Suunrik would rattle back a quick, playful response to it. Tekla eyed me with a sense of quiet knowing. At the time, I assumed her glance to mean she was accustomed to my ever-questioning nature. Now, with my own restless nature exposed before me, I believe she must have recognized it as a mirror to her own temperament. Perhaps this is what prompted her to suggest I take a journey of faith.

There’s only so much thinking I can do before I get restless even with that, and my thoughts turn back to Nila’s premonition that I would reach a Bear Talker human. With this in mind, I cautiously circled the lands where the humans lived. On occasion, I would encounter one who would call to me and I would understand him, so I would call back. I came to realize that my calls back were not understood.

Was this what Nila had experienced, or was it simply me? Dissatisfied, I roamed further from the humans, into areas far from where they live. In my sleep, I dream of Nila encouraging me to continue on, or of her laughter should I return home not having found what I set off to find.

Upon waking, I recall that there is a fjord I enjoyed as a cub. What I loved best in my memory of it was the seal hunt we did there as a family. It was a good hunting day for us all, but particularly for me, being that it was my first seal hunt. Perhaps my patience will return if I do as I did before. If nothing else, the act of doing something that shows a result should improve my mood.

Chapter 2

I find the fjord quite easily, but I’m surprised by how much it’s changed compared to how I remember it. The fractured sea-blue grandeur of the ice takes my breath away. Is it possible that I had forgotten its beauty, or is it that I am only now appreciating its splendor? Returning to the stomping ground of my youth, I’m entranced by the play of shadow and light shapes. I imagine them to be refractions of my restlessness companion, mirrored across the ice.

I position myself carefully near the water’s edge and lie in wait for a seal. I dive deep when I sense one, confident in both my timing and abilities. I am as adept in the sea as I am on land, both being home to me. The sea catches me in its embrace as I throw myself into the hunt. I am almost on my prey when the ice beside me calves off, sucking me further down.

Survival. I am deep in the water and a nightmare of ice plummets down on me. It is unnerving because there is no sound and nothing is recognizable as the sea I’ve intimately known. Large pieces of ice hit me full on. I’m focused on survival and swim madly away from the calving ice and to the surface. I am clawing up something stable and don’t stop until I have no energy left.

I believe that I have survived. In my disoriented state, I must have climbed up into an ice cave, because it’s dark and I can’t see a thing. I turn around to track my way back to its entrance, but can find none. I continue on. This must be the largest ice cave in the Homelands, because I am not finding a way out of it. Thankful to be alive, I sleep and will tackle this dilemma when I wake.

Waking, just about everything hurts but I am able to continue. I feel the vibration of the ice beneath me and decide I will follow it to the light. I walk for hours, bumping into walls of ice. I realize that the degree to which the ice vibrates can guide me away from the walls and pay close attention to this as I wander. The call of the white tailed eagle high above me alerts me to the fact that something is wrong. Eagles do not live in ice caves. I roar out, hoping to hear my own sound echoed back. There is only the sound of my call moving further away from me.

I can feel the wind blowing opposite my fur and turn, but there is nothing to see. I am not in an ice cave. I suppose I must have died and this is the experience of my soul. Not one with the ice, nor ceasing to exist. Instead, I traverse inescapable darkness. Is this where souls go? Will there be others that I will meet? How will I find them if I cannot see?

Uncertain of how to proceed, I lie down and sleep comes upon me again. When I wake, there is hunger. I did not know hunger trails after death, the way that restlessness did life. If I am expected to hunt in this obscurity, I tell myself there must be something here that will sustain me.

I hear the familiar sound of seal under ice and follow the vibration to the water’s edge. The vibration of the ice focuses and strengthens beneath me as I wait, its intensity propelling me into the water to the seal. Swiftly capturing it, I feel the ice above me and make my way to the surface. Hauling the seal to the surface, I feast upon it. The seal tastes the same in this afterlife. Its soul does not join me in my darkness, and I wonder where it has gone.

My hunger addressed, my feeding did not satisfy the longing that remains. I continue my trek, reconciling with the darkness. There are differences in the tremor of the ice. When nearer the water’s edge, it is steady, farther from it, it becomes lighter and more playful in nature. I do not know if the Bear Talker is to be found in this world of mine.

Without warning, the vibration of the ice shifts its tenor. Bear Talker, I think, and the ice resonates stronger still. I begin to walk, noting that the reverberation changes when I deviate from what I presume to be its path for me. I follow the strongest pulsation.

After some time, I catch the scent of a human and the familiar smell of seal. I presume the human must be hunting. I did not smell the dogs that often accompany them and would give warning to my presence.

The whisper of a thought not my own comes to me. It is his. In an instant I know he is aware of my presence. I call out a challenge in the form of a question to see what he would do.

Do you know the way to faith?

No, I do not know the way to find the destination of faith. If you find it, let me know.

This startles me and I pause. He was as patient a hunter as me. After making the killing, his attention returns to me.

I am Turak. There is more to be had at this breathing hole if you wish.

So this is death? I ask him.

I sense him coming closer and feel something wave past my nose. The motion goes above my head and the sensation of movement glides past my face. I can smell him. This is the closest I have ever been to a human before. Eventually, his hand pauses and he touches me. I jerk my head away at first, startled to have him do that. This afterlife is a strange place and nothing has prepared me for it.

We are not dead. How long have you been blind?

Blindness? This cannot be true. I describe the accident while hunting, and he speculates that this is what caused it. He wants to know how I made my way to him in this condition. I explain that I’ve been following the ice.

It’s all ice. We all pay attention to it, so I’m not sure what you mean?

I wanted to understand our purpose.

I explain that we bears