Food Stamp: How Valuable Was the Food Stamp in the 1970’S and What All Could You Buy with It?

By Terry Tillman

This novel begins in the year 1976. Thadius and Phil are planning on stealing food stamps straight out of the mailbox of unsuspecting Detroit families. The two thugs plan on using the food stamps to buy whatever they need: cigarettes, beer, and drugs. This novel explores the state of welfare in America.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 31, 2015
• ISBN: 9781503548015

Terry Tillman

This novel begins in the year 1976. Thadius and Phil are planning on stealing food stamps straight out of the mailbox of unsuspecting Detroit families. The two thugs plan on using the food stamps to buy whatever they need: cigarettes, beer, and drugs. This novel explores the state of welfare in America.

Book preview

Chapter 1

I GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS ONE

The year is 1976. Two guys are crouched down in the gangway between two houses. In the background, someone is playing Night of the Thumpasorus People by the Parliaments. Thadius and Phil are two of the worst thugs in the neighborhood. They are about to steal the food stamps out of the mailbox. They have hit five mailboxes so far. But now they are about to fuck with the wrong house this time. They’ve picked the house of Old Man Wilson. Wilson is known to pull his .357 out on people walking on his grass.

Phil: What’s takin’ this dude so long?

Thadius: Just chill, man. I see him.

Phil: I got a bad feeling about this one, man.

Thadius: OK, after this one, we’ll go to lunch.

Phil: I really think we should just skip this one.

Thad: Are you worried about what them kids said ’bout Old Man Wilson?

Phil: Hell yeah, they said this old cat would pull his gun out on anybody. They said he pulled it out on the Jehovah’s Witness. He was a damn fool.

See, Thadius and Phil would steal the food stamps out of people’s mailbox and get some kids to cash them and collect all the change. But back then, everybody was doing it. They would find some kids, give them each a one-dollar food stamp, and tell them to buy something for 25 cents and bring back the change. Back in those days, you could buy anything with food stamps: cigarettes, weed, beer, Pampers, even pussy. Thadius and Phil had the game down cold like a mob racket.

The mailman finally makes it to the mailbox. He puts the food stamps in the mailbox.

Phil: Wait, man.

Thad: What’s up, man?

Phil: I heard somebody. (Phil has had a change of heart.)

Thad: I know what you’re thinking. What about them poor people that can’t eat now? The welfare got this thing down cold.

Phil: What do you mean?

Thad: When these people don’t get their food stamp, they just go in and fill out a form, and they get what’s called emergency food stamps. Some people just lie and say they never received their food stamps for the period.

Back in those days, people receive food stamps every two weeks. The government was good to a nigger back then.

Thadius makes his move; he runs on the porch and grabs the food stamps out of the mailbox. Just as he is about hop off of the porch, Wilson shoots through his door at Thad. Thad dives off the porch and lands on his head. He is out cold. Everyone thinks Mr. Wilson shot Thad for sure. When Thadius lands on his head, the impact is so hard it put him instantly in a coma.

The EMS pulls up, and not a minute too soon. The people are ready to lynch Mr. Wilson. And the other half are on his side ’cause they did not like the food stamp thieves either. So the EMS guys said that he was not shot; he just cracked his head real good. The crowd settles down. Phil is off in the background, just looking. So they take Thadius to the hospital. They run all kinds of tests on him; finally, they declare him comatose. His food stamp stealing days are over for a while. Every day for the last thirty-six years, the family visits Thadius, hoping one day he will wake from his coma.

This day, the family gets ready to go see Thadius. Dee Dee was Thad’s sister’s kid. She ran off with some man and left him with Emma. Emma is Thaddeus’s mother, but they all call her Bigger Mama.

Dee Dee: I had an idea.

Emma: What was that?

Dee Dee: Maybe if Thad heard one of his friends’ voice, he might wake up.

Bill is Emma’s husband.

Bill: Yeah, we might try it as well, it can’t hurt anything.

Emma: Who were his friends? I don’t know any of them.

Dee Dee: His best friend is Phil.

Emma: Do you know where he lives?

Dee Dee: I know where he might be at.

Emma: Well, you just tell Bill what streets to go down, and we’ll find him.

So they all hop in the car.

Dee Dee: Go down this street. And this street.

They cover the whole Westside, looking for Phil.

Dee Dee: There’s one more street I think he might be on. Go on Blaine Street.

So they turn on Blaine and see a dude breaking into a Cadillac.

Dee Dee: That’s him.

So Bill pulls over to the Cadillac and says, Boy, what the hell you doin’?

Phil: I locked my keys in my car.

Emma: That ain’t your damn car, boy. You got two seconds to get in this car, or I’m gonna turn you over to the police.

Phil: OK, Mrs. McDonald. What y’all doin’ today?

Dee Dee: Lookin’ for you.

Phil: For what?

Emma: We want you to come up to the hospital with us so you can talk to your friend.

Bill: We think if he hears your voice, he might wake up.

Phil: I don’t know what I can say to wake him.

Emma: Well, you better try. So they go up to the ward.

Chapter 2

THE CLONES OF DR. FUNKENSTEIN

Phil cuts on the TV. BET network has a Parliament/Funkadelic hour showing. Phil turns up the volume on the TV. Thad hears the music; his feet begin to twitch, and his head moves to the beat. His eyes open up.

Before you knew it, Thadius was up out of his bed, dancing to the music. It was like nothing the doctors had ever seen. The funk had spread all on the ward. Other coma patients were up dancing as well. As the doctors calm down and put the patients back in bed, they are still jamming in Thad’s room. The doctor calls security to help handle the chaos. The ward is finally restored back to normal. Dr. Hoover walks into Thad’s room and asks, Is there anybody here who can tell me what happened here?

Phil: It was the funk that did it.

Dr. Hoover: What in the hell is he talking about?

Emma: What he’s saying is that it was the music that woke him from his coma.

Dr. Hoover: That’s nonsense. We play soft music through the ward all day long.

Emma: It’s not just any kinda music. It’s funky music.

Dr. Hoover: That makes no sense to me.

Bill: That’s ’cause most of you white people don’t know nothing about the funk. Sure y’all know jazz, the blues, and disco, but the funk is something that’s hard for y’all to get up on.

Dr. Hoover: So you’re trying to make me believe that this man woke from a thirty-six-year coma from hearing some funky-sounding music?

Emma: Once again, it’s not just any kinda music. It’s P-Funk: Parliament-Funkadelic. I know this ’cause that’s all he used to listen to when he was a kid.

Dr. Hoover: Well, I can’t accept that as a solution.

Emma: I don’t care what you accept. All I know is that my boy is back.

Dr. Hoover: Even if that explains Thad’s case, what about the others who were dancing too?

Bill: They may have had some funk in them too, just dying to come out. That funk is some real powerful stuff. Just ask Soul Brother Number 1, James Brown.

Dr. Hoover: I’m not buying all this. We will have a meeting in thirty minutes in the family room to discuss Thad’s discharge and follow-up.

The doctor leaves. Emma looks at Thad and says, Do you know what’s goin’ on, boy?

Thad: I can see that I’m in a hospital room, and I see all of y’all.

Then he looks to the left and sees his good friend, Phil. Thad grabs Phil and gives him a big hug and asks him, What the hell is going on here, man? I know you know.

Phil: Do you remember the last time we was together?

Thad: Yeah, we was gonna hit Old Man Wilson’s mailbox.

Phil: Well, he shot at you, and you jumped off the porch and landed on your head and have been in here thirty-six years.

Thad: What year is this?

Phil: 2011. How do you feel?

Thad: I feel good, like you knew that I would. Who is this little bro?

Emma: That’s Dee Dee, your nephew. He lives with us.

Bill: Do you remember me?

Thad: Yeah, man—what’s up, how you been?

Bill: We been waiting for you to come back to the future.

Just then, Nurse Jackie walks in and says that they’re ready for everyone now. It’s time for the meeting.

Thad looks at Emma and says, What should I say, what’s gonna happen?

Emma: You tell these damn people you wanna come home today.

So the family enters the room with the whole hospital medical board in there.

Dr. Hoover: Would someone kindly explain to the board here what we were talking about just after this event happened?

Emma looks at Bill and says, Let Phil mess with them. So Emma looks at Phil and says, Break it down to them, boy.

Phil, stands up: It’s like this. It’s all about the funk. Funk has a certain power over the Black folk. It’s not like any other kind of music. When you hear it, you feel it as well. This man ain’t heard any funk in thirty-six years. What did you think was gonna happen, dah? I just wanna know if you people gonna let my man come home today.

Emma: You tell ’em, boy.

Dr. Hoover: There’s certain tests that must be made before we even think about discharging him.

Thad: I’ve been in this damn place for thirty-six years, and I don’t wanna spend one more day in here.

Dr. Hoover: Now, you don’t understand. If these tests are not done, we won’t be held responsible for what may go wrong.

Emma: No, you don’t understand. This is a great day for our family, and if you get in the way, I will go to the papers, TV, radio, and anyone that will listen. Not to mention if he has to stay here, he’s gonna wanna listen to the Funkadelics. These folks will be jammin’ up in here 24/7. Before you know it, y’all will be out of business. You’ll be sending coma patients home every week.

Nurse Jackie: She does have a point there. We don’t wanna go out of business. Ain’t that just like the medical profession?

So the board agrees to let Thadius go home. Dr. Hoover pulls Emma aside to tell her a few things she should make sure Thad stays away from.

Emma: Yes, what are these things I should keep him away from?

Dr. Hoover: Number 1, keep him away from drugs, alcohol, and any conversations that remind him of crimes that people did with him. The case file says he was stealing food stamps? Keep him away from them too. And if any change happens, take him straight to the emergency room.

So they all leave the hospital. On their way to the garage, everyone is silent except for Mama Emma because she is layin’ down the rules of the house to Thadius. She says, There will not be no coming in all times of the night, no drinking, no smokin’ weeds, no wild women, no drugs, no stealing.

She goes on and on as they all get in the car and pull off. As Emma is talking, Thad looks around at his new world. Everything is new and strange to him. So he begins to ask questions.

CHAPTER 3

WELCOME TO THE FUTURE

Thad: Why are all cars round looking?

Dee Dee says, They found out that the aerodynamic shape is the best design for the car to make driving more smoother.

Thad: What are those flashes of light on the streetlamps I see every now and then? It’s like they are takin’ pictures.

Dee Dee: That’s right. It’s the traffic enforcement designed to catch bad drivers. And yes, it’s taking pictures.

Thad: Would somebody please tell me why all these guys walking around with their pants half hangin’ off their asses? It looks like they took a shit on themselves. And everybody is either lookin’ at or on their walkie-talkies. What’s that all about?

Dee says, The reason why people wear their pants like that is because it’s the new style called Sagging. Well, it’s not brand-new. They have been wearing ’em like that for as far back as the early 1980s.

Thad says, What’s the matter, they forgot to buy a belt?

Dee: They wear belts too. And those are not walkie-talkies, those are cellular phones.

Thad says, But where is the phone cord?

Dee says, It’s wireless.

Thad says, I must have been gone for a long time.

Dee says, That’s called a coma.

Thad says, Thanks a lot, smart-ass. I got one more question. Why has this cop car been following us for long?

Emma says, I can answer that one. That’s ’cause yo daddy is such a bad driver, the cop might think he’s been drinking of somethin’.

Bill says, OK, baby, lay off that.

So they finally make it to the house and go in. Emma says, Y’all gonna have to clean out that spare back room so Thad can have a place to sleep. Y’all can get started on it now—and, Thad, I put all yo old things in the basement.

Dee and Thad clean out the room, carrying things to the basement and bringing up the spare bed.

Emma: Go hook all that stuff up for him. You know he don’t know anything about it.

Dee Dee: I ain’t got time for that. I’m on the sixth level of my game.

Emma: If you don’t, I’ll take all that electronic shit I got you right out to the alley. Dee hooks up the old TV and DVD player and begins to show Thad how to work them.

Thad: What this little thing here?

Dee: That’s the remote control for changing channels and volume.

Thad: What’s that?

Dee says, That’s the DVD player.

Thad: What the hell is that?

Dee says, You can watch movies on it.

Thad says, I must have been gone for a long time.

Dee: That’s called a coma.

Thad says, You gonna wear that joke out.

Dee says, "Hand me