Psychiatric Abuse Poetry…..: Shattering the Bloody Glass Ceiling

By Desha Blue

Psychiatric Abuse Poetry is a book of primarily poems about the most heinous abuse that occurs in psychiatric facilities. This is not a book of poetry about professionals suggesting medications that are not helpful and are in fact oftentimes harmful on one level or another. This is not a book of poetry about professionals being somewhat blas about the welfare of their patients. This is a book depicted the real-life reality based verbal, mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse which is common in County and/or State lock-down facilities for those deemed DTO/DTS, even when those patients are forced into such a setting due to false stories/made-up stories or the lies of an abuser. Readers are cautioned that the poetry herein is blunt, disturbing and honest.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 17, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499031720

Book preview

Copyright © 2014 by Desha Blue.

Library of Congress Control Number:                 2014910481

ISBN:                 Hardcover            978-1-4990-3173-7

                     Softcover                 978-1-4990-3174-4

                     eBook                       978-1-4990-3172-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 08/15/2014

Xlibris LLC

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

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Contents

Prologue

Journal entries from 2008 pre-aug/26/2008

Off the Rail

The true events of 2008

Board of behavioral health examiners

Some of the policy change items this writer asked for

Let the poetry begin….

Count It Up

Examined

As if It Wasn’t Enough Already

Now Sayeth

Repetitive

Little Bird

Move In Nest

Garden

Liar

Public Commode

Happy

Recollections

Beat the Nice Out

Altered

The Line Lost

Time Running Out of Time

Monkeys

Instead of Justice

No Volunteer

Never Will

Perpetuators

Detonated

Official Frog-Men

Drives Real Good

The difference between wants and needs

Drowning

Child’s Play

Dirty Little Ditty

Blind Ignorant Sight

Enunciate

Sociopathic

Displaced

In Between

Haunting(s)

My Body

Spider Monkeys

Mrs. fitz

Me

Sicker

Cause it & Study it

Experiment

Decent

Not human-not even alive anymore

P.A.S

Tv show wisdom

None

Model

Styling Sharply

Swine

Pretty

Prayers

Sacrificed for Nothing

B*tches

Congregation

All the old men

Forever

No Means No

Spooked

Miss Piggy

Beliefs in There

Something Funny

Which One

Secret Slaves

Cocked Monkey

Mr. dickey

Bartender

Disembodied

Layers

Cool Girls’ Clique

Right Here-Right Now

Four Score

Tricks

Poultice

Frontal Lobe Damage

Apgar

Blind

Tokens

Inject Truth How?

Say the Words

Chamber

Shattered

Find a Reason

Second Best

The consequences in part—reality, it’s not nice:

Lucky

Shark

It is not like a flu shot

Crushed Pulp

Failures

Monument

Recalling All

No Title

The Great Production

Happy

Trampled

Scream

Tonight

S-O Tarts

Recipe’

Sold for Lies

Smeared-Out

B-52

Place

Shake It Up Maybe

Permission

Circus

Exposure

Clue

Therapeutic Methodology

Words

Obvious

Truly Innocent

Think It They Do

Mrs. James

Gored-Out

PTSD

Lobster

Taken

World

Pop-Rockets

Eye of Hell

Trying to Flip it

Namby Pamby Bullshit

Run

During their secret meeting

Self Loathing

Greedy Liar

See Them Want It

Defective

Guilty

Somehow

Rocket Mamba Speed

They Know Not..

Sorry

Actions

Gift

RAPE DEFINED

Tools

Life

Wasted

Low

Nonsense Excuses

Variances

Exposed

Just like Rosary Beads

Deaf

Sweet Switch

Dog

Sick Games At S-O

Hypocritical Oath

Meaningless Truth

Strong

Left Behind

Skippety-Hop

Yummy-Yummy

Mrs. Ki Lee

Hear Me Now

Some real signs of suicidal thoughts, plans and behaviors—placed herein as apparently many "professionals somehow do not have a clue

A General description and suggestions—what is real delusional thinking:

NEWS 2013

LETTER TO READERS

The Macquarie Dictionary defines the word ‘deceit’ as:

1. The act of practice of deceiving; concealment or perversion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; fraud; cheating.

2. An act or device intended to deceive; a trick; stratagem.

The word ‘deceive’ as:

To mislead by a false appearance or statement; delude.

This is exactly the starting point for our topic. Satan is the great deceiver because he is the greatest concealer, the mightiest perverter of truth, the ultimate misleader, and the most convincing fraud and liar….

For he (i.e. Satan) is an enemy and a foe, and it is a great security to know clearly the tactics of your enemies … when he overcomes by deceitfulness, he does not get the better of all men … he does not overcome … by force, yet by deceitfulness (Homily II-1).

By Timothy Evangelindis from the Orthodox Research Institute.

"In the New Testament, we come across Satan being referred to as a Deceiver, a Destroyer, a Liar, a Murderer, an Accuser and an Adversary. All these names are consistent with a spirit being who is perverted and destructive."

By Jamie McNab

"The original Hebrew term, satan, is a noun from a verb meaning primarily to, obstruct, oppose, as it is found in Numbers 22:22, 1 Samuel 29:4, Psalms 109:6.[4] Ha-Satan is traditionally translated as the accuser, or the adversary…

From: Wikipedia….

Other Definitions for Satan: sah-TAHN.

Satan = The accuser In Hebrew: Accuser or adversary.

The Devil = The slanderer In Hebrew it refers to any adversary

The Father of Lies not any specific evil being.

The Oppressor of the Saints

The Sower of Discord

The Enemy of all Good

A Liar and Deceiver

An Imitator.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and when they fail in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress.

Quotes above by Mr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Justice is sweet and musical; but injustice is harsh and discordant.

Quote above by Henry David Thoreau

Justice in the life and conduct of the State is possible only as first it resides in the hearts and souls of the citizens.

Quote above by Plato

In the absence of justice, what is sovereignty but organized robbery?

Quote above by Saint Augustine

I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.

Quote above by Abraham Lincoln.

"Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

The ceremony of innocence is doomed…"

Quote by W.B. Yeats, The Second Coming

The first rule of the witch hunt: Don’t limit yourself to the witches.

Author of this quote (above) unknown.

However this quote reflects the mindset of

the abuser of humane conduct, justice and truth quite well.

PROLOGUE

I am truly somewhat at a loss of what to say in the prologue portion of this book. I am proceeding with the hopes that the material within these pages as well as the material previously published will make the story clear for all. I have added portions of S-F for the purposes of clarity and fairness for any readers that may come across this book without having access to S-F. I have done this as I am aware that many potential readers may stumble upon 2008 accidentally and in a time within their lives where they cannot purchase or find another book while they still may need an aid to greater comprehension of the danger they could face within their relationship with a sociopath or sociopath type personality. This book additionally sheds light on the dangers of medical hospitals and other facilities, such as S-O.

Of paramount concern are the risks victims of sociopaths and/or sociopath personality individuals’ face in the areas of severe psychiatric maltreatment and/or legal/criminal labeling abuse via detainment in abusive psychiatric facilities and/or false arrest leading to jail/prison time. Psychiatric abuse and false arrest are realities that anyone may be subjected to and it is not necessary for the victim to be entangled with a sociopath to suffer from these tragedies. However, when the victim is in a relationship of any kind with a sociopath or sociopath type personality the odds of one or both of these kinds of mistreatment skyrocket. This life-destroying or in some cases life-ending outcome for victims is something most people are entirely unaware of. The majority of people in society believe that in order for an individual to become locked-up that person must have done something to deserve it or need it. This is just NOT the case.

My previous hastily composed books on this topic were primarily in essay form. This book is primarily in poetic form with footnotes (i.e. cheater notes) inserted as the conclusion of each and every poem so that those who do not understand poetry well can still read this book with comprehension. My previously rushed compilations of material are less than ideal as honestly I could not make myself proof read the story, which is a true story. I have no one who can assist me with this. Moreover, my overwhelming feeling is that the predators got away with what they did. Their focus, in their pervasive absence of any kind of internal ethics or moral code, is that as long as there are no direct extreme external consequences their actions are not wrong and they need not do anything to make it right to their victim/victims. This is a common mode of operandi for predators such as those as S-O Hospital and other locations such as this. In conclusion, I truly hope my books help other victims.

As for me, my story and my life ended in late August 2008 when certain people as S-O Hospital turned me into a disposable object—completing this action in full when thereafter they did not do what would be reasonable to compensate me and provide me with even the minimal of what would have been needed for me to purchase back what they brutally stole from me. This may not have been as ideal as them not having abused me heinously as they did in the first place; however, in the cold harsh reality of the abuse they committed it was the only solution left remotely available. Now it has been nearly six years since the events of 2008. I have never been compensated. In addition, the alleged change of policy as S-O Hospital to supposedly prevent others from being abused as I was has never been shown to me in writing as what was once promised. This leads me to the obvious conclusion that there was no official written policy change at S-O Hospital to protect other prospective victims. Even if there was, by rare chance, they still destroyed me and I still refuse to buy into the message that I am trash and they can do what they did to me, steal as they stole from me, and get away with it Scott-free because I do not matter. I cannot buy into that idea that I never mattered or that they had any right to destroy me and pay nothing so that I could at least try to have what they stole or have it back in part/in some form, anything…

By Desha Blue

My Silly World Right Before the events of 2008…… It all became so meaningless in late August 2008 when heinous and unremorseful predators stole everything I had and the one precious life experience, the only remaining one, I had left as all others had been stolen by predators…This one experience left, a normal part of a timeline for nearly all others, was also my personal Achilles’ Tendon Factor, the thing that if abused would destroy me completely. I knew it was my Achilles’ Tendon Factor and this is why I tried to talk them, beg them out of it—plead with them to let me prove my innocence. However, the predators of August 2008 and onward would not be stopped. Then they continued the abuse thereafter until Sept/13/2008, beyond this even, as long as they could abuse full-throttle and hands-on… They maxed it out. They’ve never shown any remorse. They’ve never attempted to make it right. They’ve actually clearly confirmed I am utterly disposable, like trash, not a person or human in their view. They got away with it Scott-free. I posit they remain a serious danger to other potential victims. I posit they will do what they did to me to other victims. This is part of the reason why I have told my story, which is the absolute truth.

By Desha Blue

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Above: The crib and nursery I put together in the summer of 2008 shortly prior to late August 2008. I was so proud of myself for putting this crib together all by myself (with help from no one) because assembly was never a talent of mine. Next: The crib again in a variant photo showing a different angle of the room I put together for the baby that was never to come post-August 2008. This writer also paid a handyman to come in and bolt the bookshelf to the wall so that it could not be pulled over.

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Above: The crib in the nursery again, summer 2008, just prior to late August 2008 when everything suddenly senselessly changed. In the end this brand new crib and the new baby clothing was never used.

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Above: The nursery closet just prior to the date in August 2008 when everything suddenly changed.

JOURNAL ENTRIES FROM 2008 PRE-AUG/26/2008

(Not all 2008 entries are in this book as there are too many pages to retype.)

**The journal entries herein are those closer to the events starting August/26 or 27/2008 so that the silly things I used to write and think about are displayed for readers to see what the reality truly was at that time in my life.**

July/04/2008: Friday. Not to mention Independence Day! So there’s no work at my job today and no daycare. I’m over at the condo with my little Sweetie (V.) getting ready for a swim and watering the plants. I’m still sick, but without the swim I tend to feel even worse and I do have house work to drag myself through and V. to take care of as well. C.G.’s in a frenzy at the house right now—working on his computer and talking on the phone to various business contacts—everything from insurance, real estate, finance, etc. He basically starts work at 3 or 4 in the morning and ends past midnight 7 days per week plus holidays. He only takes time off when J.L.G. is over to take J.L.G. out to eat, see movies, shop for sticker books (and not at the dollar store) and more diet food for fat people and take J.L.G. to visit with cousins and stuff. The diet food gets at me—yucko! No sugar, no fat, zero calories whenever possible. Ugh! And somehow C.G. stays heavy! I don’t get it at all. When I’m not puking I eat like a pig and I seem to get thinner while C.G. eats diet food and stays chunky. J.L.G. is overweight just a little too, but I doubt his mom feeds him diet food at home—so J.L.G.’s weight situation doesn’t confuse me. Anyhow, C.G.’s in a work frenzy as usual. He’s mad at me because too because I’m not and the fact that I’m pregnant, quite sick and have V. to take care of doesn’t matter. He is only happy when I race around like a fast food worker during the lunch rush (like when I was a kid and worked at a very popular Burger King) and pretty much don’t stop going that fast at everything! LOL! I really can’t do it right now. My job, little V., and the regular housework (kitchen, dishes, laundry, cooking and serving meals and basic tidying) is all I feel up to. Plus I do like to take some time out to relax and enjoy myself—go swimming, garden, water plants, see the horses, shop, visit with friends. I can’t help it—I don’t want to work in a frenzy 20 or so hours per day/per 24-hour time period. If this makes me mentally disordered (not able to see the reality/the financial need for working) then I am disordered. I know work is necessary and I do work (as many hours as I can and I am a top performer at my job), but I can’t give up my down time or whatever sleep I can get at night (with little V. waking up every two hours or more and no help from C.G.) to work as much as he does. Jeez. I already burn the candle at both ends because of the situation I can’t even see how I could do more, especially right now! But don’t get me wrong, I would like to earn more money and be able to pay even more of my bills. I really would. I do see the problem and the need—but I can’t do anything about it without getting a different kind of education unless a good opening occurs at one of the jobs I’ve applied for. However, lots of the jobs I want and can qualify for are having hiring freezes and stuff. C.G. wants me to apply for BHT positions or Case Management (like I’ve done in the past). However, despite the reality of my education I don’t want to put myself in those kinds of physical environments right now—it’s not safe! Not for a woman in the third trimester of a pregnancy! I’ve worked at enough of those jobs and had plenty of friends who worked at those jobs and got hurt at work by clients who went postal (de-compensated)! No way. I’ve explained this to C.G. many times, but he keeps pushing me to apply for BHT and Case Management positions. Then he tells me I don’t understand what’s going on when I refuse to get one of those jobs right now! ARG! We even ran into a nurse who mostly teaches now when we were out grabbing something to eat before picking up J.L.G. from school a while back—well, this nurse was in uniform with co-workers and I overheard them talking about teaching so when she passed our table I kind of flagged her over and was asking her some questions about RN training/classes and the entrance exam (Note: Net Test) and she was really chatty. So we ended up swapping some stories about working in psych facilities (she’d done that too) and she backed up everything I said. It still didn’t matter to C.G.. All he could see was a few to maybe $5 more bucks per hour. I think that’s nuts. Anyway, I swapped a visit with Mick… with C.B. So he’s going tomorrow. I wish this wasn’t the case but I’ve got a terrible sore throat, coughing, runny nose and my stomach and GI tract are royally acting up. I wouldn’t want to be very far from a mad dash to the bathroom for more than maybe 5 minutes. Luckily there’s a restroom at the pool (big enough for V.’s stroller) and it’s always empty!

July/7/2008: I ended up getting so sick this weekend it was unreal. Yuck. Though Friday wasn’t too terrible—the garbage hit the fan late last night. Arg. C.G. did, Thank God take care of V. while I was throwing up! I am very grateful! Poor little V. has the bug too though so far it’s not as severe as what I had over the weekend and hopefully it doesn’t get that bad. He probably got it from daycare and then gave it to me. This has been the general pattern. And then I just end up with a more extreme case of whatever the bug is. Likely this is due to the fact that I’m so run down these days and pregnant. Anyway, I talked to C.B. briefly Sunday morning (on the phone) and his visit with Mick… went well. They’re into these mini skateboard toys and are trading them and stuff. At least this is what C.B. and Mick… are into when Edna doesn’t take the mini skateboards away from Mick…. Speaking of taking things away, I found out that Edna took all of the kid’s music books away from Mick… so now C.B. can’t give him music lessons over the phone. Jeez. Well, that’s just one of the things Edna does—she takes whatever we give Mick… away from him (i.e. the tape recorder, the camcorder, the pocket watch, the calculators, toys, legos, bionicles, etc). Dr. W says we should keep giving him gifts even if Edna takes everything away because as long we continue giving him things he’ll know we are getting stuff/gifts for him. However, I think it’s mean to give him presents he’s all excited about and then have Edna over there taking everything away from him! Still, Dr. W is probably right. It just seems like some sick form of emotional torture and Edna abuses him in various other ways too. We’ve got to find a way to get a court ordered psych eval on her. A couple of visits back (one of C.B.’s visits) C.B. drove out there with some friends of his from work in his friend’s brand new jeep. And so his buddy dropped C.B. off at Dr. W’s for the visit. Then C.B.’s’ friends (a husband and wife) were parked in Dr W’s parking lot trying to decide where to go hang out while C.B. had his visit. Edna drove up, parked, saw the jeep and somehow knew these people in the jeep were friends of C.B.’s’ even though she’d never met them and the jeep was backed into a parking slot against a wall so the plate was not visible. She got out of her car and snuck across the parking lot ducking behind cars—dropped Mick… off—snuck back to her car (C.B.’s’ friends were watching her because she was acting so strange) and then she (got into her car and) gunned her engine, drove right up to the front of the jeep so that C.B.’s’ friends couldn’t leave. Then she proceeded to get out of her car with a camera and take pictures of the jeep and C.B.’s’ friends who were in the jeep! Finally the wife got out of the jeep and proceeded to slowly walk towards Edna asking, Can I help you? Edna then quickly jumped back into her car and backed up, spun around in the parking lot and sped away while apparently calling someone on her cell phone. C.B.’s’ friends were pretty freaked out. And this definitely isn’t the first time Edna has pulled some really strange stuff. In fact the strange stuff, the drama and the lies are a constant with Edna and she is getting a lot worse over time. She acts very paranoid. She pulled similar stuff when my oldest sister L dropped me off at Dr. W’s and L has physical limitations that many would consider disabilities that would prohibit her from any kind of physical attack or aggression! Plus L is 60 years old! Anyway, I didn’t mention this before in my journal because if I wrote about all or even most of Edna’s antics all the time there’d be very little in these journals that wasn’t about Edna because she is simply a non-stop source of drama. There is no such thing as a few short Edna stories—It’s constant. We’ve reached the point ( a long time ago) where we’ve just pretty much accepted the fact that she’s probably insane, there’s nothing we can do about it, other than what we’re trying to do and so we try to ignore her most of the time. It’s not even worth documenting Edna’s antics because no one will do anything about her.

July/8/2008: Two more days until the appointment with Dr. R (ARG). And C.B. and I got bad news today from Attorney Hamil…’s office—we are individually ordered to pay child support to the sum total of about $1,000 per month to Edna. It is to Edna in this journal because Mick… won’t get any of the $—it will all be spent by Edna on Edna. Everyone in the family agrees with that 100%. We all know how she is. Pretty much everyone in the family has also confirmed that part of her motive was money. Another part is a childish and odd form of revenge that I can’t really understand, but she’s loathed me since I was a child because there was no money when she was a kid. This motive is another one of those things I found out from L (Note: and others) after the court case was well underway and L (Note: and others eventually as well) told me that Edna always held a grudge against me and ranted and raved about how I got to have horses and she didn’t, etc.etc.etc. I won’t get into all the details of what L (Note: and others) told me, but there’s plenty. And it’s simply crazy and ridiculous—I could not help it that I was born at all, much less that our parents had enough income for custom built houses, expensive cars, a ranch full of Arabian horses and everything else. An additional motive we all agree on is that Edna is into control and Mick… is something she has obtained (something to her—a possession to her) and is in control of. Then there is the still somewhat debated theory that she’s also trying to have another child to make up for what she did to her own kids. And that theory is mostly accepted now that Edna was also jealous because Mick… was my parent’s favorite grandchild whereas her kids, who were half Mexican, weren’t liked (in Edna’s view). According to (Note: reliable source) the favorite grandchild subject was another one of Edna’s major rants. We really need to get her evaluated! Well, We’re trying. However, now that the Interrogatories are mostly done (C.B. isn’t finished yet) the case is again at a stand still while Attorney Hamil… decides how to best proceed. I agree that Attorney Hamil… needs to come up with a plan—something he has not done before! However, it’s taken too long to do nothing at all up to this point and Attorney Hamil… needs to do things we can afford (Note: in Attorney Hamil…’s defense Edna kept throwing garbage into our path and that kept him busy). For example, I wanted Attorney Hamil… to use all the photos I took at three potential (A-State) residences to push the judge into ordering Interstate Contact home inspections through CPS (or to use PI home inspections to get the judge to order Interstate contact), but Attorney Hamil… refuses to do this because we can’t control or opt not to use the results. Instead Attorney Hamil… insists we need to do private inspections that cost $20,000 or $30,000. We can’t afford that! So Attorney Hamil… does nothing—he doesn’t even use the photos that I took, by the way, without cleaning up first. I mean the places were clean, but they were like they normally are because the photos were taken to make something happen (Interstate Contact) and I didn’t want them to reflect Better Homes and Gardens perfection that does not exist in reality. Attorney Hamil… also refused to use reports, photos and documentation from a PI. I got a PI that’s certified in both (A-State) and (C-State) to agree to do home inspections and