Cuz...Love Is Gravity

By Sushmita Arumugam

No matter how hard you try. No matter how badly you fight. No matter how badly you abuse one another. And no matter how earnestly you try to stay away. You meet them.. After a long time. Or after a long break. Or perhaps, after a really bad phase. You still feel like kissing them. You die to surrender yourself in their arms.

The title wasn't just a statement..
Love really really is Gravity."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing India
• Release date: Mar 16, 2015
• ISBN: 9781482844931

Sushmita Arumugam

Sushmita Arumugam is doing her Third Year, BioTechnology in SVCE. She lives in Anna Nagar, Chennai, India. This book, according to her was meant to be an idea of inspiration. Especially for her generation, to keep fighting for their dreams and never be shattered due to unfortunate circumstances. She also describes this book as, “a galaxy of soulful love” Something that confronts the readers with the deepest secrets of their hearts. She can be mailed at [e-mail].

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Cuz…Love is Gravity

SUSHMITA ARUMUGAM

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Copyright © 2015 by Sushmita Arumugam.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Partridge India

000 800 10062 62

www.partridgepublishing.com/india

Contents

Nine Months Earlier

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen

Eighteen

Nineteen

Twenty

Twenty-One

Twenty-Two

Twenty-Three

Twenty-Four

Twenty-Five

Twenty-Six

Twenty-Seven

Twenty-Eight

Twenty-Nine

The Wedding

Thirty

Thirty-One

Messages I Wish to Convey

#1

Hello all,

T his book was a total surprise to me.

Long ago, I remember writing only the epilogue and sending it to my close circle of friends. In fact, it was they who got so excited and insisted me to write further. Even then, I wasn’t very keen that I just abandoned the tiny piece of script as such. Not until late July, I was overwhelmed with the pre-final engineering life of mine that I took a different path for some peace (Do not ask about the consequences I faced, though!). Also, a few personal life incidents added to the driving force. So there began the journey of my debut novel.

I’m launching this book already with a contentment of finding something useful to do in my life. Something that was very distinct from engineering.

Something that literally did not bury me to death with the assignment submission, records, and semesters.

Something that has made me a better and a stronger person than what I was before.

The transformation seems more of reward than what you guys are gonna give me with the success of the book.

To everyone out there, specifically the ones doing engineering, if you have got ambitions or desires that contrast with your family, I would suggest you start fighting for it right away.

And I assure you, one day, it’s all going to be worth it. It’ll define you. Teach you tons of life lessons. Give you that identity. An identity far better than stereotypical BE/BTech.

With a little experience, I have one more amusing piece of encouragement. But it’s a little confidential as it might set a bad example in few cases. If you are curious about the piece, I’ll let you know through e-mails.

Hope you enjoy my book!

Sushmita Arumugam

Messages I Wish to Convey

#2

N ow that the book is done, I have to talk about the people who made it happen.

Well, there is a long list! But I don’t wanna bore you guys, so let me just stick to the VIPs.

First of all, I’m so grateful to my mom, and I owe her so much. She sponsored my book even when she wasn’t very enthusiastic about me giving more importance to the novel than the academics. But she did acquiesce. Thank you, Mom! I would also like to thank my Dad and Sister, and my family for keeping me grounded in the South Indian culture!

Two, to my best friends: Harini Krishnan, Shilpa Prakash, Varnikha Srinivasan, Nandhini Raghuraman, and Hari. Just one message that says it all: You guys make me really brave. All the time. This debut novel of mine is dedicated especially to you five.

April 2, 2015

An unforgettable day for two reasons.

1. The release of my debut novel.

2. My first break up anniversary.

When there is Endurance, Gravity takes control of your life.

—Siddhanth Krishna

Prologue

Hey,

H ope you guys are doing well. I had no idea that I would write all this to you, but I had a feeling I should do it. First of all, I owe you a lot for giving me a chance to meet her. It is going to be one of the best memories of my life. Thanks for that. And I wish to tell you a few important things that otherwise were supposed to be explained to her years ago. Given the circumstances, I feel it’s best to not involve her in this more. So I’m sharing this with you. I don’t know what she has told you about me, but I suspect it mostly would not have been anything bad. I know she is one of a kind, the one with a really strong heart. When we broke up and I moved on, there were days I felt very guilty for making her go through it. And I still do. But I really didn’t want to bother with her life anymore and make it more complicated for her. She probably must have had a hard time letting go of our memories. I knew that would happen.

But eventually I decided it was all for the best and stayed away.

If you get a chance someday, make her realise this. She and I were probably never meant to be together.

She belonged to you, theoretically. Or that’s how I choose to see our separation.

But I still owe her a massive apology.

Atharva

*     *     *

It had been three months since he checked his inbox. Siddhu reread the mail several times.

He scrolled down and read the line ‘She belonged to you, theoretically.’

Minutes later, he heard the main door getting unlocked in the hallway. He hurriedly put the laptop aside and jumped into bed. He pretended to be fast asleep.

Nine Months Earlier

One

‘M iss Swanthana? Ma’am, could you please wake up? It’s almost eight in the morning! Did you ever go home? Look at you! You look like you haven’t slept in ages!’ The housekeeping lady roused her.

She slowly opened her eyes to find herself sleeping in the neurobiology lab, by the side of the microscope. Papers and notes lay scrambled beside her. She just realised she had fallen asleep while going through some books for her research. The housekeeping lady smiled at her as she slowly raised her head.

‘Good morning, Miss Limbo,’ Swanthana said sleepily.

‘Oh dear! You look miserable, please go home and get some rest first.’ Miss Limbo looked at her in concern.

‘Ahhh, it’s nothing, Miss Limbo. See, I’m doing perfectly fine! I just need some coffee to get back to work again.’ She yawned.

Miss Limbo looked at her perplexed.

Swanthana stood up and walked towards the corridor. She felt she needed the morning sunlight for a few minutes. It felt like it gave her some kind of inner energy. Swanthana was working in the neuroscience wing of the University of Houston, Texas. She was one of the research scientists specializing in neurobiology. She got her PhD done last year and had just joined work. For a long time, research had been her life. Give her any work in the lab, she would just forget the world. And studying the major biological processes, especially the ones that relate to the brain, was more challenging for her. At present, she was working on stepping into the next major leap towards the cure for autism spectrum disorders. It had been her passion to study neurobiology since under graduation. Unfortunately, she didn’t have resources to help her with fulfilling her dreams. She eventually flew to the United States and gained her PhD in neuroscience from Harvard. Modestly, she never expected an admission in Harvard, as she didn’t hold that good an academic background back in her undergraduate years But she did manage to have a very good profile when it was neuroscience. She involved herself in thesis work with postgraduate doctors who specialised in neurology. She worked under renowned neurologists in the city. She learnt from them, extended her knowledge in the field, and pushed it to a wider horizon. So that’s how it all started. The base was actually quite different. She had a nephew who was suffering from autism. She had her interests take a firmer root when she went through his medical reports. And eventually, it had all fallen into place. She was granted a chance to be a scientist in the particular field.

Her hometown was Chennai, a metro city in the southern part of India. It has been six years since she had left the city. She occasionally managed to visit India during vacation and then come back. Life in Texas for her was quite content and peaceful. She had a handful of friends who were almost a family to her. She took short getaways in the weekends with a gang of friends to reenergise and then get back to work in full force. Miss Limbo was right; she’d needed some hot shower and nice food. Swanthana went back to the lab, collected all her belongings, gave her thumb impression on the attendance machine and left for home. As she pulled the door open, she heard someone calling out her name. ‘Dr Swan! Dr Swan!"

Swanthana did seem difficult to pronounce for the Americans. She smiled and turned around.

‘The chief is looking for you, says he wants to see you right away.’ The intern breathed heavily.

‘Yeah, sure. I’ll be there in a minute.’

‘I hardly go home. And you don’t want that either.’ She looked up at the sky and spoke to Mr Fate.

‘Great,’ she snapped.

She walked back and took the elevator up to the third floor.

‘Dr Richard Webber, head of neurobiology department.’

She knocked on the door twice.

‘Come in,’ a grumpy voice replied.

As she entered, the chief gave her a warm smile and wished her good morning. At least he wasn’t as unfriendly as his voice, Swan thought.

‘Good morning, Chief,’ she wished him back.

‘Someone’s really working hard.’ He winked. ‘I read your article—autism, it’s not a processing error but a different operating system.’

‘Very impressive,’ he congratulated her. ‘How did you come up with the title?’

‘That I found in web chief. While I was browsing through the ASD sites,. I felt it would attract the general public and help give a positive outlook on the disorder.’ She finished, looking sincere.

Chief studied her for a minute. She was very modest, he felt. A very calm and hardworking person in the department. He admired her calm exterior and her vigour while working. It was one of the best personality blends he had ever encountered.

‘How is the research work coming up?’ he asked, looking interested.

‘It’s going good for now, Chief. But I’m definitely expecting some complication in the near future. If the brain responds to everything, especially without mess, there is definitely something important that we failed to see.’

‘But I’m keeping a check.’ She smiled.

The chief grinned. ‘All right, keep me posted. Good day!’

Swan informed him about her leave of absence for the day, and the chief granted her one without a second thought. She thanked him and left his office.

Her apartment was a twenty-minute walk from the campus. She usually walked there and back. Being spring, the weather was moderately warm. For anyone who had been born and brought up in Chennai, the weather in Texas didn’t make a very big difference. During winter, she couldn’t adapt to the biting cold, though.

Like some invisible signal had been sent across the continent, her phone rang. It was her mom, and she just realised she hadn’t contacted her family for the past week.

‘Hi, Ma! How are you doing?’ she asked.

‘I’m fine. How are you? How are things there? Had your breakfast?’ she enquired with concern.

‘Everything is fine, Mom. I’m just on my way to the apartment from the lab. Yeah, just have to go and make some breakfast. What’s Dad doing?’

‘He is having his dinner. Were you busy? You forgot to call us for one whole week.’

‘Sorry, Mom. I was held up in the lab,’ she admitted quietly.

‘Doesn’t even matter if you lose your job, just come home!’ she ordered. Swanthana could sense where this was going and her intentions.

‘Mom!’ Swan gasped. ‘You know how much I love my job.’

Her mom remained silent.

‘I’ll make it, Mom, this time for sure,’ she assured her.

‘All right, let the decision be ours this time. Just take a break and come home. You could spend a month or so here and then get back to work.’

‘I know, Mom. But I just can’t drop all of my work like that and come, can I? That’s why I mentioned that I’ll plan,’ she explained patiently.

‘We want you to come. For our sake. You know how long it has been since we saw you in person.’ Swanthana felt bad about the sadness in her voice. It was true. It had been really long since she visited them. She kept delaying the visit for the fear of marriage. She was twenty-six. It was natural every Indian parent would want their daughters to get married and get settled in life so that they would be relieved of the huge responsibility. But she always felt she wasn’t ready to take this one step in life. She felt she needed more time. She didn’t dare think of the reason behind it. But parents wouldn’t understand that, would they? The worst part was that they would talk all sad and make us feel guiltier. Swanthana did feel guilty at the moment.

‘Okay, Mom. Relax. I’ll see what I can do. Don’t worry. I’ll make it there as soon as possible. I have reached home now; I’ll call you back soon. Love you, Mom.’ She hung up.

Swanthana lived in the seventh floor of a ten-storey apartment. She managed to find a studio apartment that suited her taste. She walked to the door and searched for the keys in her bag. It was hidden in the third pocket. She just realised it had been four days since she had slept in her bed. Falling asleep staring at the microscopic slide had become a practise. But she enjoyed her work. It transported her to a totally different world, where she found complications that actually excited her instead of exhausting her. Swan was more of an independent person. She never liked others doing the work for her. Independence, however, did not stop her from wishing for a room-mate when sometimes loneliness struck.

Her apartment had a spacious hall, which had a huge couch and a home theatre. Swan loved watching movies late at night after getting back home from work. That for her was a major stress buster. Given her lifestyle, it was natural for people to expect one messy and untidy flat. But no. She thanked her mom for training her to keep things tidy always. So no matter what, the house could not be found in a mess. But it was like a place which had no life. She felt bad abandoning her family and her home just like that for her career. Swanthana smiled and promised herself to bring back life to the house. She walked towards the windows and pulled the curtains aside. Sunlight smiled big; the warmth comforted her. In the night, the view of the city from the balcony was spectacular. Swan often became lost in thought, feeling nostalgic about her undergrad life, the life back in Chennai, especially her best friends. The list was too long: Nilah, Shilpa, Varni, Natasha, Imu, Sins, Vini, Nathan, Neeraj, Deepi, Haffy, Juwi, Pavi.

Swan couldn’t feel luckier for being with them, and for the precious moments that she had had back in Chennai. Sometimes she felt more at peace thinking about those days with a cup of coffee. She had lost touch with most of them after coming to Texas. She couldn’t help it; her lab work demanded most of her time. Sometimes she felt so guilty about abandoning them this way.

Slowly, she walked towards her bathroom and headed for a long hot shower, following a cup of coffee. Even the thought of it felt heavenly to her.

It was half past ten. Swanthana was having trouble getting the knots out of her wet hair. ‘Damn, long hair does have its bad side.’ She sighed. It took her fifteen minutes to completely get rid of all the knots and get them straight. She spent the next ten minutes in front of the mirror, blow-drying it. She combed through the long straight silken strands and then held them with a hair band to avoid it falling over her forehead. She then made a cup of coffee and walked towards the calendar hung on the living room wall. She looked through the dates. Mom was right; it had been a really long time since she had visited her and Dad. And they didn’t deserve the loneliness. She wanted to go home at least for their satisfaction. She knew she had lots of holidays that she hadn’t availed of. It really wouldn’t matter even if she got away for a couple of months or so. She wanted to spend the New Year there with Mom, Dad, her sister, and the entire family. It felt good, though she knew the consequences of a long vacation. Definitely, she would have to prepare herself for conveying a strong no to a mass of relatives suggesting marriage. The worst part was the likelihood of her getting married in the two months she stayed there.

Her eyes grew wide with fear.

‘No way,’ she said firmly. ‘No matter what, I’m not going to get married. Doesn’t even matter if it creates a war. I’ll handle it. What if that’s how my marriage is meant to happen?’ She paused and resumed imagining things. ‘What if I was destined to marry a stranger, some guy chosen by my family?’ A wave of sadness washed over her. Long back, she knew exactly how her future was going to be. A perfect, happy life with whom she thought