Finally I Learnt to Say…..No!

By Anjana Purohit

She was just turning sixteen and he was about thirty four. Her timid nature and conservatism of the family had always forced her to keep a safe distance from the boys of her age but there was something in him which was irresistible... ..love..? Or mere infatuation..?

Her desire for platonic friendship and her fascination for glamour led her to the doors of nearly losing her maidenhood , shattering her faith in relations and all men.

She could only feel hatred in her heart, hatred for herself and for every existing soul until she met someone who introduced her to her inner strength and taught her to fight..

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing India
• Release date: Jan 23, 2015
• ISBN: 9781482843019

Book preview

Copyright © 2015 by Anjana Purohit.

ISBN:      Hardcover   978-1-4828-4302-6

                Softcover     978-1-4828-4303-3

                eBook          978-1-4828-4301-9

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Partridge India

000 800 10062 62

www.partridgepublishing.com/india

Contents

Chapter- 1

Chapter- 2

Chapter- 3

Chapter- 4

Chapter- 5

Chapter- 6

Chapter- 7

Chapter- 8

Chapter- 9

Chapter- 10

Chapter- 11

Chapter- 12

Chapter- 13

Acknowledgements: I have been expressing my emotions through poems since adolescence though I have never brought any of them in public, except a few in my college magazine while doing my B.Ed. When I wrote this novel, my younger son Aditya, not only assisted me in completing the book but also encouraged me to get it published. I also thank my elder son Abhishek for his support in getting the book published. My sincere thanks to my parents for their blessings.

I dedicate this book to my parents.

Chapter- 1

M y sixteenth birthday was approaching, besides my cousin Shubangi Di, getting married the same day had given me all the more reason in the world to be excited. I had just cleared my ninth class exams with a first class and was now in tenth standard.

This was not all about the anatomy or the physical changes my body was undergoing at this age. The very first experience of growing up was hard to express. Being noticed by the figures of opposite sex of the same age was not only wistful but gave a nostalgic feel.

I had often seen group of girls in school, staying aloof from the rest, gossiping about things, hard for me to understand with my partially immature mind. The discussions were not merely about the monthly periods recently started amongst some of the fellow scholars or touching each other’s back trying to feel and confirm whether started wearing a bra, for some had already grown big enough to wear one and the school tunic was made of material, thick enough to give any clue, but also the boys in the neighborhood or on the way to school who stared or followed and attempted to get friendly, often headed the topic. Narrating the story of recently watched movie was one of the favorite pass time and the very young ones were kept away from all the fun. Still, returning home in school bus till the destination gave all a chance to give ear to the teenage gossips.

Before the occurrence of the first menstruation I hardly had any idea of the condition of becoming first capable of reproducing or sexually marked by maturing of the genital organs, for never in the small family of four which included only one female member that was maa, besides me, any one talked about any such things.

Whenever while playing during the recess hour in the school, the ball went behind the toilets, constructed far from the main building and we happened to see the stained sanitary napkins thrown in the open, we often thought that some evil spirits who lived on the top floor of the hostel behind for the girls who came to study from outside, sucked the blood of innocent girls, as the area was restricted for the day scholars and no one dared to go.

Incidentally, while playing one day we caught the glimpse of a classmate’s stained underwear and developed a myth in innocent minds that she was the same evil spirit responsible for the bloody game. It was only after attaining puberty things became clear in mind.

Coming in tenth standard had suddenly changed the attitude of all the seniors including the teachers. Expectations of a more sincere and mature behavior had risen by the family and the school staff. Long lectures of do’s and don’ts had now become common in classrooms and at home. The transformation of the insect inside a cocoon, into a butterfly was a beautiful phase, enjoyed by every girl, but the hell of restrictions on things which were allowed before this, were totally unacceptable. My teenage mind never got the concept of why was I now suddenly restricted to play with the boys of my age with whom I had grown up and played since childhood.

Mine was a small family of five. Papa was an ordinary clerk in the Northern Railways and drew an ordinary salary sufficient enough to feed and fulfill the needs of the family. He was a simple and clean hearted person who loved his family and always favored the progress of women in society. He believed that girls should be well educated for a safe and secure future. Even in his ordinary earnings, he sent us to a prestigious school and wished that we would surely hold a higher and dignified place in society one day.

Maa was a simple woman, but very strong and strict by nature and her one call was enough to terrify our very existence, though she was never violent with the two of us. Unlike other women, she was far from the lust of fashion and jewellery, but was preoccupied with typical middle class female thinking and was never in favour of higher studies of girls. She was from a rural background, where girls were sent to school, only to attain alphabetical knowledge, so as to manage the household budget or at the most could read the holy books The Bhagwat Geeta or The Ramayan. Sending one to a high school was rare or out of the way.

The society where she came from, girls were married away on heading sixteen or even before attaining puberty, which was taken as a holy act. In fact she felt that no place was safer for girls other than their own house and that after a certain age a girl should be married away and sent to her in laws freeing her parents from all kind of responsibilities and burdens. Just when I entered into my teenage, she loaded my adolescence with so many restrictions, I was not prepared to bear, my moving out alone, my behavior and my dressing sense. I never appreciated any of it, nor ever understood the logic behind.

My parents had three children, synonymously named related to that of papa in some way. Devyani, who was twenty two, was the eldest of all. Nothing was special about my family and like all other middle class families, my family too was blind follower of undesired rituals and traditions, on the contrary malleable to the orthodox ideology and could never readily except the change in society or had the courage to hold the flag to mark a beginning.

Papa had many dreams for Devyani and wanted her to be an IAS officer but just after her college, she eloped and married a boy of different caste in neighborhood and hence nobody was allowed to talk about her in the house ever after.

Second was me, Devika. In spite of maa’s strong opposition of mine going to a Christian school and taking education in English medium, papa sent us to missionary school and heartily wished both of us to go for higher studies outside and attain good heights in career. Though a convent student, I was very timid by nature and never mixed up with boys easily, as somewhere had maa’s traditional impact, nor she liked it.

There was a gap of six years between me and Devyani as maa had developed some gynecological problem after Devyani’s birth and doctors said that it was by luck if she could conceive in future. And to her luck, I and after me were a twelve year old younger brother, Devansh was born who was more of a friend as we both did not have many