Love You, Knot

By Girlieh Mae Barit

While on a journey through life, we often focus on our past mistakes rather than staying true to ourselves. Practicing self-love with authenticity enhances us to be passionate and curious to leave a lasting impact on the world.
In a collection of heartfelt coming-of-age stories, Girlieh Mae Barit explores fictional interactions through broken-hearted characters determined to overcome their internal demons and societal challenges to move forward down an enlightening path. While growing up, Cadence seemed to be vibrant by others, but knowingly is keen at hiding her internal pain and turmoil from the public eye as she struggles on her path of self-validation. Locked in her house by overprotective parents, Cadence battles the effect of Scoliosis, until her spine is corrected by surgery when she is sixteen. Unfortunately, her challenges are not over yet as she uncovers the stages of grief. Axel has been heartbroken one time too many. Now as he does his best to muddle through life, he meets Cadence who draws him out of the safety of his protective shell. But as the years pass, will she still be able to cast new light into his lonely existence?
Love You, Knot is a collection of short tales that share a unique perspective into the lives of several characters doing their best to overcome their internal demons.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Aug 6, 2021
• ISBN: 9781665709583

Girlieh Mae Barit

Girlieh Mae Barit grew up in rural poverty where she still managed to find and connect with grit and perseverance to endure her struggles. While uncovering commonalities of heart-wrenching experiences to discover one’s self worth, she realized that society was lacking mental-health awareness across all socioeconomic levels. Love You, Knot is her first book that addresses mental-health awareness and self- love resilience.

Book preview

Copyright © 2021 Girlieh Mae Barit.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Archway Publishing

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.archwaypublishing.com

844-669-3957

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.®

Scripture marked (KJV) taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

ISBN: 978-1-6657-0957-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6657-0958-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021914448

Archway Publishing rev. date: 08/02/2021

Our past mistakes should not be defined by the present, but should be acknowledged to better ourselves for the future. To those who have made life worthwhile in the journey’s growing pains, you are a blessing in disguise. For the current and future generations, be true and love yourself in the healthiest manner possible. Be passionate, curious, and authentic to leave a lasting impact on the world.

G. J. B.

In loving memory of Thomas A. Juan and Angelita Barit

CONTENTS

Chapter 1 Innocent Eyes

Chapter 2 Mystery Girl

Chapter 3 Growing Pains

Chapter 4 Past Lovers

Chapter 5 Every Eleventh

Chapter 6 Fresh Start

Chapter 7 Downhill

Chapter 8 Bad Karma

Chapter 9 Tongues

Chapter 10 If Not You, Then No One

Chapter 11 Crystal Ball

Chapter 12 Cadence in a New Light

Chapter 13 Manifestation

Chapter 14 Hosea

50139.png

CHAPTER ONE

INNOCENT EYES

On a scale of one, being the bare minimum at being ordinary, to ten, being great in your eyes, where do I stand?

Cadence, you’re none of the above, Axel quickly replied.

Aren’t you rude? Not in any part of the spectrum? Do I even matter? I questioned hastily.

Cadence, you have no idea—you’re a unicorn, a gem to find.

A unicorn. I am a unicorn. This memory is ingrained in my head. I grasped onto his words—I am a unicorn. I never understood what it meant until he made me feel extraordinary.

You’re a gem, and that is who you are to me. As I replayed those words in my head a dozen times, I became a gem. From that day forward, my mind, body, and soul became compromised to him.

I was born into a working-class neighborhood with ten family members in my household. My parents wanted what was best for me. I find my parents’ love story rather extraordinary. Dad lived in the countryside, and Mom grew up in the city. Fate brought them together when Mom’s parents had to go back to the country for new farmland. There are several dialects in the Philippines, and my mother spoke Tagalog. My father was a farmer and spoke Ilokano. He pursued her and learned Tagalog so he could converse and understand my mother. He had his eyes on her since the third grade, and my aunt would tell me he would walk twenty acres of land to deliver handpicked flowers to her every day.

As years passed to their early adulthood, my father could not afford college, but he ensured that my mother finished her aspirations of becoming a teacher. By his side, she was able to complete school, and she continued to love him knowing he was this poor farm boy.

Dad made a living to support the ones he loved, and he remains by their sides. To do so, he immigrated to Hawaii to establish a home for the love of his life. A week after he left for the States, my mother discovered she was pregnant with fraternal twins. My eldest siblings, Will and Angelita, were both born prematurely, at seven months. Unfortunately, Angelita, our angel, did not get a chance to gasp a breath of air upon her entry into this world. I was not sure what was more heartbreaking—that my mother had to endure the loss of a child or that my father was alone waiting for the news thousands of miles away.

As the years went by and Will got older, Dad would visit his homeland. I would like to think Mom and Dad were more in love upon each visit as my next two older siblings were born three years apart. Upon each birth, my father was again in the States building a foundation for our family. Ten years later, my dad finally did it; he brought his wife and kids to a new homeland, where they had to learn to adjust. After enduring so many obstacles and pushing through the most significant barriers, I was born.

As Dad worked multiple jobs, I sought a haven with my mother until she became a killjoy. I would casually watch neighborhood kids from school play hopscotch or basketball on the streets. I was the outsider looking in from the living room window, begging to be outside. Mother never allowed me to explore. I was that kid who would cry begging for my mom while being dropped off in kindergarten. Little did everyone know I was being bullied at four years old and kept my mouth shut. This boy named Patrick would tease me for being fat. Now that I think about it, it was baby fat. There were times I was in time-out for being too shy. I was afraid of making a fool out of myself by drawing attention from thirty kindergarteners with their glaring judgments. This was the root of my social anxiety. I was not aware of mental health, but I was very observant.

My mother was a teacher in the Philippines, but now that she was in the States, her degree was invalid. She had to work odd jobs as a kitchen helper in various locations. However, before I entered kindergarten, she was a stay-at-home mom getting me ready for the school year. She homeschooled me every day before kindergarten at the kitchen table. We read the encyclopedia and learned math. She taught me how to read and write, and if I was on good behavior, I would watch cartoons. I knew things before entering the classroom; however, there was one thing my mother failed to teach me—people skills. I was terrified of interacting with people, especially people my age. I was that kid who never went beyond the gates of her home. I was an observant child growing up; I guess it stemmed from observing the other kids playing outside.

I have a memory of Patrick ingrained in my head. He pointed at me across the room during kindergarten, shouting, Cadence, you’re so fat. During that time, I lived in a family house shared with my dad’s siblings and their families. I grew up with teenagers and preteens who idealized the beauty of fit pop stars. I already knew what body-shaming was at four years old. At that time, the idea of beauty was to be thin, which I aimed to be. At four years old, I started the habit of refusing to eat. My mother would prepare every meal for me. At each meal, I would have a napkin secretly ready under the kitchen table to hide the food remains. I placed the wrapped remains onto the floor. I would watch my mother until there was a chance to hide the remains in the trash without her knowing.

I was in the clear until we ended up getting a family dog—that was when my mom finally caught on and could see why I was so malnourished. I lost my baby fat and wanted to prove to Patrick that I was confident with how I looked. But by then he had already transferred schools. I stopped trashing my food and, instead, ate proportionately less to stay thin.

There was a time when I was being picked up after school by my mom, and Mrs. Kenson, my kindergarten teacher, asked to speak with her. She felt I was not up to par in class, as I was not speaking, and suggested I try a special needs class. It wasn’t that I couldn’t comprehend things in class. I had a social anxiety problem. Ilokano was my mother tongue, and it gave me an accent. When I spoke English with other kids, I felt embarrassed. Mom, having a background in education, increased my study sessions with her. I knew I needed to spark up the courage to be more vocal to avoid being a part of a class where I didn’t belong. I also knew I did not belong in the current classroom. I always felt I did not know where I belonged. I was lonely. That stuck with me throughout my life—I was just naturally and habitually insecure.

Since Patrick was gone, I was happy and secure with my thin look. Now I had a new vision to obtain—to be smart and pretty. Growing up with teenagers in the household, being smart and having the looks was appealing. I grasped this concept at four years old. Talk about societal brainwashing.

To be smart is to feel smart. To be pretty is to feel pretty. I needed to look the part, and to me, that meant observing people and society and reading young adult books to have a better idea of my goals as I grew older. That meant that to be smart and pretty, I had to be posh—as if I attended a private